Need Advice

[mickeyboat]

My grandfather passed away this morning. We have been expecting it for a couple of months, now, and thankfully, he was ready to go and went peacefully and pain free.

I have pretty much decided not to travel from VT to MN for the funeral. But I was wondering what experience all of you have had with grown grandchildren traveling long distances for their grandparents' funerals.

Denae

 

[Serena]

Don't even go there. If you don't feel like you can make it, or even need to, then don't stress over it.

Personally, I go to funerals for the people there, not the person in the coffin. They don't even seem real to me anymore. The life and spirit are gone.
If you don't feel like your presence is neccessary, then don't worry about it.

 

[kdibattista]

First, I am so sorry for your loss .

Personally, (and I hope this doesn't come out wrong considering this difficult time) there is nothing that I can think of that would keep me away from my grandparent's funeral. If not for me, at least for my parents (assuming they are still alive). With that said, I would never judge anyone else for not attending.

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

I've traveled a long distance to my grandmother's funeral, but I chose not to go to my grandfather's. It was crazy trying to get to grandma's funeral, but it was also good to be with my family and reconnect with my relatives that I rarely see. After a long debate, I decided not to attend my grandfather's funeral because of the hassle of traveling and taking 2 days just for travel. I kind of regret that, but at the time it seemed like the best decision. The cost of the time and money to get there and home would have meant missing out on other things going on, so it just seemed like not worth the limited time with my family.

 

[Serena]

I'm so sorry, I forgot to mention that I too am sorry for your loss.

 

[ashjohnson80]

I have no advice, I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[mickeyboat]

Don't even go there. If you don't feel like you can make it, or even need to, then don't stress over it.

Personally, I go to funerals for the people there, not the person in the coffin. They don't even seem real to me anymore. The life and spirit are gone.
If you don't feel like your presence is neccessary, then don't worry about it.

That is kind of how I am thinking about it. I don't really feel the personal need to go. I almost think if I do go, it will look like I am putting on some sort of show - "oh look, Denae traveled all the way here..." and I don't want that. I don't think anyone really needs me there for support, and I would probably be more of a burden to my mom than anything else.

I actually typed a long post with all the pros and cons of going, but deleted it because I made my decision after the typing.

Denae

 

[Evil Genius]

Denae,

My condolences on the loss of your grandfather.

I understand what you are saying. Send a lovely vase of flowers to let the family know that you are with them in spirit. (1800flowers.com has some beautiful pieces) Speak with your mom and make sure she understands why you won't be coming. It's a hard decision to make, I wish you well.