My kids took the "Magic" out of the MK and all the other parks, too!

[Rella Bella]

Whewww. Boy does this thread have the hornets nest stirred up!!

Thank you 'mentheguys' for giving some voice to the difference in before and after being a parent and to 'Robinb' for "all kids are different". Which is SOOOO true!!

My DH & I were childless for the first 19 years of our marriage... and he was a pastor! Needless to say we had it 'all figured out' and knew exactly what to do to raise 'perfect kids'. We had interviewed all the "successful parents" and closely watched the parents who's kids gave us goosebumps on our goosebumps. When we finallly adopted our DS... we were ready!

Boy were we in for a shock! AND WE ATE TONS OF CROW!!! It never occured to us that a child could test every limit so hard and so many times!
Every day is a challenge. We DO listen to the experts... and anyone else who will offer advice. We've all been in counseling... we've taken classes... and we won't give up. It took us 8 1/2 years to get a diagnosis of ADD/DD (defiant disorder)... and medication has helped quite a lot. But there is no way you can tell me that raising one kid is exactly like raising another.

So if you don't have kids... I'm sorry but no matter how much education or 'away from thier own home experience' you have with kids YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW what it can be like to be with a difficult child 24/7.

For those of you who have been "successful". Enjoy it, be thankful and know that grace has smiled on you... yes, your consistancy & good parenting has helped mold your childs behavior, but you had a child that would mold!

Please all of you, have some compassion for those of us who don't have perfect kids... we get tired, we sometimes loose hope, and yes sometimes we are too tired to make the best parenting decisions but we still love our kids and we don't give up.

When you see us please don't judge us... say a prayer... or send us some of your positive energy... and be thankful your kids are more compliant BECAUSE THEY ARE!

EDIT: I don't mean to imply, in anyway, that because some kids can be more challenging, that they may have the problems my child does. Just that without knowing the whole situation you can't know how good or bad the parenting really is... I think all of us wish our kids acted like the "successful parents" kids. (oooh that successful parent thing really gets me.)
Also I know this post is somewhat off topic from the direction the author of this thread intended... I guess I just get sensitive when I feel like others (not the author) think they could do a better job with my child... there have been days when I've been tempted to consider taking soemone up on that challenge. Where is "The Nanny" when you need her!

 

[CathrynRose]

What would any of you done? Anyone have similar problems? I need to know I'm not alone!!!!

I hear ya!

My 14 y/o is a royal P.I.A. - pretty much anywhere - we take him... He;s tired, bored, his legs hurt, he wants to go home.

My b/f and I decided - we'll go by ourselves. Danny (the 10 y/o) was like "HEY! Wait a minute!!! I'm fine!!!" We agreed..

Joey's not going with us, until he appreciates it. <shrug>

 

[jann1033]

Those are your words. Not mine. Of course anyone should post, but smug comments about how people who have a difficult time are bad parents and how easy it is to have a perfect, well behaved child are uncalled for. Neither the OP, nor the rest of us who posted that we too had trouble, needs to hear about it.

sorry robin but i have reread my posts clear back to the start and do not know where you are getting this from...maybe the first one where i said how when our kids fought what we did? or the second one where i said how we set up rules our kids didn't like ? maybe when i said i thought the teen years were hard, were glad they are over and wouldn't want to go through them again ? you can read anything you want into them but don't accuse me of saying things i never said nor implied.( ie 'bad parents", that it is easy to have"perfect" children ect)
i don't feel it is necessary for me to create an argumentative tone in this thread by responding to any other post you direct towards me since it doesn't appear to be constructive..

 

[PatsGirl]

Now it's time for some self-analysis... how many parents on this board need a time-out right now?

To be honest, it is sometimes me that needs the time-out during commando park touring (or a traffic jam, or rainy weather, do you see a pattern here?) Nothing like a nice cocktail to calm the nerves That's why we always have a sit-down for our dinner meal while at the parks.

I probably have the least amount of patience of any parent I know and my kids know it too! Just the look sends them heading in another direction Thank goodness because I'm a single parent that strives for a low-stress life and I demand it when I can.

As for how well-behaved my children are: see my signature. On the other hand, I'm considered the mean mother in the neighborhood but why is it that all the kids want to go on trips with us?

BTW, I also have a degree in child/adolescent psychology and believe that firm, CONSISTENT discipline is the answer to raising well-behaved children. But God knows my kids can be the worst in the bunch when they put their minds to it and they have a point to make, lol.

to everyone out there giving it their best shot. Brenda

 

[WendyMichaelJohn]

Edit: Bitin' the tongue.

