My mom might have cancer

[Rustysmom]

Could you please say a prayer for my mom Rose? She's been having stomach pains for a while and on and off constipation. This past week she hasn't been able to go to the bathroom at all.

We took her to the ER yesterday and they did a CT scan and said they saw either a mass or masses, I was so shocked that I forget. They wanted my mom to stay for more tests, but she freaked out and demanded to go home right now. She's 82 and said she's too old for any more operations. We all tried to convince her to stay, but she insisted, so she went home.

She called me late last night to say that she would go back today and stay if she needed to. She has an elderly sick cat at home, and she was worried about her. I'm worried about what's going to happen to the cat if something happens to my mom. She wants us to have her put to sleep. We could take her, but we have 2 cats and her cat wouldn't get along with ours. I'm sure we could figure out some way to set up a room for her, but I think my mom is going to insist on putting her to sleep, which is sad because Penny has been sick for a while, but was recently doing better.

Could you please say a prayer for my Mom and keep her in your thoughts? I'm hoping for a miracle that it's not cancer, but I don't think it's looking good right now.

I miss my mom already. Who would have thought that when we won our last trip to Disney on her birthday last February that she may not even be around this February. I'm glad we took the trip in November and didn't wait for this year so that at least she got to see the pictures and video of our trip. She's never been to Disney and wouldn't go because she doesn't like to travel. At least she kind of got to be there.

Edited to add that it's even worse than we thought. They think she has pancreatic cancer with mets to the liver and lungs.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hi......first if I read it right, your Mom is 82 years old. If it were me, and I am speaking from experience here watching a loved one go through treatment for Pancreatic Cancer not once but twice, and having a whipple procedure, horrific operation, I would take her the doctors and listen to what they have to say. Treatment vs surgery I would think if she has mets.....is probably what they might offer, again not a doctor, JMO. Watching my 62 year old husband go through radiation and chemotherapy this time around is not easy and he is in otherwise good health, it does takes its toll on the patient as well as the caregivers.. They are severely fatigued, not hungry and so pale looking, you have to protect them from others who may be sick as their immune system is severely compromised from the treatment.

Here are two sites that you might want to read a little on PC....

http://www.lustgarten.org/LUS/CDA/HomePage.jsp
http://pancan.org/


Do your homework, read up on this disease, so that when you sit with your Mom and these doctors you know what you are talking about, ask lots of questions......remember knowledge is power.

Hugs, double hugs and even more....please post if you need help or hugs.

 

[mommasita]

Mary,

I will say prayers for your Mother, and your family..

 

[hegs65]

Just wanted to say how sorry I am and that I will keep you in my prayers.
Patty

 

[hoosiergirl7]

I can totally understand what you are going through. My dad who is only 60 yrs old was diagnosed with throat cancer in November and is currently going through radiation and chemo. He's almost done with chemo (hopefully he will have gotten his last dose today ) and only has 14 more radiation treatments to go through. He should recover just fine as the doctors have told him.

But 3 of my grandparents and a great aunt have all had cancer (it runs on both sides of the family). My paternal grandfather died of colon cancer and my great aunt died from cancer too (can't remember what kind she had). Both of my mom's parents had several different types of cancer. They both are now gone but did not die of cancer.

I cried when I found out my dad had cancer I don't live near my parents and felt horrible because I couldn't be there for him. I did see him and my mom for a few days around New Year's and that was so wonderful.

Although this is very hard to deal with and I'm not trying to be insincere, but your mother has lived a very full life. Heck, living until 82 is great. But I do feel horrible that this is happening to her. I hope that your entire family has the strength to get through this since I know firsthand how hard this is.

 

[Rustysmom]

Thanks everyone. They did a biopsy today and we should know the results in a few days. Again she wanted to go home, and then my DH got into an argument with her saying how can she go home when she's all alone, she might fall, what if she doesn't have BMs again. She said she would go home herself in a taxi! And then, when she thought about it, she settled down and agreed to stay until the biopsy results are in.

Mackey Mouse, you were the first one I thought of when I heard the diagnosis, because I remembered that your DH is fighting this. I asked for some info from Pancan and got it today. That was fast!

Yes, I know she's 82 and lived a long if not great life, but it's still hard to see her suffer and go from a very independent person to someone who is now wearing diapers because they are pumping her with so much IV fluids that the pee is just coming out.

I would go stay with her for a while if they let her out, but she won't let me because she knows I have the kids and DS has PDD and is a handful. He won't even do his homework if I'm not there to make him do it. DH is useless when it comes to that. So we are going to see if we can get her an aide when they release her, and then see what the official diagnosis and prognosis is.

Being an only child really stinks sometimes, because all the decisions will fall on me if she can't make them. DH tries to help, but he gets very nervous. He went through this not long ago with his mom when she had lung cancer. His father used to leave his phone off the hook and left everything up to my DH. DH's good for nothing brother never helped. DH had to sign the DNR forms and I still don't think he's gotten over it.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I am so glad that Pancan got back to you so fast, they are a good organization and recently we did a Pancreatic Cancer walk in Boston for the Lustgarten Foundation, another great organization.. our little family of 5 raised over $10,000 in honor of my husband, people came out of the woodwork to give for this organization in his name..
I have done 2 Pancan walks as well, the Lustgarten one was in the city and was great for all my kids to be involved...so both do great things to help patients...

