need some mama advice

[mommy2mrb]

tonight when I was sitting in bed with Megan, she started crying and saying she didn't feel pretty, she hates her circles under her eyes and that she has a bigger chest than most of the other 6th grade girls...broke my heart...asked her if anyone had said anything to her or teased her, but she said no.

I kept reassuring her she is pretty, beautiful, sweet, kind...offered to get make-up for her circles, no help on the chest issue...got those and the circles from me..

has anyone else gone through this with your girls? I hate she feels this way and want her to grow up with a great body imagine of herself....inside and out! any advice will be so helpful, thanks !!!

 

[JohnsonsLoveDisney]

for you both. Dont have any advice, same sort of issues here. I just tell DD love it or hate it, its your body, embrace it. Now I just wish she would be more self aware of her butt crack issue.

 

[PrincessNancy96]

Just keep reassuring her that she is as beautiful and loving as she has always been.. She's in the preteen years and this will happen from time to time...and it's natural..

Perhaps ask her if she would like to go out and grab some bigger shirts that "disguise" her chest... I had a friend who would not wear tight shirts like all the other girls because she wanted to leave the impression she was smaller chested...

Maybe take her for a make-over at Meryl Norman or somewhere like that..

Alot of this is preteen and finding herself... it's hard to see our girls go through this....been there done that..

 

[JJ&JHsmom]

Lisa, just keep reassuring her that she is perfect the way she is and that everyone develops at a different rate. The preteen and teen years are very difficult on young girls and body image is one of the hardest issues.

Make-up for the eye circles may help her self conciousness(sp).

 

[mycutiepatooties]

My DD is in 6th grade too. I think a lot of it has to do with social cliques starting to form and mean kids excluding others. It's such a hard thing to go through because all of a sudden the girls are comparing themselves and sizing up who is all of a sudden "popular" and trying to figure out why. Even if your kiddo isn't being teased, everyone is looking around and noticing each other and becoming self-concious. I tell my DD how she is so pretty and beautiful all the time and she kinda looks at me like "yeah right mom." I also try to tell her often about how inner beauty and self confidence is what really counts and how that is what God cares about because your outer beauty will fade...you know all this and I'm sure you've had these same conversations a zillion times. She'll come through this. Just the fact that she's open with you and really tells you how she feels is AWESOME for a pre-teen girl. I'm pulling teeth to get my DD to tell me her feelings about anything!

 

[Reddy]

oh the dreaded pre-teen years - I hated that
my sister got big early - I was late
the ones who got early wished they didn't & the ones who didn't wish they did

keep talking to her - find out what she wants to do (make-up & the big shirts if that is what she wants)

Good luck

 

[morgansmom2000]

Lisa. Morgan's in 6th grade too. She hasn't said anything about not being pretty, but she gets really down on herself about her weight. We're not a tiny little family. She's stocky, but not obese. We talk about changes she can make in her eating and exercise and then she asks for ice cream... Can't really win.

For us, I notice it happens more when she's 'hormonal' and I'm not surprised. I always got a little down at that time of the month too.

I think it's a good idea to get bigger shirts and see about disguising those dark circles. Maybe if she sees that things can be worked out, she'll continue to come to you with her problems.

Please give her an extra hug from us.

 

[mommy2mrb]

thanks "aunties" you are all so supportive

so happy she does talk to me, just hope its not some boy giving her problems, will keep talking!
Megan is not a tiny girl either, she wears XL shirts in teens, which are a bit loose for now...she does have some concealer powder she uses sometimes, but doesn't want to wear anything else.
will keep reassuring her she is pretty and beautiful inside and out, which she is!
think it might be hormones too...should be starting in a few days.

thanks again

 

[Georgia101]

tonight when I was sitting in bed with Megan, she started crying and saying she didn't feel pretty, she hates her circles under her eyes and that she has a bigger chest than most of the other 6th grade girls...broke my heart...asked her if anyone had said anything to her or teased her, but she said no.

I kept reassuring her she is pretty, beautiful, sweet, kind...offered to get make-up for her circles, no help on the chest issue...got those and the circles from me..

has anyone else gone through this with your girls? I hate she feels this way and want her to grow up with a great body imagine of herself....inside and out! any advice will be so helpful, thanks !!!

Awww bless.. I remember going through that stage, it wasnt because I got teased but because I used to see skinny models on tv or the boys I liked would like my friends instead.
I think for the circles ( I suffer from them as well) conciler will be good,it will up her confidence,I did too..
For the big chest, maybe you could tell her that women pay to have this thing done and that she will get to love herself in the future...? Anything postive.

I hope she feels better soon!

 

[ckmom97]

Lisa, I'm so sorry Megan is having a tough time. We've been through it, too! It does get better. So far, having a teenager has been a whole lot easier than having a 12 year old (knock on wood). I agree with all the previous suggestions. I also tried:

*talking to Madison about the importance of being unique. We talked a lot about how boring the world would be if God had made only one kind of rock, tree, flower, etc. Even though a wild flower doesn't look like a rose, it is still beautiful.

*enlisting someone other than myself and my dh to help with the confidence issue. For some reason my kids think I tell them what they want to hear instead of the truth. They also sometimes complain that I'm brutally honest. Try mentioning when you make an appt at the cosmetic counter or hair salon that you're looking for a confidence boost. These ladies are usually really good at making you feel beautiful.

Also, does Megan have any allergies? I have the dark circle problem, and my allergist told me many years ago that people who have a lot of allergy symptoms in their eyes will have the dark circles. Using allergy eye drops seem to help, but not solve, my problems.

 

[mommy2mrb]

thanks for more support!


