dare2dream
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2003
- Messages
- 948
I have been sick with a sore throat for the past 6 days. Salad does not sooth a sore throat, bad carbs do. WOE has been non existent.
Family and craziness have been everywhere for the past two weeks. Working my plan has not even been a serious thought for the past two weeks.
Amazingly scale says I am doing OK. I went to the DR for antibiotics today for the sore throat and since my diabetes check up last month I have lost 8 pounds. YIPEE!! Just think what I could do if I really worked at this on a consistant basis.
Here is the background to today's "DUH Brenda, why don't you quit bellyaching about losing weight and just do it. Then you could live the life you really deserve and not feel like a freak every single day of your life." . . .
I worked at a job for 12 years. I got layed off in 2005. I got funding to sent me to a local community college to get a two year degree. At the end of my first year I volunteered to be the SGA treasurer. There were no other volunteers, so I got the job. Last August the SGA sponsored a 2 1/2 day leadership conference attended by 10 various club officers and our SGA advisor. We had fun workshops and got to know each other.
One activity involved orienteering in the woods. That is working with a team using a compass to complete a course outlined on a map. I was concerned that I would have a difficult time with this activity and discussed this privately with Tricia, our advisor. Tricia encouraged me to try to do what I could. We left the hotel and walked to the nearby woods after lunch on a hot and steamy day. I barely survivied the walk to the woods. We stopped at an aviary to see some birds on the way to the course. I could barely breath, I was sweating like a pig, and I could not keep up. Yes I am a fat cow that could not even walk and keep up with "normal" people. I was very uncomfortable. While walking around the aviary and learning about the rescued birds being rehabilitated there I decided to skip the orienteering exercise. I told Tricia that I did not think I could do it. She encouraged me to at least try, but at that time I did not see any way possible that I could hike in the woods with the group. I felt like I would slow my group down and be a liability. As a morbidly obese person standing out from the group is something I avoid like the plague. I refused to go and returned to my hotel room.
The group concluded the activity. A lovely group photo was taken of the participants and the shot was printed in the college newspaper. Brenda was not in the shot, because she was too fat to participate in the activity.
When the group returned they graciously said they missed me (HA HA - I think not). The next activity was a scavenger hunt around the hotel grounds. I could have done this if I wanted, it didn't sound too physically demanding, but mentally I was toast and declined to participate. They were already divided into teams and the teams had bonded on the hike. I did not want to be the new person that would slow down the team. I did not want to be the morbidly obese person standing out from the rest of the group , but by not participating I also made myself stand out from the group in a bad way. Why does my head think so crazy?
Tricia was very disappointed that I declined to participate in the scavanger hunt. As a reward for these activities the group was awarded free paddleboat passes. Do you think Brenda went anywhere near those paddleboats. NO WAY!! But some other folks did not boat as well so it was not as bad as missing the other activities.
This was all last August. Did this traumatizing event cause Brenda to get her fat butt in gear and lose some weight. NO WAY!! I have suffered another year with all this weight dragging me down.
Fast forward to today. I have gotten my two year degree but am returning to the community college to take 4 classes that will transfer to the local university to apply toward a bachelors in accounting. I am now the vice president of service for my college's chapter of Phi Theta Kappa, the international honor society of two year colleges. I was elected once again because I was the only idiot to volunteer. This job has a lot of responsibility and I am concerned already about how I will worry about this position for the entire school year. (Can you tell I worry about EVERYTHING!) Anyway, tonight was our first planning meeting for the new year. The new SGA president is also one of our officers and was at the meeting. He had details about this years college leadership conference.
I love leadership conferences. I love workshops, I love learning about myself because I try to avoid myself at all costs. I hate myself and do not spend time dwelling on me, who I am, why I think like this, how can I improve myself, what are my leadership abilities etc. Conferences force me to examine myself, something that makes me very uncomfortable, but something I must do to learn to forgive myself, love myself, and improve myself.
So tonight I am excited to hear some details about the conference. I am envisioning working with other club officers and getting to know them and getting to know myself better. Teams that experience things together and get to know each other often function better together. I want to do my best with my new Phi Theta Kappa position and I know this conference can help me.
