Neighbor WWYD

[kirstenb1]

You can drill rules over and over again, but there is no guarantee they will remember when it comes time to make a choice. There was a segment on the Today show a couple of weeks ago where the child of Natalie (one of the hosts of the show) was secretly filmed with some friends when an ice cream truck pulled up and the guy driving it talked the boys into getting into his truck. Natalie was visibly shaken when her son did this b/c she has drilled it into him so much. There are usually laws prohibiting a child so young as six being alone. At least in my state. I think the youngest (legally) allowable is 11, but not sure any more.

As for the OP, I agree with lovesdragonflies. I know you would feel horrible if something happened to that little girl. Whether it's your problem or your business, you have to do what feels right to you. Good luck!

You expressed this so well. A six yr old can be told the rules and you can even have him/her practice them, but they just don't have enough experience to have correct judgment in all these different situations.

BTW, I'm pretty sure you'd be arrested for child neglect if the authorities found a six yr old home alone in Virginia. Helene, maybe your state is different. However, I never left our older dd home alone until she was 10, and even then it was for 20 minutes, gradually increasing until she got to be 11-12.

 

[Mkrop]

If the kid was in the loop and knew what to do, maybe I'd just let her wander her little 6 year old self home, but it doesn't seem like the kid knows what she's supposed to do. They way I'm reading it, someone is supposed to pick the kid up at the bus stop and they keep screwing that up.

So, yeah, I'm that person. I will take a 6 year old and make sure she gets home safe. If that's too busy buddy for you, make sure your butt is at the bus stop to pick her up like you are supposed to.

I'll go even further, knowing I will be there to pick up my own child, I'd offer to just drop her off for them every day. It might be a pain in the butt, but I'm not going to be the one wondering whatever happened to that cute little kid down the street. It's not just strangers, woods, ponds, lots of interesting things happen on the way home from school, not all of them need to have a psycho adult behind them, kwim? It would just make me feel better, and really, what does it cost? a little time?

This would be me...if I was going to be there anyway I would just offer to get the girl.

I didnt think it was legal (esp in PA) for a child to be home alone under the age of 12. But regardless of the law, I would never leave a 6 year old home alone, no way no how.

And yes you can drill into them what to do, or what NOT to do but they are children and sometimes forget or get overwhlemed in the moment.

One afternoon, about 3 years ago, both DSs got off the bus, that use to drop off in front of our neighbor's house. I was further in the cul de sac talking to another neighbor. I waved at the bus driver, she beeped so I knew she saw me, but oldest DS did not, I thought he did. He walked his little brother in the house and could not "find" me. He yelled for me, I was still outside talking with a neighbor. Well despite me telling him a gazillion times, if there is an issue go next door and get Mrs A, he did not. He proceeded to panic, thinking something happened to me and called my mom who lived 20 minutes away. My mom also panic and jumped in her car without her cell. I walk into the house to find older DS crying, and I have no idea. So I try to call my mom to tell her I am ok. But the point is I have to go over the procedure AGAIN that if something is wrong! Now he is 14 and is much more responsible! But I could totally see my 9 year old freaking out bc that is his personality despite trying to work with him and prepare him for different scenarios.

 

[Mandychelle79]

This would be me...if I was going to be there anyway I would just offer to get the girl.

I didnt think it was legal (esp in PA) for a child to be home alone under the age of 12. But regardless of the law, I would never leave a 6 year old home alone, no way no how.

And yes you can drill into them what to do, or what NOT to do but they are children and sometimes forget or get overwhlemed in the moment.

One afternoon, about 3 years ago, both DSs got off the bus, that use to drop off in front of our neighbor's house. I was further in the cul de sac talking to another neighbor. I waved at the bus driver, she beeped so I knew she saw me, but oldest DS did not, I thought he did. He walked his little brother in the house and could not "find" me. He yelled for me, I was still outside talking with a neighbor. Well despite me telling him a gazillion times, if there is an issue go next door and get Mrs A, he did not. He proceeded to panic, thinking something happened to me and called my mom who lived 20 minutes away. My mom also panic and jumped in her car without her cell. I walk into the house to find older DS crying, and I have no idea. So I try to call my mom to tell her I am ok. But the point is I have to go over the procedure AGAIN that if something is wrong! Now he is 14 and is much more responsible! But I could totally see my 9 year old freaking out bc that is his personality despite trying to work with him and prepare him for different scenarios.

