My sister is creating a mnster, and she doesn't even realize it

[RitaE]

I don't know - I kind of have to agree with the some of the others. My child really doesn't want to see Toy Story either. I asked him and he said "not really." So if somebody invited us and we wanted to do something else instead, I'd likely say No Thank You. That doesn't make him spoiled. Spoiled would be insisting that you had to change your plans to match what my child wanted.

And lots of 5 year olds bowl with bumpers. I can see why you didn't want to put them on a lane populated by 10 year olds but it sounds like the Mom just didn't realize that it wasn't a good fit for her kid before she agreed to bring him.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I'm not mad. I am just annoyed that she spoils him like this. Why would I ask DD if she wants to see Karate Kid? My sister is not going to the movies. If she were, then my dd would be happy to see Karate Kid with my nephew.

Correct me if I'm wrong - your dd had plans to go to your sisters' house and you wanted to change them to go to the movies. Your sister said her child wanted to see Karate Kid first and you wanted your kids to see Toy Story. So aren't you the one changing the plans at the last minute? It seems like you are the one made because your dd doesn't get to do both.

 

[Mandychelle79]

If my 5 yr old was invited to a bowling party and there wasnt bumpers set up for him, id be upset. Sure he knows he can miss the pins, but getting gutter ball after gutter ball is trying on anyones nerves.

As for the movie, her loss.

 

[boyob13]

Correct me if I'm wrong - your dd had plans to go to your sisters' house and you wanted to change them to go to the movies. Your sister said her child wanted to see Karate Kid first and you wanted your kids to see Toy Story. So aren't you the one changing the plans at the last minute? It seems like you are the one made because your dd doesn't get to do both.

I believe that what she means is that:

Originally, her DD wanted to spend time with the OP's sister and nephew.
OP was going to go to the movies with her sons.
Her DD wanted to go too, so OP asked if her sister if OP's nephew wanted to go too.
OP said they were going to see Toy Story and her sister said that her nephew wanted to see Karate Kid first.
So, OP's sister was giving in to her son's wants because she doesn't want him to be unhappy.
Now, OP's daughter has to choose between going to OP's sister's house or going to the movies.

 

[allison443]

I believe that what she means is that:

Originally, her DD wanted to spend time with the OP's sister and nephew.
OP was going to go to the movies with her sons.
Her DD wanted to go too, so OP asked if her sister if OP's nephew wanted to go too.
OP said they were going to see Toy Story and her sister said that her nephew wanted to see Karate Kid first.
So, OP's sister was giving in to her son's wants because she doesn't want him to be unhappy.
Now, OP's daughter has to choose between going to OP's sister's house or going to the movies.

OP's daughter was supposed to go and spend time at the sister's house, but now she is being given the choice (by OP) of sticking with that plan (since sister decided not to come to the movie instead) or taking a "better offer" of going to see Toy Story with OP and her brothers.

Won't the nephew be disappointed if his cousin doesn't come over and goes to the movies instead?

Who is letting their kid do whatever they "want" again?

 

[Jennasis]

None of it matters. Know why? You ain't gotta live with either of them (the kid or your sister). How great is THAT? Sure it's annoying as heck, but at least they go home when it's all over, right?

 

[Jennasis]

So, more recently, like today. I call my sister up to see what her and my nephew were doing this afternoon. I decided spur of the moment to take the kids to see Toy Story 3 and wanted to invite them along. She thought about it, and then decided no, because the next movie her ds wants to see is The Karate Kid. WHAT???? So, he can't see ANYTHING else before he sees the Ka

This reads to me as she called hr sister to see what they were up to and then invited them to the movies. There did not appear to be standing plans with the sister that the DD dumped in favor of a movie.

I could be wrong.

OP< did the conversation nlook ike this:

You: Hey sis! what's up?

DSIS: Not much...just junior and I hanging around the house.

You: Well DD and i were thinking of going to see Toy Story 3. You and junior wanna come?

DSIS: Ummm, no thanks. Junior says the next movie he wants to see is the Karate Kid.

Was I close??

 

[clutter]

I'm with Allison443 and DisneyMomx7. I don't see the issue.

Bowling is not fun if you're 5 and don't have bumpers. Heck, most kids around here still like them at 10! Why would you invite someone 5 years younger than the rest of the party and not provide age accomodations for him? As for the movie, were you offering to pay? I'm sure as heck not ponying up $40 to go to a movie that my child doesn't even care to see, especially when he's already got fun plans.

While it certainly could be that the child is terribly spoiled and throws tantrums, in both the situations described, I'm on the sisters side (and no, my child doesn't throw tantrums, never has). They both sound to me like the OP is deliberately setting the nephew up to prove that she's right and he's spoiled.

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm with Allison443 and DisneyMomx7. I don't see the issue.


While it certainly could be that the child is terribly spoiled and throws tantrums, in both the situations described, I'm on the sisters side (and no, my child doesn't throw tantrums, never has). They both sound to me like the OP is deliberately setting the nephew up to prove that she's right and he's spoiled.

ITA with this. The child mey be spoiled but I don't think that the examples illustrate that. I would not take a five YO boling without bumpers either. If the OP invited him it would have been nice to accomodate him in this little way.

