Need advice for potty training a boy!

[Wilsonfamily4]

This is a funny thread.

I love the food coloring idea. Too bad my son has the pee thing down. I just cannot get him to go BM in the toilet. If he is naked he goes where he is. If he has underwear on he goes in them. He doesn't seem to know when he is going BM. That is my frustration. He is 2 and a half.

But I am at least glad he can go pee in the toilet. If I sit him on it he goes sitting. If he gets on himself he squats with a foot on each side. It is so cute and he can get everything in the toilet. I am not worried about changing this as I know he will soon realize he looks silly.

Every child is amazingly different. It is hard not to get competitive also. My son has a cousin 10 weeks older and I find myself and my sister in law competing. So silly. I know it is silly and I still feel happy when my son does things first, like pee.


Being a mom is hard work but it is rewarding.

 

[FredS]

datoyna- We do this frequently at the daycare I work at. We also use rubber pants WONDERFUL duren the summer when they get all hot, sweaty and unconfortable. they also pin in the wet feeling which is gaurenteed to make any child feel unconfotable. We leave them wet for awile, then make them clean up the mess (rubber gloves if its BM)

You have to be kidding, or else I am misunderstanding. You work at a daycare where they deliberately leave wet/soiled clothes on children to make them uncomfortable, then you require them to clean up the urine/poop? And you think that it is WONDERFUL for them to be hot, sweaty and uncomfortable? I am stunned.

To those who are dealing with what you think is slow potty training: This is a power struggle which you cannot win. You can, and should, encourage your child to use the potty, but punishing them is just wrong. The people I know who made the biggest deal about pottying, and who were mean to their kids during the process, absolutely had the bigger problems with their children, both then and later. This, too, shall pass and I would hope that in the future you can look back at your little one and this milestone and not feel ashamed of how you treated them.

 

[SmallWorld71]

I am so with FredS on this one!
While most typical kids can train around 3, give or take, many kids have disabilities such as Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Aspergers etc.. which may not be apparent yet but can greatly interfere with toilet training. I hate to think of what they do at that day care if they don't know their letters when the day care thinks they should. And just for the record, even my 1st graders with special needs are trained - some children just need a little more time.

 

[mom2cookies]

ok i have a problem... my just turned 11 yr old still wets the bed. He is healthy - just sleeps really deep. I've tried a timer set for every 2 1/2 hours and that worked for about a week or two. Then he just started sleeping right through it ;along with the rest of the family. Everymorning i tell him to take his sheets and wet blankets down to the wash and put on clean clothes etc. Still it is to the point his clothes still smell wet even when they are clean. HELP! We are out of ideas. Dh is not willing to pay for any programs or tools as i've seen available. This has to be a tried and true home style help. Of course i've tried other things to wake him during the night but there is a window i haven't found yet when he usually goes. Sometimes he stays dry most times not. I know he doesn't WANT to wet during the night so i don't think he is being lazy. He doesn't show laziness in other areas such as helping around the house etc.

 

[Frye7127]

I agree with you FredS. It will come with a little patience and love. Potty training will happen, just maybe not when you think it should.

To the poster with the 11-year-old - my niece also had this problem for a while along with her pediatrician's daughter whom I went to church with and did a lot of overnight youth activities with. It is explained that their bladder has not kept pace in growing with the rest of their body, therefore, they cannot hold a lot overnight and end up wetting the bed. Humilitation is not the answer and rx meds that your pediatrician/doctor can prescribe actually do work wonders. I am not a big proponent of taking a pill to fix all of your problems, but a child being able to hold their head up knowing that they woke up dry helps hold their self-esteem intact during these anxiety-ridden hormonal middle school years that are hard enough without all of this on top of it. JMO.

 

[crisi]

ok i have a problem... my just turned 11 yr old still wets the bed. He is healthy - just sleeps really deep. I've tried a timer set for every 2 1/2 hours and that worked for about a week or two. Then he just started sleeping right through it ;along with the rest of the family. Everymorning i tell him to take his sheets and wet blankets down to the wash and put on clean clothes etc. Still it is to the point his clothes still smell wet even when they are clean. HELP! We are out of ideas. Dh is not willing to pay for any programs or tools as i've seen available. This has to be a tried and true home style help. Of course i've tried other things to wake him during the night but there is a window i haven't found yet when he usually goes. Sometimes he stays dry most times not. I know he doesn't WANT to wet during the night so i don't think he is being lazy. He doesn't show laziness in other areas such as helping around the house etc.

I wet the bed until I was 12. Talk to his doctor, I know medically a lot has changed since I went through this. But I'll assure you - there is nothing lazy about this....

