My son's internal Christmas clock is out of synch.

[Wall-E1]

I was wondering if other parents have this issue, or if its just my son.

Every year, a few days after Thanksgiving, my son begins his winter break from school. Now, winter break generally does not officially start until the week before the holiday, but my son takes the prior three weeks off. He does still go to school in body, but not in mind. There is always a drop in his grades and academic performance around this time. I don't understand this unusual strategy of his. Let me lay out his bizarre strategy:

1. Stop turning in assignments and doing homework immediately after Thanksgiving. (Of course this coincides with the beginning of the holiday shopping season. So, he essentially gets into the most trouble in school just as I am deciding what to get him for Christmas).

2. When given a second chance, don't use it. (He is always warned that this would be the worst time of the year to slack off, as it could have an adverse affect on gifts. This does not penetrate his wall of stubbornness).

3. Make sure that the academic performance slacks off so much that Dad is called in for a teacher's conference. (You always want the financial source of the gifts to be upset with you during the holiday shopping season).

4. Sprinkle in a little of "not doing household chores" for flavoring. (He slacks off on his chores big time, which infuriates the main consumer of his holiday gifts. This is to done to further mentally beat down the confused and angry dad).

5. Right after the holidays, refocus on academic performance with renewed vigor, and somehow pull all grades up to A's and B's. (This is particularly annoying, as I have spent the entire month of December lecturing him on how his grades are dropping and how it is unacceptable. So, as I watch in disbelief, his grades always rise by one or two letters in the final days before the term ends, thereby rendering insignificant the many lectures I have been giving. This also allows the "know it all" son to declare, "I told you so").

Why does he do this to me year after year? Is his internal Christmas clock broken? When I was younger, there would be points that I would slack off throughout the school year, but never before Christmas. That time of year was major "suck up" time. I would be on my absolute best behavior, knowing that gifts hung in the balance. My son is otherwise extremely intelligent, but what is this strange strategy of his to behave this way before the holidays?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My sympathies go out to you.....I have 2 dd's that are making me crazy.

 

[clovergirl5]

Maybe being aware that winter vacation is coming, the kids are feeling more relaxed about everything when they still need to be on the ball for school. I know my kids do alot of art projects and homemade xmas presents and stuff in Dec. and not the constant head in the book grind of school everyday. They do alot of xmas word searches and stuff that looks more fun than "schoolwork" this time of the year. Maybe the more relaxed and "fun" environment in school is making him feel more relaxed about schoolwork and his mind not being in it.

 

[Binnie]

A friend of mine is dealing with a similar situation with her son, who has issues which get much worse during this time of year. The current thinking is that he's dealing with a form of seasonal affective disorder.

Don't know if this is the case with your kid, or if he just gets lazy, but I thought I'd mention it.

 

[pigletgirl]

Yep, even now (in college) I get that way. Its really hard for me to focus. All I can think about is the holiday break, no classes, ect.

I hate to say it, but he may always be that way. From as long as I can remember, I definitely was.

One week to go! Woohoo!!

 

[babytrees]

Our school system changed the semester ending from after the winter break to the week before break....it has greatly reduced those internal clock whack outs.

 

[Wall-E1]

A friend of mine is dealing with a similar situation with her son, who has issues which get much worse during this time of year. The current thinking is that he's dealing with a form of seasonal affective disorder.

Don't know if this is the case with your kid, or if he just gets lazy, but I thought I'd mention it.

I'm just amazed that they have come up with a name for this. I googled it. I'm still shocked. They put labels on everything these days. They probably even have some magic pill to combat this.

Not meaning to dismiss your comment or your friend's issues. I just think our society has gone over the top on labeling every single mood swing or attitude change.

Thank you for the suggestion. I happen to think that in my case, my son just gets a certain sadistic pleasure out of torturing his old man. It simply amuses him to play with my sanity as if it were a lump of play doh. My son is the type of kid that drives everyone crazy. He has this carefree attitude that always causes grief to me, yet he always pulls through in the end, much to the dismay of me. I would like to see him fail, just once, so I can prove my point.

 

[RangerPooh]

Many of the kids in my class are on a mental vacation already. They're little, 4 and 5 years old, but already focused on Santa, gifts, the tree, the desire for snow, Christmas in general. Growing up I attended a year round elementary school, so I knew when my month long vacations were coming and would start zoning out about a week before they arrived. To this day I start zoning out when they would be there. Too bad I'm 30 and haven't had them since I was 12, lol.....but my parents always new it was coming as Nov and March were my months off (July too but didn't count).

 

[clovergirl5]

I'm just amazed that they have come up with a name for this. I googled it. I'm still shocked. They put labels on everything these days. They probably even have some magic pill to combat this.

Not meaning to dismiss your comment or your friend's issues. I just think our society has gone over the top on labeling every single mood swing or attitude change.

