Need parenting support/help/advice-toddler question

[Bea]

I am at a lose. My ds is 16 months old and I can't find anything to keep him busy. The only thing that keeps him occupied is when I carry him around on my hip and when he is sleeping. He doesn't watch tv (at this point, something I am highly encouraging), won't play by himself and when I play with him, he may or may not play, just crawl into my lap .

I have 2 other (older) kids (girls-nothing like boys) and they were happy to play, and watch tv so I could get stuff done in the house). I am finding the house is a mess because I can't even leave the room to do the dishes or laundry.

I guess my question is 2 fold. What toys or games would you suggest? Is it too young for say, playdough? And is there something I can do to make him not so clingy and dependant? He screams when I leave the room, tears and all. My husband is in the Navy and away alot and I am nearing the end of my rope

I would also love to hear and stories of any toddlers who were like this. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one going through this. People tend to look back with rose coloured glasses sometimes.

Thanks

 

[golfgal]

This is definitely a nip this in the bud type thing. I had a friend that never LET her DD play by herself, she ALWAYS did everything with her DD and the girl could not play on her own. If she wasn't being entertained by mom she would cry non-stop.

I would say, bring some toys in the kitchen while you are doing dishes and have him play on the floor. At this age things like shape sorters, dishes/blocks are good, anything where they can put things into another and take them out again. My kids LOVED puzzles, wooden ones, at this age. A crayon and some blank paper is good too. My kids also like the interactive books, the ones with the buttons you pushed on the side and they made noises.

I would also encourage the girls to play games with him, candy land, etc. He may not grasp the exact rules but that doesn't matter, he is learning to play with other kids.

 

[mickeyboat]

You are not the only one. My DD, Hannah was like that. She never learned to crawl, and didn't walk until she was 13 months old. She would scream bloody murder every time I left the room. My second child came along before Hannah turned 1, and I was working full time, so it was exhausting.

I'm not sure what finally encouraged her to play independently. We did not encourage tv, either, but she did enjoy a Barney video every once in a while. I think having her sister get a little older, and a little more fun to play with helped. She always enjoyed books and magazines, and would carry them around the house with her all the time. She had one favorite catalogue that we had to tape back together several times. She also enjoyed coloring and play dough - and with proper supervision, I think play dough would be fine for your little one.

Here is another suggestion my MIL always did for my girls. She had a cabinet and a low drawer in her kitchen that contained child-safe toys, tupperware, baking pans and utensils. The kids had free reign of those places, and spent hours entertained there while she worked in the kitchen.

Good luck. I really think it will get better.

Denae

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What I found most helpful is too include the toddler in your chore activities. Yes it may take longer and more mess but laundry, dishes, etc...have to get done.
Also try and cut yourself a break. As long as you have clean clean clothes, food to eat, and paper plates you will be good.
Try and figure solutions where you can cut corners.

Too many toys to pick up? Time to box some up and rotate.
Too many dishes? Paper plates.
Laundry? Try and get the bulk done or stay on top all the time. Bring him with you to help if you have to.

Oh and I had 2 girls that never set still so consider yourself lucky. Now they are 15 & 10....It was easier when they were small to keep up.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I am at a lose. My ds is 16 months old and I can't find anything to keep him busy. The only thing that keeps him occupied is when I carry him around on my hip and when he is sleeping. He doesn't watch tv (at this point, something I am highly encouraging), won't play by himself and when I play with him, he may or may not play, just crawl into my lap .

I have 2 other (older) kids (girls-nothing like boys) and they were happy to play, and watch tv so I could get stuff done in the house). I am finding the house is a mess because I can't even leave the room to do the dishes or laundry.

I guess my question is 2 fold. What toys or games would you suggest? Is it too young for say, playdough? And is there something I can do to make him not so clingy and dependant? He screams when I leave the room, tears and all. My husband is in the Navy and away alot and I am nearing the end of my rope

I would also love to hear and stories of any toddlers who were like this. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one going through this. People tend to look back with rose coloured glasses sometimes.

Thanks

This is a phase all four of my kids went through and it's tough. While you do want to encourage independent play, pushing him away too much will give you the opposite reaction- a clingier child. Work with him here and there in short spurts.

Give him a sense of hope that he will have you all to himself soon. Maybe set a timer for 3 minutes and tell him when the timer rings, you will play with him/hold him. Gradually increase the length as he gets the hang of it.

Sixteen months is a tough age because so many kids still put everything in their mouths. I know we occupied my 18 month old son on a long road trip with a plastic cup, lid and straw. He was thrilled to be putting the straw in and out of that cup.

I've also emptied out a large oatmeal tub (the round one), cut a hole in the lid and let him put his Little People or whatever into the hole one by one.


Busy work is the key. Pots and pans with a wooden spoon- noisy, but fun.

A see through container with beans in it to shake.

It's great to want to have him play independently, just don't push too hard because many kids go through this phase and get out of it just fine. all of my kids played well independently, but did go through this phase for a few months. Good Luck!

 

[alldiz]

if u get to your wits end....

try baby einstein dvd's.....

the only thing my daughter would watch....

it plays classical music to colors and constantly
changing shapes and educational stuff...

 

[noodleknitter]

Constantly changing imagery is one of the worst things you can show a baby. Love the classical music, though. There is no group that says that TV/Videos hold any place in the lives of the under 2 crowd. Good for you, OP, for fighting the TV urge!

Love Tinijacaros ideas, though! On target developmentally, and should help!

 

[mrsv98]

What about a Moms and Tots group? It might encourage him to play with other kids, though at this age it is more parallel play, but still, having the other kids could stmulate his interest in play.