Mike, SGA President, announces the conference dates. My calender is clear, my calender is always clear, I have no life. Then he announces that the conference will involve a KAYAKING TRIP!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And I do not say that lightly)
x a couple billion.
I am a morbidly obese woman and there is no way in **** that you will EVER get my big fat *** anywhere near a kayak. It will not even FIT in a kayak.
So yes, Minnie Sistahs, welcome to my world. Another opportunity my weight will prevent me from enjoying. When will this madness end?
I whine, I gripe, I shed tears, I weep uncontrollably, I beat myself up, I hate myself because I am morbidly obese. I can not blame this on anyone but myself. No one can change this but me. The weight will not melt off me as I feel it crept up on me. It will not magically go away overnight.
The time is now. Each day is important, each bite can make a difference. I just spend two wonderful weeks with Kyler, my one and only grandchild. He is so amazing. I want to be the fun grandma that can play with him. When he returns in November for Brad's wedding he will be quite a different baby than he is now. I hope to also be quite a different Brenda.
Well Sistahs, thanks for reading. Yes, I am a drama queen, yes, I am long winded and yes, I do care about you and your journey too. Some of you seem so wise and have achieved success that I can only dream of. I feel like an unworthy participant here, but I must make myself do this. I can not let any more of my life be wasted on the "what ifs?" Sometimes I would like to disappear from this thread, I'm not sure anyone would even notice or care, but right now that is not an option. I need to do this and I need to be accountable here.
We can do this together. We each are at different places on our journey, but we are all striving for better health. We need each other. We need to encourage each other, we need to help each other, we need to celebrate with each other, and we need to lean on each other or let someone lean on us when they are in need. When we fall we need to quickly help each other back to the path that will lead to our final destination. Together we can conquer the obstacles that will cross our paths and overcome the struggles we will face along the way.
It's late. I have dried my eyes, again. It is late. I will take my meds and crawl into bed. Tomorrow is another day. If we go the State Fair tomorrow I will not eat anything deep fried. I tried a deep fried twinkie one year and a deep fried snickers bar last year. I thought both were really nasty. A funnel cake, well that is another story. That is deep fried isn't it? Well, when Ken (DH) and I share one I will make sure he eats more that I do. That's a start. It will be a few days until my throat feels better, but I will eat better tomorrow. I will try harder. I will achieve success, because I AM WORTH IT.
We shall overcome.
Love ya, mean it.
Brenda
Family and craziness have been everywhere for the past two weeks. Working my plan has not even been a serious thought for the past two weeks.
Amazingly scale says I am doing OK. I went to the DR for antibiotics today for the sore throat and since my diabetes check up last month I have lost 8 pounds. YIPEE!! Just think what I could do if I really worked at this on a consistant basis.
Here is the background to today's "DUH Brenda, why don't you quit bellyaching about losing weight and just do it. Then you could live the life you really deserve and not feel like a freak every single day of your life." . . .
I worked at a job for 12 years. I got layed off in 2005. I got funding to sent me to a local community college to get a two year degree. At the end of my first year I volunteered to be the SGA treasurer. There were no other volunteers, so I got the job. Last August the SGA sponsored a 2 1/2 day leadership conference attended by 10 various club officers and our SGA advisor. We had fun workshops and got to know each other.
One activity involved orienteering in the woods. That is working with a team using a compass to complete a course outlined on a map. I was concerned that I would have a difficult time with this activity and discussed this privately with Tricia, our advisor. Tricia encouraged me to try to do what I could. We left the hotel and walked to the nearby woods after lunch on a hot and steamy day. I barely survivied the walk to the woods. We stopped at an aviary to see some birds on the way to the course. I could barely breath, I was sweating like a pig, and I could not keep up. Yes I am a fat cow that could not even walk and keep up with "normal" people. I was very uncomfortable. While walking around the aviary and learning about the rescued birds being rehabilitated there I decided to skip the orienteering exercise. I told Tricia that I did not think I could do it. She encouraged me to at least try, but at that time I did not see any way possible that I could hike in the woods with the group. I felt like I would slow my group down and be a liability. As a morbidly obese person standing out from the group is something I avoid like the plague. I refused to go and returned to my hotel room.