 

[can'twait]

I was absolutely terrified of this happening to us. The night before we left I laid it on the line with the kids - 5 and 7. I told them exactly what to expect it to be like (lots of fun but lots of walking and maybe hot and that we would be tired) and what we expected from them - respect for each other and other people while on the plane, in line, in restaurants, etc. Their behaviour on the trip wasn't perfect but it was much better than I thought it would be, and I really think it was because of this discussion. We were all looking forward to having fun. I had psyched them up for it. They knew how much I planned and that we might not get back for a looooooooong time so we better have a good time. That there was lots to see and do. That we could just sit on a bench and have an ice cream if we were tired. That we could go to the pool or take a nap if we wanted to leave the parks because we were tired. Of all the things I had planned, we only missed one, and that was because of a transportation issue that was not in our control. I was disappointed but got over it. We were tired but plugged on. Oddly, my DS (5) was having behaviour problems at school before we left, and has had no problems since our return a week and a half ago. Pixie dust? I dunno! All I know is that everyone is different and kids grow and change. What works with one kid may not work with another. And if it worked yesterday that does NOT mean it will work today. And today I may just be too tired to deal with it, but I will pick myself up and be able to deal with it tomorrow. We all do the best we can. The most important thing is to try.

 

[Iluvthemouse]

This is one of the many reasons we have an only.
I remember this happening to my sister and myself all the years growing up. Constant bickering and fighting so we decided we didnt want our children doing the same. I know many families that the children are very very close but I didnt want to risk it based on my memories.

I think you have been given some great advice from the previous posters and so sorry your trip wasnt ideal.

 

[runner26.2]

After reading these posts last night I had to call my Father about this. In the early 70's my parents drove my 2 brothers and I (probably ages 8,5,3) to Orlando 3-4 times from Toronto for 2 week visits.

He says the drives were long, tedious with constant fighting from the back of the station wagon. Lots of fighting at the rooms and at the Park with one melt down he recalls where he hauled me out of the restaurant (and I'm the oldest) mid meal.

My recollection is of nothing but happy times, riding the monorail, Mr. Toad's Wild ride and eating frog's legs at some restaurant with a huge live tree in the lobby area.

Funny how as the adult you remember the good and the bad, but the childhood memories seem to only be the good ones, at least when it comes to WDW. I guess it is all worthwhile

 

[mommaU4]

I just want on record by saying that I'm a terrible parent. No, I don't beat them or anything but you know all those great parenting books we all have? I break at least one of those "never do this" rules everyday. I do my best. I love my kids and they know it because I hug them and tell them everyday. But I make mistakes, and they know that too because I admit it and apologize.

I know this upcoming trip is going to once again try my patience in ways I can't imagine right now. But it's okay because when all is said and done we are going to have great memories to look back on, good and bad. Oh, and one more thing in addition to a savings account for future Disney trips, I'm also thinking of a savings account for my kids future therapy.

 

[dwkwootton]

Gee. Don't hurt yourself patting yourself on the back so hard! You deserve a charter membership into the DIS Practically Perfect Parents Club. I was wondering when the PPP would show up to this thread and it took 6 pages! What restraint!

Let me say this once: all children are different. What works with your kids may not work with other kids.

I find this post very offensive. The name calling, stereotyping, and nastiness of it. An adult version of a tantrum? Maybe I'm reading this thread wrong, but I'm reading almost the exact same suggestions being given by parents and professionals alike ... in a polite, courteous, and kind manner. And this causes you to lash out because?

Let me say this once: we all know that all children are different. There isn't a kid in the world that does well with inconsistent discipline or threats that are not carried out. This, in fact, teaches a child to throw tantrums. And like another poster said, we've probably all endured the parent of a tantruming child making the same threat over and over and over again while everyone is being subjected to said child's tantrum.

Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. It would have been easier for me too to open the cookies in the supermarket to quiet my toddler down, give in to whatever demand in a restaurant so that I could finish my meal and not leave out of courtesy to others, etc, etc, etc, etc. It was hard work, very hard work, and usually very inconvenient.

As another poster stated, I too had the reputation for being the strict parent in the crowd, but the funny thing was, everyone always showed up at our house every weekend. Now they're both in college (very hard, well known colleges and carrying 4.0 and 3.92 respectively) and everyone is still showing up all the time.

And you want to call me names? LOL ... knock yourself out!

