need advice from church members (sorry long)

[mommytoe]

How would you handle this: The Family Pastor has left the church. She was in charge of both the youth ministries and the children's ministries.

The church has brought in a new Youth Pastor for the youth group, but the church board decided we don't need anybody for children's ministries.

Most of the families at church has now left due to lack of children's ministries,

Right now we have 1 sunday school class for 3 years - 5th grade. They are all put in 1 room with a dvd. They do have children's church were they sing and play games. Nothing on Sunday nights or Wed nights (mothers can not attend these times due to no child care of any kind.)

My 7 year old dd misses have all the programs. She misses using her bible at church. She misses have friends at church. She would like to try other churches.

My teens are active with the youth group and love all the activities. They have not met the new youth minister yet or seen how many changes he will make. They have also lost friends due to families leaving the church. They want to stay at this church.


Dh is worried about the lack of workers at church as the families are leaving. He doesn't want us leaving to hurt the church more.

I am worried about not finding a church were we can be happy. I am worried about uprooting my teens when they want to stay. I am worried about the spiritual growth of my 7 year old at not having what she needs at church.

Sorry this is so long. I don't want to split the family between churches. I feel we need to all go to the same church.

What should we do?

 

[Disney Doll]

That's a tough one, because someone (either your younger one or your teens) is going to lose out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What age can your dd move up to the youth group?

Also you are jumping the gun. Your teens have not met the new person and they may find they don't care for the changes. So let it ride right now.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I don't think your current church is making a wise choice and is ignoring an important element of churches--leading their youngest worshippers to a life in Christ.

I might let the teens stay, but your children need more than a DVD for a ministry.

I wouldn't stay out of obligation to keep the church afloat when they have neglected the spiritual needs of your family. Your church is hurting you.

The other option is for maybe you or your DH to volunteer to lead the children's ministry

I know a family that goes to two church's. Their home church refuses to offer CCD on Sundays and offers it during a conflicting time on a weeknight. They didn't want to leave the parish, but went to another one to do the CCD on Sunday. They had to join as you have to be members to utilize the CCD of a given church. Perhaps during a transition period, you can do something like that?

 

[mommytoe]

What age can your dd move up to the youth group?

Also you are jumping the gun. Your teens have not met the new person and they may find they don't care for the changes. So let it ride right now.

My dd has 4 to 5 years yet before she can move into the youth group.

I also agree that my teens my not like the new youth pastor. My dh is the only one in the family to meet him (he isn't sure he likes him yet.)

 

[malibuconlee]

Talk to the board. See what their plan is, and let them know how unhappy you are. Become more involved yourself. Not all churches have paid directors of children's ed, so see if you can get some of the other members to help as well. Contact the parishners that have left and see if they would be willing to help get the kids programs back on track and have them let the board know the reason for them leaving. They can't fix it if they don't know it's broken.

Not sure how big the church you go to is, but after she left it may just not be economically feasible for the church to hire for that position.

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

I would start with prayer with my DH, praying about it together, I think it is certainly a matter to be prayed about during your family devotions too. There are only 3 possible answers...yes, no or wait. Good Luck

 

[mommytoe]

Talk to the board. See what their plan is, and let them know how unhappy you are. Become more involved yourself. Not all churches have paid directors of children's ed, so see if you can get some of the other members to help as well. Contact the parishners that have left and see if they would be willing to help get the kids programs back on track and have them let the board know the reason for them leaving. They can't fix it if they don't know it's broken.

Not sure how big the church you go to is, but after she left it may just not be economically feasible for the church to hire for that position.

The board said that they see no need for children's ministries. We even offered to run the program ourselves. They just don't seem to understand how important children ministries are.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

The board said that they see no need for children's ministries. We even offered to run the program ourselves. They just don't seem to understand how important children ministries are.

That is amazing. Is this a main stream denomination or an independent church?

