Hey Michelle,
I wasn't going to read this thread as it brings us a myriad of emotions for me since I was cheated on in a relationship years ago. Granted I was only in high school, but we had been dating long enough that I thought we were going to get married. Yes, we were kids in a way but it still hurts no matter when it happens and it leaves you with a sort of nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you've fallen short and will always fall short and it will continue to happen to you.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I know you are hurting right now and struggling deeply with your emotions and your feelings on the entire issue. I honestly don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes and found out my husband had cheated. I am so grateful to God that I have a wonderful husband that I don't have to worry about that with, but if it did happen, I just don't know what I'd do.
It takes 2 to make a marriage and it takes 2 to end one. Yes, he was quite frankly scum for cheating on you. There is no other way to look at it. No matter what you may have done or not done physically or emotionally, he had no right to do that. If he wanted someone else or couldn't have kept it in his pants, he should have ended it with you rather than putting you through that.
I think that it is great that you are able to look within yourself however and see the things where you might have fallen short. This means that if you guys do continue to stay together and work things out, you will be able to consciously make the effort to correct those things which pushed you away from him and to do more on your part as his wife.
I do believe however, that for your marriage to work again, it will take a lot of effort from both of you. It may be years before you are able to fully trust him again. I am definitely more of the mindset, just like some others here, that "once a cheater, always a cheater" but it isn't always the case. He may or may not ever cheat again, but if you both put forth effort to keep the communication open and work at keeping both the physical and emotional part of your relationship open, then you have a good shot at starting a new relationship.
No matter what happens, I wish you the best and remember that God will never put more on you than you can bear. I love the saying "If God leads you to it, he'll lead you through it." Keep smiling and growing!
