Need support - DD is at Disney w/o me!

[sunnyday123]

DD is down at Disney with her Dad (we're divorced) and it's making me crazy! I took her to France and Spain in April, and that was our big vacation, but Disney is, well, "our" place!

My DH has absolutely NO sympathy for me, but he doesn't get it. Any words of support? I'm refraining from texting her every 10 minutes to see what she's doing. ARGH!!

Your post(s) confuse me. Why would your DH has sympathy for you? I assume you don't mean on XDH. It sounds like your a little jealous she's there without you and he's making memories with her in a place that you consider yours and hers. I get the missing her, but I don't get why it's making you crazy or you need support. Am I missing something?

Be happy she has a father who will spend time with her.

 

[Zuzu03]

Exactly! If my dd's were at WDW without me regardless if they were with an ex spouse, friend, grandparent etc, I'd be sitting on my hands too! I can guarantee you if it were reversed and I was to go there without them, they would be doing the same to me or dh! Our best family vacation memories are at WDW. I have often thought that if I ever travelled to Orlando for my job and got to go to one of the parks, I wouldn't be able to tell them or they'd flip!!!

That's precisely my point - thank you for saying it so well!

 

[Zuzu03]

Your post(s) confuse me. Why would your DH has sympathy for you? I assume you don't mean on XDH. It sounds like your a little jealous she's there without you and he's making memories with her in a place that you consider yours and hers. I get the missing her, but I don't get why it's making you crazy or you need support. Am I missing something?

Be happy she has a father who will spend time with her.

Okay, let me try this again, one more time. I'm VERY happy she has a dad who spends time with her. I moved 1400 miles to live 10 miles away from him so that she COULD spend time with him. DH is my current husband who is not a disney freak like me. The "crazy" and "support" comments were intended to be lighthearted and not to incite a riot around here. Sheesh, guys!

 

[livie1205]

Wow, I feel bad that you're having difficulties with your ex! I didn't say that I am upset because he is not thinking of my feelings at all. Believe me, that's not what this is about! This is about me missing her and thinking fondly of the memories that she and I have there, I certainly do NOT want to take anything away from his time with her.

yeesss....you were complaining he did not have sympathy for you and wdw was "our place" meaning you and your dd...I know you are sad but he does not have to have sympathy, he is taking his dd on vacation just like you did.I know you may not have meant it the way it came out but it sounded wrong.
I am having problems with my ex because he does not take care of his son but I think you should be happy your dd dad is doing this with her.This is not like she is off with a stranger or a friend of the family...its her dad and he will look out for her (i would hope)..stay strong.

 

[Zuzu03]

yeesss....you were complaining he did not have sympathy for you and wdw was "our place" meaning you and your dd...I know you are sad but he does not have to have sympathy, he is taking his dd on vacation just like you did.I know you may not have meant it the way it came out but it sounded wrong.
I am having problems with my ex because he does not take care of his son but I think you should be happy your dd dad is doing this with her.This is not like she is off with a stranger or a friend of the family...its her dad and he will look out for her (i would hope)..stay strong.

DH is my current husband - no sympathy there because he is not a Disney person. XDH is her dad and he is the last person I'd want to have sympathy for me!
I am very sorry that your ex does not step up to his responsibility, unfortunately that's all too common.

Okay, I'm done.

 

[laurie31]

Awwww, I understand what you mean!


I hate missing watching my kids have fun. It doesn't mean I resent them going or the person they're with, it just means I wish I could be there too.

I know you're happy for her to have a good relationship with her Dad, but since you love WDW so much, you're thinking of how great it would be if you could be there with her. Your DH isn't a Disneyphile, so he doesn't get why this trip is different than any other.

 

[minniecarousel]

Hey! I missed my kids when they went to sleep-away camp when they were little! Didn't mean I wanted to be there with them, I just missed them!

So, OP - you're "missing her" and you'd want to be there with her: it's a double whammy! Hang in there!

 

[Zuzu03]

Thanks for your kind words and for understanding! She's graduating high school next year, so I can also see how time is speeding by. She's so funny, she keeps texting me, which does make me feel better!

 

[Val]

Man oh man....I don't know if I could take DD at WDW and being away- that's a double blow! Right now DD21 stayed at college (12 hours away), DD17 is in Germany (and participated in a march for Iran, oh, my little bleeding heart liberal child!), and DD11 is at sleep-away Camp Lions for a WHOLE week.....and if that isn't bad enough, that means I am stuck with DH and DD13 until Wednesday night. First time the house has been male dominated in years! Even worse than that- DH got the new Tiger Woods 10 game, so he and DS13 have taken control of the big TV! I am stuck upstairs with the little TV...got so desperate I took the dogs out a few minutes ago and spent 1/2 hour weeking in 96 degree heat!

We will make it through this, really (although I hold out more hope for me than you)!

Remember, when all else fails- eat ice cream and put on a Disney DVD or CD!

(At least I have some pity for you....yes, you are being silly, but you know it so enjoy a good pity party for, well- at least an hour!).

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

Here is a cyber hug from me to you. When I read your OP, I just knew that you would get a little tongue lashing from some. You see two years ago, I posted a little mini-vent-whine that I was missing my daughters (10 and 7 at the time) because they were with their dad...for the entire summer!

I missed them! I'm their mother! That's all. I didn't prevent them from seeing their dad. I wasn't calling them at all hours of the day. I knew that it is not good for them not to have a relationship with their dad, but it's not normal for a mother not to be with her daughters for such a long time either. I wasn't posting because I was mad and wanted to find a way to get them back here. I was missing them and sad and wrote it down and posted it. But I got minor flames for it anyway.

They are out there right now and will be out there (on the west coast) for eight weeks this summer. Do I miss them? Yep.

