Need Opinions!

[mermaidbride1108]

Ok so here's the issue

First some background - I have two weddings on the same day, I plan to somehow attend both, either ceremony only and then the second reception only, but somehow. One is my cousin (groom) other is close friends of Fiance & me (DF in wedding party as a groomsmen - this groom is part of our little click of friends & I've always been friends with the bride since they started dating)

A little more - DF, me and the bride & groom, joked about my fiance didnt realize who buys off the registry and that usually its for the shower beforehand. The groom said, Jackie will get info about registry with shower invite, cause shes the girl.

Now being that their weddings are the same day, I expected Showers/bachlerette invites same time in the mail. Cousin's shower invite came, attended, thak you note recieved - ok

No invite came from friends shower or anything (she did invite me to the bachlorette party) I said to DF that I thought I would be invited and so would my Best friend being that both our boys are in the wedding as groomsmen.

Turns out we (Best friend & I) were over looked, never recieved invites. I got a call this morning at 9am at work from my fiance panicked because his friend(groom) asked if I was going this weekend. I reminded my fiance that I thought he should have mentioned something weeks ago to the groom if I was still invited.

Turns out they need an answer that second if I can make it for this weekend.

well I say no because I have a huge job interview next week and I need to prepare a presentation for it, and I have other plans, so does my best friend. Well Fiance says hes going in my place! He feels that I should make every attempt to go because hes a groomsmen and I'm his fiance and I'm getting married soon too, he says that at least buy a gift and drop it off and make an appearance. He feels the bride & groom got the bad end of this because her family is a little (his words, not mine) Even though i didn't recieve any notice or any word that the hosts of the party are inviting me, the groom wanted me & my best friend there originally (long term gf of his other groomsmen and also his friend)

To be honest, I don't feel like I should bend over backwards because not one person who is throwing the party has yet to call me or my best friend and ask us to come. No apologies, they just left all off the grooms' female friends because they just did. I dont even know where she is registered!

My opinion is that I'll send a cute gift afterwards (since I dont know where she is registered) and tell her I couldnt make it due to short notice.

Am I wrong in this? I understand things happen - but I know my mother and MOH would call the person, apologize for short notice but express how they hoped they could make it. I feel like its a little rude to give no notice and no phone call.

What do you guys think?

 

[princessdisneybelle]

I would say it sounds like a oversite on the people throwing the shower and not the bride. I agree because you were not invited you are not obliged to go. But I think if there was anyway possible you should try. It sounds like the bride may have said something to the groom and she really wants you both there. It's a hard place to be in. Hope you get it worked out. GL

 

[lurkyloo]

Ooh! Ooh! I love to give opinions....except Princess Disney Belle said exactly what I was going to say. It would be a shame to hurt your friends' feelings because the people in charge of the shower screwed up. Maybe you could put in an appearance, as your DF suggested, and then do your idea of sending a cute gift later. You can't be expected to have a gift on such short notice! Or you could bring cupcakes or flowers or something cheap and easy. Maybe...?

 

[Maggimus]

Mermaid im probobly going to offer a different opinion than others. I feel as though invites are very very personal and important. I normally do no go to such events unless I receive a personal invite (by either word of mouth or paper). Im very finicky about things like that. DH doesnt understand but we have had family situations where there have been events in the family and no one has ever called to tell DH or I about them. Ppl ask us why we didnt attend (even if we heard about it through common conversation from another family member/friend invited)-- and its simple- because we never got a phone call or invite (if someone truly wanted you there they will make sure you know about the event). Its not hard to pick up the phone or drop a 40 cent letter in the mail. I do understand that this person might have a lot on their mind, etc, and may have forgotten. But unfortunately it does hurt feelings when you feel as though your the 'last to know'. Especially in a shower situation (where you are giving gifts)-- you were like the "oops we forgot, but we still really want you to come and bring a gift" type thing. I might seem negative but ive been burned in the invite department before.. so-- haha-- i suppose I should stop now Just my .02.

I would send a gift, but maybe make sure that they knew that you were unaware of the shower until very late notice but wanted to make sure they received their gift.

 

[pooh98378]

Just thought I'd let you know that you can go onto http://www.theknot.com to see where they are registered (if they are registered at major stores). When you go to the website, you can scroll down and on the right, there is a box that says "Find a couple's gift registry." You can put their name in the search box and it searches a lot of the major stores (Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, etc.).

I really don't have that much advice -- I just hope everything works out ok!