Let me just start out by saying I love my mother to death but she drives me up the wall!!
Background: My mother was not raised by my grandmother, her grandmother raised her until she was 12 and then she was passed from relative to relative some of who were abusive. I understand her rough childhood effected who she is but she uses this as an excuses for all the choices she makes in life. How she raised me and my sibling, the kind of grandmother she is or isn't, She got married to my dad at 16, had my brother at 17, my parents separated and then got back together long enough to make me. When I was 5 she remarried and had 5 more children. Because she said she hated having a boss, she was always seeking out new "business ventures" that were not successful and didn't bring in any money. My stepfather worked 3 jobs to pay the bills. We had enough to have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back and food in our bellies but no extras. My mother was always out with these new ventures so me and my stepbrother were ALWAYS babysitting. I got a job when I turned 16 so I could have money for my extras. I got my license and saved enough to buy a cheap car. The family car broke down and they took mine and that broke down as well. My mom was always living outside of her means. She would shop til she dropped and then tell us to tell the bill collectors she wasn't home. She even put me in a private school thru a scholarship which I hated because everyone was rich and would pull up to school in mercedes and BMW's while I was pulling up in the family clunker.
Anyway, I got out as soon as I could. I worked from the time I was 16 and went to school. I had DD at 20 and still worked and went to school. Meanwhile, I was always bringing money to my siblings and helping out the family. My stepdad was old enough to be my grandfather and was still busting his butt to keep up with my irresponsible mother. One day, she decides to move to Tx. Se took the youngest two who were 7 and 9, leaving behind the three others who were 11, 12, 13. My stepbrother moved back in to help out. About a year later my stepdad had a stroke and was never the same. My mother came and took everyone back with her to TX. Including my stepdad. Now she had remarried and brought my stepdad who worshipped the ground she walked on back to the house with her and her new husband who turned out to be a complete loser. My stepfather died within the next couple of years. My mother was still not working but got ss benefits for my underage siblings. but instead of living within her means. She rented this huge house and still couldn't pay bills. I would call and the phone would be off, they would tell me the gas was off, no lights etc. I went to visit once and my brother who is blind as a bat, was holding his glasses because the parts that go over your ears had broken off. I will forever remember that moment. I immediately grabbed the phone book and found a place to bring him to get him glasses. I wound up getting him contacts and I will never forget the look of complete gratitude when he put them in. I think he was 11 at the time. Anyway, there so are many more examples I could give.
My mom and siblings moved back here when I got married in 99. I found out later my mother had been kicked out of her house and my brother had won a computer for a school contest which my mom sold and used the money to rent a van to come here. I took my sisters in and my stepbrother took my brothers in and my mother went to live with a friend.
Fast forward: My mother got a job with great benefits and pay. Very flexible hours, she really liked it. She moved into a crappy apartment paying double what I paid for my apartment that was nice and bigger, her reasoning: it was on the nicer side of town. Well the job turned out to be more stressful than she thought so she quit. No income as all sibling are now 18. I isolated myself from her. We were going on vacation and I couldn't deal with hearing all the depressing my lights are being shut off, I have no money, etc. Finally, I call her and sure enough she starts to run the guilt trip how can I not even offer to help her, her gas is shut off, they have no hot water, she has to pay $800 dollars to have it turned back on. We get in this huge argument of course the fact that I was pregnant didn't help. She told me I was selfish and materalistic, because I drive a nice car and have a nice house. The phone call ended with me hysterical. I have ALWAYS been there for everyone, financially and otherwise. In spite of all this, I feel guilty because we are about to go on a vacation a spend a few $1000 while her gas is off. My Bf and DH are telling me I shouldn't feel guilty but I still do. We did go on vacation and mom and I patched things up. That was 4 years ago
Anyway, fast forward to the present. She eventually got another job a couple of years ago, again great job, benefits, great pay, flexiblity and had a nice inlaw apartment which she rented from a friend of mine. When I was pregnant with DD6 months, she decides one day that since all her kids are grown, she is moving back to TX. Out of the blue. And she quits her job and ups and moves. No job or plan. One of my DB lives there and his now pregnant wife works for an apartment complex. She got my mom an apartment and it was waiting for her when she got there. Well she left right after dd was born so she has been there about 6 months. No job, no income. I just talked to DB and he told me that his wife told him that the constable will be serving her papers because she hasn't paid rent. I called my dad because they keep in contact and she always asks him for money. He told me he had talked to her but she hadn't mentioned that but she told him her lights were about to be turned off, her car needed to be repaired and couldn't pass inspection, etc, etc. He said he couldn't keep sending her money. She runs a guilt trip because he didn't take care of me when I was young. I call her up and she acts like nothing is wrong but proceeds to tell me about her newest "business ventures" and tells me she is looking for sponsors and she wasn't asking me but if I was so inclined to send something.....Now if you see my ticker, you can see that we are going to WDW and once again are about to spend about $2.5 on the trip. The guilt is already settling. Everytime, I reach into my wallet, I think, I should be sending soemthing to help her. My dad says, if I were to send my whole vacation fund to her, she would just need more tomorrow. I understand logically that I should not feel guilty or bad for her, but in spite, I do!
The crazy part of all this is that she claims that God is helps her though everything and he's got it when she has no money. God told her to move to TX, God told her to this. I wish I could just cut myself off from caring.
If you have gotten to the end, thanks for "listening" I don't know what adive if any, can be given but feel free!
