Named executor in parents will -help!

[mousefanmichelle]

Before my mom passed away 6 years ago, my parents chose me to be the executor to their estate. My dad is sticking with that decison still and has said that I have the final word on all things regarding his estate as outlined in his will. Now I have read the will and it's full of legal mambo-jambo that I don't really understand. I need help. I guess what I really need to know is what does being the executor entail really?

I don't want to be the executor because both of my sisters (oldest and middle) will make my life a living hell when my dad dies. They think that whatever my dad has belongs to them and then some. They are greedy and feel they deserve everything. I don't want to deal with that. I have told my dad as much but he won't change it. In fact my middle sister has told a family member that she will fight me on everything legally because even though I am the exec. I don't have final say on anything. I told my dad this too. He still holds his ground. Everytime my dad and I talk he tells me that this is paid up and the checkbook is stashed here or whatever else he needs to tell me in case he doesn't wake up the next day.

As it stands my middle sister lives with my dad and if she found him dead she would clean him out and then call my oldest sister and then me. If my oldest sister found him dead she would take a few things she felt entitled to and then call me. If I found him dead I would change the locks. Ugh! I really don't want this job.

So what does being the executor really mean to me?

TIA!

 

[golfgal]

How well set up is his will? Does he have a trust? What types of retirement accounts does he have? Does he have life insurance? Do the beneficiaries of all his accounts MATCH is will? If not, they will supersede the will.

Being executor means you will be responsible for closing out his estate-paying off debtors FROM THE ESTATE (not ANY of your personal money), filing his last tax return, etc. If your sister's are going to be a problem-trust me when I say I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND as I am the executor for my Dad for that reason as well--have your dad make a very detailed list of "things" and to whom they should go and have it notarized, preferably by someone in his attorneys office so they know what is going on.

If his will and trust were done properly they won't have a lot to fight with but it would be worth a review just in case.

 

[crz4mm2]

I am also the executor of my Mom's will/estate.

I dread the day.

 

[livie1205]

my parents have signed everything over to me, to keep and NOT to split.They have their reasons and I think it is a good choice.I have a half sister and a half brother (from moms first marriage) that get nothing.I am not worried about what they think, I am sure they already know they will get nothing not that there will be alot to give.I will be putting anthing that is left up for my kids schooling (like they want it to go) .This is his choice so dont stress to much about it.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I am also the executor of my Mom's will/estate.

I dread the day.

ditto

I'm in the same position. However, my 2 sisters and I at least speak to each other. I'm oldest and life 1 1/2 hours away from her. Middle sister lives closest and handles most of her daily stuff. Youngest lives 10 hours away. I still think it's going to be a mess. She has her house and a storage facility full of her stuff, my dad's stuff, and stuff from my great-aunts house which she got when she died years ago.

 

[powellrj]

Hire a lawyer. Best money DH spent when he handled his parents estate. He had a nightmare nobody ever saw coming and being able to tell people to talk the the lawyer was a huge help.

Its been almost 2 years and people are just now coming forward with their hands out. It feels so good to be able to say, call the lawyer.

 

[Mom-to-2-Princesses]

--have your dad make a very detailed list of "things" and to whom they should go and have it notarized, preferably by someone in his attorneys office so they know what is going on.

If his will and trust were done properly they won't have a lot to fight with but it would be worth a review just in case.

{{HUGS}} Not an easy job, but you seem fortunate that your Dad will talk to you about his will and where all the legal paperwork is located. Since he is willing to talk, take golfgal's advice and get a listing of what is in the house and who it goes to. Take pictures of the items so it is easier to find and describe "lost" items. Would your dad be willing to go over such a list with your sisters? Then any "important" items can be taken care of.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I agree with hiring a lawyer or using the one who set up the will. Also, ask your dad if you can see the will now so you can clarify his wishes, if necessary.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Good luck.

My dad is executor... not fun.

Everyone is jealous of my aunt who takes care of my grandmother, living in her house, saying she needs less and less and less so there is more and more and more for them when my grandmother dies.

They want to put my grandmother in a nursing home for the same reason, and sell the house, even though my aunt takes GREAT care of her.