Sheila, Megan just got her hair cut and thinned and know that made her feel great! think the next time we go to the mall we might go to a make-up counter.
the circles are inheritated (sp?)we were both born with them, our skin is so pale....I've heard about the allergy thing too before, we both have slight issues in the spring, nothing major though.

we had a great talk this morning, really think a lot of this is hormonal, and she was feeling much better!

 

[wdwmickey]

Firstly hugs for you and Megan (what happened to the hugging smilies?)

Secondly, being an almost teenager or a teenager stinks! My girls always wear baggy shirts because of the comments they get when they wear a more form fitting shirt. I know how they feel, I wanted to cover up when I was a teen too Sarah has always been tall and well endowed, like Megan she started developing when she was 10. I spent many a teary night with both her and Rachel over how girls can be so mean to each other.

I still remind my girls about what makes them special and unique and how lucky we are that everyone is different and has special gifts and talents and that "God doesn't make junk"!

Looks like you've gotten some really sound advice, just listen with your heart and be Megan's soft place to fall. It's hard being a teen and she's gonna need your arms around her for many years to come.

Sheila's advice about "allergy circles" is great! When my allergies or Rachel's are really bad we look like someone punched us out and gave us 2 black eyes

 

[mommy2mrb]

thanks Cheryl for your support too!

I love that you all are hear for us

 

[Poppins2000]

Bless Megan's heart - you couldn't pay me enough to be that age again! Telling her she is unique, special, beautiful inside and out!! Share your experiences with her when u were that age or have an Aunt or cousin share.

When I was 11, I had long wavy hair past my shoulders and clear skin. When I turned 12, my scalp became covered in plaque and started to crack and bleed. My mom made me get my hair cut into a pixie, which became very curly. If that wasn't enough, I started to develop warts around the lipline of my mouth. Had 13 at one point and had to have them burned off - three times - before they finally went away when I was almost 14. Yep, Frog Kisser, Frog Lips, Curly Frog Kisser and then Giant Frog kisser because I went from 5"2 to 5"7 in my 13th summer. I was taller than all my friends and alot of boys, hahaha. I remember asking her why this wasn't happening to my friends and just me. She told me that people come in all shapes and sizes, bigger and smaller chests, good skin, bad skin and every girl my age was going through the exact same thing - just at a different rate and with different issues. She told me to be strong, that all of this will pass in time. She also told me that there will always be someone that breezes through her "body changes" with no problems and that there will also be someone who will have more issues than I ever did. It must have meant something to me for I remember that talk like it was yesterday....

 

[lovingthemouse]

Boy Lisa - you have received some excellent advice!! Even with 5 daughters, and having taught 6th grade for over 30 yrs, they have truly hit the nail on the head.
A positive self image is at the top of the list, and this is a tough age to deal with it. Kids can be cruel, i watch it on a daily basis at school. Through your words and actions, Meghan will continue to feel good about her conversations wiih you. Those lines of communication are paramount right now. She is a beautiful girl, and if she hears it, she'll begin to believe it.
There are those raging hormones, imagine having 5 with them?

 

[mommy2mrb]

all great advice, thanks to you both!

 

[LittleMissMagic]

I remember that. I was in 7th grade and curled up in my closet floor, crying my eyes out. My chest was bigger than all my friends', and I was shorter than everyone else (I was always the shortest, but my friends were all getting very tall, so while I was once just a couple of inches shorter, there was now an even more obvious difference). I hated that my body was changing, and I just wished that I could have stayed a little kid forever.

Those were tough times, but looking back, I realize that it's because I wanted too much to be like everyone else. I wanted to wear Hollister and American Eagle like my friends, but I was still in Limited Too. And then I didn't understand how to dress to fit my body type - T-shirts just pulled in the middle and accentuated my larger chest. I was too busy focusing on my flaws, and couldn't see my assets.

Just an idea - why don't you pick out some things about your daughter that are great and point them out to her. This could be in a heart-to-heart conversation, or just casually whenever you notice them. I suggest using a mixture of personality traits (because you want her to know that beauty lies within) and physical traits (because at that age - or any age really, as much as we want to deny it, feeling pretty matters).

A few examples -

"You're so organized and on top of things. That's really going to get you far in life." "You're so funny - I can always count on you to make me smile."

"You have such beautiful, long eyelashes. Maybe we could see what they look like with a little mascara, just for fun." (I'm not sure how opposed you both are to make-up at this young age, but it might be fun to play dress-up... dolling up usually makes me feel beautiful.)

I really hope that this doesn't last long, and that soon Megan can see herself for the beautiful girl she is.

 

[MazdaUK]

You make me glad I have boys who just keep trying to beat each other I remember adolescence was horrible, and girls make far more of it than boys. A couple of things that might help - how about a (light) tinted moisturiser? It might help even out her skin tones a little, and to blend in the concealer.

Also (and sorry, this is a bit sneakier ) I remember how all the girls who were really pretty at the age of 10 looked very plain by 14/15, while those of us who had different...er.. proportions or attributes have all aged much better! (Honestly, if you look at my school reunion photos its quite amazing!)

 

[morgansmom2000]

I'm going to second Sheila's comment about being unique. When Morgan starts the "but I wish I looked like so and so" I always remind her that the world we be an awfully boring place if everyone looked the same.

Glad to hear she's feeling better.

 

[mommy2mrb]

we've been talking a lot about this the last couple of nights, Megan really does have a good sense of herself and knows she's never going to be a skinny, tiny girl due to her body/bone structure and is okay with it.

I was never one of the "pretty" girls and developed early, wore glasses and braces, so middle school was not good to me...I've been sharing my stories with her also.

Megan has a couple of her friends who developed early too....and its amazing how many different shapes and sizes there are in the 6th grade.

we will continue to talk and I tell her every day how sweet, kind, smart, pretty she is inside and out!