As to the movie, . I don't see why not wanting to see that movie at that time is an issue except for the OP and her DD.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

This reads to me as she called hr sister to see what they were up to and then invited them to the movies. There did not appear to be standing plans with the sister that the DD dumped in favor of a movie.

I could be wrong.

OP< did the conversation nlook ike this:

You: Hey sis! what's up?

DSIS: Not much...just junior and I hanging around the house.

You: Well DD and i were thinking of going to see Toy Story 3. You and junior wanna come?

DSIS: Ummm, no thanks. Junior says the next movie he wants to see is the Karate Kid.

Was I close??

YES! Thank you. The original plans were for DD to spend the night at my sister's house. She called this morning and left a mssage for DD to call her when she got out of school. (half day). In the meantime I thought of taking the kids to the movies. So I called my sister to see what she had planned for the afternoon. Which was nothing. That was when I invited them to the movies.

My sister had nothing specific planned just wanted to see if DD wanted to hang at her house all day instead of just tonight.

I know the two examples I gave don't seem like much, but they were the two that popped into my head. There is not enough space on the WWW to go into detail how pampered my nephew is.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Bowling is not fun if you're 5 and don't have bumpers.

My point about the bowling wasn't that nephew needed the bumpers. Of course he did at 5, and I did ask for a lane with bumpers. So we did have one lane without and one lane with the bumpers. I was pointing out my sister's reaction to hearing that I hadn't asked for a bumper lane. She was literally scared of the thought that her son would have to bowl without bumpers. This si what I am saying. She goes out of her way to make sure everything is perfect for my nephew.

Some of you think I am "mad", some think I am purposely trying to start something between my sister. None of that is true. I am just annoyed at how she is raising him to be so spoiled, and I am venting here. Not to mention, as his aunt, there are times I do have to say no to him, and I do have to suffer through his meltdowns.

 

[SandrA9810]

as see it as the mother throwing tantrum at the bowling alley... She knew the other children were older. All she had to do was go ask if the bumpers could be raised in another lane. And maybe ask the other boys if they would like a second one raised. She didn't have to pitch a fit to her sister.

It's sometimes hard to explain a situation as the way it happened. Not everything is repeated word for word, and a tone of voice has a lot to do with it. Something you don't know unless you're present.


I think the OP is most frustrated with the way he's turned out over the past year from the polite toddler he was. When he was in her care.

I reached a point a few years ago of not doing things with my sis and her kids. A) she doesn't even say thank you, and B) 6 is just too many at one time.
I offered to take each kid one by one for a weekend, either to disney or sea world, or where ever (fully paid, i'd pick them up and drop them off). She said no, because it wasn't fair to the others that had to stay home. I would think they'd love a day without being together. I always hating to share with her, and remember the alone times much more.

Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue. And go on. For me, i'll just have the occasional phone chit chat with my sister. And i feel bad the kids are the one getting left out of my life.

 

[luvmy3]

My point about the bowling wasn't that nephew needed the bumpers. Of course he did at 5, and I did ask for a lane with bumpers. So we did have one lane without and one lane with the bumpers. I was pointing out my sister's reaction to hearing that I hadn't asked for a bumper lane. She was literally scared of the thought that her son would have to bowl without bumpers. This si what I am saying. She goes out of her way to make sure everything is perfect for my nephew.

Some of you think I am "mad", some think I am purposely trying to start something between my sister. None of that is true. I am just annoyed at how she is raising him to be so spoiled, and I am venting here. Not to mention, as his aunt, there are times I do have to say no to him, and I do have to suffer through his meltdowns.

I'm confused, you have an issue with your sister giving into her ds, and being scared or shocked when you told her you didn't have bumbers, but you really did have them? If you didn't at first because like you said a bunch of 10 year olds would think they were babyish, and then you got them for your nephew (which is a very nice gesture), aren't you giving into him as well

 

[SandrA9810]

she's not giving in by providing bumpers, she providing a need that should be met for any 5yr olds. There's just polite ways and tantrum ways of getting something.

 

[abdmom]

I don't see where either the OP's sister or her son has thrown a tantrum in the examples given. Saying no to a movie and could we please have bumpers, do not constitute a tantrum.

 

[Jennasis]

My guess is that the OP is super frazzled with her sister and the kid and just blowing off steam. Just because WE can't see the obvious outrage, doesn't mean there is none, or that the OP's feelings aren't justified. We don't know the dynamic and aren't there to witness what goes on.

It sounds like the straw that broke the camels back. OP, you're probably on the defense (or offense??) all the timenow with your sis and the kid, so maybe try to put a little distance (a little...I'm not advocating cutting them off!) between you guys for a bit. Probably even harmless, innocent actions look like huge deals to you now. Understandable. We all go through that.

Family togetherness is a lot like fish...after a few days, it starts to stink! So try to do some stuff with just you and DD for a while. Abscence makes the heart grow fonder and all.

I bet raising a 5 year old is tough too. Maybe the kid is a holy terror (like my little sis was) and mom will do or say anything to shut the little hellion up. My mom did that with my younger sister all the time...still does!