This is a problem. At our church we had a minister that was a problem for a while. My kids werein the youth group, choir, etc and wanted to stay but I could not listen to him preach. If they were involved in the service, I went to this church. If they weren't, I went to another. Luckily he left after a few years but it is a difficult situation to be in.

Good luck

 

[dogodisney]

The board said that they see no need for children's ministries. We even offered to run the program ourselves. They just don't seem to understand how important children ministries are.

There is your answer right there.
Any church that doesn't think it is important to have Children's Ministries, doesn't know what they are doing. The time to reach these kids is from the very beginning. They are our future and now is the time to mold them into good Christians. Our church caters more towards the children (and families)because of these reasons.

 

[mommytoe]

This is a Nazarene church.

I think part of the problem is none of the board members have children.

 

[nephthys43]

i'm not a church person. but i'm chiming in to tell you why. when i was young, we went to a church where there was a wonderful children's program. i loved church. couldn't wait to get dressed up on sunday morning and go (i still "dress" for church if i attend someone's baptism or confirmation). i went to "pioneer girl" meetings and church camp every summer.

when i was about 10 or 11, we switched churches. i hated every minute of it. they couldn't remember my name (we went there for over 3 years), sunday school was boring and the other kids were allowed to bully one another. i hated going. i began to refuse to go. my mother didn't want to force me to go somewhere i felt so horribly about and i was allowed to stop going.

i fully believe that if we had continued going to our original church, i would still be attending today. i remember going back after i had gotten my license (we lived about 45 mins from the church) and being so excited. my old friends were still there and it felt like family. but i felt like i was missing something and didn't go back again.

i still have faith and believe, though my beliefs are a bit different than those of my parents. but i think that if a child truly dislikes their church, their gonna end up resenting all of it. god, religion, the whole shebang. your board of directors need to get their heads out of the sand and get things fixed. maybe if you and a few other parents bring the recent decrease in numbers to them along with your feelings, it'll wake them up. a church can't exist with just the board members as the congregation.

 

[DMRick]

I belong to the Church of the Nazarene and I'm shocked at what you are saying. Our children and youth ministries is just as important as our adult ministries (if not more so). Since you have talked at the board meeting, have you also contacted your DS (district superintendent) to let him know you have offered to run this program and been told it's not needed? I can't imagine he wants to watch all the young families leave your church. That's a death sentence. How long has this been going on, that most of the family's have already left the church? You need to get n touch with your DS asap.

I may have misunderstood the Sunday night and Wednesday concerns you have..do your children not just take part in the services? We have youth group before church on Sunday and all the kids (babies/younger and teens) are in the services. Sometimes, the moms have taken turns going to the nursery with them, but most want to stay in services, so they usually stay upstairs. Our insurance states we need two people at all times (non related) so it's hard to cover those services. We do cover the morning services. We have children's church during the adult service and Sunday school for all before the Sunday service. I don't understand why your Sunday School has no teacher, just a DVD for the kids. What's the point? That needs to be told to your DS as well. He needs to make a visit to your church.

We have no paid staff other than the Pastor..and we are thrilled when someone steps up and offers to run a program. We would not be able to afford a second pastor at this time, even though we are a tithing church. I am surprised your church is hiring a Youth Pastor, but it sounds like he will only be involved with the teens. I would hope they woudl take advantage of him being there and use him for the children's programs as well. I would also suggest some of you with children get yourselves on the board, certainly the Sunday School Ministries board.

This is a Nazarene church.

I think part of the problem is none of the board members have children.

 

[sunkist]

You know this happened at our church. The paid children's director left, they did not hire anyone to replace her, since then they rely on volunteers. The volunteers do the best they can, but they have jobs,familes, other duties to take care of. If makes a different when you do have a paid staff, then a volunteer.

 

[Buckalew11]

I think I'd be visiting other churches. If a church can't see that they need a children's ministry then there are some very big issues going on, imo.

