Need advice about a white lie I told a friend...

[dismom2005]

This question is almost embarassing to ask because it sounds so "high school" so i'm going to post under my other DIS identity.

Anyway - I have a good friend who lives in another state and a few months ago I mentioned to another friend of mine that I had planned on taking a visit out to see her and we'd meet in Las Vegas for a few nights. My friend here who is also a neighbor (who never ever liked this friend of mine who lives in another state) said she wanted to go. I didn't turn her down then, but I said something along the lines of it may be nice to fly with someone - but I left it at that and the issue had not come up again.

Fast forward a few months ago when CA friend and I spoke and decided to make it just us two on this trip. I never told my friend here and now the trip is fast approaching and my friend here has no idea i'm even going.

I want to fess up to her that i'm going because I feel so silly that i've not told her yet that i'm going and that I didn't want to have the "you can't go" conversation.

Can anyone help me with this? Should I just tell her the truth or pretend i'm not home for 3 days?? What about saying something along the lines of that I booked it last minute? It's such a silly thing to tell a lie about, but I just don't want to hurt any feelings - and yes, I should have told her months ago and I could have avoided all of this. Lesson learned.

 

[SC Minnie]

Be honest. Tell her that you know that she and the other friend do not get along very well and you really want to spend a lot of time with other friend. You know that she will not have a good time. Maybe suggest something else that you and this friend can do together.

 

[marybet]

Will this friend know that you are gone if you don't tell her? If you have to tell her I would just mention it in an off hand way. She may have even forgotten that she talked about going with you.

If she says that she wanted to go too than that would be the time to tell her that you and the other friend had decided on it just being the two of you. I don't feel that you had concrete plans with the other friend, so I wouldn't have felt a need to tell her she wasn't invited. Has she ever talked about the trip after your first conversation? She has most likely forgotten about it and will just tell you to have a good time.

 

[Tinijocaro]

If she has openly told you that she doesn't like the out of state friend, then, let her know you are going, and if she questions why she can't go, tell her you thought it would be better if you took separate trips, since she doesn't really care for this friend anyways. Or you could ask her why would she want to go? She doesn't even like this friend.

She will find out, and much better if it comes from you- you just have to be prepared for explaining why she isn't coming. I'd think being up front would be best. Who wants tension on a vacation? You could also say that out of state friend had specifically asked to have a one on one vacation with you and you didn't want to make different plans.

Jackie

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree with marybet. You had no concrete plans. I would only say something if she did.

 

[golfgal]

I'm still trying to figure out why she wants to go in the first place if she doesn't like this other person? If she asks just say you are planning to go with "Jane" and since you knew she and "Jane" didn't get along you didn't say anything.

 

[dismom2005]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Friendships can be complicated sometimes, and I don't know why she suggested to go when I know she doesn't like this friend, never has, and it would be a very awkward time. Due to the fact she never mentioned it again I assume she wouldn't want to go anyways. Maybe the initial excitement of going away somewhere was what made her mention about going.

I just feel like a jerk for not telling her sooner - I can't go back 2 months and say "oh by the way, remember a few months ago when I mentioned about going to see X? Well we just decided for it to be the two of us". I didn't want to deal with the confrontation even if it wouldn't have been a big deal.

I guess I don't have to tell her, but that just seems to be making the situation worse - and she'll know i'm gone if I don't touch base for longer than a day or two. I'm leaning towards telling her and just saying that I apologize for not mentioning it sooner.