Check the state laws for your state for latchkey kids rules. In K our school will not let kids off the bus without a parent present unless a note saying an older sibling can walk them home. In 1st grade they can get off the bus with no one present, though I make an effort to get up there to get them off the bus. There are times where Im putting on my shoes and have had a child walk through the door... oops.

OP- is this an on going issue with the parent not being there or is it something that happens every now and then. Im one who tends to think the best in people and thought maybe the father just got tied up somewhere, which can happen to the best of us.

 

[mdsoccermom]

In our district the elementary school bus drive won't drop off a child if someone isnt picking them up. Unless otherwise noted by the parents. Tell the driver no one is there to get the child and they will have to go and pick her up from school.

Really? Even 4th and 5th graders?

 

[Nancyg56]

You expressed this so well. A six yr old can be told the rules and you can even have him/her practice them, but they just don't have enough experience to have correct judgment in all these different situations.

BTW, I'm pretty sure you'd be arrested for child neglect if the authorities found a six yr old home alone in Virginia. Helene, maybe your state is different. However, I never left our older dd home alone until she was 10, and even then it was for 20 minutes, gradually increasing until she got to be 11-12.

I need to jump in here. You absolutely never ever know what may happen so it is important to go over the rules with children and make sure that in the event you are not home or at the bus stop that child will know what to do. All of my children are adults now and my DGD is 10.

My children all got off of the bus at the end of my street which was a cul-de-sac. I was a pretty conscientious mom and was home when they got out of school. I got caught in traffic a few times during their childhood and this was before cell phones. Thank goodness I had taught my kids exactly what to do if I was not at home. It is easy to say that you should not ever leave the children alone under any circumstances or you will be breaking the law but in practice there are unforeseen circumstances that can derail the most diligent parent. I believe it is better to prepare kids for that event and hope it never happens realizing that there may come a time that kid needs to practice those rules.

My DGD is 10 and is just now allowed to walk from her bus stop home. Her Mom is home and DGD texts her as soon as she gets off of the bus. DD is fortunate that I am home and would be able to pick DGD up if there was an emergency and that there are several family members within driving distance if I could not. Many parents do not have that support system so they do the next best thing. They prepare their children.

 

[luvmy3]

Anyone else wondering what the dad said about the person that was there to pick up the child? Did he say he asked that person to be there, or was it some stranger that he didn't even know?
I think maybe that family needs to have a talk about what happens when someone other than mom or dad, or OP is there at the bus-stop, time to institute the "codeword" practice. If they are frequently not there, and someone their child doesn't know is going to be picking her up, they need to let her know who is Okay to go with and who isn't.

OP, you say what do you do when you unexpectedly have to babysit, do you often, bring her to your house and let her stay there when nobody is home? In this case it seemed like a miscommunication between the little girl and the parents, she had someone waiting to pick her up, and there was someone at the barn she could stay with, so I don't see where you needed to babysit in this sitiuation. I admit though that i'm a little confused about who was actually there at the bus stop, and who the owner is.

 

[ols386]

I'd probably just figure on giving the kid a ride home most of the time. Who knows, your kindness might be something she remembers and spark some kindness in herself to pass along.

This.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Here is my take on your situation OP.

School is almost over this year. I would just jump in and help out until the end of school.

I would not make stink at the end of school and then have that "tension" over the summer between neighbors.

JMO

 

[kt_mom]

Anyone else wondering what the dad said about the person that was there to pick up the child? Did he say he asked that person to be there, or was it some stranger that he didn't even know?
I think maybe that family needs to have a talk about what happens when someone other than mom or dad, or OP is there at the bus-stop, time to institute the "codeword" practice. If they are frequently not there, and someone their child doesn't know is going to be picking her up, they need to let her know who is Okay to go with and who isn't.

OP, you say what do you do when you unexpectedly have to babysit, do you often, bring her to your house and let her stay there when nobody is home? In this case it seemed like a miscommunication between the little girl and the parents, she had someone waiting to pick her up, and there was someone at the barn she could stay with, so I don't see where you needed to babysit in this sitiuation. I admit though that i'm a little confused about who was actually there at the bus stop, and who the owner is.

