Neighbor issue WWYD?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I was posting about my possible options - one of which, you failed to mention - was to let it go and not say anything.

No I didn't fail to mention that but it took only a few posts for you to say you contacted the neighbor via FB. I don't think that was a serious thought for you to let it go so it's like mentioning without the actual intent to really consider that possibility.

You are amusing me now. Retaliatory for what? Her son got my 10 year old high in 2011. I called the Sheriff's office who responded, confiscated the CDS paraphernalia and interviewed her son about who he bought the drugs from. noting happened after that except I would not let my son sleep over there anymore and we stopped socializing. Never was a cross word said between us. I moved out six months later. When we saw each other on the street, we were pleasant. Since the house became a rental, she has messaged me to point out various behaviors by my tenants. I responded pleasantly and sometimes addressed it and sometimes ignored her complaint because it was frivolous. So, again, who is retaliating for what?

In the eye of the court (and I do have somewhat experience with courts) any case I bought would be black and white.

But funny you bring up "Fear my neighbor" I currently am sitting about 15 feet from evidence from one of the cases profiled in one of the episodes. That is a cute coincidence.

I'm saying how it would look to others and potentially the courts. You have prior beef with this neighbor, you've written down on the internet what could be seen as kinda on the aggressive side of things for the action taken by the neighbors all of that can be looked at for the whole picture. Like it or not it's not some isolated thing once you have prior sour interactions with the neighbor. Just because they are in the wrong doesn't mean you aren't contributing to antagonistic situation or that your prior issues with them wouldn't be a contributing factor in how things played out in legal ways (and how people view them). I didn't say you were wrong for turning in the neighbors for the drug offense I said that could be seen as you not viewing it impartially.

You could have easily gone the polite route like some mentioned of knocking on the door saying politely that "hey by the way those were actually left there due to xyz law and we need the property back if you don't mind" but you started off asking us if you should confront or do legal action that exceeded what the situation called for and gleefully told us you were wearing your sheriff outfit when you saw the neighbor (unintentional or not).

There was a situation that occurred between prior neighbors that lived on my street before we moved in. From what we understand those neighbors were problem neighbors who moved from a different neighborhood due to neighbor issues. Didn't take long to tell they were the issue and thankfully they moved after several years of us living there. From what we understand there was court dates set for physical interaction (on a minor level but still) with them and a neighbor up the street. The boyfriend of the daughter who lived in the problem house loved to drive aggressively down the street (I have witnessed that myself after we moved in) and one time took it to a dangerous level because there were kids playing in the street. Well the mom of one of those kids came running out to confront the boyfriend and got his in face and pushed him after angry words were exchanged. That mom got herself in trouble criminally due to that and a court date was set for that altercation. It is possible for two neighbors to boil over into two wrong moves no matter the justification one may have.

I don't think I would call anything a cute coincidence when discussing serious stuff like murders that happen when there are disputes with neighbors but YMMV I guess. And yes that may sound overly serious but really with some of the stuff you've been saying you could be one minor misstep from bad stuff happening. People do go 0 to 100 over minor things like a dispute over a grill.

I am defensive on behalf of myself and other landlords because we face a lot of criticism and accusations of greed when many of us are just trying to provide a good product and make a little profit, like any other business model.

Which is why I commented. You seem quite stressed with it all and having just dealt with getting rid of poor tenants it seems like you're adding even more stress on top of this for something that is the end likely not worth it. I'm not sure under normal circumstances could I see a situation like this where an immediate thought is criminal charges against a neighbor who when you step back could have done something wrong but not so egregious to leap to discussing confrontation and criminal charges. Like just take a moment to be glad the poor tenants are gone instead of looking for ways to do more stuff in the legal system, a reason I mentioned looking for a fight and I made sure to state metaphorically.

I messaged the neighbor after a few posters here encouraged me.

That must have been PM because all I see is 5 posts from 3 posters as well as you prior to your FB message update. Only 1 poster said they thought it depended on the relationship but also included that you could let it go and ultimately after you describing your relationship with the neighbor advised to let it go your next post was to say you contacted via FB the neighbor. The other 2 said let it go and no mention of contacting the neighbor.





You do you, but even if I've had random gripes with the problem neighbors never would I think to go to the lengths you have. I think I might have gone over to discuss nicely the situation but it wouldn't dawn on me to think about legal action without having done anything at all, that tells me you're coming at it from a different outlook on how you want to interact with people than I do. Hope you get the property back at least that would be one positive outcome from it all.

 

[tvguy]

I used to be a police officer for a different jurisdiction when I lived there and she knew what I did then and she knew I had retired. What I don't think she knew was that I am now a civilian with the local Sheriff's department. She hates police, BTW. Her father was a deputy with the agency I work for now and she has major daddy issues and issues with law enforcement in general.