 

[AStamm]

My DS6 had me in near tears the last day of our vacation at WDW this summer. Sometime between the Christmas 2005 trip and July 2006 he decided to have a fear of what seemed like every ride. It was so frustrating! On the last day we had plans to stay until after lunch and then start the 17-hour drive home, but within 1 hr. of MK being opened, we were on our way out. He fussed about having his picture taken during our entire breakfast at Crystal Palace (and ate only one mini-bagel!!!!) and then wouldn't go on Haunted Mansion, Pirates, or any other rides my DH wanted to go on just one more time. Goes without saying that he was not allowed to watch any videos on his portable DVD player that first day of our trip back home.

After DH and I cooled down we spent quite a bit of time explaining to our son how much we were disappointed in his behavior and how we would not be taking him back to WDW if he continued to act so poorly. I pointed out how much he loves looking at the pictures of him and characters on the fridge and that he wouldn't have if he wouldn't pose for them.

His behavior has gotten much better and we're headed to WDW in 3 weeks. He's actually excited to ride all the rides (at least once he tells me) so that he can get a pressed penny when he gets off. Sometime between the July trip and now he's decided that he wants to start a pressed penny collection.

Wish me luck--we're even braving bringing along my best friend and my aunt and uncle. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and sending up my daily prayers that he is back to his normal happy self!

 

[jojowentbyby]

Speaking from a psychological (my profession) standpoint, and please don’t feel that I’m judging you. I think this is a parental issue. You need to establish the rules you set for your family, as well as re-examine the way you are you raising these little ones. You are the one who is in charge of shaping and molding there personalities. Find a way to make them more responsible, and understanding. Not just of your feelings on this one trip, but in life in general. And never, tell a child they are "horrible", remember they are products of their environment.

I completely agree. I was shocked that in the first few pages no one pointed this out.

Children behave that way because they can. I homeschool my children (which I am not suggesting everyone do) and if they were not well behaved I would go crazy. My children did not usually behave this way even when in public schools. I have seen some terrible children/families in WDW. My children (8 & 5) look at those children and comment on how ill mannered they are.

My kids are not perfect, but they know that type of behavior ends up landing them into a bad time. My kid would be more upset over their bad behavior than I would, because there would be a consiquence for them.

It is hard being a parent, but it is much harder to not be a good one, because not only are you unhappy but your kids are too, hence all of the fighting. Disagreements should not turn into a fight. My kids know how to comprimise and negotiate.

I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that most people work and go to school while at home and then are heaved together with the mission of having fun when they really are not use to being around each other for that long.

I suggest reading some parenting books and learning better ways to teach your children how to be considerate and caring people. Those things should have been taught from day one, not in an emotional breakdown at WDW. I am certainly not trying to come off as judgemental, but I think this is a huge problem in this country and not just at WDW. My children are grateful for what they have and tell us all the time that we are great parents for taking such good care of them. That is a great thing to hear.

I do occasionally see the ugly head of expectancy and rudeness come up and I remind them how it sounds when they act that way. They are required to say "please" and "thank you" and all of those things.

The goal needs to be raising people who grow up to contribute to society, not to get them to shut-up in line for this one trip.

I enjoy every minute with my kids, good and bad, because that is life good and bad. If there were no bad times then how would we appreciate the good times.

 

[Cookie Princess]

My kids re DD9 and DS6. The were awful! They fought over EVERYTHING all week long....most of it really STUPID stuff like who gets to pull a certain suitcase. They would hit each other and really made our magical trip less than magical.

This is when I am glad to just have 1 child. If he is going to argue with anyone, it will be DH or I and we can nip it in the bud. DS (9) actually comes home from his friends' houses when they are bickering with siblings because it gets on his nerves after a while. I am really sorry that your vacation didn't go as planned.

 

[runner26.2]

Before this thread gets too divided (and hostile) I think it is important to remember the OP's orignal complaint. Her children were ill behaved during a vacation. OP did not say her children were always ill behaved or always horrible. In fact, it would appear that OP was shocked and horrified at their behaviour. This is not a thread about life long parenting. It seems to me that it was (or is) about dealing with children at WDW who behave in ways they don't normally do. (Presumably OP would not have taken their always horrible children to WDW and somehow thought that would reform them. Rather, it was their behavour at WDW which was out of the ordinary.)

Soooo, perhaps what might be useful are parenting tips that will assist in preventing poor behaviour at WDW that does not usually occur at home.