If your DH doesn't want to pay for tools, perhaps you should be making him do the laundry and not your son. I don't think you should make your son do the laundry - it increases his sense of shame - which is not what you want to do to an eleven year old. (What sort of parent wouldn't do everything in their power to help a child with this embarrassing problem - this is such a self esteem hit to a kid! Imagine what life is like when you are eleven and afraid to go to sleepovers).

If your husband won't budge, have your son use the bathroom before bed. You set your alarm for 1:00 am (or stay up late if you are a night owl) and wake him up and take him in for a nighttime release. If necessary, wake him up again at five (and you though the middle of the night stuff ended when they were babies!). This MAY reset his sleep patterns and teach him that he can wake in the middle of the night.

 

[perdidochas]

You have to be kidding, or else I am misunderstanding. You work at a daycare where they deliberately leave wet/soiled clothes on children to make them uncomfortable, then you require them to clean up the urine/poop? And you think that it is WONDERFUL for them to be hot, sweaty and uncomfortable? I am stunned.

Walking around in wet/soiled clothes seems to be a reasonable consequence. I would be against it, if the childcare folks didn't allow the kids to change, but they do, only the child has to want the change.

To those who are dealing with what you think is slow potty training: This is a power struggle which you cannot win. You can, and should, encourage your child to use the potty, but punishing them is just wrong. The people I know who made the biggest deal about pottying, and who were mean to their kids during the process, absolutely had the bigger problems with their children, both then and later. This, too, shall pass and I would hope that in the future you can look back at your little one and this milestone and not feel ashamed of how you treated them.

I just don't think the people mentioned in the first paragraph were punishing the kids, or being involved in a power struggle. Natural consequences (i.e. having wet/soiled clothes when you relieve yourself in them) are not punishment, but are just nature taking it's course.

 

[perdidochas]

ok i have a problem... my just turned 11 yr old still wets the bed. He is healthy - just sleeps really deep. I've tried a timer set for every 2 1/2 hours and that worked for about a week or two. Then he just started sleeping right through it ;along with the rest of the family. Everymorning i tell him to take his sheets and wet blankets down to the wash and put on clean clothes etc. Still it is to the point his clothes still smell wet even when they are clean. HELP! We are out of ideas. Dh is not willing to pay for any programs or tools as i've seen available. This has to be a tried and true home style help. Of course i've tried other things to wake him during the night but there is a window i haven't found yet when he usually goes. Sometimes he stays dry most times not. I know he doesn't WANT to wet during the night so i don't think he is being lazy. He doesn't show laziness in other areas such as helping around the house etc.

Have you seen a pediatrician about this? This is not normal, and there may be some underlying health problem causing it. I can't believe that he's healthy. Sleeping that deeply is not healthy. Also, have you tried being more careful about his liquid intake just before bed?

 

[perdidochas]

I wet the bed until I was 12. Talk to his doctor, I know medically a lot has changed since I went through this. But I'll assure you - there is nothing lazy about this....

If your DH doesn't want to pay for tools, perhaps you should be making him do the laundry and not your son. I don't think you should make your son do the laundry - it increases his sense of shame - which is not what you want to do to an eleven year old. (What sort of parent wouldn't do everything in their power to help a child with this embarrassing problem - this is such a self esteem hit to a kid! Imagine what life is like when you are eleven and afraid to go to sleepovers).

I would think that cleaning up the mess yourself would be less shameful.

If your husband won't budge, have your son use the bathroom before bed. You set your alarm for 1:00 am (or stay up late if you are a night owl) and wake him up and take him in for a nighttime release. If necessary, wake him up again at five (and you though the middle of the night stuff ended when they were babies!). This MAY reset his sleep patterns and teach him that he can wake in the middle of the night.

 

[crisi]

I would think that cleaning up the mess yourself would be less shameful.

Its not. Not unless you do your own laundry normally. It isn't like cleaning up your own mess allows you to hide it....its punishment for something you can't control.

 

[crisi]

With diaper rash (a common enough condition), sitting in your own feces is a dangerous thing from a health standpoint. I'm surprised that the daycare is able to maintain licensing with such a policy.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

datoyna- We do this frequently at the daycare I work at. We also use rubber pants WONDERFUL duren the summer when they get all hot, sweaty and unconfortable. they also pin in the wet feeling which is gaurenteed to make any child feel unconfotable. We leave them wet for awile, then make them clean up the mess (rubber gloves if its BM)

Are you for real? If one of my kids was in that daycare center you'd bet they'd be out in a second and I'd be calling the licensing department! I've trained 7 -count them 7 of my own kids and 3 kids that I used to babysit for. Let me tell you - they all train, and they all train at different times. Some are easy, some are hard. My one child trained at 18 months, another not until right before their 4th birthday. Most trained between 2 1/2 and 3. When you put sooo much emphasis on it it can actually backfire on you and become a power struggle. Also if you are trying to train a child who just isn't ready it isn't going to work.

