Need your opinion!!

[EDANDKARI]

Me and my wife have been planning a two week trip to disney world this October. We've been planning since last November. None of us has ever been there before. Now my Ex-wife out of the blue took my two kids there this week. And not only did she throw this suprise on me, she wanted to take them on my week, and then asked me in front of the kids so if I said no I would be a huge jerk! I did say yes and they are there this week. I'm extremly ticked off, to the point I wake up in the middle of the night and start thinking about it and can't sleep again for hours. I know she did this to spite me, she has never been there either, and alll of a sudden wants to go less than three months before our trip.

So here is my question, How would you feel, Am I going overbaord or was this just totaly rude on her part?

Should I have told her no she can't go on my week?


Anything you can think of that we could do when we go, to make it as special as the first time, we are going to MNSSHP?

It will still be the first time for me and my wife and step son.

 

[momxx5]

WOW - she sounds like a really nice person - NOT!

I am sorry this happened to you. You did the right thing by letting the kids go, even though it doesn't feel good right now.

The kids will have a great time because they are going to be with YOU! They are going to be there with family that they love and who love them. There will be no motive behind your trip(I'm sure the kids can pick up the vibe from your ex).

Going to MNSSHP will be lots of fun and something that they will not experience this trip. The whole time of year will be better in the fall - not to hot, not too crowed, not too rainy. They place will be decorated for the fall and have a great feelling. That will make it different and special.

Once the children are home, you can find out where they ate and then plan to do a different character meal. Chef Mickeys is really fun.

Again, I am sorry. Try not to worry you are going to the most "magical place" on earth.
Good luck.

 

[wdwdvcdad]

She sounds like an ex-wife...now I know why. She is a witch.

Find out what she did with the kids, & then plan to make it a trip of a lifetime. Make her look like what she is. She put together a quick half-a$$ed plan to spite you. Now, you put together a well-planned trip of a lifetime. Save your $$$ & go to nice restaraunts, try to get an illuminations cruise, etc...

Good luck

 

[deedee67]

No, I don't think that you are overreacting. That was rather mean of her to try to upstage your vacation plans. However, I think that you did the right thing in letting them go. Otherwise they would have been disappointed and would blame you for it. Please don't let it spoil your vacation. You can turn it around and make your kids feel really special because they can show you around the parks. Kids just love being able to show their parents something new. They may even look more forward to your trip because they know how awesome it will be.

Your trip to Disney will be special to them even though it is not their first time there because they are sharing it with their Dad. It will also be less crowded and a little cooler in October than in July so they may even enjoy it more.

Please don't let this ruin your excitement. You will have a fantastic time.

 

[mmccoy]

It sounds like your ex may have fallen into one of those "I'll get them to love me more than you" traps. Its unfortunate, and if you're not careful, it can drive a wedge between all of you or, at the least, create an atmosphere of one-up-manship.

You did the right thing to let them go. When they return, talk about the trip with them in a positive way. Ask them what things they enjoyed most, so you can do them again. Avoid, at all costs, discussions about your ex. Concentrate on them, and their experiences.

Since its Disney, they can't possibly do everything. Plan a couple of special events, not to show them you're more fun to be around, but because the events are fun.

Obviously, divorce is extremely tough, particularly when kids are involved. But, as hard as it is to do, take the high road. Unless your kids are older, they don't know your ex is playing control games. They just want to have fun. If she wants to play those kinds of games, she can play solitaire.

Good luck. And don't forget your stepson when making your plans.

 

[RNMOM]

Are your kids going with you in Oct.? Trust me, they won't mind a bit going back just 3 months later.

Relax, let it work out and don't let her get your dander up. That is what she is hoping for.

Go in Oct as planned and just enjoy it. Don't let her or anything she might say about it ruin it for you.

 

[Lars624]

Once they get back & tell you about their trip you'll be able to see what they did & then plan your trip to include other things...for instance maybe they didn't go to a waterpark & you can plan a day at Typhoon Lagoon...maybe they didn't do a character meal & you can......maybe they didn't go to Fantasmic etc..........

Good Luck

 

[EsmeraldaX]

EDANDKARI,

Something you could do, that I bet she'd never have thought of, is put together a scavenger hunt through gifts of a lifetime.

http://www.giftsofalifetime.com/

Contact them, they are great and can help you put together something very special for your kids in the parks.

ITA, she threw together a trip to spite you. I would be willing to bet not a lot of planning went into it. Plan yours. And most of all, remember, the thing that will truly make this trip special is YOU!

 

[anditoo72]

If you know she did this to spite you, then you are feeling the way she wants you to feel. She is manipulating you into the way she wants you to feel. I know it's hard to tell yourself not to feel this way, but if she wants to be that small, let her. Your kids know who was planning the trip first besides a trip to Disney is a trip to Disney your kids are still going to have a blast. I do understand you wanted to see the magic in thier eyes first, but it will still be there.