Some lessons I have learned (the hard way I might add) in this regard are to go back to the hotel for a few hours in the early afternoon to nap, swim, relax and recharge. Secondly, try not to due too much. It is not wrong to leave a Park at noon and relax by the pool for the afternoon or an entire day.

We're leaving in 3 weeks and any tips you can provide to keep my usually well behaved children that way while at WDW would be appreciated.

 

[Aptor]

Leave them at home next time

 

[madge]

after reading ther est of this thread i do think it's interesting that as of yet everyone who has successfully dealt with this type of problem has said the same basic thing... they set up rules for behavior and stuck with them which makes me think this is the norm for them, not just something they do at wdw and hey it must work!

not exactly.

we have rules at home, and expect that our children follow those rules whether we are at home, someone else's house, church, school...wherever.

Our children are just that, children. They are learning....that is what the rules are for, to teach our children boundaries and acceptable behavior.

I feel for the OP--it's hard when things aren't clicking as well as they should. Our oldest is 16, once we gave him a little space, our vacations improved dramatically The teen years are tough, all those hormones. ack.

Our DD gets downright surly if she's hungry or thirsty, she pestered the ever-loving daylights out of her middle brother on our last trip. Our rule is "keep your hands to yourself" and she couldn't. We tried to be consistent with discipline, but often times a cool drink or snack improved the behavior immediately.

Our middle DS is quiet--sometimes I'm tending to the oldest and youngest that he gets left out....he needs to learn to find his own voice, but on vacation, it's hard!

OP, you aren't alone....when you look back, you'll remember more of the good moments, I promise

 

[bigmac5]

I think the biggest thing is to listen to your kids(or others in your party)If they are getting tired, don't push for one more ride or one more show. Either take a break with an ice cream and people watch for a while or go back to the room for that much needed swim or nap. We had the options package and did a water park every couple of days and let the kids go where they wanted(they are 11,13, 14) To my surprise they spent most of their time in the wave pool or the lazy river--not the more extreme things. They were "chillaxin'" according to DS13 (chillin' + relaxing) Isn't that what vaccation is about?

 

[mcoolman]

My DDs are only 10 months apart,5and 6, and sqabble constantly! DH and I try our best to create a loving atmosphere, but kids will be kids, and siblings will be siblings

For our Christmas trip, I have already planted the notion that misbehavior will not be tolerated. Nor will arguing or selfishness. We are discussing the act of being and acting grateful, and of being thankful for everything that we enjoy. We've had some really great discussions! (Of course, we may get there and all *#@* may break loose! )

I will keep my fingers crossed, and keep letting them know my expectations- because I don't want my heart broken after all my planning and high hopes!
I want my girls to be loving and filled with the Christmas Spirit! ( I already told them that Santa was going to be very busy this year giving toys to the children affected by the hurricanes, because they have no toys to play with- my girls seemed to understand that, and said that it is more important for us to all be together- than to get lots of presents) We'll see if they can stand behind their words!!!

 

[ellyn2000]

I know what the planning is like for a "magical" WDW vacation and then to listen to bickering and fighting all week would be horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm pretty flexible about most things as a mom, but I'm a real hard nose when it comes to getting along with the people who live in our house. I've always started every vacation with, "We are going to have a good time and enjoy one another no matter what. No exceptions!" I would then "nip in the bud" any disagreements or ugliness between siblings. My children are now 23 DS (and married to a lovely girl I consider a daughter), 17 yr old DD and 16 yr old DS. They get along wonderfully and it's a real blessing. However, I've known children that fought with their siblings no matter where they were (at home on a Saturday morning or on the vacation of a lifetime) and mom was hard pressed to find a reason or solution. What works perfectly for one family may spell disaster for another. Just try different solutions to see that they try to get along better at home and when you find what works you'll be ready for another WDW vacation. I hope they appreciate you and the magic of Disney more on the next one. Good luck!

 

[bdcp]

Bickering with siblings is perfectly normal. There is a big difference between bickering and horribly behaved children. Some of it is the kid's personality and some can be attributed to parenting. Not all bad behavior is bad parenting, nor is it always the child's personality. It can be a combination of both. Having raised two wonderful young men and seen many other children being raised, I can tell you some parents have no clue. Like I've told my friends, you can be the nicest person in the world, but not have a clue how to raise children. You have to stick to your guns and be consistent. I also think it's sad that there are those who think they're doing their only child a big favor by not giving them siblings to bicker with. Siblings learn a great deal by having "competition". Not that there's anything wrong with only having one or having 15 children, but that is an interesting thing to say about an only child. Only children are not any better behaved than multiples.