Need advice....

[goin2disneyagain]

I am dating a guy that aggressively persued me and never hesitated to tell me how he felt about me. Everything was going great then I found out (thru the internet) that there is a girl that moved far away to another state that thinks she is still his girlfriend. She moved away about 6 months before we started dating and she was so devastated about the move that he didn't want to heart her by breaking up with her. She is still in school and lives with her parents so she had no choice in the move. She was there for him during a difficult time in his life so he says she is special to him but not his girlfriend. I think he knows it would never work out between them because of the distance but he won't be honest with her. They never see each other. Should I be concerned about this? Am I asking for trouble by staying with him?

 

[L107ANGEL]

Well, I haven't dated in a long time. I think I would have concerns that if he can't be honest with her, can you be sure that he would be able to be honest with you?

 

[poohandwendy]

How did you find out she 'still thinks she is his girlfriend"?

I would be very concerned about this: "he will not be honest with her"...big red flags. He is not being honest with her or he is not being honest with you. Either way, he is a liar.

If she still thinks she is his girlfriend, they are still in contact...regularly. It doesn't matter that he never sees her. Sounds like he is unwilling to cut the ties.

I would cool things until he takes care of this unfinished business. JMHO

 

[L107ANGEL]

That was wierd PAW! Smae thought at the same time.

 

[poohandwendy]

Twilight zone...LOL

 

[kristen821]

How did you find out she 'still thinks she is his girlfriend"?

I would be very concerned about this: "he will not be honest with her"...big red flags. He is not being honest with her or he is not being honest with you. Either way, he is a liar.

If she still thinks she is his girlfriend, they are still in contact...regularly. It doesn't matter that he never sees her. Sounds like he is unwilling to cut the ties.

I would cool things until he takes care of this unfinished business. JMHO

I agree!
If he didn't tell you about it then I consider that cheating. I always say if you do something that you can't tell consider yourself a cheater wheather it is just talking to someone or not he is still cheating emotionally.

 

[goin2disneyagain]

How did you find out she 'still thinks she is his girlfriend"?

She has a page on myspace that I discovered. I know they still talk. I told him he was cheating on her. He seems like he almost feels obligated to let her think they are together because she was there for him when his brother was killed in a car accident. When she found out she was moving she wanted to run away and he talked her out of it and he said she didn't have anyone else so he couldn't turn his back on her. I get tempted sometimes to contact her and tell her the truth but I am not sure that is the right thing to do. I kinda think she should know but I am not sure it is my place to do that.

 

[poohandwendy]

She has a page on myspace that I discovered. I know they still talk. I told him he was cheating on her. He seems like he almost feels obligated to let her think they are together because she was there for him when his brother was killed in a car accident. When she found out she was moving she wanted to run away and he talked her out of it and he said she didn't have anyone else so he couldn't turn his back on her. I get tempted sometimes to contact her and tell her the truth but I am not sure that is the right thing to do. I kinda think she should know but I am not sure it is my place to do that.

I think you are giving him the benefit of the doubt in a large way. I would not be convinced that he is doing this to spare her feelings.

I wonder if you contacted her, if you would find out things you didn't know too?

If he really wanted to spare her feelings, he would not lie to her. Bottom line.

 

[Disney Doll]

The answer to both your questions is yes.

You sound like a young-ish girl. If you have any doubts about this young man, then get rid of him now. The fact that he is misleading her is a huge red flag. Chances are if he is misleading her, he is misleading you somewhere along the way too.

My mother once told me "A leopard doesn't change his spots".

It's good advice.

 

[Keli]

Important dating rule: You don't start a new relationship until you've ended the previous one.

Personally, I wouldn't be willing to be one of this guy's girlfriends, I'd have to be his only girlfriend. And as long as he hasn't broken up with this girl and has regular contact with her, then he's still her boyfriend, no matter what he says to you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

In general, a guy that is "in your face" that he has another girlfriend and you still date him, looks at you as someone who will accept alot of crapola from him.

Instead of doing a bunch of drama about her, just tell him that you are also going to date others.
You don't have to drop him, but also don't date only him, you know?

 

[kristen821]

In general, a guy that is "in your face" that he has another girlfriend and you still date him, looks at you as someone who will accept alot of crapola from him.

Instead of doing a bunch of drama about her, just tell him that you are also going to date others.
You don't have to drop him, but also don't date only him, you know?

i like this idea.

 

[goin2disneyagain]

I think you are right and I know that. I think I was looking for that reassurance because I think I need to say something him about it.

 

[Caradana]

You are more into him than he is into you. If he was feeling bombarded by emotions, he would've dumped the other girl.
Don't waste your time. The key is to find a man who is literally weak in the knees with love for you. He will be there your entire life long. This guy is not it. If he doesn't feel it now, he never will. Don't waste your time.

 

[poohandwendy]

In general, a guy that is "in your face" that he has another girlfriend and you still date him, looks at you as someone who will accept alot of crapola from him.

Instead of doing a bunch of drama about her, just tell him that you are also going to date others.
You don't have to drop him, but also don't date only him, you know?

It is a good idea, but only if the OP follows through. If she is emotionally involved with him, it is unlikely she is going to start dating others. If she only uses it as an ultimatum, they are back to square one. Game playing.

 

[goin2disneyagain]

You are more into him than he is into you. If he was feeling bombarded by emotions, he would've dumped the other girl.
Don't waste your time. The key is to find a man who is literally weak in the knees with love for you. He will be there your entire life long. This guy is not it. If he doesn't feel it now, he never will. Don't waste your time.

Actually I was not interested in him in the least in the beginning and he knew that. As I said before, he came after me very agressively. It took me a loooong time to change my mind and actually start dating him. But it is time we have a talk.

 

[azgal81]

I think it's a little I don't know odd that if they are still in contact he hasn't told her that they are no longer together and he has a new girlfriend. To me it sounds like he is playing you and is lying when he says he wants to end it with her. For her to still think she is his girlfriend he is probably leading her to believe that by telling her things that say it. I would probably tell him that he needs to tell her right now that he is seeing you. If he can't be honest with her then I would kick him to the curb. He is also lying to you about her. That's just not right.

 

[Caradana]

Actually I was not interested in him in the least in the beginning and he knew that. As I said before, he came after me very agressively. It took me a loooong time to change my mind and actually start dating him. But it is time we have a talk.

I know this much - he's balancing two girls, probably getting laid twice as much as he ever has, and you are posting to websites about him. Doesn't matter how it started, as of right now, you are more into him than he is into you, and you don't have any power in this relationship at all. So check out and tell him that you'll see him when he breaks up with the girlfriend.