Needing to vent...

[DopeyDame]

I'm suprised at everyone saying how the OP was used and what a bad friend the other person is.
Maybe I'm just lucky, but I have a small group of very close friends, and we absolutely bend over backwards to help each other - even if it's sometimes inconvenient for us. I imagine the mom really hoped that the little girl had matured and that the sleepover would be fine (or that the little girl was comfortable enough with the OP that she would be fine - usually "sleepover anxiety" is pretty location and people dependant.)
Did it work out as you all hoped it would? Nope. Was everyone just fine in the end? Yup. Do friends do things that are sometimes a pain in the tush for other friends? When they are good friends, yes.
I can't imagine any goal of making a big deal out of this other than to make the parents feel bad and guilty. What good is that? They are your friends! I would hope you'd be happy that they got a great anniversary celebration. Consider the 3am car ride your anniversary gift to them.

OP, I would also reconsider your stance of not ever leaving your own kids overnight. In addition to the fact that getting away as a couple occasionally is healthy, and a critical componant of a happy marriage, there is a very high chance that at some point you will HAVE to leave the kids alone - an emergency with another kid, a death of a close relative, etc. You'd hate for the first time you leave the kids alone to be in the midst of an emergency. Much better that they are used to spending some time with grandma/aunt/friend so that they are at least comfortable with the situation when the time comes that you have to leave them.

 

[WDSearcher]

I'm suprised at everyone saying how the OP was used and what a bad friend the other person is.
Maybe I'm just lucky, but I have a small group of very close friends, and we absolutely bend over backwards to help each other - even if it's sometimes inconvenient for us. I imagine the mom really hoped that the little girl had matured and that the sleepover would be fine (or that the little girl was comfortable enough with the OP that she would be fine - usually "sleepover anxiety" is pretty location and people dependant.)
Did it work out as you all hoped it would? Nope. Was everyone just fine in the end? Yup. Do friends do things that are sometimes a pain in the tush for other friends? When they are good friends, yes.
I can't imagine any goal of making a big deal out of this other than to make the parents feel bad and guilty. What good is that? They are your friends! I would hope you'd be happy that they got a great anniversary celebration. Consider the 3am car ride your anniversary gift to them.

Thank you for this! I've been trying to figure out a way to write something along this line and haven't been successful.

 

[Minnesota!]

I would just say "Hey, next time just have me sleep at your house...easier on both of us".

My BFF growing up was the same way - actually still is, as an adult. It's not easy....picked on a lot for it. I would be compassionate and just say that you understand, and just want it to be easier for her.

 

[Minnesota!]

I'm suprised at everyone saying how the OP was used and what a bad friend the other person is.
Maybe I'm just lucky, but I have a small group of very close friends, and we absolutely bend over backwards to help each other - even if it's sometimes inconvenient for us. I imagine the mom really hoped that the little girl had matured and that the sleepover would be fine (or that the little girl was comfortable enough with the OP that she would be fine - usually "sleepover anxiety" is pretty location and people dependant.)
Did it work out as you all hoped it would? Nope. Was everyone just fine in the end? Yup. Do friends do things that are sometimes a pain in the tush for other friends? When they are good friends, yes.

I can't imagine any goal of making a big deal out of this other than to make the parents feel bad and guilty. What good is that? They are your friends! I would hope you'd be happy that they got a great anniversary celebration. Consider the 3am car ride your anniversary gift to them.

OP, I would also reconsider your stance of not ever leaving your own kids overnight. In addition to the fact that getting away as a couple occasionally is healthy, and a critical componant of a happy marriage, there is a very high chance that at some point you will HAVE to leave the kids alone - an emergency with another kid, a death of a close relative, etc. You'd hate for the first time you leave the kids alone to be in the midst of an emergency. Much better that they are used to spending some time with grandma/aunt/friend so that they are at least comfortable with the situation when the time comes that you have to leave them.

And I 100% agree.

 

[snykymom]

I agree with the others who said that you were not used. You knew of a potential issue, and you said yes anyway.

I also wonder why you waited until 3 AM to take the girl home? Couldn't you tell at 10:30 or 11 that she was freaking out? You have 4 kids; what did you think was going to happen if you waited? She lives close enough that you could have dealt with the first night the same way you dealt with the others.

I think the only one who was misused in this situation is the 11 year old.

 

[disykat]

The reason I think she was used is that she assured the OP that the DD would NOT have problems and was over that, but told someone else she was worried about it. That is not what a friend does.

Had the person been honest with her, and they had been able to work together on possible solutions, it would have been a whole different scenario.

My friends have watched my kids when they were sick etc. and I have done the same for them. I agree, that's what friends do. However, if I found out the friend knew their child was sick but hoped for the best and pretended she wasn't and left me to deal with the fall out unprepared - I'd be mad and really hurt that a friend would do that!

I wouldn't do that to my child and I wouldn't do that to my friend. I would have done whatever I could to make the situation easier for both of them rather than just trotting off without dealing with it.