Need opinions from parents of teens

[chicksrock]

well if u know the parents that are hosting the party and u talk to ur daughter and her boyfriend and if u can trust them completley and they sleep away from each other with COMLETE supervision then i would say yes and make sure u call her like during the sleepover to make sure everything is ok then i would say yes but just tell her this is her only chance to prove to u that she is mature enough

 

[VSL]

Maybe it's the different culture thing (legal drinking age = 18yrs old here - legal sexual consent age = 16yrs old), but I've been having mixed sleepovers, going to mixed sleepovers and camping out (in various woods and parks) with boys and girls since I was about 12yrs old (I'm female, BTW - and I'm 21yrs old now and haven't had any sleepovers apart from my BF staying over since I was about 16!). The only time that I know of where anyone did anything was when we were staying over at someone's house while his mother was on holiday (and it was only 1 or 2 couples, and it was the 'usual suspects' anyway who had been sexually active long before that point, so it was really no surprise - althought I should add that there were more people there who were sexually active but not having sex in the house). There was alcohol (but not huge amounts - and I don't drink) and drugs (very much limited to cocaine, ecstasy and LCD's - I've never taken drugs anyway), but the people who were using/taking were the ones who used/took anyway and had been for some time before this.

Somehow, I managed to go to all these sleepovers/parties and not drink* or take drugs or have sex. I didn't do any of these things because I didn't want to. If I had wanted to, I could have just as easily have done it outside these places.

Not just that, but my mother was well aware that this stuff went on but she trusted me because she knew that I wouldn't do it (of course, I know that she would have had she been my age, but I'm the polar opposite of my mother!).

If they're going to drink/have sex/take drugs, not being allowed to spend the night away from home isn't going to stop them.

*I did go clubbing and get drunk between the ages of 16 and 18, but that is very much the norm here, and I have not drunk or been drunk since... ironically.

 

[becjlek]

Our prom is the same week end. After the prom ends and 12:00 the after prom starts at 12:30 and lasts until 4am. The sr. parents are in charge. Our prom is held at the community building next to the high school. The jrs. do all the decorating and the jr. parents do the cooking and serving. The jr. dads dress up to fit the theme and do the valet parking. Tickets this year have gone up to $8.00. After prom is at the high school. This year's theme for after prom is a night at the races. We have different kinds of races, simulators, lots of food and prizes. Each sr. will get a big prize and then there are lots of smaller prizes. We do a fund raiser in Jan. where we clear $7,000.00 to spend. We get the food donated and a lot of prized are donated too plus we have the money to spend on prizes. The kids have a lot of fun. I am looking forward to working the after prom party this year and I have learned a lot by helping plan it.
A coed sleep over would be out of the question.

 

[DaisyD]

They have been popular here for years. It started when there were lots of kids getting hotel rooms for after the prom parties. Heck, that's what we did! Parents started suggesting co ed sleep overs so that these parties could be supervised. There is usuall little sleep at these parties as most kids are dancing and extending their proms to a parents house. I let my kids go and no one came home pregnant 9 months later! LOL! If I can't trust them there then I just can't trust them anywhere. There isn't anything they can do there as opposed to their cars any other day of the week.

 

[Just2554]

Wouldn't you rather your daughter be at a friend's house, supervised, than in a hotel room partying somewhere?

I did the co-ed sleepover after Junior Prom, the Senior Christmas Semi-Formal, and the Senior Prom. My parents had no problem with it whatsoever. It was at my house once, and then two friend's houses the other two times. Some of us were couples, some of us were friends; we all just hung out and had fun. I never remember any sex or drinking...we ate pizza, watched movies, talked, etc. After the Senior Prom, we even had a campfire in my friend's backyard (she lives in the country, so it didn't matter).

The way I see it, you've gotta let your kids spread their wings a little. They're going to be going off to college soon; if you think they aren't sharing their dorm bed with someone of the opposite sex once in awhile, you're kidding yourself.

I know parents only try to do what's in their childs best interests, but thinking for them and forcing them to do things isn't teaching them a lesson. The more forbidden something is, the more appealing it is to a teenager.

 

[va32h]

I did the co-ed sleepover after Junior Prom, the Senior Christmas Semi-Formal, and the Senior Prom.

But...but...I thought this was a once-in-a-lifetime event!

 

[Just2554]

But...but...I thought this was a once-in-a-lifetime event!

Haha, now I never said that! I'd just call it a high school tradition (the dances that is).

 

[Wishing on a star]

A senior prom IS a once in a lifetime event.
This is the beginning of the Graduation festivities.

Now, if there are a few kids who happen to party all night long every single weekend, that is an entirely different issue.

 

[Jeafl]

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies.

I probably should have made it clear that my daughter is a junior, not a senior. It is one big junior/senior prom. She will be turning 17 on May 2, and the prom is May 6, so we have a little ways to go before she is off on her own at college.

 

[hentob]

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies.

She will be turning 17 on May 2

Frankly, I WOULD say yes. I would allow her to go. From what you have typed about her, she seems trustworthy and she is going to be turning 17. When I was 17, I was in college in a co-ed dorm.

Sorry folks, if they are going to engage in sexual activity, they would have done so by now. I don't think that they need the prom and a chaperoned party for an excuse to have sex.

Let the poor girl go. Show her how much you trust her. I think the party sounds like fun!

 

[skuttle]

The first prom I attended was my now DH's prom. He was a senior and I was a soph. We had been dating about 2 months or so. That was in 1994. The big thing back then was for a bunch of kids to get hotel rooms and then party all night. I was allowed to go back to the hotel room until about 1 or 2am, I think. For my prom, in 1996, we also had a couple of hotel rooms with a bunch of people and I was allowed to stay out all night.

 

[ozarkmom]

When did an end of the year dance turn into a 48 hour party extravanganza?

The whole prom thing has gotten completely out of control, IMO. Not just the all night parties, hotel rooms and sleepovers, but the limos, spa days, thousand dollar gowns and expensive restaurants.

I gotta say - at my prom, we went to the dance, had a great time, and came home. It seemed much more "magical" to kiss my date goodnight at the door, when we were still dressed up and starry-eyed than my friends, who said goodbye to their dates the next morning, bleary-eyed, hungover, and in their rumpled, slept-in tuxedos.

If you aren't comfortable with the coed sleepover, by all means say no. I certainly would. Teenagers aren't going to be ruined for life if they can't have a sleepover on prom night. It might seem like the end of the world at the time, but they have their whole lives to have all-night fun with their friends.

When they are adults.

Finally someone that I can relate to. I don't understand what has happened to prom either. Here we buy these gorgeous dresses, rent tuxes,flowers, nails, hair some of the kids do the limo thing oh yeah a month of tanning, and then no one here even wants to stay at the prom. I think we've spoiled kids so much that now nothing is special anymore. When my oldest son was making plans for prom they were discussing where they were going to eat. Hey they had all kind of catered food at the PROM! Then where are we going after the prom? How about home . The parents and teachers that chaperone said it's ashame how many kids show up have their picture made then leave. I just don't get it!

 

[Planogirl]

I would let my child go if I felt that the event would be well chaperoned and also that my child was responsible and trustworthy. They will be going away one day and I think that kids needs a chance to exercise their wings occasionally.

 

[damo]

I agree with Planogirl. You know your child best and she sounds responsible and trustworthy. If you are not worried about her "activities" normally, I don't think this night should be any different.