Need Other's Opinions--gift exchange at school

[luvsJack]

DD is in 5th grade at a small community grade school (K-8), there are 3 5th grade homerooms with around 20 kids in each class. Most of these kids have been at the same school since K and will graduate high school together.

Up until 4th grade, for the Christmas party the classes do some type of gift or book exchange so that everyone gets an equal gift. Beginning in 4th grade, for some reason the teachers decided they don't like these type of exchanges (maybe a teacher can explain this reasoning to me) so they said for everyone just to exchange gifts with their friends. Well, you can guess what happens. Some kids get several gifts, some get none.

Dd made me very proud by asking to buy a gift for a kid who would not have gotten anything (dd says he has no friends), but it really got me to thinking how unfair this is. If she had not bought something for this boy he would have sat and watched some of these kids open 4 or 5 gifts while he got nothing.

I am seriously thinking of talking to the school district administration about this situation for next year. I think the best thing to do would be to not exchange gifts at all. I know some of the kids would be upset, but it would make things better. No one getting left out and no one feeling like they have to buy gifts they can't afford. Would this be wrong?

 

[ilovejack02]

Oh heck no. I am not a teacher, a parent. I cant imagine this going on in my son's school .

Thank goodness our school finally decided this yr not to exchange gifts, but to give a donation to St. Jude's hospital .

BTW.. very proud of you DD !!! You are doing a great job!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I cannot stand gift exchanges. Thank goodness our schools do not allow anything like that. If you give your friends gifts it is the whole class or you do it outside of school.

 

[Bluestars]

I think that's terrible! That would be like telling them to bring Valentines for only their friends on Valentine's Day.

When my kids were little, they brought a gift in for a boy/girl exchange. When they got too old for that, they didn't exchange any gifts.

You should be very proud of your daughter. What a kind and thoughtful person she must be!

 

[agnes!]

I don't get why gifts are being exchanged at school at all. And in 5th Grade? Just whose bright idea was this anyway?

They should turn it around on whoever decided this was a good idea, and have a gift exchange for their group(if it's the teachers or the administration or whomever) and give gifts to EVERYBODY ELSE in the group but the rocket-scientist who decided this was a good idea. See how *they* like being excluded.

agnes!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I agree - that's awful! Gift exchanging with friends should be done outside of school. If the class is having a gift exchange, everyone who wants to participate should bring a gift. Same with Valentine's Day. Our school always sends out a note saying kids are welcome to pass out Valentines if they want to. But they must bring enough for every child in the class. I think this is a good rule and ensures no one feels left out. I would definitely bring this up for next year.

 

[shortbun]

My son's class has a secret santa. They draw names and give each other little $1 items all week long. There is no other gift exchange. Of course this year there was some contraversy over a kid who's Mom made all of his gifts-cookies, brownies and so forth. The kid who commented said they didn't look very good and might be poisoned!!! wth? Another child bought nothing for his secret pal so the teacher got the pal some stuff. Weird! I'm suggesting that next year each child bring his $5 and they make a donation to a food bank or toy collection.

 

[powellrj]

I think the whole gift giving has gotten out of control.

The idea is nice, but the execution isn't always flawless.

I don't think you would be out of line in saying something.

Lets face it, we don't know what next year will bring and there maybe families that even $5 could be a hardship for them.

 

[Cindy B]

My kids are all through elementary school (both in middle) and they never did gift exchanges with friends INSIDE the classroom.

Sure, my daughter would give gifts to others but it would be outside of the classroom.

When I get my own classroom, I wouldn't do that either. The whole gift exchange thing gets out of proportion quickly.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My son's class has a secret santa. They draw names and give each other little $1 items all week long. There is no other gift exchange. Of course this year there was some contraversy over a kid who's Mom made all of his gifts-cookies, brownies and so forth. The kid who commented said they didn't look very good and might be poisoned!!! wth? Another child bought nothing for his secret pal so the teacher got the pal some stuff. Weird! I'm suggesting that next year each child bring his $5 and they make a donation to a food bank or toy collection.

Please don't request money from parents. Some families have it hard enough. That $5 could be their last for the week. I know that is hard to think about but especially now times are hard for a lot of people. It is not weird that one kid didn't bring anything. Maybe the parent simply cannot buy for every random person. Maybe that child felt embarrassed enough by not bringing a gift. Maybe the one with the homemade gifts was all the parent could afford. You never know what is going on at home. I am not flaming, but sometimes things aren't always as they seem.

