Need Advice - Inlaws

[Willow25]

I need advice please!!!

My husband is australian and over three years ago we relocated to Australia. His entire family is in australia and mine is in america. We have made a couple of trips to america and one to WDW since the move.

My husbands family is really close and it generally drives me nuts. His mother will call everyday and will email my husband at work everyday. They always invite themselves to our home which is a four hour drive and will often try to invite themselves on our vacations.

We are planning a trip to WDW December of 2007 and my parents are planning to come along with us. Now the dilemna, my husband wants to invite his parents to come as well. His parents do not ride the rides (we took them to Disneyland once), they do not like going out to eat all the time, and they do not swim or sunbath.

If we all lived in the same country and had a lot of opportunities to spend time together I would not have an issue with it. But the reality is that is the only time that year that I will see my parents.

My husband has already mentioned this trip to his parents and they did not even think about the fact that it is the only opportunity for me to hang out with my parents.

Should I put my foot down with my husband and his family or am I being selfish not wanting all of us to be together.

Thanks for your advice

 

[Shagley]

I don't think you are being selfish at all. I think you should put your foot down and just explain to your husband that you love his family, but that this trip is to be a special time to be with YOUR family (who you don't get to see often because you moved to Australia for him, which a selfish person would never have done ).

 

[walkena]

... I would definitely save this vacation for your family. I think everyone (including your husband's family) would understand. Given that you do not live in close proximity to your parents it is reasonable to want to focus your vacation time with them.

 

[traci]

I agree with the other posters ~ put your foot down. You need time with your family as well. I am not sure if you have children, but if you do, it would be just as important for them to have special memories with their "American Grandparents" as well as your husbands folks. Good-Luck, I hope your husband and his parents will understand.

p.s. I would love it if my husband had an Australian accent! You lucky girl you!

 

[budbeerlady]

They dont need to go. Do a seperate trip again with his parents later (i.e. excuse for another trip) DD really wanted my parents to go on our trip, so now I am working on another one for my parents in 2 years and going in Dec with inlaws. You would be too busy trying to make them happy or comfortable you wouldnt be free to hang out with your family. And I didnt want DD to be running around between grandparents the whole time. So now they will each get their time with her there and both sets of grandparents enjoy different things.

 

[we3disneygo]

good luck.

 

[Willow25]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I have spoken with my husband and he sort of agrees with me. He feels that his parents and my parents should spend time together because it will make things easier for all of us in the future.

The other problem is his parents are very dependent on us when traveling so we would not even be able to have dinner alone with my parents one night while they did something different.

We do not have children now but are trying to get pregnant now so if all goes well we would have a young child on our next trip and that would be the first time my parents will see their grandchild.

 

[wdwdasiy]

We have done grandparent trips to WDW before. One trip our parents split the time because both sets wanted alone time with our children. My parents came for the first 3 days, then DH came the next 3 days and we had one day just for us. It worked out great and my mother and mother-in-law came up with it on their own. It helps that they are great friends and travel some together without any of us!

 

[eeyore45]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I have spoken with my husband and he sort of agrees with me. He feels that his parents and my parents should spend time together because it will make things easier for all of us in the future.

The other problem is his parents are very dependent on us when traveling so we would not even be able to have dinner alone with my parents one night while they did something different.

We do not have children now but are trying to get pregnant now so if all goes well we would have a young child on our next trip and that would be the first time my parents will see their grandchild.

THis is such a fine line... you do need to express yourself - to them as well as your dh, your dh has to support you in this, or it will not happen.

You may need to even "beg" be as nice and sweet, and just roll over them with your "demands" but in such a way it makes THEM feel as if they are doing YOU a favor by staying in Australia...Lay it on thick... Focus on whatever it takes to pull her heartstrings so she stays in Australia...

IF she always comes, if she is always doing what she always does (anybody else think of Everybody Loves Raymond?) then you have to CHANGE that for ONE vacation... make it clear you are not cutting her out, you are not trying to be negative - you need your dh to support you, even if he calls you crazy for not wanting the support of the in laws, crazy because you miss your mom you never see your mom, you moved to a foreign country and you are homesick... you dont want to be stressed worrying over such a loving and carrying person...

good luck.. change is so hard for people, and this will seem like a change, and your in laws may feel threatened , threatened with the "what if" what if their son decides he loves you so much and he moves to the US??

And as a last resort if they come, move in with your parents for the vacation - and do it!! (definately do seperate resorts - )

 

[stacy6552]

Here's what you do. You welcome them with open arms, but with the blatant understanding that you aren't spending every minute together. Plan special events for the entire extended family, like fireworks cruises or dinners. Other then that, each unit of the family is on their own. "see you at dinner, MIL".......

Embrace it. Maybe his family can watch your kids one night while you do something very grown up as a couple or with your parents. Maybe you, your mom and you MIL can have a spa afternoon.