Need advice about MOH (this is going to be long!)

[Tinkerbelle14]

Hi guys. I have a huge dilemma and I need the advice of fellow brides! As I said in the title, this is going to be long, sorry!

In the summer, I spent a lot of time with a girl I've known since I was in grade 7 or 8 (I say girl b/c she is 19, then again I'm only 21!). I ended up asking her to be my MOH and everything was great until around the end of August. After that I only heard from her when she needed something (how to register for school, a ride somewhere, etc) and she always changed the subject back to her when we started talking about how my life was going. By the way, she is also my neighbour and there is only one house between us. For the past few months I have gone up to 3 1/2 weeks without hearing a peep from her, and then she usually needs something. She snaps very easily at me and my fiance when she asks our advice about something and we give her an honest response that she doesn't want to hear. I've talked about this to her and she always apologizes but then it happens again within a week, so I have been trying to resolve this issue.

Now here is my dilemma. With her, there would be a total of 11 of us going down for the wedding (she doesn't have a serious bf). However, she can't afford a room or ticket down, so she was going to stay with us (not the night of the wedding of course, then she would be with my parents) and we were going to pay for the air ticket. However, the attitude she has had does not make me want to spend 24/7 with her. We were also going to work on a cruise ship for the first year of marriage (save money) but we have recently decided to stay home, so we could use the extra money that the flight would cost. As well, 11 is an odd number for all the rides and I don't want to have to worry about her (I know, a little selfish). But when it comes down to it, I now feel distanced from her, like she is just an old friend from highschool, and don't feel that it would be appropriate for her to attend the wedding when I have many relatives that are not coming down that I am much closer with. Also, I really have my heart set on the Illuminations cruise with all of us together on one boat and I don't think that can happen with 11 (dinner reservations would probably be easier with 10 too).

When it comes down to it, I don't feel like she is my friend anymore and it is not for a lack of trying. I've thought about it long and hard and I think it would be best if it was just the 10 of us. Matt's brother's (his best man) girlfriend and I are really close (I guess she is technically his common-law wife) and I would ask her to fill in since she is going anyways. I just don't know how to tell my "friend" this without hurting her feelings. I know I need to do it sooner rather than later, I just don't know what to say. I need your advice! Please help me! I have enough stress as it is. Thanks in advance!

 

[melmel]

This may sound mean but I'd just stop talking to her. You said she only calls or hangs out when she needs something so it's all one sided, that's not a friendship. As for sharing a room with her on your honeymoon that doesn't sound very romatic even if you are still great friends. I think if she contacts you again anytime soon tell her you're sorry but when you redid your final plans you realized you can't afford to pay her way, and not uninvite her but tell her if she still wants to go she has to pay her own way including her own room. That will probably take care of it. I can't imagine she'll suddenly find the money, it sounds more like she just wants the free trip.

Hope this helps.

Melissa

 

[*DisneyBride*]

Just be honest. Say for monetary reasons 10 people just make more sense. Also, you've noticed a change in your friendship and being that you've only really re-connected for the summer. Life seems pretty busy for her and you need focus on you right now. Just tell her you jumped the gun in all the excitement and you would prefer to have a more mature MOH. Just be honest, I'm going through the same thing myself. Do it right waya, it really doesn't seem that she's bringing much into your life anyway.

Good Luck

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Thanks for the advice. Just so you know, she wouldn't be there for the honeymoon, just the days before the wedding, then she would be with my parents (we are honeymooning in the Dominican anyways!). I'm not a huge fan of this idea anyways, but at the time I just wanted her to be there! I would ignore her, but apparently she has started looking into places for the stag and doe and I don't want her to book something (she probably would without talking to me!) and she lives one door down, so I'll have to face her sooner or later anyways.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Also, I was thinking about doing what you suggested Mel and just saying we couldn't afford to pay, but I'm sure her Dad would take care of it if she asked him.

 

[DisneyBride2B]

Remember first off...this is YOUR wedding, you should do what makes you the happiest and doesn't become a source of stress for you. Weddings are hard enough on the bride and groom, this is your special day, not hers! That being said, I would keep in mind all that you are sacraficing to get her down to WDW and think...would she do the same for me?

I was just the MOH in my friends wedding she and had to deal with "letting a bridesmaid go" because of all the stress she caused for everyone. Feel free to PM me if you need any advice on that too!

Keep you chin up!

 

[Laurafoster]

I agree this is your wedding! if u dont want her there then dont! You dont want to end up regretting it as your going to remember this day for the rest of your life! I would just be honest with her, but in a nice way. Just say that you have discussed it with your fiance and that you have decided to keep it just close friends and family and therefore she would not be invited.

 

[FutureAshleyDukes]

I agree that you should tell her your wedding will now be family only due to financial reasons. If she suggests that her dad will pay for her ticket just let her know that there are other expenses that the two of you will have to cover, and that you have other friends that wanted to come who wouldn't understand why she was an exception. I hope this all works out for the two of you.

 

[tlbwriter]

I'd tell her the truth - that you feel like you've drifted apart and you sense that she's not really interested in you or the wedding, so you're going to release her from that obligation.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Thank you for your advice everyone! I talked to her today and she was surprisingly ok with it. She said that she could never be mad at me for doing what I thought was best for our wedding. I told her that it was no reflection of her, but that we had decided that it was best to keep it to family only. She was really understanding and that is a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm sure she is disappointed, but I had to do what is best for our wedding.

 

[FutureAshleyDukes]

I'm glad it all worked out so well!