Need Help With 3 Year Old DD! When Should I Put My Dog Down? Today or Monday?

[robinb]

My dog Akiko, a Japanese Akita, is ancient. She is 14 years old and the oldest Akita that anyone in our vet's practice can remember. She is so old that her body is shutting down bit by bit. She's not really in pain, but she has problems with mobility: standing, walking, going up and down stairs, etc. At 85 pounds, she is too big to carry, let me tell you. Other bodily functions are gone too. She pees in the house at least once a day and sometimes poops in the house too. She also has a re-occuring bladder infection with blood in her urine that has to be treated with antibiotics indefinitely.

She used to be a proud dog and is now just holding on to life by her toenails. So, we decided to put her down since her quality of life has slipped so much. It's such a painful decision and not one that we came to lightly. She has been in this condition since September and I am shocked she made it through a Wisconsin winter.

We currently have an appointment at the vet's at 4pm today. My 3 year old DD will be in nursery school all day and we plan on telling her that Akiko died while she comes home It occurred to me this morning that today may not be the best day since my DD will be depressed being at home all weekend missing the dog. I was thinking that Monday would be better because she can go to school the next day and (maybe) think about something else other than the dog.

Am I just putting things off? Would it be better for her to be home for 2 days with her family in grief, or would it be better for her to go to school and get her mind off of it?

Arrgggg!!!!

 

[Rajah]

Are y'all going to be one of those families who wants to replace a lost furfamily member immediately? If so, you might go ahead and keep today's appointment and go looking for a new puppy this weekend.

If not, I'd wait.

Also -- would it be better to tell her and let her have a chance to say goodbye first?

 

[clutter]

A few months before we lost our beloved Lucy I started explaining to my 4 yo dd that she was getting old, and she was very sick and would be dying soon. The day I took her to the vet (I got this weird feeling at work and said... I gotta go home!), I picked up dd later and told her that I got home and Lucy was sick so I took her to the doctor and she died there. The thought of explaining euthenasia to a child that really didn't understand death was beyond me!

That said, I'd probably wait until Monday, unless it can't. At three the greiving process is just so different that a busier routine is probably better. JMHO.

 

[lisajl]

You know what your pet is going through better than we do.

You said Akiko is not in pain. I think it might be good to let your daughter spend some time with Akiko, no matter when you choose to have it done.

If she loves that doggy half as much as you do, she should have the chance to say goodbye.

{{{Hugs}}} I am sure you thought this through and no matter how right the decision is to put our pet to sleep, it is still difficult.

 

[MomE@Home]

I'm so sorry about your dog Akiko ! Have you thought about having your DD go with you to the Vet when you have Akiko put to sleep ? We had our children go with us when we had to have our doggie put to sleep due to cancer. Our youngest at that time was 2 1/2 years old. We all got to be with our dear doggie at the end with him so we could say goodbye and so he wasn't with a stranger when he died. We all sobbed for hours that day and are still sad about it(5 years later) but my children remember him and we still talk about him sometimes. Some people might think that exposing children to somthing like that is tramatic but in our situation we felt it was the best thing as he was a part of our family. We also don't believe in shielding our children from life. Only you know your child and how she might react . Best of luck in your decision.

 

[Duckfan]

If it were me I would tell your daughter before hand so she can say goodbye. I would go ahead with the plan to do it on Friday because that gives everyone time to be sad and to adjust before trying to deal with routines. It is a hard thing to adjust to and your daughter will need to adjust, I personally think being able to mope and cry at home with a parent is better than trying to deal with it at school. I know when our dog died when my dd was about 6, she took it hard and had trouble concentrating at school.

 

[robinb]

Thanks everyone for the great advise so far! I have a call into my DD's pediatrician for her advise too.

Rajah: We will not be replacing Akiko with another dog ... yet. I think we'll have some dog-free time ahead of us. Plus, my DH and I disagree on the breed of the next dog so we are at am impasse.

lisajl:I'm not sure about the "goodbye" part. She loves Akiko, but I don't want to (or even know how to) explain to her in advance that Akiko is going to die. I think that would be even harder for a 3 year old to handle.

MomE:I also can't imagine taking her to the appointment with us. I know it worked for your family but I just don't think it would work for us .

 

[Buckalew]

I'd do it today because she'll have the weekend to grieve. Of course, that is what I did with my 16yo dog in April so that was good from my experience. I think your DD will understand more than you know! It is never easy but it is the most humane thing for our beloved pets. {{{hugs}}} Robin.