Zuzu, you are a great mom because, even though it does hurt a little (OK, a lot), you are letting your daughter relax and have a great time with her dad and she doesn't have to feel like if she spends time with one parent, she is hurting the other. My girls are going to see a Jonas Brothers concert this Friday with their dad and they are so excited! I wish I could be there with them. I'm sure I will get lots of fuzzy pictures on my cell phone Friday. I hope they all have the good sense to be safe and stick together, but it's none of my business so I will just have to put my trust in their father will take good care of them. It'll be fine. When your daughter gets back I'm sure she will have lots of pictures and stories for you.

 

[Zuzu03]

You are all so sweet and helpful, that's exactly what I needed - just a smidge of understanding. I knew some of you would get it. Thank you and for those of you feeling that separation thing right now, too, ice cream really IS a good thing! Thanks for the hugs and back at you.

 

[JoanGirardi]

Just wanted to offer my support too. It's tough when you aren't able to share everything with your kids. Believe me, you are definitely on your daughter's mind too, if WDW is something that you both love. You are doing the right thing not texting too often, and I know you know that too. Hang in there, Mom. I know she can't wait to tell you all about it!

 

[pigletgirl]

Be happy for HER!

 

[Zuzu03]

Be happy for HER!

I am, of course! I know she's loving every minute of it and I can't wait to see her pictures when she gets back.

 

[Val]

When my oldest DD21 was born, I thought the hardest thing in the world was taking care of her......little did I know that the hardest thing in the world would be letting her and her siblings go...be it across the street or across the world. My inclination is to hold them tight and wrap them in bubble wrap and hide them in the closet so nothing bad would happen, they would love ME best, and everything would be safe and well. BUT, if I have done my job right they will be independent adventurous people who love to explore the world- without ME!

If it just wasn't so HARD to pry my little fingers off of them as they leave......and besides, why do I have to stay home while THEY get to go on adventures (like I would GO on an adventure and leave them). Guess I answered my own question!

How come parenting is so hard? And why don't these kids come with a manual that goes through age, well, 90?

 

[Zuzu03]

When my oldest DD21 was born, I thought the hardest thing in the world was taking care of her......little did I know that the hardest thing in the world would be letting her and her siblings go...be it across the street or across the world. My inclination is to hold them tight and wrap them in bubble wrap and hide them in the closet so nothing bad would happen, they would love ME best, and everything would be safe and well. BUT, if I have done my job right they will be independent adventurous people who love to explore the world- without ME!

If it just wasn't so HARD to pry my little fingers off of them as they leave......and besides, why do I have to stay home while THEY get to go on adventures (like I would GO on an adventure and leave them). Guess I answered my own question!

How come parenting is so hard? And why don't these kids come with a manual that goes through age, well, 90?

I know, and my mom just laughs at me because she felt exactly the same way and now I'm going through the same thing!

 

[LindaR]

Zuzu03, just to show you the flip side......

I explained in an earlier post that I have raised my daughter basically all her life by myself (did not remarry)........so not only were our vacations really special DL and WDW every year....we are best friends and really enjoy each other's company.

She now lives 200 miles away (going to college) and she texts and calls numerous times a day. When she started her freshman year.......I thought (and so did everyone who knew how close we are) that I was going to have SUCH a very difficult time. I didn't!!!! I think its because of the texting/calling. We made that adjustment really easily!

However............! I had not gotten together with my best friend (of 27 years) for about 11 years (we talk all the time on the phone....she lives in Oregon) so after much planning and changing of plans, we planned a week long vacation (just me and her) to Oahu. My daughter and I went there when she graduated from high school, so its not like I went somewhere she had never been.

HOLY COW!!!!! That girl called me and texted me dozens of times a day! "What are you doing? Where you going to eat? What shopping have you done? What are you doing NOW?........"

SHE was so upset that I went on a vacation without her.....and with my best friend.....and she was afraid that I was going to have more fun with BF than I had with her, she was afraid that I was shopping without her (and not FOR her!). It was hilarious. She was a big baby about the whole trip!

So it was easy to "read between the lines" on your original post. Been there, done that, and also had a "reverse" situation".

Just remember, this is a little bit of practice......she will be spreading her wings soon.

Hang in there!!!!

 

[Zuzu03]

Zuzu03, just to show you the flip side......

I explained in an earlier post that I have raised my daughter basically all her life by myself (did not remarry)........so not only were our vacations really special DL and WDW every year....we are best friends and really enjoy each other's company.

She now lives 200 miles away (going to college) and she texts and calls numerous times a day. When she started her freshman year.......I thought (and so did everyone who knew how close we are) that I was going to have SUCH a very difficult time. I didn't!!!! I think its because of the texting/calling. We made that adjustment really easily!

However............! I had not gotten together with my best friend (of 27 years) for about 11 years (we talk all the time on the phone....she lives in Oregon) so after much planning and changing of plans, we planned a week long vacation (just me and her) to Oahu. My daughter and I went there when she graduated from high school, so its not like I went somewhere she had never been.

HOLY COW!!!!! That girl called me and texted me dozens of times a day! "What are you doing? Where you going to eat? What shopping have you done? What are you doing NOW?........"

SHE was so upset that I went on a vacation without her.....and with my best friend.....and she was afraid that I was going to have more fun with BF than I had with her, she was afraid that I was shopping without her (and not FOR her!). It was hilarious. She was a big baby about the whole trip!

So it was easy to "read between the lines" on your original post. Been there, done that, and also had a "reverse" situation".

Just remember, this is a little bit of practice......she will be spreading her wings soon.

Hang in there!!!!

Thank you - your situation sounds very like ours! For a long time it was just her and I and we are very close. And I can totally see my DD doing the same thing if I went on vaca without her! Thank you again for your encouragement!