Need Husband Help Advice PLEASE!

[ncmomof2]

My only advise is that your 6 year old should be cleaning up the toys before she goes to bed. That is a hard rule in our house! And she can help with the house work some too. Dusting, sorting laundry and putting hers away, baseboards...

 

[MnMomW3Boys]

Tired of seeing a lot of dished in the sink, minimize the number of dishes you have so they have to washed before you can use them again. We each have one plate and a bowl I run the dishwasher at night, but during the day we wash between meals, there is never more then a spoon or fork in the sink.

Laundry - well no one is allowed to do laundry in the house except me, I am a bit OCD on laundry

Picking up - as another posted said have your DD help out she is old enough to pick up after herself and her baby sister. Start an incentive program for her let her earn some spending money.

I would also look into a maid service maybe one time every 2 weeks to do the deep cleaning, mopping, scrubbing the tubs etc. You many be surprised at the actual cost. And if you can spend more time with your husband it would make it worth it in my opinion.
Your schedule sounds so hectic, I hope you can find something that works for your family.

 

[crisi]

I know the point you're trying to make is that men and women think differently. And I'll agree somewhat about that.

But trying to make the point that men and women think about housework differently is not a valid one.

You said that women think housework is no big deal, just hop up and do it while men think housework is a continuation of work.

Newsflash for you, hon. Women think housework is a continuation of work. We *don't* think it's no big deal, just hop up and do it. We don't want to do it anymore than men do.

If it were no big deal, why are the ladies on this thread complaining about having to do it while their husbands don't?

I'm a horrible housekeeper. Nothing about it comes naturally. I'm just as likely - perhaps more likely - to leave dishes stacked in the sink as my husband. My mother is an enabler when it comes to housework - always has been and still is - I'm 42 and she is over one day a week to clean my house and do my laundry (I do pay her - well, actually I pay my sister for the upkeep of my other sister - who is a recovering alcoholic with health issues and lives with my sister - my mother, believing the burden of my sister should not be mine, cleans my house in exchange. But I suspect she'd clean it anyway and this is her way to justify it). My husband's mother was a single mom - he keeps on top of laundry better than I do (but doesn't know how to iron and doesn't put away clothes). He doesn't clean bathrooms or mop floors, but is better at picking up - because his mother trained him to do so - mine spent her life picking up after me and my sisters.

My husband can't clean to my mother's standards - left to himself its a maintenance task of making sure there are clean dishes and clean underwear - dusting or cleaning bathroom or taking out a mop or a vaccuum cleaner doesn't occur to him until things are really gross.

 

[disneymomof2boyz]

My only advise is that your 6 year old should be cleaning up the toys before she goes to bed. That is a hard rule in our house! And she can help with the house work some too. Dusting, sorting laundry and putting hers away, baseboards...

Completely agree!! My boys are 3 and 4 and I DO NOT bend down to pick up 1 toy of theirs anywhere in the house. They both tidy up their bedroom each night and they help with other basics around the house. I am a SAHM and so the majority of the housework is mine simply because I feel that since I don't work outside the home then I should do my part inside the home. My DH is not really great about housework, but has progressively gotten better. I also agree that delegating is the way to go, and be VERY specific! My husband usually takes out the trash every night, unloads the dishwasher(I hate this task), picks up his clothes and stuff spread around the house and bathes the kids most nights of the week. I'm pretty satisfied with this, but I have to remind you...he does not do all this spontaneously, I probably have to ask 75% of the time.

 

[DisneyBrat]

I am desperate! Let me give a bit of a background. My DH and I both work nights, but on opposite days. We rarely see each other and when we do, it would be nice if we could spend quality time together as a family. Our 2 DD (6 and 17 mos ) love when we have a rare day off together. Our work schedules do allow us to have one of us always at home w/ our kids, available for soccer, Daisies, no daycare, etc. It's a sacrifice we make that we feel will truly pay off in the long run.

Lately, we've been having housecleaning issues, though. On his days off, I expect him to do the dishes and keep the house tidied up (and he knows this). He takes garbage out, changes the cat litter, and that's about it. He's not very "handyman-ish", so we don't even go there! He does work 12 hour shifts with a 45 minute commute each way in a high-risk profession (cop), but he truly enjoys being at work. He has a lot of sleep problems (sleeping 1-2 hrs at a time, then waking up for about an hour...it really takes a toll).

I work about 30-36 hours a week in a low-stress job, with only a 15 minute commute , and get good sleep, so I take on a bit more of the housework (don't we all?). Dishes on my days off, grocery/Target/Sams shopping, vacuum, floors, bathrooms, laundry , general cleaning.

We frequently argue about housework and him not doing his fair share - even not keeping up with the dishes. I hate waking up after working all night and seeing the kitchen a mess and the living room cluttered w/ toys, etc. After we argue, things get better for about a week and then he goes back to his same old, lazy ways. (Does this sound familiar to anyone?)

We have so many things that I would like to get caught up on around the house - redoing our front planter, painting the trim around our doors, scrubbing baseboards, etc. However, I can't even catch up w/ regular housework to start doing the other stuff! I've been trying to come up with creative ways to get him involved and make sure he does what I need him to do without sounding like I'm a nagging wife. Lists? Incentives? Ultimatums? I hate sounding like I'm his mother!

Does anyone have any ideas? Please help! I don't know what to do anymore! TIA!

Please don't think I am attacking you but truthfully in my opinion... I think you are expecting way to much from him with his work schedule. My son who is 21 works 12 hr shifts and I see how tired he is. He doesn't have children to take care of and somedays seems EXHAUSTED!!!! Your husband's job is very stressfull and that almost makes for an even longer day!
I use to feel the same way and I am a stay at home mom.. Then I stepped back and thought about the whole picture.... Your husband is working 60 plus hours a week not including all the driving time... You are working half that with much less of a commute...

Learn to accept some dirty dishes and a not so perfect house for the sake of happiness.... A happy marriage is far more important than one that is filled with arguing. I hope you can figure out a solution Plus men can't clean as well as women LOL

 

[sk!mom]

How many hours a week does your DH work? If it's a good deal more than you then maybe you should cut him some slack if he's taking care of childcare on his off days.

If the work outside the home is fairly equal, then what worked for us was to sit down as adults, discuss what needed to be done and then divide up who would do what. You then need to leave his jobs to him with no nagging. I've found that one flaw many women have is they want the men to pitch in but they then are very controlling about how and when jobs should be done. A lady I work with was just griping yesterday because her DH doesn't fold the towels "right"- WTH. If there's a "right" then do it yourself.

For the record, I've been married for 29 years and my DH is vacuuming right now while I'm on the computer. My job is the bathrooms which I'll start in a minute.

If the above doesn't work, then let your DH know that you are going to hire someone to come in every other week to do the deep cleaning as you have enough to do keeping up with the daily stuff.

Good luck-

 

[stacy6552]

First of all, remember that he is a good man who loves you and wants to make you happy. Have you simply asked him for what you want or told him what would make you happy? Simply and specifically in a way that offers him the chance to make you happy? Something along the lines of, "Gosh, I really want to do the planters and paint the trim, but I just can't get ahead of the housework."

There's a woman who used that tactic with the dishes "Gosh I'd really like to make a nice dinner, tonighgt but I just can't face the clean-up." Not only did jump at the chance to do the dishes that night, but he kept doing them and when she did do them one night he said, "Thanks for doing the dishes for me."