My obese friend, how do I work around her disability?

[soarinup]

I am not trying to be funny, as I personally believe obesity is a disability. I am just trying to prep myself for the inevitable. My BF and I are going on a 9 day trip to WDW with our two boys, ages 5 and 6. She has always been obese, about 100 to 150 lbs overweight. We have vacationed together in the past, but we were single, no kids.
Why did I choose a WDW vacation to break her in? I'm beginning to regret this choice because, well, you Dis-ers know, theres a LOT of walking involved! I have told her about the training you need to get in before you go on a WDW vacay, tried to explain to her the pitfalls of the parks. I have begged her to go online to the Disboards to prep herself for the trip. I don't think she is doing it.
Here's my problem. I am so worried about this that I am dreaming about it! My dream [nightmare really] is that we are going to the MK for rope drop, but she is taking way too long to get ready, and she is stopping wanting to delay my getting to that rope!
I know there are more important things than a rope drop, and we can go separately, but I really worry that we will end up separating more and more through the trip so much that we end up spending the whole trip apart.
I have suggested to her that I would be more than willing to rent a scooter for the week from Randys. She didn't seem to mind that idea.But to be honest, she is so sensitive about her weight that she just ignores it. She makes it seem that its not an issue, when it really is. I have to wonder how it affects her little boy, how she has raised him around her disability. Does he restrain himself and the need to jump and run the way boys do? [My friend lives in another state, we haven't seen each other in couple of years]
I am digressing..........my point is, what do I do? Am I missing something that ya'll may know about? How do I handle this delicate situation?

 

[peemagg]

Unless there is something wrong with her other than her weight. She will be just fine. I am like her and have not had a problem with Disney untill my legs and feet went bad (not weight related-possible MS). Yes there is a lot of walking and maybe you will have to slow down a bit, but that is OK too. When you slow down you get the ability to see more detail in the parks. Things that are missed when you speed by from ride to ride.

 

[WheeledTraveler]

I think you've given her the options you know about and now it's time to back off. She's an adult and can make the decisions she needs to make about how she'll have the most fun at WDW. She might do well with a scooter, she might not. Depending on when you're going, you may find that a scooter slows you down far more than she would walking.

Also, it seems to me like you're thinking about fast-paced, almost commando WDW and I would urge you to slow it down regardless. With 5 and 6 year olds, you don't want to rush and try to fit in everything because you might manage it, or you might end up with a really tired and cranky kid. I personally wouldn't want to take that chance and WDW isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

So really, I'd stop stressing so much. Ultimately this is her problem to deal with, not yours. If you're having trouble sleeping because of it, I'd suggest a session with a good therapist to figure out why you care so much because from what you've said, it seems to me that you're breaching the edge with her from concerned to pushy/annoying.

 

[Bete]

First, you can provide her with a vacation DVD from Disney World. This will help the selection process for rides, too. Next, if you can do some tapings of Disney World video from travel channel, u tube, etc. that may help, too. Some libraries have outdated Disney World videos and they can still help you understand about the parks. All of you going on the trip could have a night at your place for watching them. There are library books, too, but I feel the video is easier. The more you educate your friend the better the trip all of you will have. Make it easy for her to learn about Disney World.

Next, you can print out (or e-mail as attachments) some dis posts, etc. that you feel are relevant with regards to the walking aspect of the trip, as well as, anything else that may be desirable from other sites, as well. Create a Disney World binder for her; you can create your own book for her this way. It will be a nice keepsake. There seems to be a wide range of answers from 6 miles a day to 15 miles a day for walking at the parks. Obviously, this depends on how long you stay at the parks. There may even be some posts about blisters from all the walking there is at the parks and you may be able to find them and do a printout. I think another good thing would be to show some posts about wait times at the more popular rides; so, your friend knows there can a lot of standing and waiting in ride queues. All of this may help her to realize that she needs a scooter. You can rent a scooter after you get there, too. If it gets too hard for her she will know sooner or later.

If you have a chance to do some mini excursion with your friend like going to the zoo or a museum in your area you will get a personal upclose idea of how it will be and so will she. I think you can judge by that day if she will need a scooter or not. If you have a pedometer use it on your outing and compare it to the walking you need to do at Disney. There are scooter rentals at most zoos; so, she can have a go of it that way, too. You can get a feel for scooters by driving the ones at your grocery stores, Wal-Mart, Target, etc.

My best suggestion is to mix up the activities at the parks; so, your friend can have a rest here and there. Don't do all rides and nothing else. Your children are still at the ages they can enjoy the shows, parades, and fireworks. I would even do some educational exhibits like at Innovations in Epcot. Meals are a nice rest time, too.

