Need engagement party gift advice...what would you do?

[onelilspark]

As a recently engaged woman, I'll throw in my 2 cents. I wouldn't expect a gift. An engagement party is a celebration, that's all. If it were being held at a person's house, I would probably bring a nice bottle of wine as I do to any large get-together (never arrive empty handed!) But I wouldn't worry about cash, etc. I think the books are very thoughtful and I would be happy to receive them. I think it's extremely tacky to ask someone to pay who hasn't had any say in the party and/or is an invited guest.

Then again, I'm not having an engagement party and I hope people don't bring gifts to the wedding and/or bridal shower. The only thing I really want is a Kitchen Aid Mixer, and quite frankly, if I don't receive it, I'll just go out and buy it myself My fiancé and I live together. I have all the essentials and I'm asking people to travel for the wedding (friends & family are spread across the country, so we're holding the wedding where we live.) I don't need 20 new plates, glassware, silverware, new sheets etc. I'd just be thrilled that people would travel for our wedding.

As far as being in the Bridal Party, I don't think I'd want to be part of it myself. Sounds like you'd wind up shelling out a lot of money. We're including our siblings (he has a sister that will stand with me, I have a brother that will stand with him) and our best friends. 2 people, that's it. If there's already a ton, I personally wouldn't want to deal with the drama!

Side note: we were at a Bridal Show today, and I'm shocked at the behavior of some brides. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll be a little dramatic the day of the wedding, but I've always laughed at shows like Bridezilla thinking that there is absolutely no way someone would act like that. Absolutely amazing.

 

[Scurvy]

Engagement parties do not require gifts. I think of them as a public celebration of their future joining. It's a time for well wishes and getting to know the other side.

I would go to the party but not because it's the right thing to do. I'd go to the party because the OPs parents are going to need the support. They are going to feel embarssed and possibly in the hot seat if the costs of the wedding comes up. The parents are going to need the moral support.

I agree with all of this. Engagement parties are not traditional gift giving events. There's nothing wrong with giving an engagement gift but there's nothing that says you have to, either. OP, you already gave a very nice engagement gift and if you choose to give the books that's a lovely gift as well.

Ordinarily I'd bring a hostess gift to an engagement party, especially if someone was hosting it in their home. I think it would be a horrible idea to bring a hostess gift to this party regardless of where it's being held because the parents of the bride aren't actually hosting you. If anyone is, it's your parents. It is beyond tacky that the bride's parents are "inviting" you to attend as long as someone else pays. I can't believe they actually expect the groom's parents to chip in to pay for their party. That's ridiculous! Someone needs to teach those people some manners.

And someone also needs to remind them that no one is obligated to pay for any of the wedding expenses except for the happy couple themselves. If the bride's parents want to cough up a huge amount they are certainly welcome to, but the groom's parent don't need to do the same. It's been a long time since anyone cared what expenses the parents "traditionally" pay for. The groom's parents are under no obligation to contribute to the wedding budget.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I would just give the books and leave it at that. The books are a nice, thoughtful gesture on your part. They don't *need* anymore money, especially from people who can't give it and they shouldn't expect it.

This was my exact thought - after reading JUST the first paragraph, without any of the back story. OP, you have done plenty. Continue to be supportive of your brother, and of course your parents, but if you choose to go to the engagement party it's not necessary to give a gift.

I have more advice if you want it, but it doesn't pertain to the gift at all.

 

[Mimi1965]

I think the fact that the bride's parents are charging you and your family to attend your brother's engagement party is . I find that tacky, not to mention, rude and hurtful.

.

And if your brother KNOWS his future MIL is doing this to HIS family-then shame on him.

Hugs to you, sweetie.