I was wondering this too. It's what bothers me the most. We teach our kids not to get in cars with strangers. Why would a parent ever send someone that a child doesn't know to pick them up? As a neighbor I would be nervous to watch a child go with someone they didn't know so I think the OP did the right thing in this instance. If there was a code word type of thing that would be different, but it doesn't sound like the case here.

 

[bookgirl]

I don't understand that, either. I also don't understand why the OP included the fact that her stepson has autism. It doesn't seem to have any relevance to the situation.

It's the youngest DD who has autism and that is who they meet at the bus if no older sibling is riding that day.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

Really? Even 4th and 5th graders?

4th grade is no. 5th is it depends on the situation.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

While generally parents get to make their own decisions about children, there are laws in most places about when children can stay alone. Where I live, a six-year-old coming home to an empty house would be considered neglect (it's also considered neglect if the child is left alone in the house, no matter what rules had been drilled into the child).

Teresa

 

[kaleighmariesmom]

In our district the elementary school bus drive won't drop off a child if someone isnt picking them up. Unless otherwise noted by the parents. Tell the driver no one is there to get the child and they will have to go and pick her up from school.

our school does the same thing. I missed the bus by 2 mins once and the bus driver did not even slow down. Luckily her turns around around comes back within 10 mins to go back to the school and I got DD. She was so sad. She thought I forgot about her....

 

[Kellydelly]

I live in MI and there is no law I am aware of that tells me at what age I can leave my children home alone.

If I were the OP, I would ask the parents if the little girl has a way into their home when they are not there and offer to drive her up to their house and see her safely inside. No Big Deal. Either that or just leave her to her own devices and mind your own business . I also would have intervened in the situation where the little girl looked upset about the strange man sent to pick her up, to ensure her safety in that situation.

 

[HelenePA]

My 6 year old would not walk anywhere by himself or stay by himself anytime!!!

Really they dont go out to play alone/with friends? Mine has been going out "alone" for about a year now... His friend has a police officer as a father and she is the same age. He walks down to her house alone, she walks to mine alone... Glad I live in an area where this is common and pretty safe to do.

 

[RitaE]

According to this government website there are only two states with actual laws regarding leaving children. Illinois and Maryland.

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/homealone.cfm

Even the Illinois law is very broad

Illinois law defines a neglected minor, in part, as "any minor under the age of 14 years whose parent or other person responsible for the minor's welfare leaves the minor without supervision for an unreasonable period of time without regard for the mental or physical health, safety or welfare of that minor."
Juvenile Court Act, 705 ILCS 405/2-3(1)(d)

Otherwise it is recognized as a decision which is best placed with the parents because we all live in different areas with different environments. Being alone out here in my sleepy neighborhood is nothing like being alone somewhere more crowded and problematic.

What would I do? If it was convenient I would drive the girl to where she needs to go if I knew it was okay with the parents. I'm a little leery of putting children into my car without parental permission. Otherwise I'd just let her walk to where she is supposed to go - it seems like the school and parents are both okay with it.

 

[ohiomom28]

I read through all the posts just wondering about the man in the truck...

 

[mdsoccermom]

4th grade is no. 5th is it depends on the situation.

I think that's insane. I have a 4th grader and couldn't imagine having to get him off the bus. And a 5th grader? Good grief.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

The bus unloads at the main highway, which is very busy. We always meet the youngest if the oldest is not on the bus, and many days if he is because it is a pretty long walk to our house.

AFIK the mom does not have a cell phone. The only number I have is for the dad. I got it from the bus driver on a day they were not home. That is the only number she has for emergencies.

Why not let your 9 year old walk? She could walk with the 6 year old?

Isnt nine old to be getting picked up at the bus?

 

[HelenePA]

While generally parents get to make their own decisions about children, there are laws in most places about when children can stay alone. Where I live, a six-year-old coming home to an empty house would be considered neglect (it's also considered neglect if the child is left alone in the house, no matter what rules had been drilled into the child).

Teresa

So if my six yr old is out playing (along with his older sisters) and I take my 3yr old to the park behind my house. I should run home to make sure he pees alone safely or gets a drink of water? What age do you start to talk to your kids about what to do what not to do when they are home alone?