For rope drop just leave earlier and give yourself extra time if you feel your friend needs more time. By all means you can go for the fastpasses yourself and come back to meet everyone on a bench or whatever someplace, somewheres. For example, your child and her own can be with your friend while you race for a Toy Story Mania fastpass for everyone (have everone's park passes with you and don't lose them), then you can come back to where they are waiting and now you can have more of a leisure pace getting to that ride if the window time is there for it. With the windows of time on fastpasses you probably won't have any problems getting there on time.

If you do separate for whatever reasons, then meet up for meals and shows and such. Show her where you want to meet each time and specify the time to meet. Get her acquainted with the maps at the parks and knowing that she can ask cast members for directions to get somewhere, etc.

I'm overweight, but I love Disney World. Believe it or not I can do better than some less my age and weighing less than me when it comes to getting around at Disney. My love of the parks overcome my situation.

I think the most important issue is to enjoy your friend on this trip without regretting missing a ride or two. The two kids will have plenty of fun with one another and they won't care how many rides they go on. Make sure you hit your favorites. If you enjoy swimming take a break at the pool each day and that should rejuvenate your friend some, too.

Help your friend enjoy the trip more and you will find yourself enjoying it more, too.

 

[soarinup]

I think you've given her the options you know about and now it's time to back off. She's an adult and can make the decisions she needs to make about how she'll have the most fun at WDW. She might do well with a scooter, she might not. Depending on when you're going, you may find that a scooter slows you down far more than she would walking.

Also, it seems to me like you're thinking about fast-paced, almost commando WDW and I would urge you to slow it down regardless. With 5 and 6 year olds, you don't want to rush and try to fit in everything because you might manage it, or you might end up with a really tired and cranky kid. I personally wouldn't want to take that chance and WDW isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

So really, I'd stop stressing so much. Ultimately this is her problem to deal with, not yours. If you're having trouble sleeping because of it, I'd suggest a session with a good therapist to figure out why you care so much because from what you've said, it seems to me that you're breaching the edge with her from concerned to pushy/annoying.

I think you may have hit on something that I haven't dwelt on much. I need to stop with the over-planning on everyone having fun, [my kind of fun] and just enjoy the time. I will have a horrible time if I have expectations for her. She is coming with a totally different set of expectations. I think I am pushing her [or WILL push her]. Thank you for your perspective. I really am glad I put this out there because I don't have anyone to bounce this off of.[secret trip] I really did need a fresh look from others outside looking in! THX!

 

[bookwormde]

Yes, it is your chance to enjoy the parks and resorts at a more relaxed pace. As said this is much better for the kids also.

Do not be afraid to split up, when it works better, that is what cell phones are for.

bookwormde

 

[cm8]

I think you've given her the options you know about and now it's time to back off. She's an adult and can make the decisions she needs to make about how she'll have the most fun at WDW. She might do well with a scooter, she might not. Depending on when you're going, you may find that a scooter slows you down far more than she would walking.

Also, it seems to me like you're thinking about fast-paced, almost commando WDW and I would urge you to slow it down regardless. With 5 and 6 year olds, you don't want to rush and try to fit in everything because you might manage it, or you might end up with a really tired and cranky kid. I personally wouldn't want to take that chance and WDW isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

So really, I'd stop stressing so much. Ultimately this is her problem to deal with, not yours. If you're having trouble sleeping because of it, I'd suggest a session with a good therapist to figure out why you care so much because from what you've said, it seems to me that you're breaching the edge with her from concerned to pushy/annoying.

Agreed!

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

I'm as overweight as she is but I have valid disabilities. Like others have said if she does not have any disabilities, then she will be fine. I'm really not convinced that you should be going anywhere with her given that you don't like her weight issue. The fact that you are worried about something like rope drop and her not moving fast enough for you really makes me think you should not be going on this trip with her. Does she know how you really feel about her weight? I suspect not as I doubt she would want to go with you if she knew how you really felt. I've never heard anyone talk about "training" prior to go to Disney. Even when I was thin and did not have a spinal cord injury plus a ton of other issues, I just paced myself to have fun, never in my life would I "train" to go on a trip to Disney. I'm not trying to be mean but think you might want to rethink going with her as I think your attitude towards her weight may be the disability in this situation.

 

[BillSears]

I wanted to pipe in about training. I do train to go to WDW. About a month before the trip I make sure I start walking(pushing my chair) about 2 miles a day. It includes some hills in my walk. I push my manual chair all over WDW with no one else helping. Training means it's pretty easy for me.

I've also heard of a lot of people suggest training on the Theme Parks board. It only makes sense to be ready for the amount of walking you do not matter how much you weigh.

 

[KPeveler]

I wanted to pipe in about training. I do train to go to WDW. About a month before the trip I make sure I start walking(pushing my chair) about 2 miles a day. It includes some hills in my walk. I push my manual chair all over WDW with no one else helping. Training means it's pretty easy for me.