Background: My mother was not raised by my grandmother, her grandmother raised her until she was 12 and then she was passed from relative to relative some of who were abusive. I understand her rough childhood effected who she is but she uses this as an excuses for all the choices she makes in life. How she raised me and my sibling, the kind of grandmother she is or isn't, She got married to my dad at 16, had my brother at 17, my parents separated and then got back together long enough to make me. When I was 5 she remarried and had 5 more children. Because she said she hated having a boss, she was always seeking out new "business ventures" that were not successful and didn't bring in any money. My stepfather worked 3 jobs to pay the bills. We had enough to have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back and food in our bellies but no extras. My mother was always out with these new ventures so me and my stepbrother were ALWAYS babysitting. I got a job when I turned 16 so I could have money for my extras. I got my license and saved enough to buy a cheap car. The family car broke down and they took mine and that broke down as well. My mom was always living outside of her means. She would shop til she dropped and then tell us to tell the bill collectors she wasn't home. She even put me in a private school thru a scholarship which I hated because everyone was rich and would pull up to school in mercedes and BMW's while I was pulling up in the family clunker.
Anyway, I got out as soon as I could. I worked from the time I was 16 and went to school. I had DD at 20 and still worked and went to school. Meanwhile, I was always bringing money to my siblings and helping out the family. My stepdad was old enough to be my grandfather and was still busting his butt to keep up with my irresponsible mother. One day, she decides to move to Tx. Se took the youngest two who were 7 and 9, leaving behind the three others who were 11, 12, 13. My stepbrother moved back in to help out. About a year later my stepdad had a stroke and was never the same. My mother came and took everyone back with her to TX. Including my stepdad. Now she had remarried and brought my stepdad who worshipped the ground she walked on back to the house with her and her new husband who turned out to be a complete loser. My stepfather died within the next couple of years. My mother was still not working but got ss benefits for my underage siblings. but instead of living within her means. She rented this huge house and still couldn't pay bills. I would call and the phone would be off, they would tell me the gas was off, no lights etc. I went to visit once and my brother who is blind as a bat, was holding his glasses because the parts that go over your ears had broken off. I will forever remember that moment. I immediately grabbed the phone book and found a place to bring him to get him glasses. I wound up getting him contacts and I will never forget the look of complete gratitude when he put them in. I think he was 11 at the time. Anyway, there so are many more examples I could give.
My mom and siblings moved back here when I got married in 99. I found out later my mother had been kicked out of her house and my brother had won a computer for a school contest which my mom sold and used the money to rent a van to come here. I took my sisters in and my stepbrother took my brothers in and my mother went to live with a friend.
Fast forward: My mother got a job with great benefits and pay. Very flexible hours, she really liked it. She moved into a crappy apartment paying double what I paid for my apartment that was nice and bigger, her reasoning: it was on the nicer side of town. Well the job turned out to be more stressful than she thought so she quit. No income as all sibling are now 18. I isolated myself from her. We were going on vacation and I couldn't deal with hearing all the depressing my lights are being shut off, I have no money, etc. Finally, I call her and sure enough she starts to run the guilt trip how can I not even offer to help her, her gas is shut off, they have no hot water, she has to pay $800 dollars to have it turned back on. We get in this huge argument of course the fact that I was pregnant didn't help. She told me I was selfish and materalistic, because I drive a nice car and have a nice house. The phone call ended with me hysterical. I have ALWAYS been there for everyone, financially and otherwise. In spite of all this, I feel guilty because we are about to go on a vacation a spend a few $1000 while her gas is off. My Bf and DH are telling me I shouldn't feel guilty but I still do. We did go on vacation and mom and I patched things up. That was 4 years ago
Anyway, fast forward to the present. She eventually got another job a couple of years ago, again great job, benefits, great pay, flexiblity and had a nice inlaw apartment which she rented from a friend of mine. When I was pregnant with DD6 months, she decides one day that since all her kids are grown, she is moving back to TX. Out of the blue. And she quits her job and ups and moves. No job or plan. One of my DB lives there and his now pregnant wife works for an apartment complex. She got my mom an apartment and it was waiting for her when she got there. Well she left right after dd was born so she has been there about 6 months. No job, no income. I just talked to DB and he told me that his wife told him that the constable will be serving her papers because she hasn't paid rent. I called my dad because they keep in contact and she always asks him for money. He told me he had talked to her but she hadn't mentioned that but she told him her lights were about to be turned off, her car needed to be repaired and couldn't pass inspection, etc, etc. He said he couldn't keep sending her money. She runs a guilt trip because he didn't take care of me when I was young. I call her up and she acts like nothing is wrong but proceeds to tell me about her newest "business ventures" and tells me she is looking for sponsors and she wasn't asking me but if I was so inclined to send something.....Now if you see my ticker, you can see that we are going to WDW and once again are about to spend about $2.5 on the trip. The guilt is already settling. Everytime, I reach into my wallet, I think, I should be sending soemthing to help her. My dad says, if I were to send my whole vacation fund to her, she would just need more tomorrow. I understand logically that I should not feel guilty or bad for her, but in spite, I do!
The crazy part of all this is that she claims that God is helps her though everything and he's got it when she has no money. God told her to move to TX, God told her to this. I wish I could just cut myself off from caring.
If you have gotten to the end, thanks for "listening" I don't know what adive if any, can be given but feel free!
