My grandaughter doesn't want to be a flower girl ...... HELP!

[Claudia1]

DGD (age 3.5) is to be the flower girl in a nice wedding this Saturday and she has decided that she doesn't want to be in it, doesn't want anyone to look at her, and she doesn't like her dress.

Oh, Boy! I have a really hard-sell to do in just 4 days!

Any hints or tips on getting a 3.5 yr old to walk down the aisle alone, scatter the petals, and stand in place for the ceremony?!?!?! None of the wedding party (other than the bride) is very familiar to her.

Is it tacky to have her sit with us after she walks down the aisle instead of standing up front? I know that she will not stand still for very long.

Help!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Bribery! Tell her if she walks down the aisle to Grandma then you will have 'X' waiting for her. Make sure it is something she REALLY wants!

I do not think it is tacky to have her sit with you. My DD was in a wedding when she JUST turned 3. No way she would have stood up there even with DH and I. She would have been distracting for everyone.

 

[caitycaity]

THIS is why i did not want a flower girl. it's unreasonable to expect one so young to behave for so long.

good luck! maybe you can have someone your dgd likes to tell her how pretty the dress is and how awesome it is to be a flowergirl. that always worled when my first cousin once removed didn'tw ant to eat his veggies.

 

[Jennifer S]

This happened to me w/ my four year old last year. YES Bribery works!!!He then sat with me after going down the aisle and never even walked back out after the wedding was over . And he only let the photographer take one picture of him. VERY stressful. He's in another wedding next August (2007). He should be old enough to do a better job then.

Good luck. I feel your pain.

 

[C.Ann]

Hopefully something you say will change her mind between now and then, but if not, I certainly wouldn't force her to do it.. At 3.5 years old she's a little too young to be held to a committment to walk alone down a long aisle, scattering flowers in front of a church full of strangers..

 

[Kae]

Most weddings I have been to lately the younger attendants go & sit after walking down the aisle, the last one I was in last month the kids sat down after the father gave the bride away.

As for your granddaugther yes bribing works but also she might change her mind when she sees all the fun she can have, take her to get her nails & hair done.

Kae

 

[princess pooh]

My flowergirl was younger then your DGD (I think she was a bit over 2 at the time) but my aunt (her grandmother) held up her favourite teddy bear at the end of the aisle. The kid went running down the aisle when she saw her bear! She sat with my aunt in the front row after that, and her mom and dad had an emergency plan in case she got too fussy. I admit I didn't think she would walk but my aunt and her parents did a great job coaxing her down the aisle.

 

[Dznypal]

5 and 3 when they stood up in my sisters wedding---

the picture of them coming down the aisle is soo cute--they both looked so scared!!

my inlaws came to the wedding more or less as babysitters (they really didnt know my sister that well)

after they walked down they sat with Grandma and grandpa

for pictures my DD stood with us but my DS stood behind a tree--

it wasnt until years later he let on --you could just see him peeking around the tree!!!

In aug DD is getting married--DS is best man and I want to have a picture of them together after the ceremony walking down the aisle--just like they did


just like they did almost 20 years ago!!!!

good luck with your little flower girl

the best thing I could suggest is not to push her into doing anything

the "fits" arent worth it--

sure its cute in the pictures with a little flower girl its just not worth the stress

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

My niece was 3 when she was in my daughter's wedding. After she got home, my sister walked past her room and heard the little flower girl playing with her Barbies and saying, "if you're bad, I'll make you be in a wedding!"

 

[barkley]

i say if she does'nt want to do it don't make her. let's be honest-most of the flower girl dresses ARE itchy and uncomfortable, and for the most part weddings are boring to young kids (most folks tend to leave this age group with a sitter or sit in the children's area of the church to keep from disturbing the service round here).

i opted not to have a flower girl or ring bearer cuz i'de been in too many weddings as an attendant where the little ones caused nothing but stress for the bride and the attendants (even if they behave during the service it can be horrendous trying to do the wedding photos-i know one bride who still laments that she wished she had foregone having young attendants, she does'nt have a single photo of the entire bridal party without either a miserable looking child or one in which they are making a face at the camera).

if she's the type you can count on not backing out (even if she sez now she will) i would suggest advising the bride to have a back up plan (maybe there is another girl who could wear a dress in the wedding colors to the wedding and while not getting her hopes up in advance, could be pulled into action at the last minute).

 

[disykat]

Poor thing! Is there a bridesmaid that can befriend her and walk with her? I'm with the folks that say if she doesn't feel good about it, let it go. Hopefully the bride will be reasonable.

 

[janette]

Bribery is probably the best option, find a reward she can have right after walking up the aisle. Maybe even a quiet toy that she can play with during the ceremony.