I've also heard of a lot of people suggest training on the Theme Parks board. It only makes sense to be ready for the amount of walking you do not matter how much you weigh.

My family "trains" too - helps to build up muscles, calluses, and make sure shoes/gloves work right before trying to do 10 miles a day!

 

[SueM in MN]

I think you may have hit on something that I haven't dwelt on much. I need to stop with the over-planning on everyone having fun, [my kind of fun] and just enjoy the time. I will have a horrible time if I have expectations for her. She is coming with a totally different set of expectations. I think I am pushing her [or WILL push her]. Thank you for your perspective. I really am glad I put this out there because I don't have anyone to bounce this off of.[secret trip] I really did need a fresh look from others outside looking in! THX!

I think you have figured it all out here.

There are lots of posts in the Theme Parks Board from people who didn't go on a trip with friends, but planned the whole trip for them. Most of those threads are kind of along the line of "I planned the greatest trip and my friend didn't do any of the things I planned" or "I planned all this great stuff and they didn't appreciate it" or "I gave them all these great resources and they didn't do any research at all..."

The biggest common element is the expectation. The planners expected that what was fun to them would be fun to everyone. Not everyone likes to plan.
Rope drop is very important to some people, but others don't care at all or don't want to get up that early. If you don't all have the same expectation of fun or how 'commando' to do it, everyone will become frustrated and no one will have fun.

We've gone to WDW with family members whose idea of the best vacation was going to the park one day and just hanging out by the pool the rest of the vacation. We let them know what we were doing and that they would be welcome to join us if they wanted. That worked out well for us and for them.

Also - I am curious who the trip is a secret from?
I would encourage you to plan with whoever it is not secret from (I'm assuming your friend knows since you have already talked to her about training). Maybe instead of suggesting resources to her and begging her to read the boards, talk to her about what her expectations are, whether she is an early riser and wants to get up for rope drop, what attractions (or even parks) she really wants to see. Then, you can plan together which things you will do together and which you will do apart. As was already mentioned, with cell phones, it's pretty easy to meet up later. Just make sure that everyone understands where exactly to meet (I've waited at one 'in front' of Spaceship Earth while DH was waiting at the same time at what he interpreted to be 'in front'). Make sure each adult has a park map. If you are staying on site, you can even get them from the check in area.

Also, someone else suggested that you could call after arriving to rent an ECV if she finds she needs one. I would suggest taking along the phone numbers of several of the off-site companies (you can find them in post #2 of the disABILITIES FAQs thread). I agree with the others that just because she is overweight doesn't necessarily mean she will have an more problem with walking than you will.

 

[dclfun]

It sounds as though your friend does not consider herself to be disabled and that she is able to do the things everyone else does, either because she has the energy and stamina, or she paces herself. I agree with Sue- having expectations for another person almost always does not end up going well. I've done the same thing myself, so it's easy to plan things for another person based on your own needs or ideas and they end up having a totally opposite or different idea in mind. I would definitely talk to her about what she wants to get out of the trip and also discuss possibly splitting up and/or how you would like to plan each day. You can always meet up for meals, back at the resort for down-time, etc. She may be a laid back person who just goes with the flow vs. being a "planner" who wants to optimize their time. I wouldn't bring up the ECV again unless she mentions it. There are plenty of options if you get there and she needs to rent one. I hope you all have a great trip together!---Kathy

 

[C&G'sMama]

Here is the URL for a thread DP and I did for our December 2009 Trip.

DP and I are both very pooh sized. This thread is called "Trip Report ASD and Pooh Sized Dec 2009". We both contribute and while there is a lot of ASD stuff around our DS, we tried to include as much Pooh sized stuff as we can.

Hope this helps

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2352622

PS I"m a size 26/28 and ride everything and walk all over. DP also walks all over and rides most things. The only rides she doesn't go on our coasters, she doesn't like them and rides where you get wet.

 

[LockShockBarrel]

While part of me applauds you for thinking ahead of time, trying to anticipate your friend's needs, another part of me is wondering if you even have a valid concern. Does this friend have a hard time normally? If she gets winded or fatigued walking around the mall, I'd say yes, you're right to worry about Disney, but you have to remember that even normal healthy people can have trouble with all the walking and energy Disney requires. Another thing to take into consideration is what she's used to, activity wise. I'm moderately pooh sized (size 18-20) but I'm used to walking and being on my feet all day at work, and I've passed by several people while at Disney who are thinner than me and heard them whining and complaining about being tired or their feet hurt or whatever. I'll grant you that being as overweight as your friend is, she's more likely to be fatigued or say have back or knee pain at the end of the day, but she may surprise you. I guess to nutshell it, go in prepared, but don't expect the worst you know?