Need some "Tween" advice

[kasar]

Okay all you parents of 10-13 year old girls (or those who have been there/done that):

Things are so different from when I was this age. In talking with other moms we all seem to have the same issues and questions.

Our girls now have "boyfriends" I'll speak for myself here and say my DD is NOT allowed to go on "dates", they can IM each other when homework is done, and basically they see each other at school. It's pretty harmless and I go along with it if it's not made into a big drama.

But I'm still on the fence about phone calls. On one hand it's kind of cute since it's so innocent but on the other hand, I think 11 is too young to talk to boys on the phone. So far, we haven't had to deal with it (I think my DD has made my wishes clear to the boy) but my friend is really battling her daughter on this one. She just called me for my opinion and I gave it to her (above). She agreed but we both wondered if we were being too overprotective and "out of touch".

My opinion won't change but I'm just wondering how everyone else has handled this. Again, it's not the end of the world (I know this is nothing compared to what's ahead of us on this fun teenage adventure), but please share your experiences! Thanks.

 

[Soccer Princess]

When I was that age, I was allowed to talk to boys on the phone as long as I had finished my homework and was off at a reasonable time. Middle school is a lot different than elementary school and I think phone calls are perfectly acceptable. JMHO

 

[Sleepy]

I have a 12 year old son. I allow him to talk on the phone with a girl if he wants to. As long as the conversation stays clean, I don't see what the harm is. I would feel the same if I had a daughter.

Edited to add......

You said you allow her to IM boys. I would think just as much could be said in writing as could be said vocally. I'm not sure why a voice makes a difference unless you monitor all IMs and don't listen in on phone conversations.

 

[grinningghost]

I would let her have the phone conversations. Unless you have a reason to believe there is something "sinister" going on, it will probably be very harmless. In fact, if the conversations go anything like my DD's did, there will be alot of "dead air" and uncomfortable pauses. Talking to the opposite sex on the phone is difficult at that age. It usually doesn't amount to much.

 

[LvsTnk]

At that age my DD was allowed to talk on the phone to boys, but the conversations were very short. She liked to talk more on the computer.

Now DD is almost 15, and talks to her BF on the computer, he just started calling her now after they sign off as well. I am going to put a stop to some of it. It ends up being almost 2 hours!!!! She has her homework done and has gone to her sports but I don't want him to be her only entertainment.

Last night was the first time I put a time limit on it and she was fine with it. That's a first

 

[WDWAurora]

A lot worse things can be said over IM since it's not "audible." I would be much more concerned with that...I was always allowed to talk to boys, however, because my best friend was a guy! I would've been so depressed if I hadn't been able to talk to him through those crazy years...

 

[Cruisin]

I don't see any harm in letting them talk on the phone, especially if you are able to keep half an ear on the conversation. You don't know what they are talking about on the computer, but I still would allow that also.
If you allow them some freedom then I feel they won't feel the need to go behind your back. Quite often keeping too tight a hold on them causes them to rebel more.
My daughter had 3 boyfriends between the ages of 13-15. She is now 16 and has been boyfriend-less for almost a year. Not that she hasn't had plenty of offers but I think she feels that she has been there and done that and found it wasn't really all that exciting after all.

 

[kasar]

Okay! Sometimes it takes someone else to give you a nudge in the right direction! LOL

You're totally right about the IM thing even though most of their conversations go, "what are you doin?", "nothin', what are you doin". It's quite funny. I think the whole problem we have is that phone conversations are so one-on-one, not a group thing like IM.

I guess I'm trying to say that she has a lot to look forward to and a whole lifetime to deal with boys, but now is the time to play outside, enjoy her friends (boys and girls) and just be a kid (again, she's 11).

We're proceeding with caution but I needed that reality check from you wonderful dis-ers. I guess it's time to loosen up a bit. Thanks, all.

 

[Christine]

My DD is 12 1/2 and so far no boys have called her. Your daughter must be cuter than mine !! Anyway, I would probably allow the phone call as long as they are kept short. I'm entirely uncomfortable with IM'*** even though my DD does it. I think that hiding behind a computer, it is much easier to say/write things then you would normally say in conversation (face-to-face or phone). I think kids actually NEED to talk on the phone more rather than IM'***. They need to have some more normal socialization!