my neighbor died yesterday and I have questions

[ebaynut31]

Helen died 2 years ago. she left behind her husband and their adult daughter. They all lived in the same house.

I went over and spent time with them, talking, bringing them stuff from our garden, picking up meds/groceries when they needed them, (I work in a pharmacy in a grocery store).

Well, the father died Friday night. I haven't seen their daughter yet because I was away this weekend. Our other neighbor called us and told us of the death.

I guess their daughter is just not good. She's a mess. She does have brothers and other relatives but my question to all of you is this: What can I do for her? I want to get her a gift certificate to the grocery store. Is that appropriate? I will obviously continue to spend time with her to help her thru this. not that you ever get thru it.

Just looking for advice because I have never really had to deal with death. I'm 33 and very lucky that everyone I love is still here with me. God help me when someone real close to me dies.

Anyways, thanks for listening and for any advice.

 

[iNTeNSeBLue98]

Rather than the GC, why not just take her to the market. Spending time with her and getting her through her grief with small distractions like shopping.

 

[PamOKW]

The best thing you can do is be there. Say hello when you see her. Maybe give her a phone call now and then.

For the immediate, do you know if the family is coming to stay with her? A gift of a deli platter or some other food for a group would probably be very appreciated.

 

[storylover]

What I’ve noticed when people are in crisis is that they are so focused on dealing with the immediate situation that they can’t make other decisions. A grocery store gift certificate is a nice idea, but wouldn’t it be easier for her to not make the trip and decide what to buy? What if you did the shopping yourself and brought it to her? Staples like bread and milk could be frozen if she didn’t need them right away, and casseroles or quick meals would mean she wouldn’t have to think about cooking.

Also, look around and see what things need doing and just do them. Does the lawn need to be mowed? Does her mail or newspaper need to be picked up? Bring her fresh coffee each morning. Offer to run errands for her.

One big thing: don’t stop helping after a couple of weeks. She’ll need you even more when others fade away.

Just continue being the good neighbor and friend you've always been! Good Luck!

 

[ebaynut31]

Thanks everyone. I knew asking here would be the right thing to do. I was thinking about cooking dishes for her but now I know I will. I know she likes zucchini and zucchini bread so I will start by making some bread. A deli platter is a great idea! I will see what the plans are for the next few days.

Thanks again everyone!!

 

[manchurianbrownbear]

We've lost close family members and we were amazed by, and very appreciative of all the food people brought. In fact there was so much that, if I remember correctly, it was more than we could eat and some of it was thrown out.

The gesture is more important than the actual gift, but if you buy food, something frozen or non-perishable would be nice. How about pizza gift certificates? You could have that delivered some day when you don't feel up to making a meal for yourself.

It sounds like you've been a good friend an neighbor and whatever you do will probably be a comfort to her.