One more recent phone call was because my aunt spilled something on the kitchen counters, and another aunt got mad because perhaps she is "irresponsible" and shouldn't be watching my grandmother... that, and "the stain will lower the value of the house".

It is always something.

My advice... stick to your guns, follow what is in black and white, be prepared for people to hate you. Honor your loved ones wishes... they chose YOU because YOU are the most responsible.

 

[agnes!]

You & your Dad need to go talk to a lawyer (or your Dad's lawyer) and make sure everything is set-up the way he wants and that you are prepared for the storm that is sure to come to a head when your Dad passes away.

He must trust you and not them.
He must know that you will do what he wants you to do.
He must want certain people to get their LEGAL share of his estate, no more and no less.
You need to be prepared with a plan of action for that sad day.
If that means you have to change the locks to keep the Greedies from getting their paws on other people's stuff, then change the locks.
If that means you designate a proxy to deal with your relatives, then do so.
If that means you have to swear out legal papers to keep those two sisters of yours from illegally spending your Dad's estate on their selfish wants, then do so.

Just because they think they're entitled doesn't mean they *are*. Your dad trusts you to do what he wants to be done, your mom trusted you as well. Think of it this way...if those Greedy Girls steal your Dad's money, how many people won't be helped? I bet he's left money to charities, and money to beloved relatives and to help people out.

Your sisters will just steal it ALL from the rightful owners.

agnes!

 

[shortbun]

OP, your Dad needs to make better preparations for you. He needs to set things in stone-get a trust set up and make it so all you have to do is follow the rules of the trust.

 

[golfgal]

Good luck.

My dad is executor... not fun.

Everyone is jealous of my aunt who takes care of my grandmother, living in her house, saying she needs less and less and less so there is more and more and more for them when my grandmother dies.

They want to put my grandmother in a nursing home for the same reason, and sell the house, even though my aunt takes GREAT care of her.

One more recent phone call was because my aunt spilled something on the kitchen counters, and another aunt got mad because perhaps she is "irresponsible" and shouldn't be watching my grandmother... that, and "the stain will lower the value of the house".

It is always something.

My advice... stick to your guns, follow what is in black and white, be prepared for people to hate you. Honor your loved ones wishes... they chose YOU because YOU are the most responsible.

If you put your mom in a nursing home and sell her house, the money from the sale of the house will have to go to paying for her nursing home care, which in our state is about $80K/year for basic care in an average type place. Try telling your relatives that .

 

[Nette]

I'm administering (executing) my dad's will right now. Thankfully my brothers are very cooperative so it's been relatively painless in that respect.

Depending on your state you will need a probate lawyer. You can send your sisters to talk to him if they become a pain. As for taking stuff before the death is announced, you might ask your dad to include specific items in his will so that they can't get away with that.

Executing a will is not really fun, but it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. So far, I have taken control of his bank accounts (would be better if your sisters do not have signature privileges on his accounts, so talk to him about that... if he puts YOU on the accounts your life will be easier for paying bills), I have also filed his last tax return (for the time he was alive in 2009). I'm in the process of selling his car and cleaning out his house to ready it for sale.

If your dad uses a lawyer to write the will and gets very specific in it, it will make your job lots easier. My dad's will was a very brief handwritten "my three kids get everything" type of job and it's lucky that my brothers and I get along. I was worried that it might bring out the worst in one of us, but it didn't.


ETA: make sure there are enough witnesses to the will and it is bonded. You'll avoid tons of headaches.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Well my dad's estate is in trust. I have a copy of the will and it has not been amended since that copy. I know my dad trusts me it's just that I don't trust my sisters. I have told my dad that but he kinda shrugs it off and tells me to have fun! Nice huh? He isn't trying to be mean but he knows what is to come for me.

With his estate being in trust I do believe we avoid probate is that correct? I live in the same state as my dad so that isn't an issue.

 

[Praying Colonel]

I realize the OP probably feels morally obligated to honor her father's wishes, but from a strictly legal perspective she can decline to serve as executor.

As for whether a trust "avoids probate," it may. However, if the father has acquired assets in his own name since the creation of the trust and not added those assets to the trust, then probate may still be necessary. Probate laws vary from state to state, and she would do well to consult with an attorney in her jurisdiction who focuses in probate practice.