The group concluded the activity. A lovely group photo was taken of the participants and the shot was printed in the college newspaper. Brenda was not in the shot, because she was too fat to participate in the activity.
When the group returned they graciously said they missed me (HA HA - I think not). The next activity was a scavenger hunt around the hotel grounds. I could have done this if I wanted, it didn't sound too physically demanding, but mentally I was toast and declined to participate. They were already divided into teams and the teams had bonded on the hike. I did not want to be the new person that would slow down the team. I did not want to be the morbidly obese person standing out from the rest of the group , but by not participating I also made myself stand out from the group in a bad way. Why does my head think so crazy?
Tricia was very disappointed that I declined to participate in the scavanger hunt. As a reward for these activities the group was awarded free paddleboat passes. Do you think Brenda went anywhere near those paddleboats. NO WAY!! But some other folks did not boat as well so it was not as bad as missing the other activities.
This was all last August. Did this traumatizing event cause Brenda to get her fat butt in gear and lose some weight. NO WAY!! I have suffered another year with all this weight dragging me down.
Fast forward to today. I have gotten my two year degree but am returning to the community college to take 4 classes that will transfer to the local university to apply toward a bachelors in accounting. I am now the vice president of service for my college's chapter of Phi Theta Kappa, the international honor society of two year colleges. I was elected once again because I was the only idiot to volunteer. This job has a lot of responsibility and I am concerned already about how I will worry about this position for the entire school year. (Can you tell I worry about EVERYTHING!) Anyway, tonight was our first planning meeting for the new year. The new SGA president is also one of our officers and was at the meeting. He had details about this years college leadership conference.
I love leadership conferences. I love workshops, I love learning about myself because I try to avoid myself at all costs. I hate myself and do not spend time dwelling on me, who I am, why I think like this, how can I improve myself, what are my leadership abilities etc. Conferences force me to examine myself, something that makes me very uncomfortable, but something I must do to learn to forgive myself, love myself, and improve myself.
So tonight I am excited to hear some details about the conference. I am envisioning working with other club officers and getting to know them and getting to know myself better. Teams that experience things together and get to know each other often function better together. I want to do my best with my new Phi Theta Kappa position and I know this conference can help me.
Mike, SGA President, announces the conference dates. My calender is clear, my calender is always clear, I have no life. Then he announces that the conference will involve a KAYAKING TRIP!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And I do not say that lightly)
x a couple billion.I am a morbidly obese woman and there is no way in **** that you will EVER get my big fat *** anywhere near a kayak. It will not even FIT in a kayak.
So yes, Minnie Sistahs, welcome to my world. Another opportunity my weight will prevent me from enjoying. When will this madness end?
I whine, I gripe, I shed tears, I weep uncontrollably, I beat myself up, I hate myself because I am morbidly obese. I can not blame this on anyone but myself. No one can change this but me. The weight will not melt off me as I feel it crept up on me. It will not magically go away overnight.
The time is now. Each day is important, each bite can make a difference. I just spend two wonderful weeks with Kyler, my one and only grandchild. He is so amazing. I want to be the fun grandma that can play with him. When he returns in November for Brad's wedding he will be quite a different baby than he is now. I hope to also be quite a different Brenda.
Well Sistahs, thanks for reading. Yes, I am a drama queen, yes, I am long winded and yes, I do care about you and your journey too. Some of you seem so wise and have achieved success that I can only dream of. I feel like an unworthy participant here, but I must make myself do this. I can not let any more of my life be wasted on the "what ifs?" Sometimes I would like to disappear from this thread, I'm not sure anyone would even notice or care, but right now that is not an option. I need to do this and I need to be accountable here.
We can do this together. We each are at different places on our journey, but we are all striving for better health. We need each other. We need to encourage each other, we need to help each other, we need to celebrate with each other, and we need to lean on each other or let someone lean on us when they are in need. When we fall we need to quickly help each other back to the path that will lead to our final destination. Together we can conquer the obstacles that will cross our paths and overcome the struggles we will face along the way.
