Neighbor Girl Driving Me Nuts!! What to do?

[DisneyLovingMama]

We recently moved to a new house. Now that it's nice out, DD5 is playing outside a lot. Next door, there is a family with 5 and 7-year old boys and a 10-year old girl. The girl is driving me nuts.

She reminds me of Eddie Haskell - putting on a good face for me, but being devious or untruthful behind my back. Although there are 2 or 3 other girls her age on our block, she only plays with DD. She's bossy, and I think she tries to get DD not to listen to me. She's always whispering stuff to DD while I'm trying to set rules or parameters. Tte girl also won't let her brothers play with DD, sending them home and being very mean to them. Then, she lies when they tell me about it.

I've tried to talk to DD about being nice and telling her that the girl isn't her friend if she tells her to disobey me. DD doesn't understand - she just knows a "big girl" likes to play with her.

The girl also insists that DD call her Mommy while they're playing. I've caught them playing doctor a few times (the girl was looking in DD's throat). This gives me the creeps, especially since the girl is always looking at the house to see if I'm watching. I always am.

What should I do? Since we're new, I don't want to start anything based on feelings or intuition. But, I can't stand the way DD acts when the girl is around. I also don't want DD to sit in the house all day and if she sees the kids outside next door, understandly, she wants to play with them.

Is this normal 10-year old girl behavior? Should I be more understanding or more worried? What should I do about it?

 

[Talking Hands]

Something is wrong with a 10 yo that only wants to play with a 5 yo. I would seek out some more age appropriate companionship for your daughter.

 

[eeyore kelly]

First, when she is whispering while you are talking, tell her to stop. Whispering is rude. Talking while an adult is talking is rude.

second, they either all play or no one plays.

Three, when she is lying a simple, "I don't believe that." usually takes care of it.

 

[boo's mom]

Sorry I can't help but there seems to be a lot of problems with 10 year old girls. My cousin is 10. She keeps asking exactly what happened on CSI in the correct order as if she is plotting to use the same methods on her dad. 10 year olds are scary

 

[kejoda]

I've dealt with the same problem with a neighbor boy. When she misbehaves send her home. If she keeps coming back send her home. She will learn to behave or stay away.

 

[clh2]

I agree. It is odd that a 10 yo wants to play with a 5 yo. I would absolutely limit the time together, and supervise it 100%.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

I've dealt with the same problem with a neighbor boy. When she misbehaves send her home. If she keeps coming back send her home. She will learn to behave or stay away.

My problem is, she isn't overtly misbehaving. As soon as I go outside or question her, she becomes sweet as pie. If she was screaming or cursing or throwing things, I'd know what to do. I'm afraid if I send her home, it'll be my word against hers with her parents, and then a bad neighbor relationships will be born.

I will tell her to quit the whispering and the "all play/no play" rule.

 

[AmazingGrace]

I was in the same situation a couple of months ago. This little girl 8, would come over to ask to play with Benji. She always had this uncomfortable look on her face whenever i'd check on the kids, like i was catching her do something, but there was nothing i could put a finger on. She sometimes would get bold, like if i told the kids they had to play outside, she would ask why, like i owed her an explanation, I would tell her "because it's my house and i said so." Or she would try to tell me that she had to stay at my house until six. I knew this wasn't true, so when she tried that, i'd send her home right then on general principle.

Then I was asked to babysit her for a couple of hours in the afternoons, until her mom came home from work. Well, within a week, it became obvious that this child was a coinniving little liar who couldn't be trusted. I would tell her not to do something, and as soon as my back was turned, she'd be doing it. I would ask her why she disobeyed me and she would just look at me all clueless. I would make her sit on the hearth within my sight, because i just couldn't trust her. She would even try to walk out with grace's little toys. Her mom and I ended up having to check her pockets at the end of the day.

She had this elderly aunt, who would watch her whenever i couldn't, and the first time this aunt had to watch her, she ended up saying never again. So, her parents ended up putting her in the after school program in the Y.

She still comes over ocassionally, but she knows I'm on to her and she never stays too long.

I want to feel bad for her. She is an only child, left to do whatever, while her parents are doing their own thing, but I just have no patience for her sneakiness.

I just send her home when I sense she's gaming me. I don't make a big deal about it. I just tell her it's time to go home now.

 

[auntpolly]

When DD was five we had a neighbor I wasn't crazy about. He was sneaky, and very Haskell-like too. To complicate things, I was friends with his mom - I really liked her, we just mothered way differently. (Her kids were definitely in charge over there.)

I just started organizing other things for DD to do. Play dates with other kids...art lessons.....outings with me.....I felt very sneaky at the time, but nobdody seemed to catch on.

Eventually DD started noticing how creepy he was on her own.

Steer her away from the girl. She sounds like bad news and should be finding friends her own age anyway.