I didn't have a choice of attire, though. I had to work late and then go straight over to meet with my landscaper.

Some of the departments around here really frown on staff being in uniform when they are off duty.

 

[china mom]

Some of the departments around here really frown on staff being in uniform when they are off duty.

Interesting? Our only restriction is on purchasing or consuming alcohol. In fact, wearing the uniform off duty is encouraged by every department I have interacted with because it, in essence, puts more officers on the street.

 

[cabanafrau]

If that went to court I think the neighbor could have a case for describing retaliatory action on your behalf . Like I don't think the neighbor would come off scot free in the legal system but if there's prior bad blood between neighbors and you go in with what you've described you're not necessarily going to come off like you're doing things impartially.

This is more like a "Fear Thy Neighbor" episode and if you've watched those types of shows it tends to be a "it takes two to tango" more than one might think.

How can requesting the return of property be construed as retaliatory action? (I've never heard of a case for describing anything.)

What legal duty does OP have to behave impartially?

In order to bring a case before a court the first order of business is to have an actual cause of action under the law.

 

[tvguy]

Interesting? Our only restriction is on purchasing or consuming alcohol. In fact, wearing the uniform off duty is encouraged by every department I have interacted with because it, in essence, puts more officers on the street.

Kind of a personal safety issue. They don't want people out who don't have a radio, and aren't in a department vehicle with GPS tracking. They like to keep track of where folks are. And locally about 8 years there was an off duty Deputy in uniform who "helped" a friend with a used car sale in a manner that was characterized as intimidating. IA investigation netted him a two week suspension and a letter in his file.

 

[cabanafrau]

Some of the departments around here really frown on staff being in uniform when they are off duty.

Wasn't she on her own property?

That seems a bad look if a department disciplines one of their own for being in uniform on their own property just after working a shift.

 

[tvguy]

Wasn't she on her own property?

That seems a bad look if a department disciplines one of their own for being in uniform on their own property just after working a shift.

At least here, most (if not all) departments now provide a locker room for changing, and like I said, for safety reasons, they don't want staff out in uniform off duty where the department doesn't know where they are.

 

[cabanafrau]

At least here, most (if not all) departments now provide a locker room for changing, and like I said, for safety reasons, they don't want staff out in uniform off duty where the department doesn't know where they are.

Yes, locker rooms are ordinarily provided and departments do have policies regarding off duty. However, I don't know that departments are necessarily going to be so heavy handed as to discipline personnel for leaving a shift in their uniform when they're heading for their own property -- particularly if they're not even an officer.

 

[bsmcneil]

I was curious about why a griddle is so expensive. Where I live, we use a griddle for 4 small pancakes or perhaps a few burgers.

Same!

 

[bsmcneil]

It is a combination of us wanting the griddle but also being annoyed at the gall of them coming onto our property and helping themselves after years of issues back when we lived next to them.

We used to hang out a bit despite having very different lifestyles and morals but we had a huge falling out when her 14 year old son gave my 10 year old son drugs. She wasn't happy when I called the local Sheriffs office on him. We put our house on the market the following week and when it didn't sell, we turned it into a rental.

So, there is some history there.

We don't all need the drama, actually. This moved from WWYD to "let me tell you everything bad I think" Like ... ok. Yeah. Some people ...

 

[china mom]

No I didn't fail to mention that but it took only a few posts for you to say you contacted the neighbor via FB. I don't think that was a serious thought for you to let it go so it's like mentioning without the actual intent to really consider that possibility.

Wow, you have really put a lot of work into this.

I can clarify that I received input from a couple of responses and a phone call from DH discussing it. His thoughts were also to ask for the griddle back. My sergeant was in the room at the time so I filed her in on the story and she also recommended asking for the griddle back and may have even jokingly offered to be my back-up.

I'm saying how it would look to others and potentially the courts. You have prior beef with this neighbor, you've written down on the internet what could be seen as kinda on the aggressive side of things for the action taken by the neighbors all of that can be looked at for the whole picture.

tell me you have been watching too many TV shows without telling me. For a minor trespass case or misdemeanor theft, my neighbor is not likely to hire Perry Mason to do a complete background on me and find this (in the bigger picture) relatively obscure forum and look through my hundreds of posts for the smoking gun that I "had it in" for her. But, even if I walked in carrying a poster with my words, it would be considered irrelevant to the case

Like it or not it's not some isolated thing once you have prior sour interactions with the neighbor.

