Need help to organize daughter...she is 10 and I need help!

[rapunzal]

SHe forgets to bring homework home 4 out of 5 days a week. Forgets to bring home books and turn homework in. She gets good grades on the tests...i just don't know. Never writes in homework journal. Asked the teacher for ideas...she assigned her a buddy...this did not work. Took the tv away....this did not work. Let me know what you did with your 10 year old...Iam going crazy with jr. high starting next year! I am organized by keeping notes. She forgot to let me know about her voice recital yesterday. What can I do? Thanks

 

[kellyg403]

My boys have always been the unorganized ones. I will tell you that as they have matured they have gotten better. My ds who is now 13 was THE worst. He gots some pretty rotten grades the first semester of 7th grade. The reality was much harsher than he could take. He finally started to get himself together. He can find his schoolwork/homework and he is doing it finally, he is starting to work on projects slowly instead of the night before etc. I put up a calendar in the kitchen and all projects are listed on the day they are due. I make the kids put a little note re: materials needed. Then every week I pick a day where I put on the calendar..Z work on project, no tv/comp/games until 7 p.m. He can see it and he actually feels better. With that being said, just last week he informed me on Sun at dinner there was a concert at 6:15 on Monday! Slow progress but not complete progress..he used to tell me at 5 on Monday.

My suggestions, maturity will help. Try a calendar to lay it all out. And have a conference with her, teacher and you. Maybe if she hears it from everyone organization is a problem solutions can be given. She may also be overwhelmed..so far behind it doesn't matter. I did have a contract for another child, dd, because she still required the ability to work independently. She did worse when I was telling her everyday what she needed to do. Ds still needs someone to show him how to GET organized and it doesn't cause him to have attitude problems. DD needed to feel like she did it all by herself. Finding the right solution is different for each child.

Good Luck! I know it is frustrating!

Kelly

 

[jenrein]

SHe forgets to bring homework home 4 out of 5 days a week. Forgets to bring home books and turn homework in. She gets good grades on the tests...i just don't know. Never writes in homework journal. Asked the teacher for ideas...she assigned her a buddy...this did not work. Took the tv away....this did not work. Let me know what you did with your 10 year old...Iam going crazy with jr. high starting next year! I am organized by keeping notes. She forgot to let me know about her voice recital yesterday. What can I do? Thanks

I'm pretty sure you somehow have my daughter. But its ok....you can keep her- figure this out then send her back!

 

[jenrein]

And no ideas here...this has been ongoing for my 11 yr old forever! She always knows where her ipod and cell phone are tho!

 

[bgirl29]

Like a previous poster said, with my 11 yr old DD the more I care about her homework and study habits the less she seems to care. Good Luck with this one. I truly believe kids this age will just have to have bad consequences and then when they are bad enough for them, they will decide to change. It is just really tough for us as parents to let them fail enough to want to change(myself included). Hope that makes sense.

 

[Starr W.]

My DS 10 started to forget stuff this year(our elementaries were redistricted so he's at a new school). It took a custodian to tell him he's out of luck if he forgets his homework, as she wasn't going to open the room up.

My son makes a list of weekend projects for school(read jr. great books assignment, study for a test, do weekend math). It's really helped him. He also likes to put sticky notes on his folder he brings home graded papers, and parent stuff.

 

[Darcy03231]

I have this issue with DS (13). I finally just gave up and told him they were his grades and that I wasn't hounding him any more. If he fails and has to repeat the grade, oh well, wasn't my fault. If he has to go to summer school - oh well, look in the mirror at who's to blame. Guess what? He's doing better (not great but better). We're on trimesters here and just got a report card. All B's except Science D+ (he missed the C- by one point) and a D in math. Considering he had straight F's at the progress report time he pulled them up quite a bit. While it was hard not to keep on top of him, once he realized I would let him fail he's doing better. Go figure.

 

[hollyb]

Go to school and pick her up at the end of the day, look in her packback before she leaves the school. This way she will have what she needs. The classrooms are usually open for a hour or so after school.

 

[Kellyscrapbooks]

Flylady.net has a section of her website for kids. You might want to try there.

 

[ilovejack02]

Go to school and pick her up at the end of the day, look in her packback before she leaves the school. This way she will have what she needs. The classrooms are usually open for a hour or so after school.

