Need help from teens!!

Lorikr65

Lorikr65
Joined
Jul 18, 2005
Messages
736
I am the mother of a 15 year-old 9th grader. All-in-all she is a good kid. Not into alcohol, drugs, etc. Her issue is that she sometimes doesn't want to do her homework. She'll lie and say it's done and then I'll find out and she'll get punished. When she gets things taken away (cell phone, iTouch, etc) she gets that teen attitude and says, "I don't know why you care. It's my life and if I mess up then that's my problem."

I am looking for other teens who have been through this and who can give me insight to what she really is thinking. She has to know that her grades are basically determining her life.

Any insight is appreciated!!
 
It might be too hard but she doesn't want to admit to needing help maybe?
I don't know.
Erm.. sometimes I don't do homework just because I can't be bothered lol. maybe that's it?
 
Her teachers say she is very smart so I don't think needing help is an issue - although it could be.

It's that "I don't feel like doing it" thinking that us parents don't understand! Don't you guys know you're going to get caught? Please give me some insight as to what kids are thinking!!

Thanks!!
 
Even if we're going to get caught, sometimes we honestly don't care. I don't really know what you should do. You could try making her do her homework before anything else (tv, texting, computer, reading, etc), but that might backfire. I feel like taking away her phone is good even though she gets that attitude. She still doesn't have her phone. :confused3 I don't know what else to tell you, but... good luck!
 
I had that exact same attitude in 9th grade. I never did my homework and got D's and F's. Then in 10th grade I decided I wanted to smarten up and wanted to get into a good college and really try hard in school. Even though all through 10th grade and so far in 11th i'm getting A's and taking AP and honors classes, that 9th grade year that I did horrible in is always going to mess me up. Because of that year I cannot get my GPA beyond a 3.1 and there's nothing I can do.

Just let your daughter know how much this is going to screw up her ENTIRE high school career and there will be nothing she can do about it. The decisions she's making now are very serious ones. In high school there are no second chances.
 
I struggled a lot with this in highschool (still do:D) But it all comes down to instant gradification, or in my case thats what it was. It was the fact that I have to sit down and work for an hour or more for something that gets nothing more then a red check mark and handed back. Im not sure about anyone else but the fact that I spend a great deal of time doing something only to get a small pay off...and often that pay off is days or weeks away, really urks me. Of course when I was 15, all I ever thought about was having fun or just not caring about school. I mean now that I look back, im really kicking myself that I didnt do better. Im 20 and been through almost 2 years of community college while all my friends are off at college knowing exactly what they want to do, and I feel so left behind, and its hard to grasp that when youre 15.

Im not sure but about the best advice I can give is to try and make your daughter see how important it really is. It might not be at that very moment, but in the long run it does, trust me :D. Some other type of motivation may help too. Im not sure of what, but rewarding her for doing homework some how, may be enough incentive to really start cracking down on school work. I know within the last month or so I have really taken a step back and looked at what life has in store for me and Ive been doing my best to change my old ways and learn some new ones. Again that may be what your daughter REALLY needs right now. All just ideas and me rambling though. Anywho, best of luck :)!
 
Sometimes we just don't want to do homework.
We go to school for 8 hours a day and do nothing but schoolwork. Then some of us have another 3 hours for practices/games/whatnot after school. Then we get home and in the 5 hour span until we go to bed, we need to show, eat dinner, chill for a second, and do hours of homework.

That said, if she's not determined to succeed, you can't force her to succeed. You can influence YOUR ABSOLUTE BEST, but it's her to decide. She's at the age where she'll bark back.

I'd stop caring (PRETEND of course) and just let her reap what she sows. If she doesn't want to do her homework, that's her problem. When progress reports/report cards come she's going to get a big shock.
I know my mom did that to me, and it turned me right around.
 
sometimes ill satrt my homework then put it away cause i dont feel like doing it. so ill do it in the morning the day its due cause i get to school like and hour and a half before school starts cause of my dads job. but it may be cause its boring? haha and i agree with what sonya said!
 
Do you remember being a teenager? Most teens aren't intrigued by the work, therefore don't want to put out the effort.

It's a phase, she'll get over it.
 
Maybe she's just a genius by birth, slacker by choice kind of kid.
I know sometimes I am just to lazy to do stuff.
 
She is a lot like I was in 3rd grade (when I went through that phase). Punishing doesn't work. I agree with Sonya with the pretend to not care thing.
 
for me its like this...im in ninth grade and get stressed out easily (went to the dr for it yesterday) anyways i (and many other highschoolers) wake up early early in the morning, have to get dressed and make sure you look as good as possible, skip breakfast (i have to at least cause i have no time), go to school for eight hours straight with each teacher adding tests, homework and projects on, then you come home..now this is really where teens need time to chill were already dead on our feet (cut us some slack we work hard for kids), then we do homework, study for tests, do projects, then we have chores and jobs, and social lives then we eat dinner and take showers and go to bed. But we do this five days a week and then guess what here is the EXCITING PART...(not really) we get a BUNCH of HOMEWORK on the WEEKENDS! YAY..No not yay! its exausting and we do need time for OURSELVES!!!

also about a month ago i left school early beacuse i felt like i was going to die, my stomach hurt like you have no idea, my head felt like it was going to blow, i was stressed and just to find out i was SLEEP DEPRIVED

and by the was punishing your kid just wants to make us rebel more..and i am a good kid as well.
 
I'd stop caring (PRETEND of course) and just let her reap what she sows. If she doesn't want to do her homework, that's her problem. When progress reports/report cards come she's going to get a big shock.
I know my mom did that to me, and it turned me right around.