What prior sour interactions? Oh, you mean in 2011 when I DIDN'T press charges against her son but merely had the police confiscate the drug paraphernalia and interview him about where he got it from. Other than that, every single interaction I have had with her has been cordial. Yes, I knew I did wantt o be her friend but I never did or said anything to indicate that. Please stop adding your imagined interactions to my story.

Just because they are in the wrong doesn't mean you aren't contributing to antagonistic situation or that your prior issues with them wouldn't be a contributing factor in how things played out in legal ways (and how people view them). I didn't say you were wrong for turning in the neighbors for the drug offense I said that could be seen as you not viewing it impartially.

Already addressed - see above

You could have easily gone the polite route like some mentioned of knocking on the door saying politely that "hey by the way those were actually left there due to xyz law and we need the property back if you don't mind"

I did exactly what you described but in a friendly private FB message rather than knocking on the door.

but you started off asking us if you should confront or do legal action that exceeded what the situation called for and gleefully told us you were wearing your sheriff outfit when you saw the neighbor (unintentional or not).

Oh, I think I see where ou are coming from. You read my post where I said this:

Would you confront the neighbor? Threaten legal action? Let it go as it is not worth it?

and in your mind, you thought the word confront meant that I was going to show up with a baseball bat and threaten her. No, sweetie, "confront" can simply mean to bring the topic up with someone, which I did. I also "confronted" my daughter about not putting her dishes away yesterday and she is OK.

There was a situation that occurred between prior neighbors that lived on my street before we moved in. From what we understand those neighbors were problem neighbors who moved from a different neighborhood due to neighbor issues. Didn't take long to tell they were the issue and thankfully they moved after several years of us living there. From what we understand there was court dates set for physical interaction (on a minor level but still) with them and a neighbor up the street. The boyfriend of the daughter who lived in the problem house loved to drive aggressively down the street (I have witnessed that myself after we moved in) and one time took it to a dangerous level because there were kids playing in the street. Well the mom of one of those kids came running out to confront the boyfriend and got his in face and pushed him after angry words were exchanged. That mom got herself in trouble criminally due to that and a court date was set for that altercation. It is possible for two neighbors to boil over into two wrong moves no matter the justification one may have.

Thank you for this valuable story which I will take as a life lesson and try to avoid situations like this... or, for that matter, situations just like this that I handled as a police officer for 26 years. I appreciate your wise words.

I don't think I would call anything a cute coincidence when discussing serious stuff like murders that happen when there are disputes with neighbors but YMMV I guess. And yes that may sound overly serious but really with some of the stuff you've been saying you could be one minor misstep from bad stuff happening. People do go 0 to 100 over minor things like a dispute over a grill.

Sorry I offended you with y cavalier attitude over the coincidence of bringing up that show. I did think it was amusing that you mentioned it since I am aware of the show since it was based on a real murder and that I am in charge of the evidence from that case. My mileage does vary from yours in every aspect from dealing with neighbor disputes, court experience and, yes, even murders. We apparently have much different outlooks based on our prior experiences.

Which is why I commented. You seem quite stressed with it all and having just dealt with getting rid of poor tenants it seems like you're adding even more stress on top of this for something that is the end likely not worth it.

Not stressed at all. You don't know me. I am actually never stressed. Annoyed, maybe angrey, but not stressed.

I'm not sure under normal circumstances could I see a situation like this where an immediate thought is criminal charges against a neighbor who when you step back could have done something wrong but not so egregious to leap to discussing confrontation and criminal charges.

Again, different perspectives, My brain is wired to think in legalities. I have decades of court experience under my belt and still appear in court on a regular basis. And "confront" is not "so egregious", it actually just means talking to someone.

Like just take a moment to be glad the poor tenants are gone instead of looking for ways to do more stuff in the legal system, a reason I mentioned looking for a fight and I made sure to state metaphorically.

Thank you for your kind advice, I feel so much better no

You do you, but even if I've had random gripes with the problem neighbors never would I think to go to the lengths you have.

What flipping lengths? I sent a facebook message

I think I might have gone over to discuss nicely the situation but it wouldn't dawn on me to think about legal action without having done anything at all, that tells me you're coming at it from a different outlook on how you want to interact with people than I do. Hope you get the property back at least that would be one positive outcome from it all.

Yes, we have vastly different outlooks. And, yes, I did get the property back.

 

[bsmcneil]

You are amusing me now. Retaliatory for what? Her son got my 10 year old high in 2011. I called the Sheriff's office who responded, confiscated the CDS paraphernalia and interviewed her son about who he bought the drugs from. noting happened after that except I would not let my son sleep over there anymore and we stopped socializing. Never was a cross word said between us. I moved out six months later. When we saw each other on the street, we were pleasant. Since the house became a rental, she has messaged me to point out various behaviors by my tenants. I responded pleasantly and sometimes addressed it and sometimes ignored her complaint because it was frivolous. So, again, who is retaliating for what?

