Need advice on the drama

[robinb]

If your sister was important to you, then you would make it work. She knows that and so do you. It's OK to not go to her wedding because you're not "close" or because your dad is a nut but it really doesn't have a thing to do about your vacation. The only real conflict you have is which excuse you will use to tell her why you're not going. But telling her that you can't spend the money seeing her married because you just shot the wad on a month-long vacation will definitely bring charges of being "selfish and self-centered". It's a lot easier to think that then to face the truth that you just don't care about her.

 

[cm8]

Ok, so let me make sure I understand the question -

1) Disappoint your half sister whom you haven't seen in 8 years, don't have a close relationship with, calls you self centered, a snot, doesn't want anything to do with you, is marrying someone you think is not a good person, and won't appreciate the sacrifice you would make to be there....

OR​

2) Disappoint your immediate family who are people who love you unconditionally and want you in their life, are supportive of you no matter what, want to enjoy a trip of a lifetime with you and make you happy.

Remind me again - what was the question?

 

[marlynnp]

No I would not cancel an already planned trip to go to this 'maybe wedding'.

I'd ignore her for another 8 years.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I would never miss either my sister's or brother's wedding. I would find a way to make it there for the weekend, even if it was me alone.

That said, there's a good chance this one could be cancelled and this won't be an issue.

Also, if she's 22 years old now and you are older than her the responsibility was on you to maintain the relationship, imho. I have a younger brother (14 years) and have always been the one to make the effort to know him and for him to know me. You can't expect a child or teenager to do that, but I felt it was important.

 

[Mimi1965]

Old Lady here.

By next May, Sis could have had it up to HERE with the loser and cancelled the wedding. She already changed her mind once.

If it was me, I'd probably keep to my plan.

I agree
Why postpone a wedding that was planned for a YEAR? that is nuts
I'd go ahead with my vacation plans

 

[Inkmahm]

Sounds to me like the wedding pictures are complete. Their loss not yours.

Thank you. I guess I never looked at it that way before.

 

[mickey7879]

Exactly!!! There's no need to cancel a one-month vacation to attend a one day wedding. Why couldn't you attend both?

Sorry for the confusion. We can't attend both because we can't afford to do both. The vacation is in Feb/Mar and she's getting married in May.

 

[mickey7879]

I'm confused. I thought you couldn't attend the wedding because it conflicted with your month long vacation. However, you update states that the wedding is 2 months after your vacation. What's the conflict?

No money to attend both. Wouldn't be able to afford the month long vacation, but MIL is paying. Sister wants me to cancel the vacation so we can go to the wedding, but what she doesn't seem to understand is MIL is paying, not us.

 

[tlbwriter]

I would never miss either my sister's or brother's wedding. I would find a way to make it there for the weekend, even if it was me alone.

And do you have the same kind of relationship with your siblings that the OP has with her sister?

 

[mickey7879]

If your sister was important to you, then you would make it work. She knows that and so do you. It's OK to not go to her wedding because you're not "close" or because your dad is a nut but it really doesn't have a thing to do about your vacation. The only real conflict you have is which excuse you will use to tell her why you're not going. But telling her that you can't spend the money seeing her married because you just shot the wad on a month-long vacation will definitely bring charges of being "selfish and self-centered". It's a lot easier to think that then to face the truth that you just don't care about her.

It's not that I don't care about her. It boils down to no matter what I say or do, she calls me this....dad does, so she does I guess. If we did have the money, it wouldn't be a problem....we'd go, stay in a hotel, rent a car, do our own meals, etc. But I'm a stay at home mom, DH works crazy long hours so I can stay home. Our month long vacation is a splurge and mostly being paid for my MIL. It would actually cost more for us to go see her for a weekend than it would to be gone a month. We're using our timeshare to swap 2 weeks, so that's saving a boatload of money, plus mother in law is paying for that, gas, hotels, cruise and park tickets. We only need to pay for food. Plus she's giving us her Disney rewards from Visa, so that'll be a few hundred dollars. No one from here is going....including my other sister, grandparents and 2 uncles. I just always get the blame....thinks we're made of money when we are barely scraping by.