My heart is broken mini update post 243

[AlaskaMOM]

http://www.ktuu.com/Global/story.asp?S=10861448


How do you go on?




obit link post 204

 

[disneymarie]

I am so sorry to read of your loss. My prayers for you and the families.

I lost a daughter 2 1/2 years ago.....you don't go on. The hurt is there as if time has stood still.
Life goes on, as a parent I am in limbo and not a day goes by I do not cry and want to scream on top of my lungs for my daughter.

It was a preventable tragic death, and I will never get through stages of grief. You want to stop the heart ache.
When you lose your parents you are an orphan, if you lose your spouse you are a widow, but when you lose a child there is no word for it.
Sadly there are those of us on the forum that had lost children, young and grown....often there are the memories of the fun they had at Disney.

May the families have the memories to carry them and on some days bring a wonderful memory to mind to wash away the hurt.

In the first year I could not use tissues, it was a dishtowel....now it it multiple tissues a handful at a time...

 

[AlaskaMOM]

It never goes away? I can't imagine "living" like this .....

My son was so awesome! He will never see his daughter.... We have to decide to put him the ground, or cremate him, his beautiful strong body..... I am so .....empty

 

[Mom2apirate&princess]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[shortbun]

We are all so very sorry. For now, just breathe. Prayers said for you and yours.

 

[PryncessChrysty]

I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family, and the other boy's family, too.

 

[Kristina78]

So sorry for your loss will keep you in my prayers

 

[disneymarie]

It never goes away? I can't imagine "living" like this .....

My son was so awesome! He will never see his daughter.... We have to decide to put him the ground, or cremate him, his beautiful strong body..... I am so .....empty

I did not realize it was your son, I thought a nephew or friend.
When I say it never goes away, the empty part of the heart feeling. But the crippling heart ache, that you feel undiscribale, that comes down.

The decision of burying your child or creamating is a personal one.
I should be visiting my grandchildren from my daughter instead I visit her grave.

It does help to have a spot I can place her favorite things, A cat yard statue,. Beautiful tangerine small rose, bush. The Angel, Flowers, I can stand above her and weep away, away away......I want to take the people that caused her death and make them allow me to take a sledge hammer to the machine that produced the faulty item that took her life.

I needed the funeral to say good by, I did not need to face buying the clothing she would wear. The ex that wanted a closed coffin, I needed to hold her to the last moment I could.......It hurts, Is there anything that helps Oh, please someone tell us what it is.......I tried it all. Therapy, medication,


The one thing that is helping is keeping busy., I am starting an after care program for latchkey kids, I am starting my own PI business to do family supervised visitations to children at risk, I do field invesstigations for a company part time.

I am also involved in a federal lawsuit to the manufacture or the medication that took my child.....

I used towels for a year to cry and cry. I did one thing I never thought I would, and that was start Lexapro to help calm my racing thoughts and the unending crying. I have ativan as needed for they hyperventalating periords.

I am so glad that you do have that grandaughter to hold and smell her hair. My son not only lost his sister, his half brother passed away in a car accident leaving a son behind this past March.

The kids are affected by panic attacks of the fear of death. My youngest has rarely left the home and has post trumatic stress.

There are no words to fix it. There is time that numbs, family that supports.
Mine is afraid to talk about things as I cry in a moment.
But I DO remember the funny things about my child growing up, share the good things sometimes.

But my heart aches for you and I cry tears for you and for me, For all the parents that face this.
There is no other hurt.
Cry when you have to cry, and look for joy when you can hold onto it.
Across the miles I am holding your hand. If you need anything, I don't know what would help, but I will.

I am a retired police chief, I do not want to make you sadder, maybe we can heal.....
Di

Edited to add:
One small thing that helped. The online Legacy site for those that are sending their love and prayers. I had an online Legacy link form the Obituary and hundreds of my cyber friends from forums we both shared left such beautiful comments. I read it and a year later I printed it to have forever.
I put some wonderful pictures of my dd so those friends could see the beauty she had. Something that no one could have told me would help......

 

[vickyBaby]

I am sooo sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to formulate words in my mind that would offer you comfort.

Just know my thoughts are with you.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved son, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

It is almost impossible to write anything that will provide any measure of condolence, or comfort. My heart grieves for you and for the loss of a beautiful young boy, your child.

I can tell you this, the day will come when it won't hurt your chest to take a deep breath. The day will come when you can let your mind wander over the memories and take peace and joy from those memories. The day will come when you will look to the sky, or a favored place of your precious child and feel the grace of the child's presence wash over you. The day will come when you can look at his photo, his clothes, his belongings, for just a few moments longer than the last time, before the tears begin.

It's been years. She's been gone longer than she lived now, too many years without her, years that should have been filled with her laughter her life, stolen...

One step at a time, one step through each long day, those steps taking you toward a place where you can find some measure of functioning.

Each step leads you to a place where you can reach deep inside yourself and find the strength to keep going, out of respect and honor for the child who no longer can go on. You go on for him, you see?

Right now, do not force anything. Stay where you are. Continue to protect yourself with the "this is a nightmare and I will wake and it will be gone" response.

Please take care of yourself, and hold tight to whatever works for you. Nothing you do now, short of hurting yourself is wrong. Do what you need, what helps you, what works for you, do not worry about others right now. That will come later. Whatever you need... do it.

 

[AnnaS]

I am speechless myself - I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

 

[nrsldy]

I am so sorry for your loss.
Having lost a child I continue to take one day at a time. My DD had a 1 yr old DS at the time of her death, that we are raising. That is what has kept me going at times.
Again So Sorry

 

[Tinijocaro]

My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry.

 

[antmaril]

I really have no words. I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

[JMD]

 

[Disneyaunt4]

So very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

 

[J3nn78]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[lisajl]

I am sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Lisa