It's late. I have dried my eyes, again. It is late. I will take my meds and crawl into bed. Tomorrow is another day. If we go the State Fair tomorrow I will not eat anything deep fried. I tried a deep fried twinkie one year and a deep fried snickers bar last year. I thought both were really nasty. A funnel cake, well that is another story. That is deep fried isn't it? Well, when Ken (DH) and I share one I will make sure he eats more that I do. That's a start. It will be a few days until my throat feels better, but I will eat better tomorrow. I will try harder. I will achieve success, because I AM WORTH IT.
We shall overcome.
Love ya, mean it.
Brenda
Congrats on the loss. I never measured by thighs or anything else for that matter, so I don't know how much smaller I am. All I know is that my clothes are WAY looser and thats all that matters. My mini goal is to be 170 by our trip to WDW on 9/12, so 9 lbs to go in just under 7 weeks. I CAN DO IT!!!
But you have lost 8 lbs since last month!!! That is so awesome!!! It doesn't matter how, but you got rid of 8 lbs you don't want. Every pound gone is another step to better health.
That is no small task for anyone and you should be proud of yourself. And about that kayaking thing, you wouldn't get me in one no matter my size or anything else!!! You could suggest to the person in charge that while kayaking is a great thing, perhaps that level of physical activity is not for everyone (and not just Brenda but others who may not swim well, etc). Come up with some other ideas on your own to present as an alternative. Perhaps the groups could have choices of what they want to do? Suggest something that benefits others, like maybe working on a community garden or Habitat for Humanity house or something. Something that "teams" can do and there are varying levels of physical activity. Don't just say "Well I can't do that" come up with something you CAN do. Perhaps others won't like the kayak thing either, but are afraid to speak up. Be your own advocate.
But turn that drama around. Make a big deal out of your success, not your failure. Shout from the rooftops, I LOST 8 POUNDS, WORLD. I AM ON A QUEST TO BE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER,SEXIER WOMAN SO LOOK OUT!!!!!
but at the same time I am honored that you are able to share this part of your heart with us. And as all of the other Minnie Sistahs can probably honestly say, I know how you feel.
). Especially living in Texas where most of the year is "shorts weather," and where most of the summer hovers around 100. I am so thankful that capris have stayed in style! 
(wait--why the heck would I use a cheerleader smilie? What would a skinny little cheerleader possibly know about our pain? Here, try this instead:
. Much better!) That is awesome! Think of it this way: if you had kept your lifestyle the same as before, how much do you think you would have weighed? You did good, girlfriend!
(the one I do while I'm brushing my teeth
Or, maybe y'all just figured that out somehow along the way.....
You know what I mean.
I feel god-awful right now-bloated and yucky. I should have made better choices, but everything tasted sooo good and we really enjoyed our day today. (Watching other peoples kids makes me appreciate mine all the more. My DD looks like Miss Manners protege in comparison to some!! 
)
and with how I feel right now, I can tell you it won't happen again any time soon. I am trying to drink plenty of water since I ate a lot of salt and am hoping that with a run tomorrow morning I won't have blown my whole weeks effort. 
Lots of water, small portions, don't eat everything. That should do it.
. Pregnancy 3 I started off overweight--that was the one that followed 2 miscarriages, and I convinced myself that the reason I miscarried was that I wasn't eating enough cheeseburgers or ice cream
. So I was already starting off on the wrong foot, and then at 12 weeks my "pubic symphisis" gave out--it's the place in the front of your pelvic bone where the bone comes together and is held in place by ligaments. Only in my case, my ligaments said "Later!" and I spent the last 6 months of my pregnancy barely able to move. I tell ya', it was all I could do to make that 3rd trip through the buffet line
, and to go and blow it just being careless was disappointing. I mean, for dessert we had Dora the Explorer strawberry banana icecream. If it had been chocolate cheesecake, then it might have been almost worth it. But grocery store ice cream??? That's just depressing