I wear both their bracelets on my arm...

I was the only daughter when my Mom was ill, my brother did not do well and I hear you on the DNR....that truly takes a toll on a close family to finally admit it is over and no more attempts to save the life. So I am sure your DH still feels that, it is something that you carry with you, but that you have to accept you did the right thing..

If I can help in any way, you would be surprised how much knowledge I have garnered on this subject, I am a pm away... If she is doing well with treatment, in spite of the age, I say give her the shot. Why not...but it is about the living with cancer... not dying with cancer so all about the quality of life she would have on treatment....I watch my husband, he is losing weight, tired, we stopped chemo for a week as it was playing havoc with his stomach, and will restart next week, but he is good otherwise, talkative, functioning, playing with his grandson...so we continue.

Hopefully we buy him more time, he will never be cured of this... unless a miracle happens and we do pray for that all the time, but in reality, he is living with the cancer.

Hugs to you..


One more thought.. this guy is my hero, read his story and if you can go to the lustgarten foundation page and watch his last lecture at Carnegie Mellon, he repeated it on Oprah in a condensed style....amazing man. This is his webpage:

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/news/index.html

 

[Rustysmom]

Thank you so much. It's funny, I came across Randy Pausch's website last night by accident and I thought he was amazing too. He has a really good attitude.

We don't even know what treatment, if any, they want to do. Right now I think she's all gung ho to try anything. As far as I know, except for this cancer, her arthritis, and diabetes, which is pretty much under control, she's healthy and her mind is all there. So I hope they offer at least an option for some kind of treatment that will at least ease the pain she's having in her abdomen. Then maybe she can go home for a while like she wants. She wants to "fix things" in her house, which I guess means get all her papers and stuff in order, and she wants to wash and color her hair because it's a mess under a hairnet right now. She's a little vain. LOL She hasn't washed it in weeks because she wasn't feeling good.

Thanks again and I'll update when I find out any more info.

 

[zalansky]

I love Randy Pausch and check his website for updates nearly every day!

Rustysmom - I just posted on another thread you had posted on as well. I am so sorry to hear about the news you got about your mom. My mom died of pancreatic cancer at age 62 almost ten years ago and I still miss her terribly. Like Mackey Mouse said, its about quality of life at this point. If its advanced, which it sounds it might be, hopefully she can go home and will accept hospice so she can be comfortable and at home. At her age and the stage she may be at, I don't know that treatment would be a good option. It would debilitate her and make her feel just awful. I had to watch both of my parents suffer through chemo and naturally it didn't work. Anyway, just know we're here for you.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hugs Zalansky... my husband is 62 now.... so when I read what you wrote, it hit home.. We need to do more research on PC.....and find out why it is so resistant to treatment. I do know that it is usually found too late and that is why people are in such trouble when they begin the process...but in my DH's case, we found it early.. not even in his pancreas..and we are still battling...

Bottom line.....I am a bottom line person. She will make the decision and you, as her daughter, will be there for her. There is no question as Zalansky said chemo is debilitating and so is radiation, but sometimes they do work. This cancer is a difficult one because it is rather resistant to chemo.....but they have a new one out called Tarceva that they use and have been having success with.. New things are coming up all the time and in my DH's case... we want to keep him here as long as he is having quality of life and wants to be here so that maybe if a new one comes along that works... he can avail himself of it..

Keep your chin up....help her in whatever way you can..right now as long as she is of sound mind, she will make the decisions concerning her illness and you can help her with that by knowing how this cancer works..

Hugs.

 

[Rustysmom]

My mom had a bone scan today and a little bad news, although I guess all we are expecting is bad news now. The results from the biopsy aren't back yet, but the CA 19-9 came back at 1,400, so the oncologist said that yes, she almost certainly does have pancreatic cancer and it's Stage 4, based on the CT scans I guess. The doctor's told my DH all this because I'm having a hard time dealing with it. Then he comes and tells me and I tell my mom.

She might have the option of doing chemo, but it might only buy her a year. She said she'll think about it, but I think she probably won't do it. We told her that she doesn't have to decide tonight. First they want her to go home and gain some strength and walk around, and then she can decide when she goes to see the oncologist.

The good news is that she is getting out of the hospital on Monday (hopefully). We're a little worried because she hasn't had a BM since they gave her the enemas, but she says how is she supposed to go when she's just lying in bed all day. She hasn't been up in a week because she can't wallk without a walker and she was attached to the IV all week. They are giving her one more before she goes and then the dr. told my DH to use Fleet enemas on her, but that ain't gonna work because we tried that before she went to the hospital in the first place. I think she needs a stool softener or a strong laxative to get things going.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

OK.. I am on the case... I want to you know that when you have a reoccurence of this cancer.. you are automatically stage 4...so my husband is stage 4 Pancreatic cancer.. He is doing treatment and doing ok....not like the first time, he raced through it, but doing it at a steady pace....I see it in his face, he looks tired and hurt, but they are managing his pain with painkillers and nausea with anti-nausea medicine and with both of those comes the issue you are talking about for your Mom...

