my kids are spoiled

[badblackpug]

I support you on this. I think this is a very fair and effective way to discourage bad behavior. I've been struggling with what to do with a particular repeat offense. My 9 year old has recently been experimenting with swear-words in school. I've already had 2 calls from the vice-principal. The sign will be our next step.

The Supreme Court ruled that sign-punishments are not cruel: Click here for "US Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Sandwich Board" and there are countless other examples online of judges in the US and UK using sign-wearing to punish shoplifters, vandals, et al.

With all due respect, I really must disagree. The examples of the supreme court and the military are dealing with are adults, not children. It is our job as parents and role models to build children's self esteem. Although I realize this is far from a private forum, I will share a private example. I was the child subjected to the sign. It was nothing more than humiliating, and on a certain level, still is, more than 20 years later. I had (have) ADD. Most of my behaviors were consistent with that. One of them being I was a very disorganized child. My book bag and desk were always a mess (we had the kind of desks where you stored your books and supplies in the desk) I had an elementary school teacher that thought the best way to "cure" my messiness was to tape a huge sign to my desk that said "pigsty," and make me keep it there for a week. Trust me, it did not cure my messiness, but it did make me hate school, and it certainly did damage to my self esteem. Up until this point I was a straight "A" student. It was, basically, down hill from there.

Please, I know that you can find other ways to change or control your (collective "your") children's behavior. Humiliation is not a good tool. You just need to find the loss of privilege or thing that registers with your kids.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I think I would second the notion that humiliation is not an effective teaching tool.

Having recently read a *ton* of books about behavioral economics (because I'm just weird that way) I see the world in terms of incentives.

If kids have no incentive to clean up, behave, not fight, then they won't.

Figure out where the incentives to good behavior are, the "leverage points", and you'll get the behavior you want without making the kids miserable.

The HARD part, (at least from my perspective), is figuring out what motivates them, what the incentive is for each behavior that I want from them...

Interestingly, the books all seemed to say that shame (or humiliation) works best on adults, and it's the threat of shame, especially public or community exposure, was more effective than the actual act of shaming.

Children tend not to be as aware of societal pressures and norms, and are often confused and made powerless by humiliation tactics because they don't understand the bigger picture, and feel that the humiliation is arbitrary and beyond their control, despite the adult in the picture feeling like it's an obvious connection. At least, that's what the books said, it seems rational to me...