Need Relationship Advice

[Brer Frog]

Me = late 30's, divorced
Him = late 40's, divorced 2x
Began dating = 7 months ago

Fell head over heels in love with this guy. Asked him to move in 2 months ago, he did. Gave me an engagement ring for Christmas. We are both financially stable, but he is very frugile and oftentimes comments that he was "taken to the cleaners" by 2 wives and that he wouldn't let that happen again. He has a general distrust of women, still regularly fighting one of his ex-wife's as she still tries to open credit cards in his name every couple of years. Yes she's insane & he's made poor choices in past relationships.

In the past 2 months, he has offered no contribution to living expenses and I haven't requested any. After one of his women-hating tirades several nights ago, he tells me he really doesn't want to get married. Marriage is all upside for women, downside for men.

OK I love this man. He's living in my house, free of charge. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to be taken advantage of.

I need advice.

 

[RadioNate]

seriously..DUMP HIM.

You really believe that both his ex-wives were insane? He is USING you. Why would you want to be with someone who hates women? What are you getting out of this relationship?

Why so desperate? You deserve better and you know this.

 

[mickeyboat]

Good luck! I think you might be in for a heap of trouble with this one.

My first thought was that you need to maintain separate finances - and each contribute an agreed-upon portion of your income to household expenses. But after reading further, his tirade made me very suspicious of him being able to commit at all.

Denae

 

[HelenePA]

sounds like he's taking you to the cleaners this time. Either get him to share in living expenses or ship him out!

 

[poohandwendy]

Marriage is all upside for women, downside for men.

OMG, that made me spit out my drink.

In all seriousness, you really have some serious questions to ask yourself. I see some huge red flags, but they would be red flags for me...maybe not other people.

1) I wouldn't trust anyone who doesn't see any real fault in themselves with prior marriages
2) He has real issues with money that would make me uncomfortable
3) Not sure why he isn't contributing at all to the living expenses? And why wasn't that discussed?
4) Sounds like he is setting up the perfect arrangement for himself.
5) I'd have a real issue with a man who previously gave me an engagement ring suddenly talking about 'not wanting to get married again'.

I honestly would rethink the relationship for sure. I would probably ask him to move out and definitely would NOT make plans to marry him in any way, even if he changed his mind. This guy has some issues, I hope you are proceed with caution.

 

[diznygirl]

Why is it that you love him? I don't see anything redeeming.

 

[Micca]

You know a lot about how he feels, does he know your thoughts? He has gone from engagement ring to "don't wanna get married" in 63 days? Any chance that he's just going through a rough patch with the ex right now? I'd give him a little time before you pull the plug, but the living expense money is going to need to start happening fairly soon.

 

[hentob]

Run.

 

[Briarmom]

You already know the answer.

 

[Sandy V.]

OK I love this man. He's living in my house, free of charge. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to be taken advantage of.

I need advice.

You already ARE being taken advantage of. I would DEFINITELY make him start paying his fair share of household expenses or kick his butt to the curb.

If you two are going to get married, I wouldn't make one step toward it without some counseling first.

Good luck!

 

[kribit]

He made two mistakes, don't let yourself be the 3rd. Run for the hills.

 

[poohandwendy]

Come on am I the only one here who did a total double take when reading he thinks marriage is all up-side for women and down-side for men?

That alone shows this man is insane, run as fast as you can.

 

[WDW~Lover]

sounds like he's taking you to the cleaners this time. Either get him to share in living expenses or ship him out!

 

[LoraJ]

Show him the door. Right now he is just using you and the longer you let him do that, the more he will never change. How can you love someone who will take advantage of you like that?

 

[PlutosFriend]

Why isn't he paying anything? He sounds bitter, and is making comments about women taking HIM to the bank.......but why is he then sapping off of you?

 

[Brer Frog]

Thanks for the advice so far. What do I see in him? He dotes on me like no other man has before. He is very affectionate and tells me he adores me. He's brilliant and funny... teaches me something I didn't know every day and makes me laugh every day!

His last divorce was 7 or so years ago and he has had one other serious girlfriend since then.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ask yourself........

WHY DO YOU LOVE A MAN THAT IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU?

The answer you seek is in that question.

 

[Nancyg56]

OMG, that made me spit out my drink.

In all seriousness, you really have some serious questions to ask yourself. I see some huge red flags, but they would be red flags for me...maybe not other people.

1) I wouldn't trust anyone who doesn't see any real fault in themselves with prior marriages
2) He has real issues with money that would make me uncomfortable
3) Not sure why he isn't contributing at all to the living expenses? And why wasn't that discussed?
4) Sounds like he is setting up the perfect arrangement for himself.
5) I'd have a real issue with a man who previously gave me an engagement ring suddenly talking about 'not wanting to get married again'.

I honestly would rethink the relationship for sure. I would probably ask him to move out and definitely would NOT make plans to marry him in any way, even if he changed his mind. This guy has some issues, I hope you are proceed with caution.

OP- read this again and again and again if need be. There is something wrong with this arrangement you have managed get yourself into.

 

[mylilnikita]

You need to love yourself a little more than to allow someone to do that to you.

 

[DVCLiz]

My tag is going off...