Narcissist, evil, or something else?

[ozarkmom]

I try I really do to ignore my dd's on again/off again relationship with the jerk. It's just unreal. He's not in school he was thrown out for not meeting academic probation. He spends alot of time on the internet facebook, hotornot, myspace etc. On these sites he says he single, he's pre-med major, his pictures are mostly shirtless and they are 3 yrs. old when he uhh worked out and used steriods. He usually posts crap about how he's a prep (do people still use that word) and that he really likes emo, indie, punk chicks but cheerleader/ preps are all that seem interested in him. It's nuts it really is. He leaves out the part about his alcohol and substance problems, his lying, his lack of a job. The girls that get involved with him (my dd included) seem to have a hard time getting away/over him. I don't get it. Oh over a month ago my dd had a friend request on facebook from a 16 yr. old girl in Ontario. She added her and the girl wanted to know what my dd's relationship was with the jerk because they were sort of "dating". I'm sorry your over a thousand miles from someone you've never met, your 16 he's 24 and your sort of dating. I don't know someone tell me do you know people like this. Oh and before anyone tells me my dd has a problem yes I know this. One of this guys last gf's mom said it's been over 3 yrs. and she's still not over him go figure.

 

[metalis4ever]

Sounds like he has problems..I am no psychologist by any means but maybe he is depressed and manipulating his reality aa well as that of others is how he copes with his lack of ambition and success. On my of DW's friends has a "boyfriend" like this as he too is a complete loser and user but not matter what he says or does to her it doesn't change how she feels about him. We have tried to hook her up on dates with other guys that are more succesful and according to my DW are more attractive LOL but she always says that she can't forget about this other guy. Sometimes its hard to see past our emotions, I get that, but sometimes we just need a good smack in the back of the head (figuratively speaking of course) to get us to reckognize reality. Hopfully for your DD's sake that will come before he takes her down with him.

 

[ozarkmom]

The whole thing just blows my mind. It's not just my dd. I know the families of two of his other long term relationships and it was the same thing with those girls. We're talking beautiful girls that could do so much better. Girls love this guy for some reason. The girl in Canada that's crazy too. As a matter of a fact my dd moved away for a couple of months to get away from him. A girl he met on myspace started driving 40 miles here to see him, take him out buy him clothes etc. The whole time he insisted to everyone that was in contact with my dd that this girl was NOT his gf. She was just a dumb bi*ch that bought him stuff. He was calling my dd begging her to come back and apparently was talking to this girl in Canada and who knows how many others. I did spend alot of time fighting with DD about this guy and now I try to just keep my mouth shut and hope little by little she'll wake up.

 

[KilimanjaroSafaris]

I try I really do to ignore my dd's on again/off again relationship with the jerk. It's just unreal. He's not in school he was thrown out for not meeting academic probation. He spends alot of time on the internet facebook, hotornot, myspace etc. On these sites he says he single, he's pre-med major, his pictures are mostly shirtless and they are 3 yrs. old when he uhh worked out and used steriods. He usually posts crap about how he's a prep (do people still use that word) and that he really likes emo, indie, punk chicks but cheerleader/ preps are all that seem interested in him. It's nuts it really is. He leaves out the part about his alcohol and substance problems, his lying, his lack of a job. The girls that get involved with him (my dd included) seem to have a hard time getting away/over him. I don't get it. Oh over a month ago my dd had a friend request on facebook from a 16 yr. old girl in Ontario. She added her and the girl wanted to know what my dd's relationship was with the jerk because they were sort of "dating". I'm sorry your over a thousand miles from someone you've never met, your 16 he's 24 and your sort of dating. I don't know someone tell me do you know people like this. Oh and before anyone tells me my dd has a problem yes I know this. One of this guys last gf's mom said it's been over 3 yrs. and she's still not over him go figure.

sounds like my ex(and mostly every guy I have dated)....very NPD!! Run, run as far as you can! I really wish I did, and I am still suffering, he is not.........but then again, it was always about HIM in the first place!

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[ozarkmom]

Almost every girl has one of these guys in her past. I like to think of them as training wheels for real life. Things start out great on cloud nine until you get dropped from a million miles away back onto planet earth. I'm sure its awful to watch, I'm not looking forward to seeing it with either of my kids, but I think its necessary. How can you recognize a prince unless you kissed a few frogs?

If it was me I'd definitely have 'the talk' and make sure she knows how to avoid any unexpected presents from the guy. Then, sit quietly and wait for the axe to fall because it always does. Then make sure you have plenty of tissues and ice cream. What I wouldn't do is let anyone else put a wedge between me & either of my kids. If he's this big a loser it won't take long for him to show his true colors, just don't be the one to point it out, no-one likes the messenger of bad news... no-one.

Oh you've missed the past posts this guy has been around for two years. She's broke up with him seen others even moved 3 hours away. He always talks her into taking him back. I've seen losers before but the internet, the lying, the not working everytime he's confronted about what he calls "shady" stuff on the net or in real life his excuse is I was drunk and being stupid or the girl is lying because she's obsessed and wants me. He actually says he can't help it girls want him and most of them are psycho and make up stuff about him!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

There is going to be a point in alot of girls lives in which they don't know "who they are".
He zero's in on this and manipulates. He is very good at it. He wins the Academy Award for it.

It is like a parasitic relationship. You know it is bad however you do get "something" out of it.

I had my "bad boy". It is like they know what to say to make you feel wonderful, connected and then you have great "fun".
No one could kiss like he could....the lying, two-timing, thieving, sob.

 

[ozarkmom]

There is going to be a point in alot of girls lives in which they don't know "who they are".
He zero's in on this and manipulates. He is very good at it. He wins the Academy Award for it.

It is like a parasitic relationship. You know it is bad however you do get "something" out of it.

I had my "bad boy". It is like they know what to say to make you feel wonderful, connected and then you have great "fun".
No one could kiss like he could....the lying, two-timing, thieving, sob.

How long did it take you to come to your senses? I was talking last night to the mom of his ex (3 yrs. ago) he nearly killed her in a wreck and her mom says she's just reached the point where she says she would never take him back but that she still loves him??!

 

[Amlee]

The whole thing just blows my mind. It's not just my dd. I know the families of two of his other long term relationships and it was the same thing with those girls. We're talking beautiful girls that could do so much better. Girls love this guy for some reason. The girl in Canada that's crazy too. As a matter of a fact my dd moved away for a couple of months to get away from him. A girl he met on myspace started driving 40 miles here to see him, take him out buy him clothes etc. The whole time he insisted to everyone that was in contact with my dd that this girl was NOT his gf. She was just a dumb bi*ch that bought him stuff. He was calling my dd begging her to come back and apparently was talking to this girl in Canada and who knows how many others. I did spend alot of time fighting with DD about this guy and now I try to just keep my mouth shut and hope little by little she'll wake up.

It's a fast moving train and the only thing you can do is be there to pick up the pieces from the wreck once it's over.

As much as you want to, when it's time please reframe from telling her you told her so.

 

[Disney Doll]

No offense to all you women out there who have done this, or to you ozarkmom, whose DD is doing it, but you're all blaming the wrong person.

The guy may be scum, but no one is forcing anyone to go be with him. It's a choice they are making.. .a bad one to be sure, but a choice nonetheless.

If it were my DD, I'd be concerned about why she has so little self-esteem that she feels that this is the best she can do.