Thank you for the suggestion. I happen to think that in my case, my son just gets a certain sadistic pleasure out of torturing his old man. It simply amuses him to play with my sanity as if it were a lump of play doh. My son is the type of kid that drives everyone crazy. He has this carefree attitude that always causes grief to me, yet he always pulls through in the end, much to the dismay of me. I would like to see him fail, just once, so I can prove my point.

I don't think I could ever say that. How old is he?

 

[Wall-E1]

I don't think I could ever say that. How old is he?

That's because you don't know my son. If you knew him, you would understand. He's fourteen and never wrong about anything.

Besides, failure is a good thing. Failure teaches us to overcome. It strengthens character. We learn and grow from failure. I want him to fail so he sees that some of his behaviors and attitudes are not right. The problem is - he is too smart for his own good and is excellent at manipulating teachers and others. Walt Disney said this about failure - "All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."

 

[clovergirl5]

That's because you don't know my son. If you knew him, you would understand. He's fourteen and never wrong about anything.

Besides, failure is a good thing. Failure teaches us to overcome. It strengthens character. We learn and grow from failure. I want him to fail so he sees that some of his behaviors and attitudes are not right. The problem is - he is too smart for his own good and is excellent at manipulating teachers and others. Walt Disney said this about failure - "All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."

I was thinking of an elem. school age kid. Yeah, teenagers huh. Does his school councelor or teachers have any suggestions? What kind of kids is he hanging around with? My dd just turned 13 and is a good responsible kid so far. I don't know any other suggestions for you. Hope he grows out of it

 

[Schmeck]

Why does his school system allow him to make up the work he's refused to do earlier? Is he on an IEP? Even if he is, his school is not doing him any favors for letting him do this. When he is employed, he'd be fired if he didn't work for 3 weeks.

I'd just not put out any presents for him under the tree (I'd have them of course, but hide them) and on Christmas day, tell him you didn't feel like doing the work of getting him presents, but you might get to it in 3 weeks or so.

BTW, Seasonal Affective Disorder is real, has been a diagnosis for a long time, and I have it. It has to do with getting enough sunlight to stimulate the brain. If you don't believe it is of real concern, google the suicide rates in the northern countries that don't get more than 3-4 hours of daylight during the winter.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't know the "why's" of this, but my method of dealing with it would be (and was) with my own kids, natural consquences.. In some way, shape, or form, he does manage to get those grades back up again, so I wouldn't waste my energy fussing at him about it.. If it results in problems for him with the school - "natural consequences" would rule the day..

 

[Wall-E1]

Why does his school system allow him to make up the work he's refused to do earlier? Is he on an IEP? Even if he is, his school is not doing him any favors for letting him do this. When he is employed, he'd be fired if he didn't work for 3 weeks.

I'd just not put out any presents for him under the tree (I'd have them of course, but hide them) and on Christmas day, tell him you didn't feel like doing the work of getting him presents, but you might get to it in 3 weeks or so.

BTW, Seasonal Affective Disorder is real, has been a diagnosis for a long time, and I have it. It has to do with getting enough sunlight to stimulate the brain. If you don't believe it is of real concern, google the suicide rates in the northern countries that don't get more than 3-4 hours of daylight during the winter.

Excellent question and suggestion. Every year I go to parent/teacher night and I am informed of the teacher's policies. They generally don't accept late work or knock 50% off, if a day late. But every year, my son is making up work days or weeks late and getting full credit for it. This is year after year and it drives me crazy. I have told some of his teachers to be very strict with him and don't let him get away with anything. I have gone to conferences and had lifelong teahers laugh about the fact that they have never come across a student like my son. It's like they are under his spell or something. I don't get it. I have no answer as to how he does what he does. I am in awe.

He is not on an IEP. He actually is in all advanced classes and is enrolled at a highly competitive magnet school. When I tell others my frustration with him, they look at me like I'm crazy. They can't believe that I am complaining about a kid that consistantly makes honor roll and is doing so well. What they don't understand is that for eight of the nine weeks each quarter his grades sometimes drop to C's and D's. Then on the last week, they magically shoot up.

It's funny that you mentioned the persents. That is exactly what I have done. There are only presents for our two cats under the tree. The cats are much better behaved and well mannered than the boy. They deserve Christmas. Every Christmas and birthday he gets presents that he can't play with. This Christmas, family and friends have been getting him video games. Well, I have the cords to his game systems and have not been allowing him to play. This has no effect on him. I have a chart that shows the simple things he can do to earn his game and t.v. rights back. Again, it has no effect on him. The force is very strong in him.

