need toddler help

[Denine]

DD is 20 months and has started to hit, slap and head butt when she doesn't get her way. This is extremely frustrating! How do I get her to stop? Last night I put her in her playpen for 5 minutes without her beloved blanket. Telling her NO and removing her hands doesn't work. I am going to do the timeout in the playpen thing and see if it works. Of course, she doesn't do this with her dad, only me.
Please tell me this is a short phase! I wish I knew where she got the idea to hit, or is it inborn?

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I think all you can do is to be consistent. It will take a lot of repetition before it sinks in and it will probably be a while.

Good Luck!

 

[Serena]

I think you are doing a good job. Just keep at it. She will understand soon. But she will test you at other times, just to make sure the rule still applies.

 

[piglet too]

You are doing the right thing. Telling her "no" and giving short time outs is what they say parents should do. My DD is 2, and she does the same things as well as pinches/scratches her brother. Just be patient and consistent, good luck!

 

[antkim]

Just be consistent! It's a phase that all toddlers go through-it will end!! Do you put her in her playpen at other times other than when she is being "punished"? The reason I am asking this is because she will eventually associate the playpen with "time out" and may not want to go in there at other times. If the playpen is a place you would like her to "enjoy" you might want to find another place for "time out"-am I making sense? We always had a "time out" chair. I know she is only 20 months so getting her to stay in the chair is half the battle but if you stand there and tell her she can not get out it may work. We always set the oven timer and when it went off ds knew his "time out" was over-1 minute for every year. O.K. I've rambled enough! LOL

Kim

 

[liznboys]

Yeah, ditto to the pp's! I say "We don't hit/bite/etc" in a stern/serious voice, and put them in a short time-out. It is just a phase thankfully. And it seems like most toddlers go through it in some form, so it's normal!!

 

[Beth76]

good advice so far. I would also tell her very firmly, "I do not like that. That hurts me." I'm sure it's just a phase that will pass eventually.

 

[Serena]

She will know the difference between being able to play and being in trouble.

Make sure she knows she hurt you. That seems to have a definite effect on them.

 

[Denine]

Thanks guys! At least I know it is normal. The only other time she is in her playpen is when I take a shower and then she gets to watch a video.
I do tell her that it hurts and it is not nice. Sometimes she will hit her own head.

Maybe if I put her in her high chair. She doesn't use it anymore.

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

I went thru it late w/ my boy. He was about 2 1/2 yrs old when I was pregnant, and whenever we left the playground, it was difficult. I scooped him up, kicking and flailing and screaming and scurried him off to the car. Then when the baby was new and in the carrier, and me w/ my surgery, I had to scoop him up kicking and flailing and screaming all the way to the car trying to keep him from kicking the carrier.... and I got very agile at this. I asked his pediatricians what to do and they said what the PPs said..... be consistent, when you choose your battles (such as leaving a playground or stopping bad behavior such as biting) you must win them every time, so never let her get away w/ it some of the time, and lastly, be persistent. I wouldn't have believed it because he showed NO signs of understanding the discipline. But then, all of a sudden, he's an angel. It literally changed overnight. Now I tell him we are leaving in 5 minutes, 2 minutes, and then when we walk towards the car, he grabs my hand and walks so nicely out of the park. You'd never know it was the same kid. So stick w/ the playpen, and she'll come around. Good luck getting thru this trying time.

 

[antkim]

I was going to say the high chair but wasn't sure if she still ate in it! My ped. is the one who told me to find a "time out" spot that ds wouldn't associate with sleep or playtime-also the 1 minute per age rule. My girlfriend made the mistake of putting her dd in the crib when she was naughty and MAN did she have a battle getting her to sleep eventually!! They did break the association finally but I was trying to help you avoid going through this if possible! Good luck and just know that it will end-probably soon. She's just testing you.

Kim

 

[Keli]

I think most of the time hitting in kids starts out as an accident that got a big reaction. They are upset, flailing their arms around and connect with your noggin. You react with a "No, No, don't hit, that hurts!" and the notion of hitting is born. It seems unavoidable to me but I don't think it stems from any vicious intent on the kid's part.

 

[AmyTags]

I am kind of going through the same thing. My dd is 23 months old and bites. She only bites at daycare. It's very hard to deal with. My daycare has a no time out policy but I finally got them to waive that for me because time outs work at home so I wanted them to try it at daycare when she bites. Any other advice on biting would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Aimeedyan]

You're doing the right thing! It's COMPLETELY normal, remember they aren't vocal and run out of ways to get their emotions across. She is learning that hitting is not acceptable, they aren't born knowing that (it would be nice, though!!).

Pick a spot for her short timeout that isn't used any other time OTHER than for timeout. And remember a minute per year... doesn't seem long enough for us, but is an eternity for her.

If you aren't using her high chair for anything else, that might be a good place to be. And remember to completely ignore her that minute - if she gets added attention during her timeout, she'll begin to enjoy it. Even if you have to leave the room for that minute or two and let her be alone in timeout.

Oh- and it's also very common for children to pull certain behaviors out for different people. That's normal too =)

You're doing a great job!

 

[onecoolmama]

Hang in there! These next 2 years are going to be rough, nbut once they reach 4.5 I have heard that it gets easier!

I agree with everyone else! Hang in there and be consistant with the time outs! She will get it eventually!