The new trend is to let the flower girl sit down, it's been a long time since I've been to a wedding that they stood during the ceremony. Let her know where to sit and who to go to. It is much easier on everyone and the flower girl job is over once she gets up the aisle.

You might bring a change of clothes for the reception and let her change into something more comfy after pics are complete.

 

[beckmrk04]

My niece was 3 when she was in my daughter's wedding. After she got home, my sister walked past her room and heard the little flower girl playing with her Barbies and saying, "if you're bad, I'll make you be in a wedding!"

This made me laugh out loud. That is hysterical!!

My niece (3) was in our wedding, and was ALL ABOUT it.......... Until my wedding day. No biggie for me though- I only cared that dh and I made it down. My mom had to go get my niece.

After we got back from our honeymoon, she sat down with me and watched the video, and saw where she refused to walk down the aisle- and said "That's where I was bad and didn't walk down the aisle.....Can we do it again?"

Uh- no.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It is not tacky for you to have her sit with you.

Though I would be hard pressed to force the issue. I would make your offer of bribery and if it looks like it will be an issue--I would be more concerned about maintaining the solemnity of the wedding and if that means B&G cannot have cute little pictures of a mini-bride walking down the aisle then so be it.

We didn't have a FG or RB and what do you know--we were married anyway and we are still married .

 

[minniecarousel]

I'll never forget getting my then just-turned-5-year-old to sing out for the Christmas Tree Lighting, I bribed him with "Muscle Men" - small plastic figures. The pre-school teacher was so crushed that it wasn't her "pep-talk", but my bribe that worked!

My point is - a little bribery, a promise that she can sit with you once she walks down the aisle and she can change out of the dress as soon as pictures are done - all of these should work. If not, oh well, it won't be the end of the world.

(OMG! she's 3 1/2 already!? where has the time gone, Claudia?)

 

[Aimeedyan]

I haven't attended a wedding in years that DID let a small flowergirl or ringbearer stand at the front with the rest of the attendants. They all have them sit with family at the end of the aisle unless they are older.

We chose older attendants - our flowergirl was 6 and our ringbearer was 6 as well. Perfect age! They were able to follow directions, remember what to do, stand at the front, participate in all the pictures, etc. Because they were older, they did stand with the other attendants at the front and did very well. I can't imagine expecting kids any younger to do so, though. That's hard work even for an adult!

Bribery is probably your best bet at this point and if she flat out refuses, I don't think you can make her.

 

[kristen821]

I didn't read all the threads so this may be a duplicate, but my dd was 3 and 3 months when she was flower girl for my sisters wedding. She walked down the aisle and sat with my dh instead of standing at the alter. I think most do it that way. Try having a few clean treats waiting for her at your seat maybe a coloring book. keep telling her how pretty the dress is maybe let her wear a little makeup (not noticeable of course maybe chapstick) I was suprised at how well dd did because she is as stubborn as they come. Good luck! Also remember the worse that will happen is that she won't walk down the aisle and that won't ruin the wedding!

 

[Beth76]

My advice is to not make her do anything she doesn't want to. Believe it or not the wedding will not be ruined because there is no flower girl. You also don't want to be fighting with a preschooler at a wedding. If you do that you're sure to have worse problems.

 

[va32h]

Any hints or tips on getting a 3.5 yr old to walk down the aisle alone, scatter the petals, and stand in place for the ceremony?!?!?! None of the wedding party (other than the bride) is very familiar to her.

That's a lot of responsibility for a toddler. Some children resist even more when you try to cajole or persuade. You might try not mentioning it at all for a day or two and then bring it up again.

But I would also consider talking to the bride about the possibility of just doing without a flower girl. If she rushes down the aisle as fast as possible, and then sits with you during the ceremony, she will have a very small role in the wedding anyway, maybe it's a role that can be done without.

 

[LynnTH]

My flower girl was my niece and was pretty young (about 2). The day of the wedding she did not feel well at all so we were not sure what was going to happen. The bridesmaids had already walked down the aisle and I am standing there with my niece in front of me - she decided she was not going down the aisle. Oh well, We pulled her aside and she went with her mom and the wedding went on with out her. No big deal. It's kind of funny now to look back at all the mishaps of the wedding. (The congregation pretty much did the wave because I went down the aisle too soon and no one was ready - so, they were sitting and standing, sitting standing - my DH thought it was funny.). My DH also broke his wrist at the reception trying to pull his friend out for the garter toss so had to go to the hospital after we got to the hotel. So, I guess my point is - don't sweat it. If she decides to walk down the aisle - great. If not, it's not the end of the world.