In the eye of the court (and I do have somewhat experience with courts) any case I bought would be black and white.

But funny you bring up "Fear my neighbor" I currently am sitting about 15 feet from evidence from one of the cases profiled in one of the episodes. That is a cute coincidence.

It's been 13 years - I assumed this was a story from, like, a month ago. Dear god. I love it - this is great. I mean, it is very much in the vein of bad reality tv but it's summer and I don't have any of that right now.

 

[bsmcneil]

Not stressed at all. You don't know me. I am actually never stressed. Annoyed, maybe angrey, but not stressed.

I'm just wondering - what do you think the word stressed means?

 

[china mom]

I'm just wondering - what do you think the word stressed means?

exactly this:
Stressed: experiencing mental or emotional strain or tension.

I truly rarely feel stress or anxiety. None of the situation stressed me out, I was just looking for some opinions, and I got them from online and in person.

Nothing in my story caused me mental or emotional stain or tension. It was just business and law.

An interesting fact about me is that I actually get weirdly calm in situations that others would describe as stressful. On more than one occasion, I was alone (no back-up) in a deadly force situation and I was so calm on the radio when I requested back up, the dispatcher 10-4'd me instead of sending back-up.

 

[sam_gordon]

I have a great joke, but it really belongs on the CT.

 

[bsmcneil]

exactly this:
Stressed: experiencing mental or emotional strain or tension.

I truly rarely feel stress or anxiety. None of the situation stressed me out, I was just looking for some opinions, and I got them from online and in person.

Nothing in my story caused me mental or emotional stain or tension. It was just business and law.

An interesting fact about me is that I actually get weirdly calm in situations that others would describe as stressful. On more than one occasion, I was alone (no back-up) in a deadly force situation and I was so calm on the radio when I requested back up, the dispatcher 10-4'd me instead of sending back-up.

Lots of people experience calm in stressful situations, often people who have experienced trauma. It seems like you're dismissing the word itself as a badge of honor instead of recognizing the feeling underneath it. It may be worth looking into the mental health benefits associated with your job at a sheriff's office (or even an EAP through work).

 

[china mom]

Lots of people experience calm in stressful situations, often people who have experienced trauma. It seems like you're dismissing the word itself as a badge of honor instead of recognizing the feeling underneath it. It may be worth looking into the mental health benefits associated with your job at a sheriff's office (or even an EAP through work).

Now you are just trying to me funny, right? My mental health is just fine. If the situation I described in my initial post would have been stressful for any of you, then, please, seek all the help you feel you need. It honestly was not a stressful situation at all. It is really just a legal situation and a lot or coordinating things like eviction movers, house cleaners, painters and such.

 

[PacificCoaster]

Some of the departments around here really frown on staff being in uniform when they are off duty.

Many police departments actually want their uniformed officers to take public transit to work and back while they are off duty.

 

[bsmcneil]

Now you are just trying to me funny, right? My mental health is just fine. If the situation I described in my initial post would have been stressful for any of you, then, please, seek all the help you feel you need. It honestly was not a stressful situation at all. It is really just a legal situation and a lot or coordinating things like eviction movers, house cleaners, painters and such.

I would suggest that while you may think your mental health is fine, there may be things to look at. I'm not saying you're crazy - I'm saying that people experience feelings and to deny that you do (without even so much as the ability to self-reflect) is troubling and should be a sign to seek outside input (and not of the "can everyone just agree with what I already think" variety).

Stressed: experiencing mental or emotional strain or tension.

Again - I would just point out that to feel absolutely no strain or tension would likely mean to just not be able to feel emotions. I don't think there's a single person alive who experiences emotions without there being strain or tension (literally - even babies, in the moments of first being born, experience strain or tension between what they want and what they have). So, by dismissing that you feel this - you're just ignoring something that often the people around you have to deal with. Call it the 1st law of emotional thermodynamics - energy (even emotional energy) is neither created not destroyed. It goes somewhere (even if you pretend it doesn't exist). And by the way you have talked about this situation (and seemingly dealt with it - though how it was dealt with may be different than reported), you definitely experience some strain or tension in your mind or feelings. In fact, if you hadn't, you wouldn't have spent so much time dissecting how people felt about your responses/actions.

 

[PacificCoaster]

At least here, most (if not all) departments now provide a locker room for changing, and like I said, for safety reasons, they don't want staff out in uniform off duty where the department doesn't know where they are.

When an officer is coming and going from work it's completely normal to be wearing their uniform. Do you have a source that proves otherwise that most officers aren't allowed to do this?