I had to do this when my oldest stepson was in 8 th grade I picked him up everyday, first one in line. If all his papers werent in there or homework assignments werent signed by the teachers we marched our butts back into school. It embarassed the hell out of him. I also emailed everyday with a cpl of the teachers, but not all were willing to do that.

 

[hollyb]

I had to do this when my oldest stepson was in 8 th grade I picked him up everyday, first one in line. If all his papers werent in there or homework assignments werent signed by the teachers we marched our butts back into school. It embarassed the hell out of him. I also emailed everyday with a cpl of the teachers, but not all were willing to do that.

In no way would I do it to just embarass my child that is just cruel. My intention are to help my child anyway I can. As a parent that is my job. I want them to succedd in life not live in fear of what I am going to do to them.

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

My DD10 and a fourth grader uses one large 3 ring binder that holds all of her folders. That way as she is done with each subject she puts the papers away in its respective folder, and the moves on to the next subject just by flipping to the next folder. At the end of the school day she only needs to remember to bring home the one binder and her math book. After she forgot her math book a couple of times I made it mandatory for it to come home every day wheather there was an assingment or not, now it has become a habit. The 3 ring folder she uses is white with clear pockets on the front so she can decorate it herself, right now it has a picture of Sasha Cohen (her hero) and a few other pictures that she has cut out of her American Girl magazine. She likes that it is unique ! We also have a bakers rack by the front door that has a shelf designated for school items like library books and homework etc. . And a shelf for designated for public library items. I hope this helps. DD forgot to inform me of a choir performance and lost the opportunity to perform that was her consequence. She couldn't find her recorder for music 2 weeks in a row so the music teacher put her "on the wall " for recess , she starting to get the picture.

 

[graygables]

As a former jr high/high school teacher, I honestly believe that organizational skills come with maturity and growth. Each person is unique in their organizational techniques; what works for me does NOT work for my hubby, for instance. It's like penmanship, you really have to mature to find the style that works for you.

That said, I required binders for all of my students to include ALL of their classes. I had binder checks (looked through for all subjects and did a "shake" to see if anything fell out...if it did, they lost points) periodically to keep them on their toes. Most students found that an organized single binder (like Luckey's DD) was a tremendous help for all of their classes, not just mine. Now, some teachers had wacky requirements for folders/spirals and those were taken into account, but for the most part, we could make the binder work.

 

[feedindy]

I got DD her own calendar and made her a list of things she had to do each day. She has a morning list that includes getting ready for school, checking her backpack, getting her lunch. Her afternoon list is: healthy snack, homework, pack lunch for tomorrow, get parent signatures (on things that require it for school) and pack & hang up backpack. The evening list says brush teeth, get pajamas, lay out clothes for tomorrow, set alarm clock and check backpack (one more time).

She isn't perfect, but it is much better. She likes having her own calendar to tell her when art, gym, music and library are as well as any other activities. The lists help keep her on track so she doesn't forget things. Items missing from her backpack were a big thing so we put that on all 3 lists to stay on top of it.

 

[Jacksmom99]

Some of my students (6th graders) use an accordian file for homework. Others have one large 3 ring binder (2in kind). In either case there is room for their agenda book. I have certain students who must get their books signed by the teacher at the end of the day. They also must be taught to use organizational skills. Simply telling a student to 'write the assignments in your book' isn't direct enough for some. I show them what to write, and am now finding that I must have them write down what materials they need to bring home for each assignment as well. My students also have a checklist on the front of their agenda books and inside their lockers. The most important thing is to establish a routine. Hopefully the teacher can help. Work with DD and the teacher to give her a few minutes at the end of the day to check in with the teacher, have her book signed, and go over her checklist. Transition times are tough, too. At the end of the day is crazy and it may help to walk through the routine with DD. For example, 1) At the end of the day, get out agenda book. 2) get it signed 3) get out materials needed for hw. 4) then put everything in your backpack. This may seem silly, but I'm finding that I really have to teach my students how to handle this part of their day efficiently.

Good Luck!
Kim

 

[ilovejack02]

In no way would I do it to just embarass my child that is just cruel. My intention are to help my child anyway I can. As a parent that is my job. I want them to succedd in life not live in fear of what I am going to do to them.

It wasnt done with the intention to be embarrass , it was done with the intention to get him to STOP LYING about turning homework in and what his grades were and to get him to quit "forgetting" his books and assingments. It embarrassed him, so be it. It was easier and much less cruel than yelling and screaming and or spanking about it which gets us no where and not something we do. And it fixed the problem after about the 5th time of going back in the school with him. Most kids at that age are embarrassed by everything their parents do, and I am not going to tiptoe through life trying not to embarrass my kids. He is 18 now and we look back and laugh at that time period and he freely admits to what a little turkey he was being.