 

[antmaril]

I think what the OP is trying to say is that her sister is afraid of her five year old son and does everything she can to try to prevent a confrontation with him so he won't melt down. The OP finds this annoying because her nephew gets everything he wants since his mother won't say "no" to him

I think we are all in agreement that the five year old needs the bumpers when he's bowling. It's how the sister handled the initial lack of bumpers that seems to be the issue. I also think the OP is annoyed that her sister didn't ask the boy if he wanted to see Toy Story 3. I think the sister was afraid the boy wouldn't react well to that offer and decided not to ask him at all. Personally, I would have said "We're going to see Toy Story 3 with Auntie XX" He wouldn't have a choice about it.

Just my two cents, of course. These situations are often difficult to analyze since, obviously, we weren't there.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I try to mind my own business when it comes to the way other people raise their children. If a relative of mine wants to spoil their kid, well, that's their prerogative.

What I can't stand is destructive, out-of-control children. Ever had a kid in your house who tries to handle things that she shouldn't (like a Hummel figurine), and the parent's response is, "let her break it--I'll pay for it"? I have, and it was an awkward situation.

Fortunately, the kids in my family and circle of friends right now are fairly well-behaved. When my brother's kids were growing up, they had cousins (SIL's niece and nephew) who were like Tasmanian devils--they destroyed anything or everything in their paths. In my 20's, I had a close friend whose kids were like the spawn of Satan.

All this chat lately about "snowflakes" really grates on my nerves. The children I come in contact these days seem to be much better at behaving themselves than the ones I was around in the 1980's.

ETA: If your sister doesn't "even realize" she is creating a monster, perhaps you should talk to her gently about it? She is your sister, after all. I wouldn't tell a friend how to raise her children, but I would talk to my own sister. This child is your flesh and blood too. You know that spoiling him isn't a good thing, so for his sake and hers, maybe a little discussion is in order.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This child very well may be 'indulged'...
Hey, we've all seen it. And, hey, we all can handle a vent.

But, I do have to say that I see just as many issues with the OP and her sister in this situation.

I would never have invited a five year old who 'loves bowling' to a bowling party without a lane with bumpers.

I also would not, fully knowing that my child was anticipating a visit with her Aunt and Cousin, even begin to create a situation where my child would have to then, out of the blue, have to be put in the middle and make that kind of choice. That is definitely not, in any way, the OP's sister's responsibility. That is totally and completely the OP's doing.

I can say that if my child had set plans to visit at their Aunt's home, there would be no choice.
Those plans would not be disrespected.

If the child is disappointed because they miss the movie, it is because Mom, knowing about her child's prior plans, decided to go see the movie anyhow.

 

[EMom]

I think what the OP is trying to say is that her sister is afraid of her five year old son and does everything she can to try to prevent a confrontation with him so he won't melt down. The OP finds this annoying because her nephew gets everything he wants since his mother won't say "no" to him

I think we are all in agreement that the five year old needs the bumpers when he's bowling. It's how the sister handled the initial lack of bumpers that seems to be the issue. I also think the OP is annoyed that her sister didn't ask the boy if he wanted to see Toy Story 3. I think the sister was afraid the boy wouldn't react well to that offer and decided not to ask him at all. Personally, I would have said "We're going to see Toy Story 3 with Auntie XX" He wouldn't have a choice about it.

Just my two cents, of course. These situations are often difficult to analyze since, obviously, we weren't there.

I also believe that is the crux of the matter. Her sister anticipates anything that MIGHT POSSIBLY set off her son, no matter how slight, and does anything and everything to make sure there are no "bumps in the road" so that junior will not have a meltdown. Normally, if a 5 y.o. arrives at a bowling party and the bumpers haven't been put up yet, you'd just tell the kid, "Auntie will have the bumpers set up ASAP so that you can start bowling too. It shouldn't take long." But her DSis panicked because she was afraid that if her son figured out there were no bumpers in place, he was going to turn into a screaming mee-mee and go ballistic. Her reaction was not frustation with her sister, but fear of her son's reaction and an intense desire to avert a potential meltdown. If my kid had gone into meltdown mode at age 5 because the bumpers weren't up yet, I'd have hauled her out of there and that would have been the end of that.

As for the movies, the child had decided he wanted to see Karate Kid for his next movie. Fair enough. When Auntie wanted to invite him to see TS3, his mom refused to even ASK him if he'd like to see TS3 for fear that the mere suggestion of seeing a movie other than Karate Kid would send him into a fit. Basically, the mom is walking three steps ahead of her kid all the time, setting up bubble wrap walls so the way will be 100% problem free. Because she's afraid if he meets disappointment, frustration or God forbid, a flat out NO, he will turn into Damian.

It sounds as if it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He probably pitched a fit or two as a toddler and she gave in to stop the fit and now it's become their way of life. Except instead of doing whatever it takes to STOP a fit/tantrum, she ANTICIPATES what MIGHT cause a fit/tantrum and bends over backwards to make certain that does not come to pass.

As I read it, this is a deeper issue than not wanting to see a movie or being upset of the lack of bumper pads. Much bigger problem.