Need advice about attending Shiva

[jfranklyn]

A good friend of mine from work just lost her father suddently. The family will be sitting Shiva all week. I'm not Jewish, so I'm at a loss for what is expected. I definately want to go. Is there a proper "protocol" so to speak about what to wear, what to bring, when/when not to go (time of day), how long to say, etc? She is orthodox, but her mother is not. Help! I just want to do the right thing.

 

[abdmom]

This may help Sitting Shiva

 

[lewdyan1]

That's a great link.

Really it just a time to be there for your friend. People sit around and chat. If you go in the evening (around sundown), there may be a short service, but this won't take really long. If you want to bring something, food is the usually thing, usually fruit is the best bet since she is orthodox and will probably keep kosher. As for clothes I wouldn't show up in shorts...probably what you wear to work is fine. And how long you stay is up to you, there will be people coming in and out during the shiva and you stay as long as you feel comfortable.

It's really nice of you going for your friend, it will mean a lot to her.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

 

[pearlieq]

It's pretty easy. Dress conservatively, bring a fruit basket or other kosher food gift, and say how sorry you are for their loss.

You should plan to stay anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour or two, depending on what's going on. You don't need to rush out the door, but try to keep an eye on the family and leave when you see them getting tired or overwhelmed.

Also, don't feel like you have to keep up conversation. Part of a shiva call is just sitting with the family and being there. Silences and moments of contemplation are normal and expected.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

And do not, under any circumstance, bring flowers.