So, he takes... glycolax powder (generic for Miralax) (prescription)....at first it was to be once a day, but it was not working so changed to three times a day by his oncologist. It is a powder, tasteless, that he puts in water or in any drink that he is drinking and it does the trick.. Stool softeners and otc items did not work with the meds that he is taking. Not sure if she is having issues from medications in the hospital??? it could be or because of the disease.

One more thought here....THIS IS IMPORTANT....for some reason pharmacies are really cracking down and holding patients to the letter of the script. So, when the glycolax did not work taking it once a day, the oncologist said to up it to 3 times a day....WARNING...make sure at that time, you ask for a new prescription, as the insurance companies will not fill it as it is written once a day and taking it 3 times has made it all gone....and they want to know why...is he absusing his laxative..do not get me going... LOL

Also, he is on Medicare and we just got a letter from them that they paid their portion of the ct scans and we may have to pay out of pocket $200 something for one and $300 something for the other.. we also have medex with BC/BS..

Are we having fun yet??? At every turn, you have to be vigilant. I went to the pharmacy last night for my scripts....only to find out that now I have to take the generic for Protonix, great, hope it works I do not need to have reflux attacks, and zyrtec is now otc...so I get to pay for that one out of pocket... great again.

This turned into a rant, but someone has to come up with a better way of managing drugs needed by people who are seriously ill never mind everyone else.. Disgraceful

Anyway, to Rustysmom.. I am here and trust me I am a wealth of knowledge.. Also, in our hospital, there is a cancer resource room, not too much info on PC as there is not enough being done in research.....but they do have computers to do research.. Good resource, also cancer support groups....specifically for your cancer, good as well. Another thing, if she chooses treatment, at the hospital we go to for radiation, you can buy valet parking so that if the patient is weak, you do not have to worry about trying to get them from the garage to treatment, this stops right at the radiation door and then these wonderful men park our car.......I am so appreciative of them and make sure they know.. You are in NY... so Sloan Kettering has wonderful drs working on Pancreatic cancer, I know I did the research on them.....and we talked to one of them on the phone through a friend who set up the call. I remember the dr's name we were going to see, it is Eileen O'Reilly.. you can do a search and look her up...but after discussing with this head doctor, MGH was on track with what they were doing so we stayed with Boston.

Big hugs all around... sorry about the epistle.

 

[safetymom]

Mackey, did you see on The Celebrity Apprentice the winning team the money went to Lustgarden. They donated 50,000.

To OP, I will keep you all in my prayers. It is so tough watching a loved one struggle with health issues.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I did not see it as I am not a huge Apprentice fan, but I did know that, was it one of the guys from the Soprano's, was going to donate to Lustgarten for PC.

I actually read it on the Lustgarten Foundation I believe and I was thrilled... When Pavarotti passed, the family was approached to maybe help in research for this dread disease......they said no.....all that money and they said no. Our little family of 5 raised 10,000 and donated it to Lustgarten...you do what you have to do.. Years ago, people did not survive Breast Cancer, but with lots of attention and people supporting the cause, they have cures now...

 

[safetymom]

Yes it was one of the guys from the Sopranos. I just happened to sit down at that part as my daughter was watching.

 

[binky503]

Sending prayers

 

[rlduvall]

Hope your Mom is doing better.

 

[Rustysmom]

She finally was able to go home from the hospital yesterday. She's very, very weak and was in a lot of pain last night. She even took a Tylenol 3 the Dr. prescribed, even after she thought she was allergic to codeine. They were giving it to her in the hospital all along! When I told her that, she took it. Then she fell asleep on the couch, and that's how I left her last night. I haven't spoken to her yet today. I'm a nervous wreck. I'm so afraid she's going to fall and then not be able to reach the phone.

A nurse is coming tomorrow, and then she's supposed to have an aide come for 2 weeks. What happens after that, I don't know. We still have to see the oncologist and get all the test results back, but I was just looking at a copy of the CT scan, and it's really bad. She has "numerable" nodules in her lungs and liver, something on her rib, and of course something on the tail of her pancreas. I don't think she's going to go for the chemo if the offer it, and I don't think her body could take it.

I just hope she gets a little strength back so she can spend some time at home, take care of things she wants to take care of, and spend some time with her cat, who she loves so much.

 

[zalansky]

Sorry to see this news. I can't say enough wonderful things about hospice. Did the hospital suggest them to you? Either way, I would give them a call. They are such a blessing and will help her with pain management which I think is the best thing about hospice, plus they will provide her the care she needs. As well as family members too. We had hospice with both of my parents and they were just wonderful. Keep us posted, God bless.

 

[Rustysmom]

We still have to see the oncologist and get the results of the biopsy and bone scan, and then I'm sure they will recommend hospice. Her regular doctor already mentioned it. She's having a lot of pain in her abdomen and isn't able to eat much.