MySpace.com & Teens - what do you do?

[WDWorld2003]

Wow, I just discovered this site and many of my kids friends are on it. One includes my daughter but since she's 18 and it looks innocent I will let her make her own choices - she'll be on her own next year. My other daughter is 15 and no profile I'm aware of (yet!). However, after looking in history she does browse this site.

I am concerned as I looked up one of their friends who is 17 and her profile is disturbing.... I'm not as close to her mom as I used to be but if my daughter's profile were on the internet and it looked like that I would want to know.

Any thoughts on if I should tell her mom or just leave it? I don't want to be a whistle blower as my kids would hate me as well as this girl but I would think she would regret this later in life. I would love to let her mom know anonynmously.

I can't believe the stuff these teens are putting out there for everyone to see. Times have sure changed! I have a love/hate relationship with the internet and sometimes wish it didn't exist.

Thanks for any thoughts!

 

[Christine]

My 14 y/o DD has a MySpace profile. After some sleuthing on my part, I was able to access her site. Honestly, I *was* a little disturbed at some of the things she said. I ruminated after awhile and then I talked to her about it. I told her that as long as she was using *MY* computer, that I would very well have access to everything she was doing.

I told her that I didn't mind if she had this account (all her friends communicate through MySpace) but that I wanted her to "keep it clean." If she could not do that, she would not get on the computer.

It seems to have worked and I make periodic checks on it. Am I crazy about her doing this? No, but as long as she meets me halfway, I will let her continue.

As far as approaching the other mom, well, I would want to know but I am that kind of person. Some people don't take that stuff well at all and you have to be careful.

 

[DawnCt1]

If you know the mom well enough to engage her in a casual conversation have a conversation about your favorite web sites. Mention fodors, cruise critic, Dis, etc and say something like; "We adults have our sites and the kids have theirs. I am surprised at how many kids from our town use MY Space, its really nice that they can post info about themselves, share and have that connection. It is so user friendly too. Kids can browse and find anyone who has posted a profile. I know my kids LOVE it" You will peak her curiosity enough that she will snoop on her own.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I know my little cousins both have a myspace account and I snoop to make sure they are not getting into any trouble about once a month. I have no problem going to them or their parents if I find something on there about them, I want them safe.

 

[tkd lisa]

I think I would say something to the Mom. Yes, it may be considered snooping, but the possible negative consequences are mind boggling.

Let's put it this way, if anything happened, could you face yourself if you hadn't said anything?

 

[WDWorld2003]

Thanks everyone..... As far as just mentioning it to the mom in passing I don't see her anymore (maybe once a year) as they moved out of the neighborhood and she is NOT internet savvy at all - I'm sure she is absolutely clueless as to anything that goes on as far as the internet.

My daughter and her were best friends for most of their childhood so she spent a lot of time at our house. They have since grown apart after she moved (thank goodness after reading her profile!) and just say "Hi" in the school halls. Also, this girl gets everything she wants, brand new car, clothes, etc. (and obviously lots of unmonitored internet time) as they are quite well off.

I will continue to monitor my daughters' use of the internet but wish I could think of a way to alert her mom. I know my kids are not completely innocent but as I said her profile is not something I would want the public to see!

 

[LisaNJ25]

I have a myspace page... I didnt know it but my 13yo already had one. I just keep an eye on his page.

 

[cardaway]

Based on what I've heard it's uncontrolled and not a good place for kids.

I can't believe how many kids surf and run personal spaces without parent supervision, but given the stuff I've heard in on there, lots are on their own.

 

[corie161]

How do you search for kids you know. I would like to see about my nieces, but do you just search for their name?

 

[Bashful2]

My girls, 17 and 16, both have a My Space acct. We have a pretty open relationship and they show me their profiles all the time. They've also shown me profiles of other people, some of which they and I both think are kind of disgusting. One of their ex-friends has a picture of her boyfriend sitting on the toilet!

As far as informing another parent, unless I absolutely knew their values and was close enough to be a friend, I would MMOB. I learned the hard way that some people don't want to hear these kinds of things from someone else.