My only question is: If I do do this, and I have no problem doing it, do I punish her when her report card comes out and she does bad? She has always been on the honor roll except for last quarter when we didn't bother her to do her homework - she flunked 2 subjects. So we took things away from her, as agreed to when we gave her the chance to do it on her own. If we try this again, do we just sit back and let her go over friends' houses and let her go on the computer not knowing if her homework is complete?

She did tell me that she doesn't like to be told what to do and when we tell her what to do it makes her want to rebel more.
 
Sometimes we just don't want to do homework.
We go to school for 8 hours a day and do nothing but schoolwork. Then some of us have another 3 hours for practices/games/whatnot after school. Then we get home and in the 5 hour span until we go to bed, we need to show, eat dinner, chill for a second, and do hours of homework.

That said, if she's not determined to succeed, you can't force her to succeed. You can influence YOUR ABSOLUTE BEST, but it's her to decide. She's at the age where she'll bark back.

I'd stop caring (PRETEND of course) and just let her reap what she sows. If she doesn't want to do her homework, that's her problem. When progress reports/report cards come she's going to get a big shock.
I know my mom did that to me, and it turned me right around.
My only question is: If I do do this, and I have no problem doing it, do I punish her when her report card comes out and she does bad? She has always been on the honor roll except for last quarter when we didn't bother her to do her homework - she flunked 2 subjects. So we took things away from her, as agreed to when we gave her the chance to do it on her own. If we try this again, do we just sit back and let her go over friends' houses and let her go on the computer not knowing if her homework is complete?

She did tell me that she doesn't like to be told what to do and when we tell her what to do it makes her want to rebel more.

I agree with Sonya.
If she doesn't want to do her work, and if she fails, its her problem. She might have to repeat her grade, and if that happens she will probably straighten up.
 
My only question is: If I do do this, and I have no problem doing it, do I punish her when her report card comes out and she does bad? She has always been on the honor roll except for last quarter when we didn't bother her to do her homework - she flunked 2 subjects. So we took things away from her, as agreed to when we gave her the chance to do it on her own. If we try this again, do we just sit back and let her go over friends' houses and let her go on the computer not knowing if her homework is complete?

She did tell me that she doesn't like to be told what to do and when we tell her what to do it makes her want to rebel more.

The trick my mom did to me was when I asked to do things she'd just say "no." She never told me she was punishing me. If I asked if I could go over to so and so's house, she'd say "No". When I asked why, "because I'm your mother". Say I was watching TV, she'd just randomly come turn it off "because she said so". She essentially took everything away involved in punishment, but she didn't say it was.

No TV, comp, friends houses = more time for homework and chores. It forced me to do my homework and chores.
 
I don't know many kids who want to do homework. Most of us do so begrudgingly if at all.

Yes, it is (in most cases... some teachers just assign busy work) beneficial to do homework. However, I don't recommend forcing her to do it. The best motivation is self-motivation. Take a step back. Don't pretend not to care - you should care. Just realize that DD is in high school, now, and it's time to loosen the reigns a little bit. She might feel the need to rebel because she feels as if nothing has changed at this supposed turning point in her life.

Where does DD do her homework? You might've had her sit down at the kitchen table after school each day to complete her homework after middle school... if so, it's time for a desk. Now, my sister and I have desks in a loft, which is great because if we need help, we can call downstairs or consult eachother (but annoying because dear father feels the need to flip on the television as soon as he gets home). Consider moving her work area to a family room or her bedroom.... or just letting her choose where she works (my sister likes to sprawl out on the floor... I prefer to sit upright).

Now, I know it's hard, but.....

Don't ask what her homework is. Don't ask if she has any projects or when her tests are. Don't offer any school reminders. Let her keep up with her own assignments. If the school doesn't provide her with an agenda, purchase one for her. This is the time to build organization and study skills. And how it's done depends on the individual.

Okay, now don't worry - she's going to (most likely) fill you in (most likely when she's complaining about her difficult teenage life! xD). You just have to establish a relationship so that you aren't her reminder mommy, anymore - you're the mother of an "independent" young adult. :)

I have a feeling that since your daughter is excelling in school, she may not be doing her homework because she finds it unnecessary. She'll eventually realize that although homework is boring, it's (in most cases) necessary for success.
 
I agree with Sonya.
If she doesn't want to do her work, and if she fails, its her problem. She might have to repeat her grade, and if that happens she will probably straighten up.

Exactly.
Mom, you've done more than enough on your part. You've reprimanded her and encouraged her to do her homework, and she still doesn't do it. Trust me, the worst thing to have in school is to be away from your friends. She'll smarten up very quick when she realizes she won't be with her friends if she fails.
 
i only ever did homework in the last 3 years of school. before that, i figured it wasn't really important (stupid, i know). my dad used to lecture me and it did not help at all. i got to grade 10 and realised that i was going to have some pretty major exams from then on.

let her realise by herself that its a big deal, that she'll need to actually do her work to get good marks. no amount of lectures from you will help. if she doesn't do the work, she will have to face the consequences. eventually, she'll get it done
 
i have that same problem.
im guessing since she flunked two courses then she isnt an extremely excellent test taker.
i am. i have only failed one test in my life. only one.
i just dont really care. its not like college is that soon right? (WRONG) but what im trying to say is that she should want to do it, but if she keeps this up then you might want to look into having her stay after school with a teacher thaat will make sure that she completes everything. thats what i got my boyfriend to do and now he is an A/B student instead of a C/D/F student. im still an A/B student but i have no clue why that is. punishing her by taking objects away might not work so well. when that happens to me i dont really care, i can live without it all.
 
I have had the same problem. I have learned the consequences and have changed.

For instance, I used to be a compulsive liar and when I got things taken away from me, it was devastating.

However, someday she will learn and will thank you for disciplining her.
 





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