Raulandpinboy
<font color=blue>Table-dancing auctioneer<br><font
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2001
- Messages
- 1,705
So I got up at 6:30 in the morning because I had my usual Monday morning meeting, where all the sales people tell us the engineering dept why we stink, and why cant we just fudge the numbers so that they can sell the impossible at a cheaper price.
This morning was different as I head up and out still in my groggy not seeing straight morning haze state. I heard a strange (stranger than normal for my house that is) beeping coming from downstairs.
So rather than ignore it and go about my business, I being a man had to investigate to see what the noise was. So I decided to head down the stairs and see what was up. The dog seeing that I was headed towards the kitchen decided to go along for the ride and maybe there would be some food in it for him. (There never is, as I am not the regular dog feeder)
As I got to the stairs and went to put my foot down I did the stupid, the thing that you hear about that others do and you just comment with OMG how could they be so stupid or that could never happen to me
You see I went to put my foot on the first step, but my heel hit the top step with such force that it was deflected off and I missed the first two steps altogether. That was with my left leg, now my right leg not wanting to support my standing habit decided to fold and give in to temptation by collapsing under me and sending me into a spiral tumble slide down the stairs. My left hand grabbing for anything that could stop me, released the picture frame of Walt Disney opening Disneyland that hangs in our hall, and opted for the handrail with the $.09 screws that missed the wood stud altogether that I knew was loose and that every time I came up the stairs and grabbed it moved, and I kept saying I need to fix this handrail.
Well now is my chance to fix it because that puppy pulled out of the wall. It did manage to slow me down for .03 seconds but after it gave way it just added to my weight and did one of those slingshot effects like you see in the Sci-Fi movies where the spaceship swings around the sun so fast and slingshots backwards through time. That is exactly what happened because after I crash landed on the bottom step it was 1 minute earlier and in some weird cosmic event I was able to look up and see myself do it all over again.
As I sat there with my foot touching my shoulder blade, covered in drywall dust feeling unbelievable pain shoot through my body my butt felt numb much like that time back in 1984 when . Errrr never mind why risk getting edited. I looked to my left and see my dog, my buddy, my true trusty companion pawing at my back. I knew he just wanted to see and make sure I was alright, and then the little mongrels true objective came through. I was laying on one of his toys, and once he got it out, he took it went to the living room and started squeaking that stupid hamburger of his. You know Lassie would have at least stayed to make sure I was alive.
So there I was, on my back in pain, and only wearing my underwear, you know the comfy ones with the holes where my legs have worn them through. The only thing going trough my head was if they have to call the paramedics Donna will be mad because Im wearing these holy underwear. And with my luck they will drag me out of the house on a stretcher forget cover me up and it will be the Speedo incident all over again. So I tried to get up to at least put on some pants and there at the top of the stairs in a haze I thought I saw Jerry Garcia, but I was wrong it was only Donna in her grateful dead night shirt.
I heard her scream OMG not my money producing younger than me, makes all the other women hate my guts husband Eddie dont move then she disappeared. Later I found out she ran into my office and made sure all my insurance policies were up to date, then she back into the master bedroom and came running down the stairs with a brand new pair of underwear, and Ill never forget those word as she looked down at my broken body and said put these on before I call 911 and those are going in the trash today and thats final
We by that time I was able to move my foot away from shoulder blade, and actually wanted to get up, if anything to save my holy underwear. I did manage to get up but never made my meeting.
The final results of my Monday, well the holy underwear is safe in an undisclosed location under the FBI underoos protection plan. The rail is sort of back and will be fixed by this weekend or next weekend unless there is a pin event. That lassie want to be evil mutt will see that it will be a cold day in h*** before he get another doggie treat from me. (Who am I kidding he got one that night, the next day, today blah blah blah) And last but not least Im black and blue from my ankle to my neck how I managed not to break anything is beyond me. Im sore but Im mobile.
Oh and the beeping it was the stove, seems it was beeping to warn me of an impending accident in the near future, that and the power went out in the night.
Disclaimer:
No underwear where hurt during the fall scene, the actual fall time was less than 10 seconds, but to me it seemed like 3 hours 5 minutes 34 seconds. In my pain stricken hallucinogenic state I saw and had conversations with the following people Jimmy Hendricks, Nicola Tesla, Jim Morrison, Mother Teresa, Jesus, Jimmy Hoffa (who is really buried under a 7-11 in Bithlo) Walt Disney, and Marvin Podwell who was the father of Marcy Podwell who married Bob Darcy and became Marcy Darcy, and did nothing with her life Just my luck I get to hallucinate once in my life, I meet great men, and Im stuck talking to some guy with a loser daughter that lived in Anchorage. Even in pain I am cheated.