 

[twoprincesses]

How do you search for kids you know. I would like to see about my nieces, but do you just search for their name?

you could do a search by using there name or more specifically using there e-mail address. You can also search by schools. I think it can search through elementary-college.

 

[WDWorld2003]

Bashful.... I think I will MMOB - it's just so hard as she was a part of our family for years. She's a very sweet girl still but you would never know by her profile! I guess I was so shocked when I saw it I needed to get some advice before I did something I shouldn't..... another reason I love these boards.

corie - to find someone just go to the home page and under search, look for their name, email, or school.

 

[pyrxtc]

I just did a quick search and am surprised to find my dear abbysitter on ther and also at how much information they give out in their public profile! I mean, I know all the stuff she wrote but it has her full name and where she lives, goes to school, everything!

 

[Bashful2]

It is hard to see something like that. DDs ex-friend with the toilet picture was also like a member of our family. She practically lived with us until she stabbed DD16 in the back. I really feel sorry for her. She's had a rough time of it with her parents who never saw her as a priority, but neither my girls or DH & I want her back in our lives. BTW, her mother was the one I learned my lesson with.

 

[sweet angel]

DS14 has a MySpace, but only on the condition that he keep it "private" and that I have access to it at any time. We actually set up an account for my dog and my dog had to request to be DS' "friend". I log in as the dog and have access.

From looking at his other friends' pages, I'm going to guess that a lot of parents DON'T check.

 

[kilee]

I have heard some ruckus here and there about this site. I kept it in the back of my mind. My son doesn't use the computer too often and when he does he has to use the laptop in a common room. He pretty much likes to play games- but I'm sure that is going to change sooner than later. As girls are starting to call the house- and he's becoming more and more "teen" like.

Anyhow-- I decided to search and found my dh's step-sister, and I was quite shocked. I actually thought I was going to find his step-brother- but that didn't happen.

 

[rileyroosmom]

My friend recently called to tell me my ds12 had a profile on MySpace. I had never heard of it before. She walked me through it to find his profile. I didn't have a problem really with his profile, although he had listed his age as 22!!LOL!. After looking through it, I saw a lot of disturbing profiles and didn't feel comfortable with him using this site. I told him my concerns (one being he had listed his full name and our town and state). It lead to a good discussion of the dangers of the internet. When I told him about some of the disturbing profiles I saw, he decided to remove his from the site and not visit it anymore. Since then, I always hear of this site and in a negative way.

 

[beattyfamily]

I'm very much against these kinds of websites. I will not allow my girls to have profiles at any website like that. I will keep a very close eye on them (they're 6 and 9 right now) to make sure it doesn't happen. If it does, they'll be trouble.

We also took IM off our computers. My girls can use the phone to keep in touch with friends. In our house, the computer will be for homework and computer games only and it is in one central location. I could care aless what other kids are doing. Luckily, DH is a computer programmer/expert so we can make sure they aren't secretly doing anything.

Call me old-fashioned. I really don't care.

 

[georgina]

I have discussed this with my children and will not allow them to put anything on Myspace or the other sites like it. I am just not comfortable with it, although they have friends that do.

If I found a profile by a close friend's child, I think i would tell them, but otherwise I would not bring it up.

 

[pfishgirl]

My DS (15) has one and so do I. He made me make one so I can find other NJ women scrapbookers and groups. He is on my friends list so I see his every time I check mine. Some of his friends are a little disturbing and I can assume that their parent's don't know or never look. I have viewed many of his friends and his friends, friends and it is really sad to think that the feel the need to type what they do to look cool or older or whatever.. I guess I am VERY VERY VERY lucky to have a great close relationship with my son, I was a Very young Mom and I think we grew up alot together.. I am just praying that some sicko isn't Lurking out there, ready to pounce, on any innocent victim..

PS my son doesn't have school info or town info on his page, however his friends do so if you really think and put 2 and 2 together, it wouldn't be hard to find my son..