Where is that perfect parent thread? Looks like we have another parent that needs to join.

 

[hollyb]

It wasnt done with the intention to be embarrass , it was done with the intention to get him to STOP LYING about turning homework in and what his grades were and to get him to quit "forgetting" his books and assingments. It embarrassed him, so be it. It was easier and much less cruel than yelling and screaming and or spanking about it which gets us no where and not something we do. And it fixed the problem after about the 5th time of going back in the school with him. Most kids at that age are embarrassed by everything their parents do, and I am not going to tiptoe through life trying not to embarrass my kids. He is 18 now and we look back and laugh at that time period and he freely admits to what a little turkey he was being.

Where is that perfect parent thread? Looks like we have another parent that needs to join.

Does his "real" mom and dad know what you did to their child? Still think it was cruel and not a good parenting on your part. JMHO

 

[ilovejack02]

Does his "real" mom and dad know what you did to their child? Still think it was cruel and not a good parenting on your part. JMHO

Actually we all three came up with it and his teachers were on board with it. Somedays his dad picked him up and some days I did. . What is wrong with checking a child's booksack before leaving school and if his items for homework arent in it going back in school with him to get it? Im confused its the almost the exact thing you did with your DD.Maybe you just let your dd go back in by herself, but you couldnt with my DS, he would just lie and say he couldnt back in the classrooms Nothing you have ever done has embarrassed your child, or if something you did embarrassed her, you immediately stopped? Whatever works for you, but how about not telling me or anyone else they made a bad parenting decision just because you dont agree.
ALSO Lets not get into discussion about his "REAL" mother, thats pretty low. I have raised that child since he was 5 yrs old and he calls me Mom. I love him like my own and will till the day I die.

 

[dairyou]

In no way would I do it to just embarass my child that is just cruel. My intention are to help my child anyway I can. As a parent that is my job. I want them to succedd in life not live in fear of what I am going to do to them.

I'm not sure how old your child is, but as a mom of teenagers it doesn't take anything to embarrass them.

Anways, I have to agree with Jack's post. As a parent is our responisbility to raise our kids to be responsible adults. If coddle them and worry about hurting their feelings they'll be like some of the bratty kids I see around the school. Do I go around and embarrass them on purpose...no. But, I won't go around and spoil and baby them.

Deb

 

[hydster]

Actually we all three came up with it and his teachers were on board with it. Somedays his dad picked him up and some days I did. . What is wrong with checking a child's booksack before leaving school and if his items for homework arent in it going back in school with him to get it? Im confused its the almost the exact thing you did with your DD.Maybe you just let your dd go back in by herself, but you couldnt with my DS, he would just lie and say he couldnt back in the classrooms Nothing you have ever done has embarrassed your child, or if something you did embarrassed her, you immediately stopped? Whatever works for you, but how about not telling me or anyone else they made a bad parenting decision just because you dont agree.
ALSO Lets not get into discussion about his "REAL" mother, thats pretty low. I have raised that child since he was 5 yrs old and he calls me Mom. I love him like my own and will till the day I die.

I have/had to do this with both of my boys or they'd never get anything home, done and turned in. Their teachers, them and dh and I came up with this as they just do not have the emotional maturity *yet* to do it on their own. I was/am a teacher and I can say there were many days I wish some parents would have been as involved in their kids lives as you are!!!!!!

One parent yelled at me when his 2nd grade child had to do hours of homework near the end of the year because she hadn't done enough to satisfy moving her on otherwise. I had called and conferenced with the parents through the year, got the counselor involved, the principal involved, but in the end they blamed me.

Sometimes you have to do what works for YOUR child. It may not work for someone else's child but you have to do what works for YOURS!

Thankfully my oldest is a very responsible dd and I never worry about her. My middle is a boy and he is finally starting to get mature enough that I now only check on him on Friday. He goes into Middle School next year in 7th grade and he HAS to know how to keep things organized and get them done on time. The middle school teachers will NOT coddle kids at this age.

My youngest has moments where we go in every day and other times where we go a week or more. He is in 2nd grade now but I think by the end of 3rd he'll be pretty good about it.

Can I join the bad parent/teacher club now with you?