If I had to describe my son in two words, they would be - Ferris Bueller. He is charming, likeable, funny; smart, etc. He uses these attributes completely to his advantage. I am like the Jennifer Grey character from the movie - the bitter sister that cannot stand how he gets away with everything. This is why I would like for him to experience failure. I want him to realize that he cannot always charm and manipulate himself out of everything. So far, I have been proven wrong in just about every situation.

 

[Wall-E1]

I don't know the "why's" of this, but my method of dealing with it would be (and was) with my own kids, natural consquences.. In some way, shape, or form, he does manage to get those grades back up again, so I wouldn't waste my energy fussing at him about it.. If it results in problems for him with the school - "natural consequences" would rule the day..

I'm kind of to this point out of sheer exhaustion.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm kind of to this point out of sheer exhaustion.

Why not give it a try and just let it go then? What's that definition they have about insanity: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result"?? Not that I'm implying you're insane - LOL.. It's more a matter of how we can drive ourselves insane..

Just time to try something new.. Let it go and let him suffer whatever natural consequences come of it..

Don't let this be the downfall of a happy holiday season for everyone else..

Good luck!

 

[Wall-E1]

Why not give it a try and just let it go then? What's that definition they have about insanity: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result"?? Not that I'm implying you're insane - LOL.. It's more a matter of how we can drive ourselves insane..

Just time to try something new.. Let it go and let him suffer whatever natural consequences come of it..

Don't let this be the downfall of a happy holiday season for everyone else..

Good luck!

No, it's okay. You can come right out and say it. I am insane. No need to sugar coat it. I know this to be the case. My son has done a fantastic job of driving me to the point of insanity, then dropping me off at that location, and making it appear as though I have driven myself crazy.

I will have a happy holiday season, even if it is spent in a padded room for my own protection.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Excellent question and suggestion. Every year I go to parent/teacher night and I am informed of the teacher's policies. They generally don't accept late work or knock 50% off, if a day late. But every year, my son is making up work days or weeks late and getting full credit for it. This is year after year and it drives me crazy. I have told some of his teachers to be very strict with him and don't let him get away with anything. I have gone to conferences and had lifelong teahers laugh about the fact that they have never come across a student like my son. It's like they are under his spell or something. I don't get it. I have no answer as to how he does what he does. I am in awe.

He is not on an IEP. He actually is in all advanced classes and is enrolled at a highly competitive magnet school. When I tell others my frustration with him, they look at me like I'm crazy. They can't believe that I am complaining about a kid that consistantly makes honor roll and is doing so well. What they don't understand is that for eight of the nine weeks each quarter his grades sometimes drop to C's and D's. Then on the last week, they magically shoot up.

It's funny that you mentioned the persents. That is exactly what I have done. There are only presents for our two cats under the tree. The cats are much better behaved and well mannered than the boy. They deserve Christmas. Every Christmas and birthday he gets presents that he can't play with. This Christmas, family and friends have been getting him video games. Well, I have the cords to his game systems and have not been allowing him to play. This has no effect on him. I have a chart that shows the simple things he can do to earn his game and t.v. rights back. Again, it has no effect on him. The force is very strong in him.

If I had to describe my son in two words, they would be - Ferris Bueller. He is charming, likeable, funny; smart, etc. He uses these attributes completely to his advantage. I am like the Jennifer Grey character from the movie - the bitter sister that cannot stand how he gets away with everything. This is why I would like for him to experience failure. I want him to realize that he cannot always charm and manipulate himself out of everything. So far, I have been proven wrong in just about every situation.

Here is my thing....if he is working it then let him work. And believe me I am going thru the same thing with my 13yodd however they are not giving her full credit.

Do these same teachers have the same patience in 3rd quarter? My experience is when that rolls around they tend to be less forgiving.

He will hit his wall soon.

 

[C.Ann]

No, it's okay. You can come right out and say it. I am insane. No need to sugar coat it. I know this to be the case. My son has done a fantastic job of driving me to the point of insanity, then dropping me off at that location, and making it appear as though I have driven myself crazy.

I will have a happy holiday season, even if it is spent in a padded room for my own protection.

 

[ogreenlee]

My little girl's teacher sent emails yesterday...

Here is part of it:
"Finally, our talking is way, way off the charts. This week was almost unbearable."

Along with the fact that 7 or 8 of them aren't completing their homework. So I ask my husband, "Did you read her homework sheet?"

"Um, no, she read it to me and gave me the pages she was supposed to do."

I say, "Yes, on that homework sheet for the week there is a writing assignment. Did you do the writing assignment?"

"Um, no. I didn't know about the writing assignment."

I say, "Didn't I tell you the last time that you keep missing assignments and that you have to read the whole sheet?"

"Um, I guess."


Maybe I should be posting in the "Do you treat your husband like a child" thread and answer, "YES, b/c he deserves it."

I don't know why I don't check behind both of them or just take over the whole thing. You know that teacher is thinking it's me who is not making sure she's doing her homework the right way.