This morning was different as I head up and out still in my groggy not seeing straight morning haze state. I heard a strange (stranger than normal for my house that is) beeping coming from downstairs.
So rather than ignore it and go about my business, I being a man had to investigate to see what the noise was. So I decided to head down the stairs and see what was up. The dog seeing that I was headed towards the kitchen decided to go along for the ride and maybe there would be some food in it for him. (There never is, as I am not the regular dog feeder)
As I got to the stairs and went to put my foot down I did the stupid, the thing that you hear about that others do and you just comment with OMG how could they be so stupid or that could never happen to me
You see I went to put my foot on the first step, but my heel hit the top step with such force that it was deflected off and I missed the first two steps altogether. That was with my left leg, now my right leg not wanting to support my standing habit decided to fold and give in to temptation by collapsing under me and sending me into a spiral tumble slide down the stairs. My left hand grabbing for anything that could stop me, released the picture frame of Walt Disney opening Disneyland that hangs in our hall, and opted for the handrail with the $.09 screws that missed the wood stud altogether that I knew was loose and that every time I came up the stairs and grabbed it moved, and I kept saying I need to fix this handrail.
Well now is my chance to fix it because that puppy pulled out of the wall. It did manage to slow me down for .03 seconds but after it gave way it just added to my weight and did one of those slingshot effects like you see in the Sci-Fi movies where the spaceship swings around the sun so fast and slingshots backwards through time. That is exactly what happened because after I crash landed on the bottom step it was 1 minute earlier and in some weird cosmic event I was able to look up and see myself do it all over again.
As I sat there with my foot touching my shoulder blade, covered in drywall dust feeling unbelievable pain shoot through my body my butt felt numb much like that time back in 1984 when . Errrr never mind why risk getting edited. I looked to my left and see my dog, my buddy, my true trusty companion pawing at my back. I knew he just wanted to see and make sure I was alright, and then the little mongrels true objective came through. I was laying on one of his toys, and once he got it out, he took it went to the living room and started squeaking that stupid hamburger of his. You know Lassie would have at least stayed to make sure I was alive.
So there I was, on my back in pain, and only wearing my underwear, you know the comfy ones with the holes where my legs have worn them through. The only thing going trough my head was if they have to call the paramedics Donna will be mad because Im wearing these holy underwear. And with my luck they will drag me out of the house on a stretcher forget cover me up and it will be the Speedo incident all over again. So I tried to get up to at least put on some pants and there at the top of the stairs in a haze I thought I saw Jerry Garcia, but I was wrong it was only Donna in her grateful dead night shirt.
I heard her scream OMG not my money producing younger than me, makes all the other women hate my guts husband Eddie dont move then she disappeared. Later I found out she ran into my office and made sure all my insurance policies were up to date, then she back into the master bedroom and came running down the stairs with a brand new pair of underwear, and Ill never forget those word as she looked down at my broken body and said put these on before I call 911 and those are going in the trash today and thats final
We by that time I was able to move my foot away from shoulder blade, and actually wanted to get up, if anything to save my holy underwear. I did manage to get up but never made my meeting.
The final results of my Monday, well the holy underwear is safe in an undisclosed location under the FBI underoos protection plan. The rail is sort of back and will be fixed by this weekend or next weekend unless there is a pin event. That lassie want to be evil mutt will see that it will be a cold day in h*** before he get another doggie treat from me. (Who am I kidding he got one that night, the next day, today blah blah blah) And last but not least Im black and blue from my ankle to my neck how I managed not to break anything is beyond me. Im sore but Im mobile.
Oh and the beeping it was the stove, seems it was beeping to warn me of an impending accident in the near future, that and the power went out in the night.
Disclaimer:
No underwear where hurt during the fall scene, the actual fall time was less than 10 seconds, but to me it seemed like 3 hours 5 minutes 34 seconds. In my pain stricken hallucinogenic state I saw and had conversations with the following people Jimmy Hendricks, Nicola Tesla, Jim Morrison, Mother Teresa, Jesus, Jimmy Hoffa (who is really buried under a 7-11 in Bithlo) Walt Disney, and Marvin Podwell who was the father of Marcy Podwell who married Bob Darcy and became Marcy Darcy, and did nothing with her life Just my luck I get to hallucinate once in my life, I meet great men, and Im stuck talking to some guy with a loser daughter that lived in Anchorage. Even in pain I am cheated.