 

[allicat]

I would tell her that DD cant come out to play. And say it repeatedly until she gets the hint! My dd,10, would only want to be around a 5 year old if she could be the babysitter-not as a playmate!

 

[lewdyan1]

supervise it 100%.

This is the best advice. Whenever they are together, I would stay within hearing range (sit with a book outside or actively play with your DD) and listen to everything they say for a couple of weeks and this other kid will probably get tired of being constantly watched.

 

[amid chaos]

We've got one of these in our neighborhood and have called him Eddie Haskell for years. he will be polite, mannerly and kind to an adults face and then turn around and use the foulist language with your child. He even had the kids playing a game where he was Hitler and the kids were the Jews. His play is just so inappropriate, but his parents think it's fine...after all, it's history. He is not allowed to watch TV but he is allowed to watch old military documentarys. nice, huh?
He only plays with younger children, too.

He was an only child for almost 11 years before his sister came along. I believe that he just doesnt know how to play with children. He gets along fine with adults and then plays inappropriatly with the kids.

My middle child was grounded many times for his interaction with this child, but guess what? the other kid was never punished.

My kids and many of the other kids have learned to steer clear of him.

I suggest you get your child involved with other children and tell this little girl that your DD is playing with another child right now. You really do need to keep an eye on her while she is there and definatly limit that time. Telling her that you are not having friends over right now is perfectly fine. Also, talk to your DD, find out what she thinks about this child.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i would go and talk to her parents
explain that while she is a "lovely" girl
she is to old to play with your daugther
theres nothing wrong with that

 

[aprilgail2]

I have a 5th grade boy that comes over to play with my daughter (she is 5) and I stay outside with them the whole time-its terrible to have to feel that way, and the boy is really nice, polite and not sneaky but with all the things you read in the paper who knows nowdays.
Then there is a second grader who is always coming over to play with her, since she has been since she was 3. Doesn't seem like a big age difference but this kid got left back in kindergarten so she is 3 years older than my daughter and just a sneaky type kid. I told my daughter not to pick flowers in the yard and I see the kid whisper to her. I call Kasey over and ask her what she said and the kid said "don't listen to her., lets get some flowers"...that REALLY ticked me off....then last year she started cursing around Kasey so that was the end of that....wel now this year the cursing is not even the trouble anymore since Kasey has come home from kindergarten on her own with some whopper language...I can't believe what comes out of those kindergatern kids mouths! But the kid dresses like Brittany Spears and I just don't want my daughter to start thinking that that is a good way to dress!

 

[Kerlynne]

Nothing to say to help you, however, she reminds me of Angelica from Rugrats!

 

[shortbun]

I would quickly find my 5yo daughter many other more appropriate playmates, even if I had to drive all over to get them. The all play/no play rule would definitely be instituted AND the 100% supervision. 10 year olds are very different than 5 year olds. Insist the whispering stop too, especially while you are talking. Ask yourself why the other older girls on the block are not playing with her...perhaps they, as older children, are able to say no thanks!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

This is kind of tricky because you're new and probably, your DD isn't in school. Definitely "all play or nobody plays" has to be the rule. Plus 100% mmonitoring. The only thing I would add is, consider taking walks around your neighborhood with your kids--great exercise and a chance to meet other families in the area. As you/your DD meet other people and make friends, playdates, etc., DD is less available to the neighbor. I would be willing to bet that some of your neighbors could tell you stories about this family, but probably wouldn't "open" with them, KWIM? But you'll probably hear what's really what once you get more settled. There has to be a reason she's focusing on your daughter--huge age gap, that's not typical at all.

I will say that older girls tend to be very attracted to my DD (almost 10) BUT (and a big one!), they're inevitably girls from dance, she's a dancer, and she's tiny, so they like to pick her up, hug her, give her piggyback rides--that sort of thing. Like she's their mascot, sort of. Does this make sense? But they don't "hang out" with her, more like playing mommy.

 

[disneygals]

If it was only the age difference, I wouldn't worry. I have three girls and they love any kid younger than themselves. My neighbor has ds12, ds9, dd7 and I have 12,10 and 8. They all play together, but often split up when they can't agree on a game. My oldest will often play "mommy" games with her youngest and carry her around, etc. Same with dance,,,the big girls love to play with the little girls.

HOWEVER, if something makes you uneasy about the girl herself, that's different. I agree with just attempting to keep your dd busy or watch 100% and then see how it goes.

good luck!

 

[MELSMICE]

It seems to me that the girls her age have caught on to her antics & are excluding her.

I would definitely limit the time with her & enforce the all play/no play rule. In our old neighborhood we had a child like this & there were many times that I would just say that my DD couldn't come out to play. I would then take her to the park or somewhere else myself.

It's a tough situation at times, but something you really need to keep an eye on. Your DD is too young & too impressionable to be with a sneaky kid like the neighbor.