Need advice? Am I horrible?

[twinmomplus2new]

Ok tell it to me straight am I a rotten evil person? I can take it honest....
Ok My Bf and his kids came here intending to stay for a week. They arrived on Saturday evening about 5pm.
( Background) I was in a major car acident on the day before. Ambulance ride, whiplash, car towed away a bad scene all around. Of course I fealt like hell. back, neck, you name it killer headache. I had vicodin and somthing else. and a house full of house guests, for whom I am cooking cleaning and entertaining. Never took any of the medications cause well,, How?

BF decides to just hang out with the kids rather than do anything with him so the kids are bored, house is trashed. And I am feeling guiltier by the second. I approach him and say to take them to the xyz where we had planned without me so I can lie down he says No it won't be any fun without me. He is here to see me...

Guilt, guilt and More guilt. We get in a little row about it, Because by now I am ready to crack. I tell him go to a hotel and do some fun stuff and let me destress and go to bed. He says see ya I am going home then. Changed his plane tickets and went home this AM. Says he is not mad and everything is ok. However he is gritting his teeth, His kids are crying screaming they hate him, for making them leave. He is saying the doc wants me to lie down so they are going home a little early. This is not placating them, They are flipping out. Pulling out of the driveway. I feel like the MEANEST person on the planet.
All I said was I needed to lie down and relax and he was out the door.

I say, we have been friends for 15 years and I do not want to get in a fight because I feel poorly that our friendship is more important to me than that. He is MAD says how should he interpret that? HUH? Is that not clear.
Ok am I a shrew? I can take it, heap on the guilt!!!

 

[vettechick99]

You are under the weather and he is mad that you needed a little time alone to recover?

Sounds pretty selfish to me. But I bet there is something a lot deeper going on there.

 

[Maleficent13]

Is "BF" boyfriend or best friend? Regardless, no, I don't think you are horrible. I think anyone who shows up for a visit the day after their host is in a terrible car accident should at least HELP OUT, if they decide to stay. And take some of the burden of the kids off you. Sounds like he is inconsiderate and selfish to me, but that's JMO.

 

[princess pooh]

You're getting enough guilt heaped on you. I think your bf is being very insensitive and he's acting like a big baby. All you asked for was for him to entertain the kids so you could recover.

Take the vicodin and relax now. You're not rotten or evil by any means I hope you feel better soon!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by Maleficent13
Is "BF" boyfriend or best friend? Regardless, no, I don't think you are horrible. I think anyone who shows up for a visit the day after their host is in a terrible car accident should at least HELP OUT, if they decide to stay. And take some of the burden of the kids off you. Sounds like he is inconsiderate and selfish to me, but that's JMO.

I totally agree with Maleficent13.

And if BF stands for boyfriend, yikes. I'd miss his kids but probably not continue the relationship.

 

[RadioNate]

so your saying that you were in a car wreak and now you bf is mad at you because you couldn't wait hand and foot, on him and kids? You ask to be able to rest and he gets mad and leaves?

short answer - no you aren't a shrew

i can think of some nice words to call you friend though.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

Yes, its boyfriend.. and the thing is I did wait on them hand and foot nonstop for 3 days! Down to breakfast, lunch and dinner each day. Meatloaf spaghetti, homemade chicken pot pie. and apple pies. All the while feeling like I wanted to die. And clening up doing all the laundry, cleaning etc for 8 people total.
I simply hit the wall on the 3rd day. I do not want to do it anymore. I want to got to bed.

I said, I am so sorry I have to run around to the car place, insurance, etc etc.. DR's for me for my son. I called the house and said I was bringing home pizza and and he said, Honey don't be silly I will cook a chicken. ( UUUGHHH) So we were at a stalemate I brought home a pizza. He never cooked the chicken.

Did I mention he allowed the girls to stay up as late as they wanted and run up and down the stairs despite the boys sleeping as we are not on school vacation? So I wasn't even getting a repreive at night.

I guess the bottem line is don't have someone be on VACATION at your house while you are not on vacation and certyainly not when you feel like you have been in a blender.

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. I hope you are 100% painfree very soon.

I'm sorry that your boyfriend was so impatient with you when you were in pain

Katholyn

 

[Crankyshank]

Let me get this straight, your boyfriend that you've known for 15yrs came to visit with his kids the day after you got into a bad accident.

He knew you were in pain and on meds, but decided to allow you to wait on him while he allowed the kids to trash the house and acted petulant because you asked him to stay in a hotel because you needed to rest because you were in pain?

What a piece of work! How long have you been together/how often do you see him/does he always act so insensitively?

 

[IceQueen777]

Why would you let someone treat you like that, and then ask if YOU are the horrible one? He should have been waiting on you hand and foot.

Run, and run fast. If he can't help you and care for you during a very painful time, then he will never be there for you.

 

[transparant]

You are not the meanest person in the world. You were just in a car accident - you needed to rest. He should have respected that. YOu did nothing wrong. I hope you are feeling better!

 

[Beauty]

Wow, that was so horrible! Is he usually like this and that insensitive to your needs??

I'm not telling you to dump him but goodness, my DH will take over for me simply because I'm on my cycle and don't feel well. He should treat you better, wouldn't you do the same for him?