 

[luvsJack]

I am glad to see that so many schools don't exchange gifts, so that's what I think my suggestion will be: no gift exchange and let the kids do a toy drive or something. I was afraid that only me and dd were seeing the bad side of this.


Just a note: Dd's best friend gave her something of her own because her family couldn't afford to buy anything, the gift meant a lot to dd and her friend went to a lot of trouble to make sure it was something that dd would really love . She even found a picture of the Jonas Brothers to wrap it in, took dd 20 minutes to unwrap it trying not to tear the picture! Her friend also found something she could give the boy with no friends. Their little gift exchange made me realize how much we have all gotten away from what giving gifts is really supposed to be about. Those two showed some true Christmas spirit this year. Had to brag a bit.

 

[tzolkin]

This is the first I've ever heard of exchanging gifts at school (either a whole class, secret santa, or with friends). My daughter is in 5th grade and they have never done anything. If you want to do "gifts" you send in some goodies (food, erasers, stickers, homemade crafts) that your child can pass out to everyone during a party. (Even for this there has never been an official request and usually only two or three kids bring extra things in.) I don't even think most of the kids give gifts to the teachers (and s/he opens them quitely when the child brings one in, not in front of the whole class).

Maybe in high school kids exchange gifts, but most teenagers see their friends outside of school regularly enough to exchange gifts then. I certainly never would have brought a gift for a friend and given it to her at school for others to watch her open.

 

[JESW]

Just wanted to share what a lot of the teachers do at my dd's (4th grade) elementary school.

For their Winter Party (hers is tomorrow if we don't have a snow day) they do what is called Party in a Box. Every student brings in a decorated shoe box and inside you put something salty, something sweet, a juice box and a wrapped gift that can be for a boy or a girl. (The limit says $3 but we usually go a little higher - I bought a 20 Questions game at WM for $8 since I was tired of trying to find something inexpensive and non-gender specific). The boxes get distributed in the class and then EVERYONE has their own party, complete with a gift! Every year the kids have really enjoyed it.

There are also many families in the classes who have volunteered to make an extra box or two if there were families who found it difficult to participate as they don't want to make it a hardship for anyone.)

I have also told dd to be happy with whatever gift she gets - sometimes it's the least expensive thing (like a super ball) that the kids like the most.

Dd has two bff's that she wanted to exchange gifts with and she will, but not at school since I know that will cause hurt feelings among other kids. The other two Mom's & I will pick a time over break to do that - maybe go to lunch with the girls too.

Jill

 

[MM27]

I get my students each a gift (from me) and that is as far as the gift giving goes in my classroom. Every now and then a child will bring in something small for one of their classmates, but it's nothing that is planned ahead of time.

I know of one teacher in my school that does a gift exchange. She has all the girls bring in a "girl gift" and all the boys bring in a "boy gift" for under $5 and they are distributed on the party day. If a child doesn't bring something, they don't get to pick (I have a bit of a problem with that part, which is why I wouldn't do it in my own classroom) I teach in an area where many kids don't have a lot, so a $5 gift could be a major strain on their family.

 

[agnes!]

I get my students each a gift (from me) and that is as far as the gift giving goes in my classroom. Every now and then a child will bring in something small for one of their classmates, but it's nothing that is planned ahead of time.

I know of one teacher in my school that does a gift exchange. She has all the girls bring in a "girl gift" and all the boys bring in a "boy gift" for under $5 and they are distributed on the party day. If a child doesn't bring something, they don't get to pick (I have a bit of a problem with that part, which is why I wouldn't do it in my own classroom) I teach in an area where many kids don't have a lot, so a $5 gift could be a major strain on their family.

Personally, I think that sucks big time. I understand that teachers & school volunteers get tired of those who don't contribute to parties, etc., but how would this teacher like it if EVERY other teacher at her school got a gift and SHE didn't? Hmmmmm?....

agnes!

 

[Tink888]

I agree that no gift exchange should take place at the school.

Kids shouldn't be required to bring in a gift (it's really putting the responsibilty on the parents and could be a hardship for any number of reasons - and then the child is held accountable for the decision of the parent).

No child should be made to feel hurt or excluded over a gift at school. School is for getting an education - why allow a child to be hurt unneccessarily?