I also agree with having things in the kitchen for him to play with. All of my cakes come out with dents in them because DD's favorite activity was to bang on my cake pans with wooden spoons when I was in the kitchen. Noisy but effective!

Also I would suggest books on tape. DD loved the sound of Jim Dale's voice on the Harry Potter cds. She didn't understand the story of course, but his voice was very interesting and calmed her down.

Good luck, toddlerhood is enough to drive you to drink!

 

[ahutton]

You might try having little play things in the rooms you need to work in that he can have fun with. My DS is interested in totally different things than my girls ever were, to a surprising degree. For the kitchen, someone suggested a safe cabinet - we had one of those. It had all sizes of tupperware and assorted other plastic things that were safe, like rubber spatulas. He loved to take everything out and then climb in there. We even added a couple of his regular toys to discover as he played. It made after dinner much less stressful.

You might also try games like peek a boo while you are doing a chore - like folding laundry. Just know that he will grab things that are folded he can reach - so give him the unfolded pile!

You are not alone - you might also check on the New Moms thread - there are lots of not first time moms there, we started chatting when most of us were pregnant and now those babies are about to turn 2! Lots of really nice ladies, and one who will TOTALLY know where you are coming from as her DH was in Iraq for most of her pregnancy and first year with I think their 3rd child... Overwhelmed and Overtired.

 

[Colorado Mom]

Some things I have done ......
When I needed to cook or do the dishes or whetever in the kitchen, I'd plop them in the highchair and give them something to do. I am still there, tallking to them but it frees up my arms.
We do gymnastics one day and library story time another day. It's a way to get them moving (and worn out ) teaching them new skills and how to seeing how other kids act. This has really helped the little one that I have right now. With 4 older brothers, she needed to see how other little kids act and respond to each other.
I collect odd things to hold their interest. I have a box of wiffle balls, old jar lids in lots of sizes, tp tubes, etc. Sometimes just something new and different is just right.
I also have very few toys out. I think a few out holds their interest better then too many to choose from, we have 2-3 in each room and trade them out if they get boring.

Oh, something we did was play fetch. She'd be at the top of the stairs, I'd toss the ball to her and she'd roll it down the stairs to me. At some point I'd toss it farther and she'd need to go get it. I'd make sure I was always just where I was before, I wasn't leaving and tricking her. But at some point she got that it's ok to be apart and would toddle off to play with whatever she found while getting the ball.

Good luck!

 

[KristiKelly]

I have a 16 mo old also. She does pretty well - now. My DD loves songs & dancing so I play a Wiggles DVD for her, she loves it. She doesn't just sit in front of it but certain songs will catch her attention and she will do the motions to them & dance. Also, I'm sure you don't want it in your house BUT all kids love big, empty boxes to crawl into.

While you're doing the dishes, give him a big bowl to put things in & out of or a pot to bang on. DD has 2 drawers in our kitchen that she can take things out of and play with, she will occassionally put them back in the drawer too (but not as often as I would like).

DD also loves playing in her big brother & sister's room. If your DS does, maybe you could take him in there while you fold a load of laundry on the bed in that room.

DD also loves her little ball tent, we've had it for years. I bet you could get one not too expensive. We do end up with balls being all over the house, yes adding to the mess, but our oldest likes to throw them back into the tent from across the room - entertainment for all and DS doesn't even feel like he's helping to clean .

I don't know what type of chores your older ones have or their ages (they may not be old enough for chores). But, DD6 wipes down the kids bath counter tops a couple of times a week with the disposable cleaning wipes (doesn't do the greatest job but does "do" until I do the major clean once a week, and makes her feel important). I also fold the older kids clothes but make them put them away. This saves me a little time as well.

Also, could your 2 older ones watch DS in a baby-proofed area of the house while you get a few things done? Our older kids are DD6 & DS9 so they are able to help quite a bit keeping DD 16 mo. occupied.

As far as play doh, I'm not sure my DD would play with it but would rather eat it. We've also tried her with crayons, it's a good thing they're non toxic .

All kids are different but in our case, DS (our 1st) was the easiest and most content of all three. #2 & #3, both girls, seemed to be PMS'ing from birth .

Good luck and hopefully it's just a phase.

 

[MushyMushy]

Whatever you get, make it simple and cheap. Like different sized boxes, or plastic cups for him to stack. Pots and pans are always good. Those were the things that kept my kids most occupied.

 

[Beca]

My dd didn't watch much tv, but she LOVED the Spot videos. They are weird...simple, but VERY engaging at that age. You might give them a try.

 

[Bea]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions . I did go out today and buy crayons. That worked for about 4 minutes, but that was 4 minutes where he wasn't tugging at my leg. I have actually had to retire my sweatpants as he tugs so much, he pulls them down

I can usually look past these phases (the older girls grew so quickly), but this one is a tough one. I think this is god's way of telling me that 3 is enough (I think he tried to tell me after 2, but evidently I am not a good listener )

Thanks again

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Also wanted to add lots of exercise! Parks, Malls, walks, backyard "chores", etc....
I would go to the zoo, park, etc., chase down the kid and ride the train, picnic lunch and go home.
Can be vital to keeping the "cabin fever endless chore list" away and getting exercise.

I did join a "playgroup" and we went out once a week. Saved my life, since my oldest was VERY active.

 

[mla2177]

I know what you are going through..................my son is not clingy, but everytime I leave the room, he climbs, breaks or gets into trouble in some way! There isn't much that keeps him very interested for a long time! I don't get a whole lot of breaks either, as my husband is a state trooper and works a lot of overtime to make up for my income loss to stay at home w/our son. I feel like I can't get anything done either! I sware it's a boy thing!!!!!!