My son has grown up so much!

[MushyMushy]

Back when I started posting on the DIS (2005), I had talked a good bit about how difficult my son was at the time. He was 14 and was diagnosed Bipolar, ADHD, ODD and had a pretty severe adjustment disorder. Those earlier adolescent years were MISERABLE for all of us! He was always in trouble in school, always in trouble at home. We went through the ups and downs of psychologists, psychiatrists, counseling social workers, meds, therapy, you name it.

Looking back, there are so many things we could have done differently with him, but through it all I believe we did our very best, trying to stay consistent, trying to stay on top of his behaviors, and loving him all the while.

For the past year, he has held a steady, full time job and has shown an INCREDIBLE work ethic. He works 10-12 hours a day, 6 days a week, has little time for much of a social life and had dated the same lovely girl for nearly 3 years. They recently broke up, but I consider that a pretty darn successful relationship for 2 kids. The two of them lived with her mother from last fall until this past May, when he moved back home. The changes in him are remarkable. He's been polite, helpful, considerate, and a total joy to have at home.

Today, he is moving out into his first apartment. I've been trying to give him things he may need, but he has been assuring me that he can take care of it all himself. I've been in tears all morning... tears of pride, but also a bit of sadness because he's moving out. He'll be less than a mile away, but honestly I wouldn't care if he stayed here for another five years. It doesn't help that I'm taking my youngest to her freshman orientation today too. How that one has grown!

Anyway, I just wanted to share a little brag about how far he has come. It's not easy for kids to overcome behavioral and emotional disorders, but he is doing so well. Now I just have to get used to that empty room again.

 

[TIAMOMMA]

It's nice to hear when kids come out on the other side. I'm glad to hear this for you and your family!

 

[TEENEE]

Congratulations, your hard work and dedication to your son has paid off. You cry those happy tears, you have earned every one of them.

 

[Lorix2]

Mushy, I remember! I lurked about then, especially posts about kids with ADHD/ODD. My DS is almost 13 with ADHD/ODD and anxiety and has put the entire family, school and neighborhood thru the ringer. He is slowly maturing and doing well at school on his meds (back to those next week).

I'm so happy you've seen such a wonderful transition in him. Gives me hope. I can tell how proud you are of him, that is great news. I hope he's feeling proud of himself too.

Nice job, mom

 

[SC Minnie]

I have read your post about his struggles for a couple of years and how many adults/teachers just 'wrote him off'. Don't you just want to go back to those who gave up on him and rub it in their faces! Its good to hear he is growing up into a responsible young man. You've obviously done a good job.

 

[RitaZ.]

Good for him! You should be very proud.

 

[minkydog]

Oh, Marcia, I am so happy for you. I remember when both our boys were going through the same difficulties and you helped me a lot by being a shoulder to lean on. I guess it's true that time heals all things. It's just so wonderful when our most difficult kids, the ones that everyone else called "bad", the ones who nobody thought would ever amount to anything actually catch fire and turn their lives around. I know you must be so proud of your son.

 

[KAMLEM]

Congratulations on a job well done. Just keep all that in mind when you have challenges with your freshman! I have 2 DD's, 14 and 16, so I know all about the challenges that come with girls!

 

[DisMN]

What a wonderful feeling for you! I'm thrilled to see these kids fly out on their own!
My DD had major issues and as an adult she's doing fantastically and has grown into such a nice, caring, productive and kind person. I'm incredibly proud of her but I struggle to post about it much for some reason. Maybe I'm scared she'll regress if I talk about it? LOL LOL

Congrats on the new apartment...I bet he's proud as heck!!! (as well he should be!)

 

[snapppyd]

Congrats! Your post made me a little misty eyed, I know you will miss him, but he'll be close by.

 

[minkydog]

Oh, I forgot about the apartment...DS24 moved into his first apt April 30. I had tried for a few weeks to get him to come over, let me give him some things to get started. He always had the same answer"No, we're fine, We've got it all covered." May 1 he comes over for a visit. After hemming and hawwing a little while he says, "Mom, do you have any soup...and a pot...and some towels?

Yes, yes, yes. I've been saving things for my two older kids for several years. I showed him that I had several boxes that contained towels, cups, bowls,a pot, a frying pan, a spatula and big spoon, dishwashing liquid, canned goods, cooking oil,stuff to make stuff out of, etc. I even had two almost-new shower curtains in there. John was soooo grateful, he teared up and got all emotional.

I still remember how much is cost to outfit my first apartment in 1978--about $90. I don't know how much that is in 2010 money, but let's just say that I was working as an RN for $2.30/hr back then.

 

[luvflorida]

LOVE your post!! Your son sounds like an amazing young man, and you have every right to be proud of him! He must be so excited about moving into his own place.

I'm sure he appreciates that you've been there for him all along. Congrats to you and your son!

 

[MushyMushy]

Thanks so much for the kind words.

SC Minnie, you're darn right I'd love to go shove that in their faces! I can't believe people who are supposed to be professional can justify saying that to a kid. I had a childhood friend who was told similar things growing up and it made him bitter into adulthood. He constantly wanted to prove these adults wrong until the day he died. I wish he'd gotten the opportunity to confront them, I really do. My son doesn't seem bitter about any of that, but if he is I hope he gets his own chance to say his own "so there!" to the naysayers. I wonder if it means anything that it was all men who said these things to my friend and my son.

And Minky, thank you for being such a source of support these past few years! I think people can't fully understand the challenges of raising kids with behavioral problems unless they have one themselves, or knows someone close to them.

Congratulations on a job well done. Just keep all that in mind when you have challenges with your freshman! I have 2 DD's, 14 and 16, so I know all about the challenges that come with girls!

HA! What, you mean the hormones, body image problems, and boy problems? They way they can be happy and laughing one minute, then sad and depressed the next? Yeah, I'm getting a good start on the teen girl issues.

 

[Pembo]

Thank you for your post. My oldest is just about to enter high school and 8th grade was a rough year. I know we are riding a roller coaster but it's nice to hear a success story!! Continued best wishes for you and your son.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Nice job, Mom! Your post should give hope to many parents who find themselves in a similar situation with their children.

I'll add another. I know a young man who had a lot of problems growing up, diagnosed with Asperger's, ADHD, anxiety and a host of other issues. I'm happy to report he's now living successfully in college out of state, working and generally doing great. I know his mother worried a lot about his future when he was younger, but he's an example that things can turn out well (though it definitely wasn't an easy road).

OTOH, I know several kids who were doing great when they younger and now aren't doing so well. I guess you just never know.