Please give me your parenting opinions. It's a long post but I really want to know what others would do.
DS 9yo 4th grader called me in tears from the principal's office earlier today. She had him tell me about an incident that occurred while he was playing soccer at recess today, 3rd graders vs. 4th graders. He said he was frustrated that the 3rd graders weren't playing fairly (ie. not playing by the rules, doing baseball-style slides into kids to trip them). A 3rd grader "slide tackled" DS, DS fell, then another 3rd grader ran over him. DS hit the 3rd grader who ran over him. I told DS that he knew he is not suppose to hit, and I suggested that he should find another recess activity.
DS gave the phone back to the principal who told me that DS had been frustrated during PE class 2 weeks ago, and had hit a classmate. This was the first I had heard of this incident. The principal said the PE teacher had told the principal of the incident but the principal chose not to do anything other than monitor DS' behavior.
The principal then asks me how I handled the internet incident. What internet incident I asked? She then tells me that last week, DS and 4 classmates were caught looking at an inappropriate website on the internet at school. She said the boys were sent to her office and instructed to tell their parents. She says they were looking at stupidguys.com, which has a link to a s** site. (I looked at the site but couldn't find such link). DS had told me that he and his friends had typed words, such as their names, into the computer to see what would come up but he didn't mention that he had gotten in trouble. The principal asked DS today before she called me what our reaction was to the internet incident. DS told her that he was grounded for 2 weeks. So, now the principal is concerned about DS hitting and lying.
She told DS that if he misbehaves again, he is off the math team (he is the school's math star- he is currently studying high school geometry and trigonometry), and if he misbehaves after that, he'll be suspended from school (btw, this is a private school).
DS' only history of misbehaving at school is hitting a classmate when he was in 3 year olds in preschool. We have never heard anything from the school since 3s about any misbehavior. DS is very competitive and a perfectionist.
DH and I are very unhappy that DS has lied to the principal (telling her he had been punished when he didn't even tell us about the incident). We want to make clear to him that lying will not be tolerated (and omitting to tell us something is lying). From time to time, DS lies to us. A typical lie involves playing video games when he's been told not to, and then claiming he wasn't playing. We want to get across to him that lying is completely unacceptable.
Hitting also will not be tolerated, and is not acceptable to us even if the other guy hit first. We also want to help him understand that when he's frustrated, he needs to be able to handle his frustration in a better way than hitting.
I think DS will be traumatized that he had to go to the principal's office and call us. I am upset with the principal that she threatened him with suspension for behavior that began 2 weeks ago (in the 8 years, we've been at this school, only 1 child has been suspended for behavior and it wasn't a first offense) and we didn't know about it. DS is likely to become even more upset and frustrated if he feels he is "walking on eggshells" at school.
When he comes home from school this afternoon, DH is coming home from work so we can talk to DS together. I have cleared DS' room of all of his possessions except for his furniture, bedding, and clothes. He will have no possessions until DH and I see that he is behaving appropriately. He will not be allowed to do anything when he is home except homework and reading. We will let him continue playing on his soccer team because he has a commitment to the team. I am thinking that no friends will be allowed over until December (his birthday). Is this enough? Too much?
What would you do if this was your child?
Also, how do you teach a child to handle frustration appropriately? Any suggestions?
If you have stuck with my post to the end, thanks for reading. I welcome your opinions!
DS 9yo 4th grader called me in tears from the principal's office earlier today. She had him tell me about an incident that occurred while he was playing soccer at recess today, 3rd graders vs. 4th graders. He said he was frustrated that the 3rd graders weren't playing fairly (ie. not playing by the rules, doing baseball-style slides into kids to trip them). A 3rd grader "slide tackled" DS, DS fell, then another 3rd grader ran over him. DS hit the 3rd grader who ran over him. I told DS that he knew he is not suppose to hit, and I suggested that he should find another recess activity.
DS gave the phone back to the principal who told me that DS had been frustrated during PE class 2 weeks ago, and had hit a classmate. This was the first I had heard of this incident. The principal said the PE teacher had told the principal of the incident but the principal chose not to do anything other than monitor DS' behavior.
The principal then asks me how I handled the internet incident. What internet incident I asked? She then tells me that last week, DS and 4 classmates were caught looking at an inappropriate website on the internet at school. She said the boys were sent to her office and instructed to tell their parents. She says they were looking at stupidguys.com, which has a link to a s** site. (I looked at the site but couldn't find such link). DS had told me that he and his friends had typed words, such as their names, into the computer to see what would come up but he didn't mention that he had gotten in trouble. The principal asked DS today before she called me what our reaction was to the internet incident. DS told her that he was grounded for 2 weeks. So, now the principal is concerned about DS hitting and lying.
She told DS that if he misbehaves again, he is off the math team (he is the school's math star- he is currently studying high school geometry and trigonometry), and if he misbehaves after that, he'll be suspended from school (btw, this is a private school).
DS' only history of misbehaving at school is hitting a classmate when he was in 3 year olds in preschool. We have never heard anything from the school since 3s about any misbehavior. DS is very competitive and a perfectionist.
DH and I are very unhappy that DS has lied to the principal (telling her he had been punished when he didn't even tell us about the incident). We want to make clear to him that lying will not be tolerated (and omitting to tell us something is lying). From time to time, DS lies to us. A typical lie involves playing video games when he's been told not to, and then claiming he wasn't playing. We want to get across to him that lying is completely unacceptable.
Hitting also will not be tolerated, and is not acceptable to us even if the other guy hit first. We also want to help him understand that when he's frustrated, he needs to be able to handle his frustration in a better way than hitting.
I think DS will be traumatized that he had to go to the principal's office and call us. I am upset with the principal that she threatened him with suspension for behavior that began 2 weeks ago (in the 8 years, we've been at this school, only 1 child has been suspended for behavior and it wasn't a first offense) and we didn't know about it. DS is likely to become even more upset and frustrated if he feels he is "walking on eggshells" at school.
When he comes home from school this afternoon, DH is coming home from work so we can talk to DS together. I have cleared DS' room of all of his possessions except for his furniture, bedding, and clothes. He will have no possessions until DH and I see that he is behaving appropriately. He will not be allowed to do anything when he is home except homework and reading. We will let him continue playing on his soccer team because he has a commitment to the team. I am thinking that no friends will be allowed over until December (his birthday). Is this enough? Too much?
What would you do if this was your child?
Also, how do you teach a child to handle frustration appropriately? Any suggestions?
If you have stuck with my post to the end, thanks for reading. I welcome your opinions!
Excuse me, but I can't even begin to do that at work and I'm an adult. HOW ARE THESE KIDS ACCESSING THIS AT SCHOOL?? 
Not that this is the school's fault, your son should know better but kids are extremely curious at that age. This just brings up an issue that I would address with the school.