To parent of late trainers - relax they all get trained before they go to kindergarten! It has nothing to do with intelligence, and really most late trainers aren't lazy. Their bodies just haven't matured as fast as some other children.

 

[perdidochas]

Its not. Not unless you do your own laundry normally. It isn't like cleaning up your own mess allows you to hide it....its punishment for something you can't control.

I don't think cleaning up a self-made mess (accident or not) is punishment. Do you think it's punishment to make a kid clean up a spilt drink? I don't. This is the same thing. Both are accidents that somebody has to clean up.

 

[mom2cookies]

thank you for advice.
Dh does the washing and drying i do the folding and putting away of the laundry. DS just has to carry his stuff to the basement.

He is 100% healthy. He is very active and has always slept deeply.
I had already been thinking of getting another alarm clock to set at 4 - 5 o'clock. I wake him at 7 along with his sisters for school. It seems he has his accidents soon after he falls asleep. We have limited his liquid intake after dinner and he always uses the bathroom before he goes to bed. I suppose i will have to just be more vigilant and get up with him.


BTW for whomever said this wasn't normal.... i know of other boys and girls older then my son that still have accidents. What is normal?

 

[perdidochas]

thank you for advice.
Dh does the washing and drying i do the folding and putting away of the laundry. DS just has to carry his stuff to the basement.

He is 100% healthy. He is very active and has always slept deeply.
I had already been thinking of getting another alarm clock to set at 4 - 5 o'clock. I wake him at 7 along with his sisters for school. It seems he has his accidents soon after he falls asleep. We have limited his liquid intake after dinner and he always uses the bathroom before he goes to bed. I suppose i will have to just be more vigilant and get up with him.


BTW for whomever said this wasn't normal.... i know of other boys and girls older then my son that still have accidents. What is normal?

Normal is what most people do. It is not normal for even a 6 yr old to wet the bed almost every night. I would be worried about his health--does he not wake up right after urinating in his bed, or does he sleep after that. Has he ever had a time when he didn't wet the bed.

 

[crisi]

I don't think cleaning up a self-made mess (accident or not) is punishment. Do you think it's punishment to make a kid clean up a spilt drink? I don't. This is the same thing. Both are accidents that somebody has to clean up.

I think if the kid has cerebal palsy and spills his drink its punishment to make him clean it up. But obviously, we will disagree here. I can only speak to my own personal expereince as a late bedwetter. Washing my own sheets did nothing for helping me stop and made me feel I'd done something wrong. When my parents were supportive, I didn't stop wetting the bed, but I felt much better about myself.

 

[dizzienoodle]

My son was potty trained a few weeks after his second birthday, but it wasnt really hard for us. He absolutely HATES to be dirty! He also HATED to have his diaper changed (he's got a naked thing). Sooo... one day we said no more diapers. He had a n accident here and there, maybe oncde or twice a day, which, honestly, wasnt that bad, for about 4 days, then overnight, he had a poo... He was mortified and inconsleable. And with the exception of the occassional ( and by occassional I mean maybe once every other month) overnight wetting of the bed he was a toilet goer like the best of them. He started peeing standing up from day one, he had to be just like daddy from the beginning. My daughter is only 15 months and also hates to be dirty. My mother thinks I should started to potty train her asap that she will be able to learn right away. I politely reply that she must be ludacris, the kid just starting walking last week. So I think well that one on the back burner, but everytime my mom changes her she whispers that we could be teaching her to go potty the "big girl way" and we wouldnt have to bother with this mess... At 15 months? She must getting old...

 

[Hannathy]

Why not try if she is interested my DD was trained completely by 18 mos day and night and may have been earlier but my Mom was in the Hospital most of the summer and we were traveling back and forth and not at home. What would it hurt to try? My Nephew was about the same age also ,maybe a tad under 18 mos.

 

[perdidochas]

I think if the kid has cerebal palsy and spills his drink its punishment to make him clean it up.

Not if he is capable of doing it. I guess my point is that it's important for kids (even those with problems) to learn to do things for themselves. It's not punishment to clean up after yourself, if you can do it. That's not to say that I make my kids clean up their own vomit when they are throwing up, but otherwise they need to do their part.

But obviously, we will disagree here. I can only speak to my own personal expereince as a late bedwetter. Washing my own sheets did nothing for helping me stop and made me feel I'd done something wrong. When my parents were supportive, I didn't stop wetting the bed, but I felt much better about myself.

I still think late bedwetting indicates a good possibility of a medical problem.

 

[dizzienoodle]

You really think she'd be able to? Maybe my mother isn't totally insane.. I guess it wouldnt hurt to try... She's just so little, I guess the thought of her on the toilet looks a little silly in my mind. But I guess others have tried... we'l try at a little this weekend, and see what happens....