Need funny/sarcastic answering machine message - help!

[SplshMtn99]

All day, DH & I answer phones (regular & cell phones) at our jobs...and help people solve the problems they've gotten themselves into (or so it seems most days). We can live with that --- that's our job -- and we get paid to do it.

But when we come home, that last thing we want is more phone calls from certain family members & acquaintances who are calling because they WANT computer help; or they WANT us to do something for them; or WANT us to take their child (our nephew) to the movies because they don't feel like it...... Seems like no one ever calls just to see what's up. (Except for 1 true friend who calls to take DH to movies for free because he works there or they go fishing.)

I've spoken up to some of these people....and it did nothing but get DH mad at me for doing it. He can't say NO to people. But he's tired too.

I'm looking for a funny/sarcastic way of making our phone message get the way across. Something like: Hi, this is **** & ****, if you are calling because you really care about us, leave a message. If you are calling because you WANT something, you've got the wrong #.

DH won't let me use the above. Almost started another arguement. Need something he'll let me use.

Please help!!!!

Edited to add:.....we never call anyone to ask for help (except maybe moving a piece of furniture or something.)

 

[doxdogy]

A friend of mine had this on hers years ago. When the answering machine picked up, you heard hello, hello, speak up I can't hear you, then a pause and then a laugh and she said you got the answering machine, leave a message.

 

[powellrj]

I don't have a message, but I will say caller-id is the best $10 a month we have spent. Just see who is calling and only answer when you want.

 

[BostonTigger]

I had one once where I took my answering machine into the bathroom, flushed the toilet and then gave my message that I was busy...you should try that except use the shower.

 

[Blueberry]

Best one I have heard is something like this...


Hello, if you are a bill collector the check is in the mail, if you are my ex wife/husband I am in China, if you are selling something I am bankrupt, if you are my in-laws we have moved to get some peace and quiet....All others if you want to spend some quality time with us, leave a message.


Maybe you could alter this a bit to fit your needs..it is very cute sounding on a phone..