 

[OceanAnnie]

car accident
pain meds
dire need of rest/sleep
loose ends to tie up

visitors
extra cooking & cleaning
entertaining

Those things don't mix. You bent over backwards to let them come as planned before the accident. Most people I know would've said we'll come another time, hope you feel better. Let me know if I can help.

You sound pretty nice to me. When I reach my limit and in pain, I can be pretty blunt. And I'm a nice person too.

You just got a blessing. Valuable insight to a person that says he cares about you. The actions don't match the words.

Rather than assess how nice you are, start looking at him.
Hang tough and get well soon.

 

[ksjayhawks]

You were in a major car accident--should have been resting and taking your meds and bf and all of the kids wouldn't help you at all?

Take a long hard look at this guy (if he treats you this way now, what will it be like if you marry) then RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[SandraM]

Originally posted by Beauty
I'm not telling you to dump him

I am. Dump him. You deserve far better.

 

[grlpwrd]

No, you're not horrible.

I have got to ask... why are you with him? Does he always treat you like this?

Yikes.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

Never treats me like this EVER!!!! He lives across country so we typically meet at an alternate place. Disney, Universal, Miami always on vacation. Usually he is an absolute sweetheart can not do enough for me. Super with the kids wonderful to me. Ran all over Florida in August for 10 days. With 7 kids with us and we had the best time!

Which Is why I said is it me? I just don't get it? It was weird it was like because we were at home we were suppossed to be in some kind of role.

Example I had 48 hours to report the accident, 3 insurance compnays involved, 3 people in the accident. and my car had to be taken to the shop. And I had to secure a rental. He was mad said I didn't need one. He had one why not just deal with his one car for the week. I said I am going to need it anyway. I might as well deal with the insurance co's in one pass. Then he said why couldn't I take care of all my insurance/doctors calls from the cell phone in the car on the way to BOSTON. I said I don't want to go to Boston I don't feel well. I need to go see the doctor.

And like I said.... I am not sure how when he has them at home bedtime is 8 sharp. But here they were not put to bed and allowed to run around like banshees till 11pm Jumping off the top of the bunks to the floor. and screaming at the top of thier lungs. Daddy move it! Do what I tell you to do! I heard I hate you more times than I can count. Not to me to Dad. I repeatedly took them with me and they were fine, talketive and sweet. I said I am sorry this is so boring. I know we didn't get to do all the fun stuff we planned and they said thats ok. It couldn't have been all my peception of me being in a bad way. because the kids wanted to stay with me. It's not like they wanted away from the mean lady.

he did not discipline them the entire time they were here. the day he left his dd 7 was at the Mall. wanted a particular doll. He said to put it on her Holiday list. she flipped like I have never seen in my life. Screaming like she was being murdered. That he only cared about money, and did money do for him what dd's do. Love, hug, and have feelings?( obviously she heard that somewhere?) This kid was good she hurled insults I have never thought of in my life. for over an hour. He never reprimanded her just said lets disscuss this..... Perhaps he had a stroke while he was here?

I think it was the friends comment that threw him over the edge. I didn't say it to be mean. I really thought we were on the same page there. I guess he didn't?

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by twinmomplus2new
Never treats me like this EVER!!!! He lives across country so we typically meet at an alternate place. Disney, Universal, Miami always on vacation. Usually he is an absolute sweetheart can not do enough for me. Super with the kids wonderful to me. Ran all over Florida in August for 10 days. With 7 kids with us and we had the best time!

Which Is why I said is it me? I just don't get it? It was weird it was like because we were at home we were suppossed to be in some kind of role.

Example I had 48 hours to report the accident, 3 insurance compnays involved, 3 people in the accident. and my car had to be taken to the shop. And I had to secure a rental. He was mad said I didn't need one. He had one why not just deal with his one car for the week. I said I am going to need it anyway. I might as well deal with the insurance co's in one pass. Then he said why couldn't I take care of all my insurance/doctors calls from the cell phone in the car on the way to BOSTON. I said I don't want to go to Boston I don't feel well. I need to go see the doctor.

And like I said.... I am not sure how when he has them at home bedtime is 8 sharp. But here they were not put to bed and allowed to run around like banshees till 11pm Jumping off the top of the bunks to the floor. and screaming at the top of thier lungs. Daddy move it! Do what I tell you to do! I heard I hate you more times than I can count. Not to me to Dad. I repeatedly took them with me and they were fine, talketive and sweet. I said I am sorry this is so boring. I know we didn't get to do all the fun stuff we planned and they said thats ok. It couldn't have been all my peception of me being in a bad way. because the kids wanted to stay with me. It's not like they wanted away from the mean lady.

he did not discipline them the entire time they were here. the day he left his dd 7 was at the Mall. wanted a particular doll. He said to put it on her Holiday list. she flipped like I have never seen in my life. Screaming like she was being murdered. That he only cared about money, and did money do for him what dd's do. Love, hug, and have feelings?( obviously she heard that somewhere?) This kid was good she hurled insults I have never thought of in my life. for over an hour. He never reprimanded her just said lets disscuss this..... Perhaps he had a stroke while he was here?

I think it was the friends comment that threw him over the edge. I didn't say it to be mean. I really thought we were on the same page there. I guess he didn't?

This is probably how he is IRL. NOT on vacation. YIKES!

 

[Tinkertude]

Anybody read the book "He's just not into you"????

 

[chrissie123]

Oh no poor you & NO your not horrible at all... Your bf should have been more considerate....Hope you feel better soon...