Think the reverse psychology, be happy she took them there. They are going to have so much more fun with you. As a matter of fact she did you a favor because it is really hot now and when you go the weather will be cooler and they won't be complaining about it or the lines since the lines are sure to be shorter when you go.

Disney is such a big place and it is completely possible to have two entirely different vacations in the same place. Even in the parks if she doesn't know all the "tips" they may not even see a quater of what you will see. Think of how much better they are going to feel know all the care you put into your trip instead of just throwing it together last minute to beat your "ex" to the punch. Believe me they will know the difference.

Your part- say nothing, be happy knowing all this information, and listen joyfully and carefully to your children when they get back they will be excited to tell you all the things they did experience, but use it to your advantage. Most of all be happy knowing that your children are fortunate enough to be able to experience this twice in a lifetime some kids don't get to go once.

God bless you and your family, I hope I made you feel a little better!! Pixie dust for all of you!!!!

 

[Lynn CC]

How old are your two children?

Kids seem to really love the waterparks, mini golfing and Disney Quest. DQ is the ultimate if your kids like to play video games. If you spend a day there with them they will think your the best Dad in the World, that is of course if they like that type of thing.

I think your children going to Disney with your X and then again with you will be two different experiences for them. If your having a great time with them and enjoying your time there as a family you will all create lasting memories. There is so much to do there I'm sure you will all share some firsts together! They will know exactly what their favorites are and you can share them with them again, and not waste time on the stuff they don't want to do, or they may have found boring!! If you look at it in that light, you'll have the better vacation
One of my DS's best memories was when he was around 9 we "skipped" dinner and went to Beaches and Cream and ordered one Kitchen Sink (huge sundae) to share. It was so huge that we couldn't finish it. They make a big deal when they bring it to the table, it's a lot of fun. He will never forget the fact that we "skipped" dinner. He thought that was so cool!
Have Fun

 

[FroggyinArk]

I agree this was a spite the ex and one up trip, however its also a thrown together trip. Thrown together and disney do not mix..lol.
When you take the kids in october, definately let them serve as your guides somewhat, ask them what rides shouldwe do first, ( maybe even ask if they think an old guy can handle this ride or that) they will love being able to show dad the park, and remember they will have step brother there too, they can show him around as well.
just hang in there, keep planning your trip, and believe me, no matter how often you go there is still enough magic to go around Have fun
And be glad that your ex and you both are willing to spend time with your kids, DW and i take care of her two step daughters from a previous marriage because they were abandoned by thier mom at 2 yrs old and by thier dad at 10 they have lived with his mother since( well till they got out on thier own) we carried them on vac with us etc, because we were all they had to do for them. See it from the kids point ,, They are going to the most magical spot on earth,, twice

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, we know why she is your ex!!!!!

I have to agree with all the other posters. For the sake of your children, try not to let your anger at her antics come through. It only puts the kids in the middle and turns them into pawns. You did the right thing by letting them go with her. You are the bigger person.

As others have suggested, find out what she did with them, under the guise of "tell me ALL about your trip", and then plan different experiences. If she took them to BB, take them to TL. If she took them mini-golfing at Winter-Summerland, take them to Fantasia Gardens. Take them to different character meals than the ones they already went to with your ex, so they can experience different things.

Consider the Hoop-Dee-Doo Review. That's a great thing to do, a ton of fun, and not something you can usually get tickets for on short notice, so chances are your ex didn't get to do that with them.

There is also a character meet and greet barbeque at Fort Wilderness. Depending on the age of your kids, that might be fun too. Probably be more fun if they're a little younger rather than older.

Another neat thing is the IllumiNations cruise. It's kind of expensive, but it is well worth it.

Remember, you also have Universal and SeaWorld, which could be nice options for some different. And since you'll be there for 2 weeks, you'll have more time to do some Orlando attractions...I've heard that Dolphin's Cove is a wonderful place too.

Ask the kids what they did on their first trip that they really enjoyed, and then let them do that again(for me, a trip to WDW isn't a trip to WDW unless I ride Pirates and the Haunted Mansion!!).

The bottom line is, focus on making it an enjoyable family vacation for you, your wife, and your children, and the ex will seem like the smaller person.

Kids aren't stupid, they figure out a lot more than we think, and are VERY perceptive. Children of divorce that I have known throughout my life always told me that they could tell when there was competition and hard feelings between their divorced parents. Don't fall into the trap!

 

[SetzKitten]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's exactly what happened to DH and I a few years ago. I can feel your frustration and anger like it was my own. We planned for months to take his 2 kids to DW. 10 days before we left, their mother took them without our knowledge. When it was time for us to go, they were exhausted and had already missed extra 5 days of school because their mother took them out for HER vacation. She was bound and determined to be the one to take them. In the end, it cost her everything because she took out a 2nd mortgage on her house to cover the cost of the trip and could never pay it back. Trust me, what goes around, comes around and your ex will get exactly what she deserves.