I allow my DD (15) to attend another church with her best friend. They have a really active youth group that she thoroughly enjoys. I don't like "breaking up" my family either but you do what you have to do to keep your kids in a place where they are comfortable worshipping the Lord. We've tried her "new'' church but aren't fond of it (plus it is very big), so we ask her to attend with us once every month or so. I just happy she has a relationship with God--no matter which church she chooses to attend to help her grow in that relationship.
I said all along that our children's program has been too weak. It is sad because my daughter isn't the only teen attending another church.

 

[diznygirl]

At my church your concern would be welcomed, and you would be asked to lead the children's ministry. It could be that the church is struggling financially and can't afford to pay someone for this position.

 

[FloridaMom]

I would visit other churches as well... to me, it is more important that the kids be instructed and learn to love being in church, because it is a seed that will stay with them throughout their lives, than to stay in a church because you don't want to be one more family leaving. They are leaving for a reason.

I would allow my teens to continue going to the their own services during the week, if they still chose too, but would find another place to worship that values and meets all of the needs of my family.

I have seen so many churches that just die as their members get older, maybe it is because they chose not to have programs for the young ones... Jesus loved the little children, churches should follow that example.

 

[TinkerbelleAbbysMom]

Our church has undergone a lot of changes and has lost about 20 families in the last year. Tonight we actually had to vote to decrease our pastor's salary b/c the budget income has dropped so much. However, those of us left have really rallied together to decide where God wants our church to head. I personally have always been interested in children's ministry. I teach the K-2nd class and only have one student. We have about 6-7 in the 3-5 yo and 3 in the 3rd-6th grade class. I have felt a calling to step up and lead our children's ministry team which really didn't exist until I shared that I felt to move in the right direction, we needed one.
All of this to say, when I first started reading I was thinking, Does this person attend our church? Then I thought,hey maybe God has a plan for you to take that place. Then when I read that you had volunteered and they turned you down, it broke my heart. I think children's ministry is so important!! If we don't have a children's ministry that is vibrant and active in our church, it will be difficult to grow and attract new families. Perhaps you could do a little research into the number of families with young children in the area. Then when you see the number, perhaps you could take it to them and approach as an evangelism/outreach tool. Sometimes, especially those without children, need to be talked to using words that will catch their attention. Please understand I am not being sneaky in this, I'm just saying, God has obviously made this a passion for you for a reason. He needs someone in your church to recognize the importance of fostering the youngest in His Kingdom. Sometimes you just have to be Paul and speak/act in the way of the people you are trying to reach. Hope this helps and God Bless you for your Passion for "the least of these!"

 

[Claudia1]

I agree with FloridaMom (I haven't mastered the quote function yet!). Let your teens continue with the youth group outside of Sunday morning. Keep Sunday morning for the entire family. It could be a great teaching tool for them to see how others worship.

If you do that, I would be sure that they understand why you are making the move. If they had not had the benefit of early Christian education, they would be different people now.

Finally, I would be very sad to move but I agree with everybody that has said that the church leaders are making a bad decision. We parents are responsible for our children's Christian education and you must worship with a church body that will teach them accordingly.

Blessings to you as you make this difficult decision.

 

[DMRick]

hey maybe God has a plan for you to take that place. Then when I read that you had volunteered and they turned you down, it broke my heart. I think children's ministry is so important!! If we don't have a children's ministry that is vibrant and active in our church, it will be difficult to grow and attract new families.

Truly, since she has gone within her church and made the offer to run this program and they turned her down feeling it's not necessary, that's why it's time to call her DS of the church. We (the Nazarene Church) have them just for this reason, to make sure the local churches are running as God intends. If your church is facing troubled times, he should know that. He should eb spending time with your church board, showing them how to grow the church. While just leaving may be easiest, sometimes, when you belong to a church that 'fits' your believes, it's worth trying to get the older people to realize how important the children are and work within the church, and that's what the DS can help do.

I don't know where their heads are, that they would turn down willing help for such a vital part of the church.

I really don't suggest the family go to two different churches. You want to be with your children and help lead them, especially as teens, as they walk their walk.