Need your opinion - youth soccer related - comment made by dd's coach to her ...

[DVCindy]

Hi -

I am just looking for some other opinions on this situation to help me keep my perspective.

First, let me say I am an assistant coach for dd13's travel soccer team. I've been with the team since their first year together ... this year is our 5th year. I completely understand the challenges and rewards of coaching young girls.


My problem lies with the coach of my 9 year old dd. At yesterday's game, dd asked the coach if she could play some offense in the 2nd half ... she played about 15 minutes of the 1st half in defense, which is a new posiiton for her and she has just started playing there the past 2 games. According to dd, the coach told her to :

"ask your mother to write a 3 page dissertation on why you should play offense" ???!


Is this completely uncalled for or what ?? My dd was of course in tears on the ride home from the game. I was not at the game as I was coaching my own team and we had a schedule conflict ... dh was at the game with her.

DH is livid and has composed an e-mail to the coach asking for an explanation
and basically telling him that that his comment was unproductive and uncalled for.

As a coach myself, I find it vey, very hard to imagine saying this to a 9 year old. They team has had a miserable year and I understand the coach is frustrated, but I don't believe that justifies his attitude.

DH feels that this is the last straw ... he wants to take dd of this team. THere have been several other issues that I have just let go, but this one has me really ticked off. .

What's your take on this ??

Thanks for reading ... I'd like to hear your thoughts.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

I agree it was totally uncalled for. My DD is 13, has played soccer since she was 6, and has had a variety of coaches with different styles. But none would be that ridiculous. Not sure what I'd do in that situation, but I would definitely say something, find out from the coach's perspective what he was thinking??

 

[WebmasterAlex]

Why are they so assigned to positions in U-10 anyway? At that age they should be learning all the positions

 

[padams]

I might let this season go, but I would want her to have a different coach next season.

DSs have had several baseball coaches who have had the rule that the kids are not allowed to ask to play a certain position. Apparently, these coaches found such requests to be annoying. I have seen boys in the dugouts constantly asking "can I play pitcher next inning?, Can I play catcher next inning?", etc. I'm not suggesting that you dd has done anything more than make one reasonable request. I just have seen why some coaches have such a rule. (and I don't agree with this rule BTW).

I'm currently ticked off at DS's (10yo) soccer coach. Two weeks ago, another parent on the team was ejected from the game by the ref for yelling at the ref. The coach sent all of the parents an e-mail last week with parent rules about not yelling at the ref, no coaching from the sidelines, etc. If a parent breaks a rule, their kid is to be benched for the rest of the game. This past weekend, DS got benched for the 2nd half of the game. The coach told him it was because of parent coaching from the sidelines. DS, playing defense, had the ball and apparently a clear shot on the goal (I wasn't there, DH was). Some other parent is yelling "shoot! shoot!" Coach presumes it was DS' dad doing the sideline coaching. After the game, coach sees DS leaving with DH and realizes that he had the wrong dad. DH e-mailed the coach about the error (DS, a sensitive kid, is pretty upset about it). Coach calls DH today and says he just presumed the person yelling would be the parent of the kid with the ball. The ironic thing is that I wish DH paid that much attention to the game. He's usually reading a newspaper or checking his blackberry during the games.

Ok , sorry, not trying to hijack your thread, just needed to vent...

 

[Hannathy]

Without flaming me - Do you perhaps offer suggestions to this coach that he doesn't appreciate? Does he feel like you are telling him how to coach because you coach a travelling team? That comment sounds like he thinks you have told your daughter or him that you know more about coaching and want to tell him how to play the game and coach. That is my take on the situation.

 

[megan4777]

You stated that you DH has had enough and "THere have been several other issues that I have just let go, but this one has me really ticked off."

I would think that b/c there were other "issues," your DD's coach is doing something to cause some sort of conflict intentionally.
Does he not want her on the team for some reason?

I'm sorry you're going through this bs with your DD. She should be having fun and playing soccer with her friends....not worrying about a "dissertation."

Good luck.

 

[tmt martins]

I had to take over DD12 Catholic group soccer team last year because of this same thing .Parent uprising ( not in front of kids ) cause coach to step down.

I made it a point in practice for everyone to play everywhere .When game time came if they wanted to play other then their regular spot all they had to do is ask.We played in a co-ed under 14 with 75% girls (other had their 1 girl required ) and didn't do so well.The parents and team asked if I would coach again next year as they had so much fun and did learn as well.

I had to turn them down because another father wants to coach( his son is moving up this year) and has done so at a high school level (might be better for kids).I did assure them that I would be avail for assistent if needed.

I know winning is importent and I would never put a team on that didn't want to win .But I never really cared about the outcome and wouldn't even give them the score during the game Just told them to play their best and all would be OK.

 

[DVCindy]

Alex -

I totally agree with you ... we're still playing girls all over the field in different positions week to week at U-13. It most certainly helps them understand the game better. I definately wish I had an opportunity to play more positions than I ever did .... way back in the year of the flood when I played travel soccer !

I hate to criticize the guy ... but he just doesn't know the game. I try so hard to keep my mouth shut out of respect to him for volunteering his time, etc.

SunFloridaDisney - I think that is what DH wants to do - give the guy a chance to explain what he was thinking before we make any decisions. He's just so ticked off right now -

 

[DVCindy]

Hannathy - No flames at all ! It certainly would seem like he has something against me. He has recently had several issues with other parents on the team about their daughters' playing time ... several heated discussions in fact. He has made that very public and has asked that we not aprroach him about it anymore.

I never said a word to him - until he approached me out of the blue and asked me if I had issues with my dd's playing time. I had to think quick ... and I was honest with him - I said that I, personally didn't have an issue with it, but that my dd did. I told him she feels it is unfair that 3 kids play every minute of every game, and the rest sub in and out for each other. Not a heated discussion at all ... I was very respectful and matter of fact. Never did I offer coaching points or tell him how I would do things.

That's the only conversation we have ever had about anything he does with the team. As I said above, I try very, very hard to keep my mouth shut !!!

I want so badly to ask him to please not play my DD on the left side every single time she is on the field ... she is the only lefty on the team and her left foot is stronger that her right. It would be so much better for her develpoment to play on both sides. But, do I ... NO !!

Really, if that's why he made that comment to my dd ... if it is because he didn't like that I was honest when he approached me ... then he should take it up with ME !!

 

[ColoradoBuffaloMom]

My 15 DS has played soccer for 10 years, the last 5 for a competitive travel team. At your DD 's age I think kids should be given the opportunity to play as many positions as possible and not get pigeon holed into a position too soon in their soccer career. Now is the time for them to find out what they enjoy and what they are good at.

It sounds like you have gone above and beyond not to step on the coach's toes. I would suggest calmly asking him his take on the conversation with your daughter. Hopefully he regrets what he said.

Is this the coach's first child in soccer and/or first time coaching? The reason I ask is that I have found that for parents who are first entering the soccer world, it is do or die even at the very young age their children are at. Things I took so seriously when my son was 8 and 9 are so not a big issue now that he is 15 and plays competitively and we travel all over the country. But, I hate to admit that I probably made mountains out of molehills when he was 8 and 9.

Good luck and it seems like you are going in the right direction.