 

[helenabear]

Robin, my parents were faced with a very similar situation when I was 5 years old. They decided to put Tarna to sleep while I was at dance practice with my sister. I was just told that she died... I am not sure I would have understood then what was going on if I was told. Several years later, I found out the truth (actually figured it out through conversations) and obviously it didn't bother me. I think it would have bugged me more to be told they were choosing to put the dog to sleep at 5 than it was to be told she just died. I think I would keep the appointment and then tell your DD that Akiko died while she was gone. Your DD might be different than I was, but I am sure since I loved Tarna so much (so much so I remember that day she died perfectly even today) that if my parents tried to explain the euthenasia aspect, I would have been more upset and probably would have thought my parents killed Tarna. Good luck and I am so sorry that your Akiko doing this poorly

 

[robinb]

Well, my pediatrician said to go ahead with it today and have a service for my DD and Akiko tomorrow. She also suggested a book called "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" by Erik Blegvad (Illustrator) and Judith Viorst (Author). I'll pick it up at the library today.

 

[nancy679]

My mother just told me the story of when they had to put our dog to sleep when I was 4 years old.

They told me that Nash was very tired and he was going to a place where he would feel better and not be so tired, where there were lots of other dogs for him to play with.

My mom said I didnt cry and that I was happy that he was playing with other dogs.

Just a thought of how you can explain it to her.

 

[grinningghost]

I'm in tears. This is so sad. I am such an animal lover and my heart is breaking for you. It must be so hard to make this decision. I wish you well and here's a {{{hug}}}.

 

[MaMudduck]

I'm so sorry to hear about your needing to put Akiko to sleep, it is very sad, but you are making the choice for the right reasons.
I used to be a Vet's assistant and I can assure you that it is not painful or stressful to your pet in any way.
Last summer, our 15 month old cat was poisoned and after a week of trying to save him we needed to put him down. DD was 7 and she knew he was really sick. On Sunday we had decided that on Monday morning we were going to take him to the vet to have him put to sleep, we were going to tell DD after (or in the morning just before we went), she was very upset on Sunday evening and started talking about when the neighbors dog had died during the night. We knew that we needed to tell her (because weren't sure if "Mouse" would even make it thru the night) Because we told her she was able to say goodbye, hold him, tell him she loved him. On Monday we asked if she wanted to come to the vet & she said no, but she was ok with everything (although very sad)
I'm not saying this is what you should do, my dd was older than yours, I just wanted to let you how someone else handled it.
If you need to explain the process to her: really & truly the drug makes them fall asleep (and then they die). The service also means a great deal to children in dealing with lose. I also bought dd a stuffed animal that looked just like "Mouse" and we put his collar on the stuff animal.
As responsible pet owners, we must give our pets the best life care and that includes helping them die peacefully & gently

 

[nativetxn]

I'm not going to offer advice. I'm just sorry that you are having to make this decision, I know how painful it is to have to have a beloved pet put down. I hope your daughter is not too upset.

Katholyn

 

[Dan Murphy]

Just passing on a {hug} for all of you, Robin, facing a part of having a pet we all dislike so much, always so sad. I am sorry. My best to you all.

Dan

 

[DocRafiki]

That is a hard question. I have no advice on the matter, except I would think it would be easier if your daughter had an idea that the dog would be dying soon. Is she going to be taken completely by surprise? I would think it would be easier if she expected it and got to say goodbye.

I do very strongly urge you to NOT let your kids watch. I try to discourage squeamish adults from watching. There are many things that can appear disturbing to someone who is emotional. (I started to go into detail, but I don't want to make it seem barbaric). These visions can become cemented in a child's mind for life (I've got a few childhood visions that I wish I would have done without).

 

[catsrule]

No advice, just sorry about you fur-baby, Robin. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[robinb]

Thank you everyone for your support. We put our dog down yesterday afternoon and told our DD as soon as we got home. She seemed OK with it, but forgets that Akiko is dead. She suggested that my DH bring her to the park after he finishes walking the dog this morning . The euthanasia was painful for us, but not for our dog. She literally went to sleep after a sedative was administered and then just stopped breathing when the final drug was given.

We miss her. The house is empty without her. I am walking around in a dark cloud. I am a total space cadet, forgetting things ... like the groceries in the car. I know things will get better and I hug my family and my cat a little harder. The cat objects .

 

[jamsmom]

Great big {{{HUG}}}

 

[MaMudduck]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}