Kids aren't stupid, they figure out a lot more than we think, and are VERY perceptive

I edited my post to comment on this statement. These kids are not stupid. They knew they weren't supposed to be there with their mother and that it was just a tactic by her to cause trouble and they felt terrible about it. They didn't have a good time with her because they knew it was wrong, and they didn't have good time with us because they knew we were mad, even though we tried not to show it. So they lost both times. It's so sad.

 

[Shelle&Dave]

Wow, what a way to push your buttons huh? I think it's very mean and spiteful what she did, but you did the right thing by letting them go. That sounds exactly like something my DFiance's exwife would do. She's still angry about things that happened many years ago and never passes up an opportunity to make DF angry. I keep telling them that is her problem, not his. If she wants to be a mean, angry, nasty person all her life then let her! We don't have to let it affect us.

I agree with everyone else on this thread. You can use this to your advantage! Like someone said earlier, you can let the kids show you around the park. They will love that. There may be things that they really wanted to do and didn't have time that you can make sure to schedule time for. Or there may be things that they didn't like that you can make sure to skip.

Also, it sounds like she threw this whole thing together pretty fast and didn't have time to do much research. Unless she is a DISer too then you have a ton of knowledge about WDW that she doesn't have. You'll have no problem finding enough different things to do to fill your schedule. For sure she is spending more money since it is last minute and she probably doesn't know all of the discounts that you know about.

I think it's sad that your kids are put in that situation and you can't do anything about it. I see it happening all the time with my DF's kids too. Sometimes I see DF getting really frustrated and wanting to join in the competitive "games" just so he can one up her, but I remind him that it's not worth it. He is the better person by not using his children as pawns to hurt his ex. My parents were the same way before, during and after their divorce. Now that I am older I can look back on things that happened and I appreciate my Mom all the more for refusing to play my Dad's little games. Your children will look back someday and appreciate you for that same reason.

 

[shortbun]

Boy-I'd be mad too!
She was rude, you did the right thing-this is about her so
don't make it about you.
Get your anger out and pass it quickly so
you can get constructive with your kids and your trip. Use the
information you can get from them to make your trip even better.
If there was something they loved-take them there and do it
in spades so they have that memory with you.
I'm assuming that your kids are young as you are going for two
weeks in October-no school, right? Then they will love this
trip with you because they are having fun with Dad and they won't even be making comparisons. What lucky children they are
to have you as a Dad! You are going to have a blast, don't worry.
There is soooooo much Disney! We've been 3x since DS turned
4 - a week or more at a time and there are stilll things we haven't
done that we really want to do.The fact that they've been there won't effect your trip at all-unless you let it. Take the high road,
have a great vacation and walk away from the dissapointment.
It's not worth the wasted energy. Really-Disney is amazing! Let
the magic take your troubles away!

 

[Saffron]

I understand your anger and frustration with your ex (I bet you're glad she's your ex, eh? ), but I wouldn't let it get to you any more than it has. You can still do whatever you want for your vacation and your kids will still love every single second of it! I have two step daughters that had been to Disney a couple of times before I had, so I let them show me what they enjoyed! Maybe you can do that with your kids too? Let them show you the things they enjoyed, see the World through their eyes and like others have said, plan some things to do that will be new to all of you! You will still have a magical, wonderful time!

I hope you enjoy your trip! Let us know how things go when the kids get home! I bet lots of people here can help you plan things that will be new and exciting for all of you!

 

[EDANDKARI]

Thank you to all of you! You sure are helping me get over this a little quicker. I have been taking your advice and looking into other things at Disney and the surronding area. I'm really thinking that boat thing for the fireworks would be fun. They have never been to the ocean either so we are thinking of taking a day and doing that and Kennedy Space Center. Seeing we will be there two weeks that will be a nice break. Thanks again and keep any ideas coming.

By the way my kids are 11 and 8 and my step son is 8. And Yes all of them will be going with us in October.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Will you be renting a car? f so, you might also want to take a day and go to Universal & Islands of Adventure if you will be there for a while.

 

[mmccoy]

mmccoy - amateur psychiatrist:

When I was 12, my mom re-married. A short time after that, my stepsister, 8 months older than me, came to live with us. It was horrible. Constant bickering, etc. Without going into the gory details, it was pretty tough. But, thank the Lord, we all get along fine now.

Obviously, I have no clue what your family situation is like, but if you haven't had a vacation with all three kids before, you and your wife need to sit down and talk through the dynamics of the situation. I mean, I may be overstating the issue, and I hope I am, but you want to make sure you talk through how to deal with things as serious as arguments between the kids, and as trivial as who gets to ride with who.

Hopefully, the three kids will want ride together, leaving you and your wife on Winnie the Pooh by yourselves.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>I'm hoping that you'll be able to look past your ex's motives that will help defuse your anger towards her.

One way is by focusing more on your children, and the fun that they'll have with their mom. Try and be glad for them that they'll be able to experience such a fun place with her and with you.

You'll be doing different things, and will be having fun anyway.

Just some caution -- don't make it a one-upmanship trip, where you'll try to outdo their trip with their mom, and concentrate on really enjoying the time they're spending with you.

This comes from an ex-wife -- believe me, we're not all like that.