My mummy is in the hospital UPDATE post #119

[Ember]

Last night my mother was unable to stand. Her legs simply would not support her and she couldn't get off the couch. We called our nursing team for help and someone came out right away. The suggested we go to the hospital for her safety as without being able to move she couldn't stay here.

She will be in the hospital at least over the weekend and then we'll try to get her into hospice care. The problem with hospitals is that they follow regulations first and not the care of the patient. If she's suffering and it's not time for her medications according to their charts, they won't help. Whereas a hospice is there to help ease suffering.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I feel like my heart is shattering. We both wanted her to stay home, where she felt safe. She hates hospitals and I never wanted her to have to be there. I feel like I've made countless mistakes, even though I know I didn't. They aren't sure if her spine is compressing, if she had a stroke, or if this is just natural progression of her cancer.

I'm only 29 years old. I'm not ready to lose my mummy. I don't want to be an orphan.

 

[nmmom95]

I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[tinkntraining]

I'm so sorry. This has been such a hard time for you.

Does your mom have an Advance Directive or Living Will? If so, and since she is struggling with a terminal condition, I would think that the "palliative care" portion would come into play. The hospital staff should make sure your mom is as painfree as possible. That would mean increasing her pain meds even if doing so would shorten her life. At least she won't hurt.

 

[Linda in sunny SC]

I just wanted so say I'm sorry for what you are going through. I went through it with both of my parents and I was the caregiver to my father before he died. It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. I will pray for you and your mother.

 

[ols386]

I'm so sorry.

 

[suejai]

 

[agnes!]

So sorry Ember .

agnes!

 

[npmommie]

"If she's suffering and it's not time for her medications according to their charts, they won't help."

Ember, the staff at the hospital should be getting her the proper medications to ease her pain, especially if she is a comfort measures only patient. The nurses can advocate for her with the doctors and YOU can advocate for her with the staff to be sure they medicate her properly.
they have many many choices for easing pain and she can be made more comfortable, do not sit back,you must advocate on her behalf if you don't think they are controlling her pain.
hugs to you,your post brought tears to my eyes

 

[scrump]

I'm so sorry

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[bballmom56]

Ember, I have been following your story. I went through the same thing with both of my parents.

When we had to put my mom in the hospital I felt very guilty. But I couldn't possibly give her the care she needed at home. Plus she would get up at all hours, and I wasn't getting any sleep (as you also noted was happening to you). I was afraid I was so tired, she would get up without me hearing and possibly open the basement door and fall down the stairs (securing the door closed was not an option). Once we admitted her to the hospital, the guilt continued as she told me the nurses hated her and were out to get her. Of course, I knew that wasn't true, but I then made sure I got back to the hospital several times a day to see for myself. I still had kids at home that needed care too, so I was completely pulled from both ends. But I knew at least she was being cared for and watched over. Then I could finally get some sleep.

You have not made any mistakes. You have done everything you can to take excellent care of your mom. Now it's time for you to take care of yourself a little more. Take your DH and go out to dinner. Get a couple of good nights sleep. Feel good about all that you have done for your mom. It isn't easy, I know.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Ember,

I will pray for God's strength in your situation.



TC

 

[themilesfamily]

Ember, I too have been following along with your updates. I just think you have been wonderful and courageous. You have really stood by your mom through everything. Every parent should be so lucky to have a child like you.

Aging, disease, end of life -- it's hard. There is nothing easy about it. I'll just keep praying for you and your mom.

 

[minkydog]

Ember, this isn't happening because you did something wrong. It is a part of the end of life process. I know it's not going the way you thought it would, but it's very unpredictable, you know? We don't really have any control over this stuff.

Don't be too quick to assume that the hospital will be a terrible place where your mother won't be cared for. I've been a nurse for 32 yrs and I have never witnessed a patient having meds or care withheld just because they were near the end of their life. Perhaps you can get hospice involved now, while she's still there, so you can get that ball rolling. That's what we did when my father was near the end. They met with us in the hospital and we knocked out some plans. Some of them didn't work out, but I have to say, he got amazing care. Dad was never able to leave the hospital, but the hospice team made the whole experiences smoother for us all. And the hospital nurses were amazing. Dad suffered with pain a lot but only because he would not take narcotics. Once he gave in, he became much more comfortable and we had NO problems with the nursing staff witholding meds or treatment. In the end, Dad passed comfortably from this world to the next. Very peaceful, and isn't that what we all want?

Blessing upon you Ember, and your family, too. This is the hardest part of being a child, watching our parents failing. You have my utmost sympathy and support.

 

[Keira1387]

 

[3prettyprincesses]

Oh my goodness. What a difficult situation to be in. I'm so sorry for you both. I'm sure it's very hard for your sweet mom to understand that her being at home is dangerous for her now. She must be so scared. Let me say, she is truly blessed to have you. You are caring for her and giving it your all. This is a terrible, horrible ordeal to go through and I just can't imagine the toll it's taken.

I'm sure you can speak with her nurses and explain the situation. That she needs comfort, care and compassion. I'm sure they'll understand that since she's sadly a terminal patient. I'm so very sorry for you. I pray that this will go as smoothly as it can. God bless you and your mom!

 

[mlittig]

You are both in my thoughts and prayers I am so sorry. I don't think we are ever really ready to lose our mothers. I wasn't and I had mine a lot longer

 

[amyy]

Ember-I don't think a mother could ask for a more wonderful daughter then you. I so admire you.

Being an only child and having lost my father I can remember how horrible it has felt when my mom has been hospitatlized over the past year or two. I can't say I know what you are going through but I can only imagine. It is wonderful how supportive people on the DIS boards can be.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I'm so sorry

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Ember, you have done nothing wrong and everything Right. Your mom is so blessed to have you there for her. Thoughts and prayers for all of you as you go through this most difficult time. Blessings to you always.

 

[The Mystery Machine]